Download or read book Napalm Silly Putty written by George Carlin and published by Hachette UK. This book was released on 2001-07-01 with total page 272 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A hilarious new collection of razor-sharp observations from the New York Times bestselling author of Brain Droppings. Few comics make the transition from stage to page as smoothly or successfully as George Carlin. Brain Droppings spent a total of 40 weeks on the New York Times bestseller list, and this new one is certain to tickle even more ribs (and rattle a few more cages) with its characteristically ironic take on life's annoying universal truths. In Napalm & Silly Putty, Carlin doesn't steer clear of the tough issues, preferring instead to look life boldly in the eye to pose the questions few dare to ask: How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on TV that it's a spy satellite? Why do they bother saying "raw sewage"? Do some people cook that stuff? In the expression "topsy-turvy," what exactly is meant by "turvy"? And he makes some startling observations, including: Most people with low self-esteem have earned it. Guys don't seem to be called "Lefty" anymore. Most people don't know what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. Carlin also waxes wickedly philosophical on all sorts of subjects, including: KIDS--They're not all cute. In fact, if you look at them closely, some of them are rather unpleasant looking. And a lot of them don't smell too good either. DEATH ROW--If you're condemned to die they have to give you one last meal of your own request. What is that all about? A group of people plan to kill you, so they want you to eat something you like? Add to the mix "The Ten Most Embarrassing Songs of All Time," "The 20th Century Hostility Scoreboard," and "People I Can Do Without," and you have an irresistibly insouciant assortment of musings, questions, assertions, and assumptions guaranteed to please the millions of fans waiting for the next Carlin collection--and the millions more waiting to discover this comic genius.
Download or read book When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops written by George Carlin and published by Hachette Books. This book was released on 2004-10-01 with total page 309 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: On the heels of George Carlin's #1 New York Times bestseller Napalm & Silly Putty comes When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? -- infused with Carlin's trademark irreverent humor and biting cultural observations. Here we go again . . . George Carlin's hilarious When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? offers his cutting-edge opinions and observational humor on everything from evasive euphemistic language to politicians to the media to dead people. Nothing and no one is safe! Despite the current climate of political correctness, Carlin is not afraid to take on controversial topics: Carlin on the media: The media comprises equal parts business, politics, advertising, public relations, and show business. Nice combination. Enough bull for Texas to open a chain of branch offices. Carlin on the battle of the sexes: Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. Carlin on hygiene: When did they pass a law that says the people who make my sandwich have to be wearing gloves? I'm not comfortable with this. I don't want glove residue all over my food; it's not sanitary. Who knows where these gloves have been? Carlin on evasive language: Just to demonstrate how far using euphemisms in language has gone, some psychologists are now actually referring to ugly people as those with "severe appearance deficits." Hey, Doctor. How's that for "denial"? Carlin on politics: No self-respecting politician would ever admit to working in the government. They prefer to think of themselves "serving the nation." To help visualize the service they provide the country, you may wish to picture the things that take place on a stud farm. The thinking person's comic who uses words as weapons, Carlin puts voice to issues that capture the modern imagination. For instance, why are there Ten Commandments? Are UFOs real? What will the future really be like? This brand-new collection tackles all that and more. In When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? Carlin's razor-sharp observations demolish everyday values and leave you laughing out loud--delivering exactly what his countless fans have been waiting for.
Download or read book Three Times Carlin written by George Carlin and published by Hyperion. This book was released on 2011-05-17 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A perfectly gift-able, perfectly cynical, slipcased omnibus of George Carlin's trademark irreverence -- including bonus never-before-published material For four decades, George Carlin has been one of America's favorite comics, known as much for his willingness to take on taboo subjects as for his absurdist wordplay. As an author, he has proved equally popular: With combined sales of more than two million copies, Carlin's three books of razor-sharp and hilarious observations have topped bestseller lists nationwide. Now, just in time for the holidays, Hyperion proudly collects all three volumes -- When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops, Napalm and Silly Putty, and Brain Droppings - into one hilarious omnibus, a slipcased edition that also includes new material.
Download or read book 3 x Carlin written by George Carlin and published by Hachette Books. This book was released on 2015-09-01 with total page 896 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Three comedic classics in one, by the legendary George Carlin. Includes Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? For four decades, George Carlin has been one of America's favorite comics, known as much for his willingness to take on taboo subjects as for his absurdist wordplay. As an author, he has proved equally popular: With combined sales of more than two million copies, Carlin's three books of razor-sharp and hilarious observations have topped bestseller lists nationwide. Now, for the first time as an ebook, Hachette Books proudly collects all three volumes--When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, Napalm and Silly Putty, and Brain Droppings--into one hilarious omnibus.
Download or read book Napalm Silly Putty written by George Carlin and published by Hyperion Books. This book was released on 2014-08-18 with total page 269 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Carlin waxes wickedly philosophical in this hilarious new collection of razor-sharp observations. The bestselling author of "Brain Droppings" proves once again that he's one comic who can successfully make the transition from stage to page with his ironic take on life's annoying universal truths.
Download or read book A Carlin Home Companion written by Kelly Carlin and published by Macmillan + ORM. This book was released on 2015-09-15 with total page 381 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: From the daughter of the iconoclastic comedic performer, Kelly Carlin’s memoir A Carlin Home Companion: Growing Up with George “is written in the DNA of a Carlin, honest, biting, savage, funny, sad, dark, and profound...Hold on; like George Carlin, this book gives you a hell of a ride” (New York Times bestselling author and multi-award-winning comedian Lewis Black). Truly the voice of a generation, George Carlin gave the world some of the most hysterical and iconic comedy routines of the last fifty years. From the “Seven Dirty Words” and “A Place for My Stuff”, to “Religion is Bullshit” and “The American Dream”, he perfected the art of making audiences double over with laughter while simultaneously making people wake up to the realities (and insanities) of life in the twentieth century. Few people glimpsed the inner life of this beloved comedian, but his only child, Kelly, was there to see it all. Born at the very beginning of his decades-long career in comedy, she slid around the “old Dodge Dart,” as he and wife Brenda drove around the country to “hell gigs.” She witnessed his transformation in the ’70s, as he fought back against—and talked back to—the establishment; she even talked him down from a really bad acid trip a time or two (“Kelly, the sun has exploded and we have eight, no-seven and a half minutes to live!”). Kelly not only watched her father constantly reinvent himself and his comedy, but also had a front row seat to the roller coaster turmoil of her family’s inner life—alcoholism, cocaine addiction, life-threatening health scares, and a crushing debt to the IRS. But having been the only “adult” in her family prepared her little for the task of her own adulthood. All the while, Kelly sought to define her own voice as she separated from the shadow of her father’s genius. With rich humor and deep insight, Kelly Carlin pulls back the curtain on what it was like to grow up as the daughter of one of the most recognizable comedians of our time, and become a woman in her own right. This vivid, hilarious, heartbreaking story is at once singular and universal—it is a contemplation of what it takes to move beyond the legacy of childhood, and forge a life of your own.
Download or read book A Modern Man written by George Carlin and published by Hachette UK. This book was released on 2021-11-02 with total page 336 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A new collection of greatest hits from one of the greatest comedians of our time, George Carlin, now the subject of the HBO documentary George Carlin’s American Dream, directed by Judd Apatow and Michael Bonfiglio George Carlin was: “a true, true artist” (Chris Rock)…”the master” (Jon Stewart)…“one of the Mount Rushmore guys in our profession” (Jerry Seinfeld)…“the comedian’s comedian” (Jay Leno)…“an icon for comedy” (Margaret Cho)…”a deep thinker and a very, very funny man” (Lily Tomlin)…“one of my heroes” (Stephen Colbert)…“brilliant” (Joan Rivers)… You can’t talk about comedy legends without talking George Carlin. Named the greatest standup of all time by XM Radio’s “All Time Comedy Greats” (and #2 by both Comedy Central and Rolling Stone), Carlin garnered multiple gold records, 4 Grammys, 6 Emmy nominations, and the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor. He was the first host of SNL, appeared on the Tonight Show some 130 times, and acted in beloved films like Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure and Dogma. Dubbed “the dean of counterculture comedians,” there was no one like George Carlin. Featuring a foreword by Lewis Black and an introduction by Carlin's longtime best friend and manager, A Modern Man is a perfect introduction for new fans and a must-have for longtime fans, showcasing the longevity, range, and—above all—hilarity of the master. Filled with thoughts, musings, questions, lists, beliefs, curiosities, monologues, assertions, assumptions, and other delicious verbal ordeals, it is drop-dead funny tour through Carlin’s singular mind. More than ten years after his death, Carlin’s characteristically ironic takes on life's annoying universal truths remain thoughtful, fearless, and somehow more relevant than ever.
Download or read book Sometimes a Little Brain Damage Can Help written by George Carlin and published by . This book was released on 1984 with total page 33 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt:
Download or read book The United States of Absurdity written by Dave Anthony and published by Ten Speed Press. This book was released on 2017-05-09 with total page 144 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The creators of the podcast The Dollop present illustrated profiles of the weird, outrageous, NSFW, and downright absurd tales from American history that you weren't taught in school. The United States of Absurdity presents short, informative, and hilarious stories of the most outlandish (but true) people, events, and more from United States history. Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds cover the weird stories you didn't learn in history class, such as 10-Cent Beer Night, the Jackson Cheese, and the Kentucky Meat Shower, accompanied by full-page illustrations that bring each historical "milestone" to life in full-color.
Download or read book God Level Knowledge Darts written by Desus & Mero and published by Random House. This book was released on 2020-09-22 with total page 226 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • “Desus & Mero are smarter and funnier than everyone writing books.”—Shea Serrano “I will never write anything as hilarious as they have. I give up.”—Malcolm Gladwell “These motherf***ers make me laugh until I choke.”—Jia Tolentino NAMED ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR BY NPR A wild, hilarious guide to life from the hosts of the hit late-night show Desus & Mero and the Bodega Boys podcast Who could have predicted that, after a fateful meeting in a Bronx summer school in the 1990s, Desus & Mero would turn their friendship into an empire of talking to each other. And it’s no surprise—tuning in to them is like listening to the funniest, smartest people you know dissect a topic and then light it on fire. Now they’ve written the most essential guide to life of this century*, in which all the important questions are asked: How do I talk to my kids about drugs if I do them, too? What are the ethics of ghosting in a relationship? How do I bet on sports? How should I behave in jail? How much is too much to spend on sneakers? Is porn really that bad for me? As they put it: “We want to share all we’ve learned, after years in the Bronx streets, with you: the people. So with a lifetime spent building up a plethora of information from trials and tribulations and a handful of misdemeanors, we decided to write this book—a sequel to the Bible, or maybe to The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy,depending on how big a nerd you are. Let this book be your North Star.” *NO REFUNDS
Download or read book Seven Dirty Words written by James Sullivan and published by Da Capo Press. This book was released on 2011-05 with total page 261 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Examines George Carlin's body of comedic work as it pertained to its cultural times and the man who created it and chronicles the controversial funny man's rise from run-of-the-mill standup to subversive comic genius. Reprint.
Download or read book The Best of Brain Droppings written by George Carlin and published by Peter Pauper Press, Inc.. This book was released on 2007-06 with total page 92 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: With his signature dark and daring humor drawn from everyday life, the world at large, and the vagaries of the English language, George Carlin offers his creative finest in The Best of Braindroppings. From the random braindropping ("When you sneeze, all the numbers in your head go up by one.") to favorite oxymorons ("holy war," for one), and from questions to ponder ("Why are there no B batteries?" for instance) to his classic monologue comparing baseball and football, this little book packs in a lot of laughs.
Download or read book Pretty Good Joke Book written by Garrison Keillor and published by Blackstone Publishing. This book was released on 2021-08-10 with total page pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Over 2,200 Jokes from America’s favorite live radio show A treasury of hilarity from Garrison Keillor and the cast of public radio’s A Prairie Home Companion. A guy walks into a bar. Eight Canada Geese walk into a bar. A termite jumps up on the bar and asks, “Where is the bar tender?” Drum roll. The Sixth Edition of the perennially popular Pretty Good Joke Book is everything the first five were and more. More puns, one-liners, light bulb jokes, knock-knock jokes, and third-grader jokes (have you heard the one about Elvis Parsley?). More religion jokes, political jokes, lawyer jokes, blonde jokes, and jokes in questionable taste (Why did the urologist lose his license? He got in trouble with his peers). More jokes about chickens, relationships, and senior moments (the nice thing about Alzheimer’s is you can enjoy the same jokes again and again). It all started back in 1996, when A Prairie Home Companion fans laughed themselves silly during the first Joke Show. The broadcast was such a hit that it became an almost-annual gagfest. Then fans wanted to read the jokes, share them, and pass them around, and the first Pretty Good Joke Book was born. With over 200 new and updated jokes, the latest edition promises countless giggles, chortles, and guffaws anyone—fans of the radio show or not—will enjoy.
Download or read book Brain Droppings written by George Carlin and published by Hachette Books. This book was released on 2023-10-10 with total page 280 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Sometimes, a little brain damage can help. A book of original humor pieces by beloved comic George Carlin. Filled with thoughts, musings, questions, lists, beliefs, curiosities, monologues, assertions, assumptions, and other verbal ordeals, Brain Droppings is infectiously funny. Also included are two timeless monologues, "A Place for Your Stuff" and "Baseball-Football." Readers will get an inside look into Carlin's mind, and they won't be disappointed by what they find: I buy stamps by mail. It works OK until I run out of stamps. What year did Jesus Christ think it was? A tree: first you chop it down, then you chop it up. Have you ever noticed the lawyer is always smiling more than the client? I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed. If you ever have chicken at lunch and chicken at dinner, do you ever wonder if the two chickens knew each other? Carlin demolishes everyday values and yet leaves you laughing out loud.
Download or read book SSH Mastery written by Michael Lucas and published by Createspace Independent Publishing Platform. This book was released on 2012 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Secure Shell (SSH) lets systems administrators securely manage remote systems. But most people only use the bare minimum SSH offers. Used properly, SSH simplifies your job. This book saves you from sifting a decade of obsolete online tutorials and quickly gets you running: SSH with the OpenSSH server and the PuTTY and OpenSSH clients. You will: Eliminate passwords. Manage access to your SSH server by users, groups, addresses, and more Securely move files around your network Forward graphic displays from one host to another Forward TCP connections Centrally manage host keys and client configurations Use SSH as a secure transport for other applications Secure applications run over SSH Build Virtual Private Networks with OpenSSH And more! This book simplifies the work of anyone using SSH. Small enough to read and implement quickly, exhaustive enough to include everything most of us need plus a little more. Master SSH with SSH Mastery.
Download or read book Golden Goddesses written by Jill C. Nelson and published by . This book was released on 2013-07 with total page 950 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: This is the hardback version. Golden Goddesses vibrantly casts light upon twenty-five significant women involved in the erotic film industry during its Golden Era, between the years 1968-1985 when participation in adult productions was illegal. Profiling performers, directors, scriptwriters and costumers, Golden Goddesses is a palate of insights, intimacy, vulnerability and strength, as it immerses readers into the lives of these celebrated and audacious females. Featuring the author's own interviews with Marilyn Chambers, Seka, Kay Parker, Rhonda Jo Petty, Serena, Georgina Spelvin, Juliet Anderson, Candida Royalle, Sharon Mitchell, Gloria Leonard, Annie Sprinkle, Ann Perry, Jody Maxwell, Barbara Mills, Veronica Hart, Kelly Nichols, Ginger Lynn, Kitten Natividad, Amber Lynn, Laurie Holmes, Christy Canyon, Julia St. Vincent, Roberta Findlay, Nina Hartley and Raven Touchstone, Golden Goddesses also includes film highlights and more than 300 photos. These fascinating women of classic adult film are presented with depth, sensitivity, and historical scope while capturing the quintessence of a rebellious spirit from days gone by.
Download or read book Notes from the Underwire written by Quinn Cummings and published by Hachette+ORM. This book was released on 2009-07-07 with total page 252 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Meet Quinn Cummings. Former child star, mother, and modern woman, she just wants to be a good person. Quinn grew up in Los Angeles, a city whose patron saint would be a sixteen-year-old with a gold card and two trips to rehab under her belt. Quinn does crossword puzzles, eats lentils without being forced, and longs to wear a scarf without looking like a Camp Fire Girl. And she tries very hard to be the Adult--the one everybody calls for a ride to the airport--but somehow she always comes up short. In Notes from the Underwire, Quinn's smart and hilarious debut, she tackles the domestic and the delightfully absurd, proving that all too often they're one and the same. From fighting off a catnip-addled cat to mortal conflict with a sewing machine, Quinn provides insight into her often chaotic, seldom-perfect universe -- a universe made even less perfect when the goofy smile of past celebrity shows its occasional fang. The book, like the author herself, is good hearted, keenly observant, and blisteringly funny. In other words, really good company.
