Download or read book The 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said written by Ross Petras and published by Main Street Books. This book was released on 1993-03-01 with total page 242 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A connoisseur's compendium of Freudian slips, spoonerisms, double-talk, and utter bosh from famous and infamous figures past and present -- a complete course in anti-eloquence by the foot-in-mouth champions of all time.
Download or read book The 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said written by Ross Petras and published by Main Street Books. This book was released on 2010-12-08 with total page 242 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A connoisseur's compendium of Freudian slips, spoonerisms, double-talk, and utter bosh from famous and infamous figures past and present -- a complete course in anti-eloquence by the foot-in-mouth champions of all time.
Download or read book The Stupidest Things Ever Said by Politicians written by Ross Petras and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 1999 with total page 292 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: ...A nonpartisan hall of shame featuring the idiotic utterances, ridiculous slogans, mixed metaphors, and lame excuses that have fallen from the mouths of our fearless leaders around the world, and from the present and past (because stupidity knows no age).
Download or read book Stupid Movie Lines written by Kathryn Petras and published by Villard. This book was released on 2011-07-06 with total page 231 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The creme de la crud of screen history "War! War! That's all you think of, Dick Plantagenet! You burner! You pillager!" --Virginia Mayo as Lady Edith to George Sanders in King Richard and the Crusaders (1954) "Visits? That would indicate visitors." --Army captain learning of alien visits in Plan 9 from Outer Space (1959) "When I'm sitting here with you, I don't even think about the slime people." --Hero to heroine in The Slime People (1962) "Suck the coffin mushroom now." --The Ultimate Vampire (1991) "This is bad." --Leonardo DiCaprio as the you-know-what hits the you-know-what in Titanic (1997)
Download or read book Unusually Stupid Americans written by Kathryn Petras and published by Villard. This book was released on 2007-12-18 with total page 305 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A hilarious collection of lists, statistics, news items, quotations, and facts detailing stupid acts of Americans from all walks of life—by the authors of the bestselling The 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said Everyone knows that America is “the land of the free and the home of the brave,” but sometimes that means we’re free to be as bravely stupid as we want! In Unusually Stupid Americans, Kathryn Petras and Ross Petras assemble choice bits of stupidity, U.S.A.-style, including •the top seriously flawed American advertising moments, including Pacific Airlines’ brilliant “You’re scared of flying? So’s our pilot!” ad campaign, which led the airline to bankruptcy within two months of the campaign’s inception •the Martin Luther King, Jr., celebration in Florida, where a plaque was un-veiled that was intended to honor the actor James Earl Jones but instead read, “Thank you James Earl Ray for keeping the dream alive” (an unfortunate slip-up, as James Earl Ray was King’s assassin) •and much more!
Download or read book Stupidest Things Ever Said written by Kathryn Petras and published by Workman Publishing Company. This book was released on 2011-11-02 with total page 241 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Not just stupidity, but obsessive stupidity! Not just random stupidity, but organized stupidity! Here, from the celebrated collectors of the stupidest things ever said, it’s the cre`me de la cre`me of stupidities, made even funnier and more compelling in an irresistible top 10 list format. Try one: The Top 10 Stupidest Actual Book Titles: 1. A Toddler’s Guide to the Rubber Industry 2. Constipation and our Civilization 3. Greek Rural Postmen and Their Cancellation Numbers 4. The Secret of Sphincters 5. A Pictorial Book of Tongue Coating 6. Life and Laughter ’midst the Cannibals 7. Be Bold With Bananas 8. Hand-Grenade Throwing as a College Sport 9. Collect Fungi on Stamps 10. A Study of Hospital Waiting Lists in Cardiff, 1953–1954 Plus lost-in-translation moments. Doubles entendres. Political speeches, foreign menus, traffic signs. Celebrities on literature, on homelessness, on revealing too much about themselves. Mangled cliche ́s and bizarre analogies, the wit of the witless and comedy of the clueless—never before have so many said something so dumb, now in one book.
Download or read book Stupid Sex written by Ross Petras and published by Main Street Books. This book was released on 2012-02-08 with total page 209 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A mother, answering her phone, hears her daughter shrieking and screaming. Terrified, she calls the police who arrive at the daughter's house, batter down the door--and find the daughter, nude, in her bedroom having sex with her boyfriend. Apparently her toe hit the automatic dial button for her mother's number on the bedroom phone. A man, swimming in a Florida pool, sees the pool intake pipe and gets a unique idea. Hours later, after police, firemen, and EMT personnel are called, the man is taken to an area hospital--along with ten feet of pipe attached to a very swollen part of his anatomy. A newly married couple in Turin set up a video camera in their bedroom to tape all of their honeymoon activities. But somehow certain crucial wires got crossed. While they were enjoying their honeymoon sex, so was everyone else in their apartment building: the couple had accidentally connected their camera to the building's cable television system. In the national bestseller The 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said Ross and Kathryn Petras immortalized idiotic utterances by public figures and average citizens alike. The 176 Stupidest Things Ever Done chronicled fiascoes, senseless stunts, and utterly asinine activities from around the globe. Now, Stupid Sex takes on the subject that no one can resist. It's about people who get caught in the act . . . and about people who get caught in the trash disposal. Stupid Sex tells two hundred true stories of extremely dumb (and very funny) sex acts arranged under headings ranging from Airplane Sex to Zoo Bathroom Sex.
Download or read book The 176 Stupidest Things Ever Done written by Ross Petras and published by Main Street Books. This book was released on 2011-11-09 with total page 177 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: *Too lazy to drive to his girlfriend's house, a man ties helium balloons to a lawn chair--and ends up at 15,000 feet, closing the L. A. airport. *A Chinese contraception program causes the birth rate to rise when men are discovered taking birth control pills and unrolling condoms over their fingers--exactly as shown in the training film. *A gang of Norwegian thieves carefully uses explosives to open a safe--only to find the safe is filled with dynamite. . . In the national bestseller The 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said--over 200,000 copies in print--Ross and Kathryn Petras immortalized idiotic utterances by public figures and average citizens alike. But what about the doers out there, the people who didn't stop at speaking, but went right out and did something stupid instead? It's time to give credit where credit is due. The 176 Stupidest Things Ever Done is a hilarious collection of inane incidents, senseless stunts, farcical feats, and utterly asinine activities from throughout history, and around the globe. From Sam Goldwyn to Walter Mondale, Albert Einstein to Fabio, the board of General Motors to British Parliament, this comic compendium chronicles the stupidest acts, ideas, decisions, inventions, songs, and ad campaigns that the mind of modern man has been able to devise. The 176 Stupidest Things Ever Done is a non-stop barrage of belly laughs, conclusive proof that actions speak louder--and funnier--than words.
Download or read book The 176 Stupidest Things Ever Done written by Ross Petras and published by Main Street Books. This book was released on 1996 with total page 212 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: From the authors of The 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said comes a sidesplitting collection of inane incidents, senseless stunts, farcical feats, and utterly asinine activities from thoughout history and around the globe. A nonstop barrage of belly laughs, this comic compendium offers conclusive proof that actions speak louder--and funnier--than words.
Download or read book Very Bad Poetry written by Kathryn Petras and published by Vintage. This book was released on 1997-03-25 with total page 145 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Writing very bad poetry requires talent. It helps to have a wooden ear for words, a penchant for sinking into a mire of sentimentality, and an enviable confidence that allows one to write despite absolutely appalling incompetence. The 131 poems collected in this first-of-its-kind anthology are so glaringly awful that they embody a kind of genius. From Fred Emerson Brooks' "The Stuttering Lover" to Matthew Green's "The Spleen" to Georgia Bailey Parrington's misguided "An Elegy to a Dissected Puppy", they mangle meter, run rampant over rhyme, and bludgeon us into insensibility with their grandiosity, anticlimax, and malapropism. Guaranteed to move even the most stoic reader to tears (of laughter), Very Bad Poetry is sure to become a favorite of the poetically inclined (and disinclined).
Download or read book Unusually Stupid Celebrities written by Kathryn Petras and published by Villard. This book was released on 2009-04-22 with total page 274 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The Greeks honored Zeus, the Romans revered Juno, but modern civilization worships a different sort of god: Celebrity. Face it, we follow the stars’ every move, fashion choice, and deliciously dishy affairs. Now Kathryn Petras and Ross Petras, authors of Unusually Stupid Americans, pull the demanding divas, screwball stars, and celebu-twits off their pedestals–and prove it doesn’t take a degree in rocket science to become famous. Cases in point: • Courtney Love misses an important court date relating to “possession of a controlled substance” because she can’t find a professional bodyguard at the last minute. • Mariah Carey’s entourage includes a skirt-from-touching-floor specialist, a towel hand-off person, and a professional drink holder/lifter. • Savvy traveler Paris Hilton concludes that all of Europe is, “like, French.” • Mensa candidate and rocker Tommy Lee is pretty sure that Winston Churchill was president during the Civil War, that the numeric equivalent of pi is “the two-equals-MC-squared thing,” and that an isosceles triangle is “somewhere in Bermuda.” Feuds, faith, family, money, sex, tantrums, travel–no star-studded stone is left unturned. Filled with jaw-dropping anecdotes, quirky quotes, and special stupid-celebrity awards, Unusually Stupid Celebrities provides a red-faced glimpse of the red carpet.
Download or read book The Words of Others written by Gary Saul Morson and published by Yale University Press. This book was released on 2011-06-28 with total page 403 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: In this lively gambol through the history of "ations and "ation books, Gary Saul Morson traces our enduring fascination with the words of others. Ranging from the remote past to the present, he explores the formation, development, and significance of "ations, while exploring the "verbal museums" in which they have been collected and displayed--commonplace books, treasuries, and anthologies. In his trademark clear, witty, and provocative style, Morson invites readers to share his delight in the shortest literary genre.The author defines what makes a "e "able, as well as the (unexpected) differences between "ation and mis"ation. He describes how "ations form, transform, and may eventually become idioms. How much of language itself is the residue of former "ations? Weaving in hundreds of intriguing "ations, common and unusual, Morson explores how the words of others constitute essential elements in the formation of a culture and of the self within that culture. In so doing, he provides a demonstration of that very process, captured in the pages of this extraordinary new book.
Download or read book Great Government Goofs written by Leland Gregory and published by Dell. This book was released on 1997 with total page 274 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The unofficial guide to the wacky mistakes our leaders don't want us to know about.
Download or read book Great Presidential Wit written by Robert J. Dole and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2001 with total page 250 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The former senator and presidential candidate collects bipartisan presidential humor from famous, and not-so-famous, chief executives, from Washington to Clinton.
Download or read book The Long and Short of It written by Gary Morson and published by Stanford University Press. This book was released on 2012-04-04 with total page 296 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Brevity may be the soul of wit, but it is also much more. In this exploration of the shortest literary works—wise sayings, proverbs, witticisms, sardonic observations about human nature, pithy evocations of mystery, terse statements regarding ultimate questions—Gary Saul Morson argues passionately for the importance of these short genres not only to scholars but also to general readers. We are fascinated by how brief works evoke a powerful sense of life in a few words, which is why we browse quotation anthologies and love to repeat our favorites. Arguing that all short genres are short in their own way, Morson explores the unique form of brevity that each of them develops. Apothegms (Heraclitus, Lao Tzu, Wittgenstein) describe the universe as ultimately unknowable, offering not answers but ever deeper questions. Dicta (Spinoza, Marx, Freud) create the sense that unsolvable enigmas have at last been resolved. Sayings from sages and sacred texts assure us that goodness is rewarded, while sardonic maxims (Ecclesiastes, Nietzsche, George Eliot) uncover the self-deceptions behind such comforting illusions. Just as witticisms display the power of mind, "witlessisms" (William Spooner, Dan Quayle, the persona assumed by Mark Twain) astonish with their spectacular stupidity. Nothing seems further from these short works than novels and epics, but the shortest genres often set the tone for longer ones, which, in turn, contain brilliant examples of short forms. Morson shows that short genres contribute important insights into the history of literature and philosophical thought. Once we grasp the role of aphorisms in Herodotus, Samuel Johnson, Dostoevsky, and even Tolstoy, we see their masterpieces in an entirely new light.
Download or read book Here Speeching American written by Kathryn Petras and published by Villard. This book was released on 2004-10-05 with total page 242 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: THE STRANGEST (AND FUNNIEST) TRAVEL GUIDE YOU’LL EVER READ The celebrated authors of the perennial bestseller The 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said set the typical travel guide squarely on its head–taking you from the airport to the hotel, from sightseeing to dining out–by using 100 percent real examples of fractured English as spoken and posted abroad: • Feel like shopping? We have no good things to sell. –shop sign, Lovina Beach, Bali • Feeling sick? Are you haunted by the horribles? Do you run after your own nose? –Japanese medical form • Wondering what to wear? A sports jacket may be worn to dinner, but no trousers. –in a French hotel brochure • Wondering where to eat? Grill and Roast your clients! Open for lunch, dinner and Sunday Brunch. –slogan of the Hibiscus restaurant in the Jakarta Hilton International But don’t take our word for it, come see for yourself. And if that’s too much to ask, remember the sage advice from the staff of a Taipei hotel: “If there is anything we can do to assist and help you, please do not contact us.”
Download or read book Hunt for Paradise written by Begonius and published by AuthorHouse. This book was released on 2013 with total page 677 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Without seeking to lecture readers, she attempts to show not only the interrelation between politics and economics, religion often playing a significant part in both, but in terms of the paradisiacal bliss - material abundance for the West and rapture expected in the hereafter by Islam - to demonstrate such interconnection between the two cultures. These are the genre of the book. Its contents consist of two parts. While Part I treats of Islam as such, both from the historical and contemporary point of view, the theme of Part II is the present-day economy dominated by aggressive capitalism and the impact they have each had on the global scale. Although often critical in cases she deems deserving criticism she nevertheless aims to show that there is most of the time nothing purely black or exclusively white. Indeed, being impartial as well as objective (if that is humanly possible) is a standard she goes by. Dealing with due seriousness as she does with a score of subtopics directly or indirectly related to the mentioned two themes, she also so as to lighten the narrative interjects here and there humor into it. In the final part, the Epilog, she expresses hope that mankind may in the end find a solution to its sky-high problems.
