Download or read book Rude Bitches Make Me Tired written by Celia Rivenbark and published by St. Martin's Press. This book was released on 2013-10-22 with total page 272 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: In this always sensible and mildly profane etiquette manual for the modern age Celia Rivenbark addresses real-life quandaries ranging from how to deal with braggy playground moms to wondering if you can have sex in your aunt's bed on vacation to correctly grieving the dearly departed (hint: it doesn't include tattoos or truck decals). Rude Bitches Make Me Tired will provide answers to all your mannerly questions as Celia discusses the social conundrums of our day and age, including: Navigating the agonies of check splitting ("Who had the gorgonzola crumbles and should we really care?")The baffling aspects of airline travel (such as "Recline Monster" and other animals)The art of the visit (always leave them wanting more . . . much more)Gym and locker etiquette (hint: no one wants to talk to you while you're buck naked)Office manners ("Loud talkers, cake hawkers, and Britney Sue's unfortunate cyst")And much more! Good manners have never been so wickedly funny!

Download or read book The Height of Rudeness written by Celia Rivenbark and published by St. Martin's Press. This book was released on 2013-08-27 with total page 47 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: In this short e-original The Height of Rudeness, readers will get 5 essays - one never-before-published and 4 "sneak peeks" at the kind of manners advice Celia Rivenbark will be dishing up in her upcoming etiquette book RUDE BITCHES MAKE ME TIRED. Have you been "wait-listed" for your friend's wedding? Or, worse, have you been told, via engraved stationery, that you should "Please don't save the date"? This odious and ill-mannered trend must stop! How did it start? How should we cope with such an audacious display of asshattery? Leave it to Mama Celia to help in times like these. And a word of warning to brides-to-be? Quit showing off your engagement bling to your Facebook friends. They all expect to be invited and they're already shopping for Soda Streams.

Download or read book Stop Dressing Your Six Year Old Like a Skank written by Celia Rivenbark and published by Macmillan. This book was released on 2006-09-05 with total page 284 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Author of the SEBA Book of the Year "We're Just Like You Only Prettier," Rivenbark's irresistibly hilarious essays explore the American South's glorious excesses and contradictions. These treasures are sure to leave readers hankerin' for more!

Download or read book You Can t Drink All Day If You Don t Start in the Morning written by Celia Rivenbark and published by Macmillan. This book was released on 2009-09-01 with total page 256 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: From the author of the bestselling classics We're Just Like You, Only Prettier, and Bless Your Heart, Tramp, comes a collection of essays so funny, you'll shoot co'cola out of your nose. Topics include such gems as: • Why Miss North Carolina is too nice to hate • How Gwyneth Paltrow wants to improve your pathetic life • Strapped for cash? Try cat whispering • Sex every night for a year? How do you wrap that? • Get yer Wassail on: It's carolin' time • Airlines serving up one hot mess • Action figure Jesus • Why Clay Aiken ain't marrying your glandular daughter • And much more! Complete with a treasure trove of Celia's genuine southern recipes, You Can't Drink All Day if You Don't Start in the Morning is sure to appeal to anyone who lives south of something.

Download or read book Or What You Will written by Jo Walton and published by Tor Books. This book was released on 2020-07-07 with total page 320 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Or What You Will is an utterly original novel about how stories are brought forth from Hugo, Nebula, and World Fantasy Award-winning author Jo Walton. He has been too many things to count. He has been a dragon with a boy on his back. He has been a scholar, a warrior, a lover, and a thief. He has been dream and dreamer. He has been a god. But “he” is in fact nothing more than a spark of idea, a character in the mind of Sylvia Harrison, 73, award-winning author of thirty novels over forty years. He has played a part in most of those novels, and in the recesses of her mind, Sylvia has conversed with him for years. But Sylvia won't live forever, any more than any human does. And he's trapped inside her cave of bone, her hollow of skull. When she dies, so will he. Now Sylvia is starting a new novel, a fantasy for adult readers, set in Thalia, the Florence-resembling imaginary city that was the setting for a successful YA trilogy she published decades before. Of course he's got a part in it. But he also has a notion. He thinks he knows how he and Sylvia can step off the wheel of mortality altogether. All he has to do is convince her. At the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.

Download or read book We re Just Like You Only Prettier written by Celia Rivenbark and published by St. Martin's Press. This book was released on 2010-04-01 with total page 292 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: "On the short drive to the preschool, I dutifully unwrap a NutriGrain bar and toss it into the back seat to my four-year-old. Sometimes I'll even unwrap one for myself. Studies have shown that it's very important for familes to eat together. . . . " Why couldn't the Sopranos survive living down South? Simple. You can't shoot a guy full of holes after eating chicken and pastry, spoon bread, okra, and tomatoes. What does a Southern woman consider grounds for divorce? When Daddy takes the kids out in public dressed in pajama tops and Tweety Bird swim socks. Again. What is the Southern woman's opinion of a new "fat virus" theory? Bring it on! We've got a lot of skinny friends we need to sneeze on. Want to become honest-to-Jesus white trash? Spend two weeks' salary on hair extensions and pancake makeup for your three-year-old so she can win a five-dollar trophy in the Wee Tiny Miss pageant and the adoration of, well, nobody much. What does the Southern woman think of Paul McCartney's marriage to a model thirty years younger? We're not surprised. Statistically speaking, it's almost impossible for billionaires to discover that their soulmates are fifty-five and restocking the shampoo end caps at Kmart. In this wickedly funny follow-up to her bestselling Bless Your Heart, Tramp, Celia Rivenbark welcomes you, once again, to the south she loves, the land of "Mama and them's," "precious and dahlin," and mommies who mow. Ya'll come back now, you hear.

Download or read book Bless Your Heart Tramp written by Celia Rivenbark and published by Macmillan + ORM. This book was released on 2006-05-30 with total page 232 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: From the wickedly hilarious pen of Southern humorist Celia Rivenbark comes a collection of essays that brings to mind Dave Barry (in high heels) or Jeff Foxworthy (in a prom dress). Step into the wacky world of "womanless wedding" fund-raisers, in which Bubbas wear boas. Meet two sisters who fight rural boredom by washing Budweiser cans and cutting them into pieces to make clothing. Learn why the word snow sends any right-thinking Southerner careening to the Food Lion for extra loaves of bread and little else. Humor columnist and slightly crazed belle-by-birth Celia Rivenbark tackles these and other lard-laden subjects in Bless Your Heart, Tramp, a hilarious look at Southern---and just plain human---foibles, up-close and personal. So pour yourself a glass of sweet tea and curl up on the pie-azza with Bless Your Heart, Tramp.

Download or read book Princess Amy written by Melinda Pollowitz and published by . This book was released on 1985 with total page 180 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt:

Download or read book I Love Jesus But I Want to Die written by Sarah J. Robinson and published by WaterBrook. This book was released on 2021-05-11 with total page 257 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A compassionate, shame-free guide for your darkest days “A one-of-a-kind book . . . to read for yourself or give to a struggling friend or loved one without the fear that depression and suicidal thoughts will be minimized, medicalized or over-spiritualized.”—Kay Warren, cofounder of Saddleback Church What happens when loving Jesus doesn’t cure you of depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts? You might be crushed by shame over your mental illness, only to be told by well-meaning Christians to “choose joy” and “pray more.” So you beg God to take away the pain, but nothing eases the ache inside. As darkness lingers and color drains from your world, you’re left wondering if God has abandoned you. You just want a way out. But there’s hope. In I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die, Sarah J. Robinson offers a healthy, practical, and shame-free guide for Christians struggling with mental illness. With unflinching honesty, Sarah shares her story of battling depression and fighting to stay alive despite toxic theology that made her afraid to seek help outside the church. Pairing her own story with scriptural insights, mental health research, and simple practices, Sarah helps you reconnect with the God who is present in our deepest anguish and discover that you are worth everything it takes to get better. Beautifully written and full of hard-won wisdom, I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die offers a path toward a rich, hope-filled life in Christ, even when healing doesn’t look like what you expect.

Download or read book You Don t Sweat Much for a Fat Girl written by Celia Rivenbark and published by Macmillan. This book was released on 2011-08-16 with total page 164 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: From the bestselling, award-winning author of You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start In The Morning, comes another collection of hilarious observations that will resonate with women, mothers, and girlfriends everywhere In her newest wickedly irreverent humor collection, Celia Rivenbark cracks up while getting her downward facing dog on, pines for a world in which every mom gets to behave like Betty Draper and wonders why everybody's so excited about the Science Fair when there aren't even any rides. In it you'll find essays on such topics as: - Menopause Spurs Thoughts of Death and Turkey - I Dreamed a Dream That My Lashes Were Long - Twitter Woes: I've Got Plenty of Characters, Just No Character - Movie To-Do List: Cook Like Julia, Adopt Really Big Kid - Charlie Bit Your Finger? Good! And other thoughts on the virus that is YouTube And much more! For any woman who longs for the good old days when Jane Fonda in legwarmers was the only one who saw you exercise, YOU DON'T SWEAT MUCH FOR A FAT GIRL is comfort food in book form.

Download or read book Why Men Love Bitches written by Sherry Argov and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2002 with total page 288 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Describes why men are attracted to strong women and offers advice on ways a woman can relate to men and gain a man's love and respect.

Download or read book My Fair Duchess written by Megan Frampton and published by HarperCollins. This book was released on 2017-02-28 with total page 384 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The unexpected duchess Archibald Salisbury, son of a viscount, war hero, and proficient in the proper ways of aristocratic society, has received orders for his most challenging mission: Genevieve, Duchess of Blakesley. How she inherited a duchy isn’t his problem. Turning her into a perfect duchess is. But how can he keep his mind on business when her beauty entices him toward pleasure? It was impossible, unprecedented…and undeniably true. Genevieve is now a “duke”, or, rather, a duchess. So what is she to do when the ton eyes her every move, hoping she’ll make a mistake? Genevieve knows she has brains and has sometimes been told she has beauty, but, out of her depth, she calls on an expert. And what an expert, with shoulders broad enough to lean on, and a wit that matches her own. Archie is supposed to teach her to be a lady and run her estate, but what she really wants to do is unladylike—run into his arms.

Download or read book The Bitch in the House written by Cathi Hanauer and published by Harper Collins. This book was released on 2013-04-30 with total page 259 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: “The writing is superb: smart, sassy and honest–oh, are they honest...in this must–read for every woman.” — Booklist “What a book, for men and women both. There is no bitterness here, only the eloquence of honesty.” — Elizabeth Strout, author of Amy and Isabelle “THE BITCH IN THE HOUSE is... smart, funny, wise, honest, and very probably...the story of your life.” — Cynthia Kaplan, author of Why I'm Like This “I devoured these essays, and took great guilty pleasure in trespassing into these private lives.” — Elinor Lipman, author of The Dearly Departed and The Inn at Lake Devine “...This essay anthology will offer comfort to real women living real lives” — Library Journal “A rollicking, free-flowing, double-barreled think piece.” — Hartford Courant “Starkly revealing ...Here is unvarnished truth and more than a smidgen of anger about marriage, motherhood, solitude, and sex.” — Seattle Post-Intelligencer “The writing is superb: smart, sassy and honest-oh, are they honest-in this must-read for every woman.” — Booklist “The great thing about The Bitch in the House is knowing how many of us there are out there.” — O magazine

Download or read book The Origin of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind written by Julian Jaynes and published by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt. This book was released on 2000-08-15 with total page 580 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: National Book Award Finalist: “This man’s ideas may be the most influential, not to say controversial, of the second half of the twentieth century.”—Columbus Dispatch At the heart of this classic, seminal book is Julian Jaynes's still-controversial thesis that human consciousness did not begin far back in animal evolution but instead is a learned process that came about only three thousand years ago and is still developing. The implications of this revolutionary scientific paradigm extend into virtually every aspect of our psychology, our history and culture, our religion—and indeed our future. “Don’t be put off by the academic title of Julian Jaynes’s The Origin of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind. Its prose is always lucid and often lyrical…he unfolds his case with the utmost intellectual rigor.”—The New York Times “When Julian Jaynes . . . speculates that until late in the twentieth millennium BC men had no consciousness but were automatically obeying the voices of the gods, we are astounded but compelled to follow this remarkable thesis.”—John Updike, The New Yorker “He is as startling as Freud was in The Interpretation of Dreams, and Jaynes is equally as adept at forcing a new view of known human behavior.”—American Journal of Psychiatry

Download or read book Big Bad Beast written by Shelly Laurenston and published by Kensington Publishing Corp.. This book was released on 2013-11-01 with total page 368 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A sexy she-wolf with military skills is locked in battle with her rich-boy boss in this hot shifter romance from the New York Times-bestselling author… Ric Van Holtz is more than he seems, nothing you expect--and everything you want. . . When it comes to following her instincts, former Marine Dee-Ann Smith never holds back. And this deadly member of a shifter protection group will do anything to prove one of her own kind is having hybrids captured for dogfights. Trouble is, her too-cute, rich-boy boss Ric Van Holtz is making it real hard for Dee to keep her heart safe. He's wanted the fiercely independent she-wolf from day one, but he never expected their teamwork to be so explosive. Now is his last chance to show Dee what she needs isn't some in-your-face Alpha male--but a wily, resourceful wolf who'll always have her back in a fight. . .and between the sheets. Praise for the novels of Shelly Laurenston "Delicious, sexy and wicked fun!" --New York Times bestselling author Gena Showalter on Bear Meets Girl "Non-stop laughter, snark, and witty banter." --SmexyBooks on Beast Behaving Badly

Download or read book Belle Weather written by Celia Rivenbark and published by St. Martin's Press. This book was released on 2010-07-01 with total page 288 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Bestselling Author of We're Just Like You, Only Prettier and Bless Your Heart, Tramp Hang on to your hats! We're in for some fiercely funny weather and crackling-sharp observations from Celia Rivenbark, of whom USA Today has said, "Think Dave Barry with a female point of view." With her incomparable style and sassy southern wit, you'll hear from Celia on: --The joys of remodeling Tara --How Harry Potter bitch-slaps Nancy Drew --Britney's To-Do list: pick okra, cover that thang up --How rugby-playing lesbians torpedoed beach day --Why French women suck at competitive eating --The truth about nature deficit disorder --The difference between cockroaches and water bugs --The beauty of Bedazzlers And much, much more! Whether she's doing her taxes or extolling the virtues of Madonna's mothering skills, Celia Rivenbark will keep you laughing until the very last page.

Download or read book Wicked Appetite written by Janet Evanovich and published by St. Martin's Press. This book was released on 2011-08-16 with total page 356 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Diesel, the man with mysterious powers, leaves the world of Plum and travels to Massachusets where he awakens a woman to her own mysterious powers.