Download or read book When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops written by George Carlin and published by Hachette Books. This book was released on 2004-10-01 with total page 309 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: On the heels of George Carlin's #1 New York Times bestseller Napalm & Silly Putty comes When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? -- infused with Carlin's trademark irreverent humor and biting cultural observations. Here we go again . . . George Carlin's hilarious When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? offers his cutting-edge opinions and observational humor on everything from evasive euphemistic language to politicians to the media to dead people. Nothing and no one is safe! Despite the current climate of political correctness, Carlin is not afraid to take on controversial topics: Carlin on the media: The media comprises equal parts business, politics, advertising, public relations, and show business. Nice combination. Enough bull for Texas to open a chain of branch offices. Carlin on the battle of the sexes: Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. Carlin on hygiene: When did they pass a law that says the people who make my sandwich have to be wearing gloves? I'm not comfortable with this. I don't want glove residue all over my food; it's not sanitary. Who knows where these gloves have been? Carlin on evasive language: Just to demonstrate how far using euphemisms in language has gone, some psychologists are now actually referring to ugly people as those with "severe appearance deficits." Hey, Doctor. How's that for "denial"? Carlin on politics: No self-respecting politician would ever admit to working in the government. They prefer to think of themselves "serving the nation." To help visualize the service they provide the country, you may wish to picture the things that take place on a stud farm. The thinking person's comic who uses words as weapons, Carlin puts voice to issues that capture the modern imagination. For instance, why are there Ten Commandments? Are UFOs real? What will the future really be like? This brand-new collection tackles all that and more. In When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? Carlin's razor-sharp observations demolish everyday values and leave you laughing out loud--delivering exactly what his countless fans have been waiting for.
Download or read book Napalm Silly Putty written by George Carlin and published by Hachette UK. This book was released on 2001-07-01 with total page 272 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A hilarious new collection of razor-sharp observations from the New York Times bestselling author of Brain Droppings. Few comics make the transition from stage to page as smoothly or successfully as George Carlin. Brain Droppings spent a total of 40 weeks on the New York Times bestseller list, and this new one is certain to tickle even more ribs (and rattle a few more cages) with its characteristically ironic take on life's annoying universal truths. In Napalm & Silly Putty, Carlin doesn't steer clear of the tough issues, preferring instead to look life boldly in the eye to pose the questions few dare to ask: How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on TV that it's a spy satellite? Why do they bother saying "raw sewage"? Do some people cook that stuff? In the expression "topsy-turvy," what exactly is meant by "turvy"? And he makes some startling observations, including: Most people with low self-esteem have earned it. Guys don't seem to be called "Lefty" anymore. Most people don't know what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. Carlin also waxes wickedly philosophical on all sorts of subjects, including: KIDS--They're not all cute. In fact, if you look at them closely, some of them are rather unpleasant looking. And a lot of them don't smell too good either. DEATH ROW--If you're condemned to die they have to give you one last meal of your own request. What is that all about? A group of people plan to kill you, so they want you to eat something you like? Add to the mix "The Ten Most Embarrassing Songs of All Time," "The 20th Century Hostility Scoreboard," and "People I Can Do Without," and you have an irresistibly insouciant assortment of musings, questions, assertions, and assumptions guaranteed to please the millions of fans waiting for the next Carlin collection--and the millions more waiting to discover this comic genius.
Download or read book The World s Greatest Chocolate Covered Pork Chops written by Ryan K. Sager and published by Little, Brown Books for Young Readers. This book was released on 2017-06-20 with total page 256 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Twelve-year-old chef Zoey Kate's Fried Banana Fondue is delectable, her Maple Cinnamon Crab Fajitas are divine, and her Chocolate-Covered Pork Chops are to die for. Zoey is the best cook in town and she wants everyone to know it. She's on a mission to start her own restaurant, but quickly learns that the restaurant industry is competitive . . . and dangerous. There are people who see Zoey as a threat, and they'll use any means necessary to make sure that she fails. Featuring a precocious, larger-than-life character, lots of humor, fast-paced action and mouth-watering foods, this cooking story is sure to appeal to young foodies and fans of shows like MasterChef Junior and Rachael vs. Guy: Kids Cook-Off.
Download or read book Three Times Carlin written by George Carlin and published by Hyperion. This book was released on 2011-05-17 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A perfectly gift-able, perfectly cynical, slipcased omnibus of George Carlin's trademark irreverence -- including bonus never-before-published material For four decades, George Carlin has been one of America's favorite comics, known as much for his willingness to take on taboo subjects as for his absurdist wordplay. As an author, he has proved equally popular: With combined sales of more than two million copies, Carlin's three books of razor-sharp and hilarious observations have topped bestseller lists nationwide. Now, just in time for the holidays, Hyperion proudly collects all three volumes -- When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops, Napalm and Silly Putty, and Brain Droppings - into one hilarious omnibus, a slipcased edition that also includes new material.
Download or read book Eat This Book written by Eugene H. Peterson and published by Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing. This book was released on 2009-07-29 with total page 200 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: "Eugene Peterson maintains that how we read the Bible is as important as that we read it. The second volume of Peterson's momentous five-part work on spiritual theology, Eat This Book challenges us to read the Scriptures on their own terms, as God's revelation, and to live them as we read them. Countering the widespread practice of using the Bible for self-serving purposes, Peterson here serves readers with a nourishing entrée into the formative, life-changing art of spiritual reading." - from the back of the book.
Download or read book A Carlin Home Companion written by Kelly Carlin and published by Macmillan + ORM. This book was released on 2015-09-15 with total page 381 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: From the daughter of the iconoclastic comedic performer, Kelly Carlin’s memoir A Carlin Home Companion: Growing Up with George “is written in the DNA of a Carlin, honest, biting, savage, funny, sad, dark, and profound...Hold on; like George Carlin, this book gives you a hell of a ride” (New York Times bestselling author and multi-award-winning comedian Lewis Black). Truly the voice of a generation, George Carlin gave the world some of the most hysterical and iconic comedy routines of the last fifty years. From the “Seven Dirty Words” and “A Place for My Stuff”, to “Religion is Bullshit” and “The American Dream”, he perfected the art of making audiences double over with laughter while simultaneously making people wake up to the realities (and insanities) of life in the twentieth century. Few people glimpsed the inner life of this beloved comedian, but his only child, Kelly, was there to see it all. Born at the very beginning of his decades-long career in comedy, she slid around the “old Dodge Dart,” as he and wife Brenda drove around the country to “hell gigs.” She witnessed his transformation in the ’70s, as he fought back against—and talked back to—the establishment; she even talked him down from a really bad acid trip a time or two (“Kelly, the sun has exploded and we have eight, no-seven and a half minutes to live!”). Kelly not only watched her father constantly reinvent himself and his comedy, but also had a front row seat to the roller coaster turmoil of her family’s inner life—alcoholism, cocaine addiction, life-threatening health scares, and a crushing debt to the IRS. But having been the only “adult” in her family prepared her little for the task of her own adulthood. All the while, Kelly sought to define her own voice as she separated from the shadow of her father’s genius. With rich humor and deep insight, Kelly Carlin pulls back the curtain on what it was like to grow up as the daughter of one of the most recognizable comedians of our time, and become a woman in her own right. This vivid, hilarious, heartbreaking story is at once singular and universal—it is a contemplation of what it takes to move beyond the legacy of childhood, and forge a life of your own.
Download or read book A Modern Man written by George Carlin and published by Hachette UK. This book was released on 2021-11-02 with total page 336 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A new collection of greatest hits from one of the greatest comedians of our time, George Carlin, now the subject of the HBO documentary George Carlin’s American Dream, directed by Judd Apatow and Michael Bonfiglio George Carlin was: “a true, true artist” (Chris Rock)…”the master” (Jon Stewart)…“one of the Mount Rushmore guys in our profession” (Jerry Seinfeld)…“the comedian’s comedian” (Jay Leno)…“an icon for comedy” (Margaret Cho)…”a deep thinker and a very, very funny man” (Lily Tomlin)…“one of my heroes” (Stephen Colbert)…“brilliant” (Joan Rivers)… You can’t talk about comedy legends without talking George Carlin. Named the greatest standup of all time by XM Radio’s “All Time Comedy Greats” (and #2 by both Comedy Central and Rolling Stone), Carlin garnered multiple gold records, 4 Grammys, 6 Emmy nominations, and the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor. He was the first host of SNL, appeared on the Tonight Show some 130 times, and acted in beloved films like Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure and Dogma. Dubbed “the dean of counterculture comedians,” there was no one like George Carlin. Featuring a foreword by Lewis Black and an introduction by Carlin's longtime best friend and manager, A Modern Man is a perfect introduction for new fans and a must-have for longtime fans, showcasing the longevity, range, and—above all—hilarity of the master. Filled with thoughts, musings, questions, lists, beliefs, curiosities, monologues, assertions, assumptions, and other delicious verbal ordeals, it is drop-dead funny tour through Carlin’s singular mind. More than ten years after his death, Carlin’s characteristically ironic takes on life's annoying universal truths remain thoughtful, fearless, and somehow more relevant than ever.
Download or read book A Divine Revelation of Hell written by Mary K. Baxter and published by Whitaker House. This book was released on 1993-01-01 with total page 158 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Visions of Hell... In A Divine Revelation of Hell, over a period of thirty nights, God gave Mary K. Baxter visions of hell and commissioned her to tell people still alive on earth to reject sin and evil, and to choose life in Christ. Here is an account of the place and beings of hell contrasted with the glories of heaven. Follow Mary in her supernatural journey as she enters with Jesus into a gateway to hell and encounters the sights, sounds, and smells of that dark place of torment, including its evil spirits, cells, pits, jaws, and heart. Be an eyewitness to the various punishments of lost souls and hear their shocking stories. This book is a reminder that each of us needs to accept the miracle of salvation before it is too late—and to intercede for those who do not yet know Christ. Time is running out.
Download or read book 3 x Carlin written by George Carlin and published by Hachette Books. This book was released on 2015-09-01 with total page 896 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Three comedic classics in one, by the legendary George Carlin. Includes Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? For four decades, George Carlin has been one of America's favorite comics, known as much for his willingness to take on taboo subjects as for his absurdist wordplay. As an author, he has proved equally popular: With combined sales of more than two million copies, Carlin's three books of razor-sharp and hilarious observations have topped bestseller lists nationwide. Now, for the first time as an ebook, Hachette Books proudly collects all three volumes--When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, Napalm and Silly Putty, and Brain Droppings--into one hilarious omnibus.
Download or read book This Is a Book written by Demetri Martin and published by Grand Central Publishing. This book was released on 2011-04-25 with total page 261 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: From the renowned comedian, creator, star and executive producer/multiple title-holder of Comedy Central's Important Things with Demetri Martin comes a bold, original, and rectangular kind of humor book. Demetri's first literary foray features longer-form essays and conceptual pieces (such as Protagonists' Hospital, a melodrama about the clinic doctors who treat only the flesh wounds and minor head scratches of Hollywood action heroes), as well as his trademark charts, doodles, drawings, one-liners, and lists (i.e., the world views of optimists, pessimists and contortionists), Martin's material is varied, but his unique voice and brilliant mind will keep readers in stitches from beginning to end.
Download or read book Sometimes a Little Brain Damage Can Help written by George Carlin and published by . This book was released on 1984 with total page 33 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt:
Download or read book Seven Dirty Words written by James Sullivan and published by Da Capo Press. This book was released on 2011-05 with total page 261 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Examines George Carlin's body of comedic work as it pertained to its cultural times and the man who created it and chronicles the controversial funny man's rise from run-of-the-mill standup to subversive comic genius. Reprint.
Download or read book Brain Droppings written by George Carlin and published by Hachette Books. This book was released on 2023-10-10 with total page 280 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Sometimes, a little brain damage can help. A book of original humor pieces by beloved comic George Carlin. Filled with thoughts, musings, questions, lists, beliefs, curiosities, monologues, assertions, assumptions, and other verbal ordeals, Brain Droppings is infectiously funny. Also included are two timeless monologues, "A Place for Your Stuff" and "Baseball-Football." Readers will get an inside look into Carlin's mind, and they won't be disappointed by what they find: I buy stamps by mail. It works OK until I run out of stamps. What year did Jesus Christ think it was? A tree: first you chop it down, then you chop it up. Have you ever noticed the lawyer is always smiling more than the client? I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed. If you ever have chicken at lunch and chicken at dinner, do you ever wonder if the two chickens knew each other? Carlin demolishes everyday values and yet leaves you laughing out loud.
Download or read book Tyrell written by Coe Booth and published by Scholastic Inc.. This book was released on 2010-02-01 with total page 260 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: An astonishing new voice in teen literature, writing what is sure to be one of the most talked-about debuts of the year.Tyrell is a young African-American teen who can't get a break. He's living (for now) with his spaced-out mother and little brother in a homeless shelter. His father's in jail. His girlfriend supports him, but he doesn't feel good enough for her -- and seems to be always on the verge of doing the wrong thing around her. There's another girl at the homeless shelter who is also after him, although the desires there are complicated. Tyrell feels he needs to score some money to make things better. Will he end up following in his father's footsteps?
Download or read book Taste and See written by Margaret Feinberg and published by Zondervan. This book was released on 2019-01-22 with total page 209 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Join Margaret Feinberg, one of America's most beloved teachers and writers, as she sets out on a remarkable journey to unearth God's perspective on food. What you discover will forever change the way you read the Bible--and approach every meal. This groundbreaking book provides a culinary exploration of Scripture. You'll descend 400 feet below ground into the frosty white caverns of a salt mine, fish on the Sea of Galilee, bake fresh matzo at Yale University, ferry to a remote island in Croatia to harvest olives, spend time with a Texas butcher known as "the meat apostle," and wander a California farm with one of the world's premier fig farmers. With each stop, Margaret asks, "How do you read these Scriptures, not as theologians, but in light of what you do every day?" Taste and See teaches us that: As we break bread, we find the satisfaction of our deepest hungers in the community our souls crave As we share our lives, we taste and see God's fruitfulness When we're tempted to lose heart--and we all will be--we find courage in listening to and participating in stories of God's rescuing ways In the midst of a busy life, we can all create space to taste and see God's goodness Taste and See is a delicious read that includes dozens of recipes for those who, like Margaret, believe some of life's richest moments are spent savoring a meal with those you love. See you around the table! Praise for Taste and See: "Margaret Feinberg's appetite for the feast of His grace makes you hunger for more of a fulfilling life. Read and taste the richest food for the soul!" --Ann Voskamp, bestselling author of WayMaker and One Thousand Gifts "Margaret is a storyteller who never ceases to see the beauty of the world around us. If you love God, good food, and life around the table, this book will take you on an unforgettable culinary journey through the Bible." --Jennie Allen, bestselling author of Get Out of Your Head and founder of IF:Gathering
Download or read book Laughing All The Way To The Mosque written by Zarqa Nawaz and published by Harper Collins. This book was released on 2014-06-24 with total page 212 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: SHORTLISTED FOR THE LEACOCK MEDAL FOR HUMOUR, THE KOBO EMERGING WRITER PRIZE AND TWO SASKATCHEWAN BOOK AWARDS Zarqa Nawaz has always straddled two cultures. She’s just as likely to be agonizing over which sparkly earrings will “pimp out” her hijab as to be flirting with the Walmart meat manager in a futile attempt to secure halal chicken the day before Eid. “Little Mosque on the Prairie” brought Zarqa’s own laugh-out-loud take on her everyday culture clash to viewers around the world. And now, in Laughing All the Way to the Mosque, she tells the sometimes absurd, sometimes challenging, always funny stories of being Zarqa in a western society. From explaining to the plumber why the toilet must be within sitting arm’s reach of the water tap (hint: it involves a watering can and a Muslim obsession with cleanliness “down there”) to urging the electrician to place an eye-height electrical socket for her father-in-law’s epilepsy-inducing light-up picture of the Kaaba, Zarqa paints a hilarious portrait of growing up in a household where, according to her father, the Quran says it’s okay to eat at McDonald’s—but only if you order the McFish.
Download or read book The Plan A Diet written by Cyd Notter and published by Morgan James Publishing. This book was released on 2019-07-02 with total page 185 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: “A great blueprint for changing your life . . . This book provides food for the body and for the soul.” —Pamela A. Popper, PhD, ND, author of Food Over Medicine By combining her decades-long study of both nutrition and scripture, Cyd Notter has created The “Plan A” Diet to serve as a message of hope to those who are nutritionally confused, suffer with declining health, or continually flit from one failed diet plan to another. The book provides a simple, achievable answer for permanent weight loss and improved health, as well as useful insights for dealing with resistance to change. Research confirms that plant-based nutrition is more powerful in restoring health than drugs or surgery, and is proven to be the only diet capable of reversing our number one killer: heart disease. Readers ready to take an active role in their health are equipped with a meal plan, tips for evaluating conflicting information, and an optional transition strategy. Prayer and biblical support has also been included to encourage people of faith. By correlating today’s unbiased science with the wisdom of applicable scripture, the book illustrates why God’s first prescribed diet for mankind—His “Plan A” Diet—remains the ideal food to this day.
