Download or read book How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You written by The Oatmeal and published by Andrews McMeel Publishing. This book was released on 2012-10-09 with total page 138 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Jesus Rollerblading Christ--another helping of TheOatmeal! Mrow, MOAR kitty comics. Mr. Oats delivers a sidesplitting serving of cat humor in his new book, How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You. If your cat is kneading you, that's not a sign of affection. Your cat is actually checking your internal organs for weakness. If your cat brings you a dead animal, this isn't a gift. It's a warning. How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You is a hilarious, brilliant offering of comics, facts, and instructional guides about crazy cat behaviors from the creative wonderland at TheOatmeal.com. How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You presents fan favorites, such as "Cat vs. Internet," "How to Pet a Kitty," and "The Bobcats," plus 17 brand-new, never-before-seen cat-themed comic strips. This Oatmeal collection is a must-have for cat-lovers from Mr. Oats!
Download or read book How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You written by The Oatmeal Staff and published by . This book was released on 2012-07-15 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The Oatmeal 2013 Wall Calendar • The Oatmeal is one of the most popular Web comics online, getting an average of 4.6 million unique visitorsand more than 20 million page views a month. • Time magazine named TheOatmeal.com one of the best blogs of 2010. Based on Matthew Inman's hugely popular Web site and hisNew York Timesbest-selling book5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth,How To Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting To Kill You 2013 Wall Calendarfeatures a quirky and humorous full-color comic each month along with a user-friendly grid. As a bonus, the calendar also includes a free, pull-out poster.
Download or read book Why My Cat Is More Impressive Than Your Baby written by Matthew Inman and published by Andrews McMeel Publishing. This book was released on 2019-06-04 with total page 161 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Why My Cat Is More Impressive Than Your Baby is chockfull of comics about cats, babies, dogs, lasers, selfies, and pigeons! This book contains a vast wealth of never-before-seen comics, including informative guides, such as: How to comfortably sleep next to your cat 10 ways to befriend a misanthropic cat How to hold a baby when you are not used to holding babies A dog’s guide to walking a human being How to cuddle like you mean it Includes a pull-out poster of: How to tell if your cat thinks you’re not that big of a deal.
Download or read book Tiny Hats on Cats written by Adam Ellis and published by Grand Central Publishing. This book was released on 2015-10-20 with total page 860 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Following the success of recent bestsellers like Grumpy Cat and How to Tell if Your Cat is Plotting to Kill You, Tiny Hats on Cats combines adorable photos of cats with author Adam Ellis's hilarious anecdotes, but also has a fun DIY element: Readers will learn how to craft colorful and creative feline headgear from the book's step-by-step instructions. With a portable trim size and a beautifully designed interior, Tiny Hats on Cats is the perfect gift for every animal lover or for any reader who wants their cat to feel just a little more fancy.
Download or read book My Dog The Paradox written by The Oatmeal and published by Andrews McMeel Publishing. This book was released on 2013-05-07 with total page 35 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: This eponymous comic became an instant hit when it went live on The Oatmeal.com and was liked on Facebook by 700,000 fans. Now fans will have a keepsake book of this comic to give and to keep. In My Dog: The Paradox, Inman discusses the canine penchant for rolling in horse droppings, chasing large animals four times their size, and acting recklessly enthusiastic through the entirety of their impulsive, lovable lives. Hilarious and heartfelt, My Dog: The Paradox eloquently illustrates the complicated relationship between man and dog. We will never know why dogs fear hair dryers, or being baited into staring contests with cats, but as Inman explains, perhaps we love dogs so much “because their lives aren’t lengthy, logical, or deliberate, but an explosive paradox composed of fur, teeth, and enthusiasm.”
Download or read book 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth And Other Useful Guides written by The Oatmeal and published by Andrews McMeel Publishing. This book was released on 2010-10-01 with total page 162 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: In Matthew Inman's New York Times best selling 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth (And Other Useful Guides), samurai sword-wielding kittens and hamsters that love .50-caliber machine guns commingle with a cracked out Tyrannosaur that is extremely hard to potty train. Bacon is better than true love and you may awake in the middle of the night to find your nephew nibbling on your toes. Sixtry of Inman's comic illustrations and life-bending guides are presented in full-color inside 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth (And Other Useful Guides). Consider such handy advice as: 4 Reasons to Carry a Shovel at All Times, 6 Types of Crappy Hugs, 8 Ways to Tell if Your Loved One Plans to Eat You, 17 Things Worth Knowing About Your Cat, and 20 Things Worth Knowing About Beer.
Download or read book I Could Pee on This written by Francesco Marciuliano and published by Chronicle Books. This book was released on 2012-08-03 with total page 111 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Animal lovers will laugh out loud at the quirkiness of their feline friends with these insightful and curious poems from the singular minds of funny cats. In this hilarious, bestselling book of tongue-in-cheek poetry. The author of the internationally syndicated comic strip Sally Forth helps cats unlock their creative potential and explain their odd behavior to ignorant humans. With titles like "Who Is That on Your Lap?," "This Is My Chair," "Kneel Before Me," "Nudge," and "Some of My Best Friends Are Dogs," the poems collected in I Could Pee on This perfectly capture the inner workings of the cat psyche. With photos of the cat "authors" throughout, this whimsical animal book reveals kitties at their wackiest, and most exasperating (but always lovable). Ideal for that "crazy cat lady" or "cat mom/dad" in your life this collection of poems makes for the perfect cat-themed gift for anyone who's obsessed with our feline friends.
Download or read book How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety written by Zachary Auburn and published by Crown. This book was released on 2016-10-04 with total page 146 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The cats of America are under siege! Long gone are the good old days when a cat’s biggest worries were mean dogs or a bath. Modern cats must confront satanists, online predators, the possibility of needing to survive in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, and countless other threats to their nine lives. For over four decades, the American Association of Patriots have stood at the vanguard of our country's defense by helping to prepare our nation's cat owners for the difficult conversations they dread having with their pets. Written in a simple Q&A format, How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety answers crucial questions such as, “What is the right age to talk to my cat about the proper use of firearms?” and “What are the benefits of my cat living a lifestyle of abstinence?” and especially “Why does my cat need to use the internet? Can’t he just play with yarn like cats used to do?” Our country—and our cats—stand at a precipice. It will take courage, and it will take hard work, but armed with the knowledge within these pages, we can make our cats—and America—great again!
Download or read book My Cat Spit McGee written by Willie Morris and published by Vintage. This book was released on 2002-08-13 with total page 152 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: With endearing humor and unabashed compassion, Willie Morris--a self-declared dog man and author of the classic paean to canine kind, My Dog Skip--reveals the irresistible story of his unlikely friendship with a cat. Forced to confront a lifetime of kitty-phobia when he marries a cat woman, Willie discovers that Spit McGee, a feisty kitten with one blue and one gold eye, is nothing like the foul felines that lurk in his nightmares. For when Spit is just three weeks old he nearly dies, but is saved by Willie with a little help from Clinic Cat, which provides a blood transfusion. Spit is tied to Willie thereafter, and Willie grows devoted to a companion who won't fetch a stick, but whose wily charm and occasional crankiness conceal a fount of affection, loyalty, and a "rare and incredible intelligence." My Cat Spit McGee is one of the finest books ever written about a cat, and a moving and entertaining tribute to an enduring friendship.
Download or read book How to Pet a Cat written by Angela Staehling and published by Chronicle Books. This book was released on 2022-03-08 with total page 81 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Keep your cat happy and pet them right with this cute and handy illustrated guide! Cats have quite a few opinions, but with easy-to-follow instructions and helpful diagrams, this book will teach you how—and how not—to illicit approving purrs, mews, and chirps. From "The Booty Lift Pet" to the "I Need That Catnip on My Desk Yesterday Pet," learn over 20 tips and tricks to be the person your cat wants you to be. With bonus insights into cat sounds, body language, and more—as well as charming, full-color illustrations—this fun, lighthearted book will delight cat lovers of all kinds! FUNNY AND RELATABLE: Everyone who has tried to pet a cat has experienced most if not all of these silly and sweet scenarios. SWEET AND EDUCATIONAL: While quirky, this book is still informative and educational. You may learn a thing or two, like why your cat loves having their face pet but will leave the room if you try to give their belly a rub. CUTE GIFT: With endearing illustrations and tongue-in-cheek advice, this is a wonderful gift for any cat owner or cat lover! Perfect for: • Cat lovers • Holiday and birthday gift shoppers • Those looking for a silly pick-me-up and something cute • For fans of How to Tell if Your Cat is Plotting to Kill You, I Could Pee on This, and Herding Cats
Download or read book Adventure Cats written by Laura J. Moss and published by Workman Publishing. This book was released on 2017-05-16 with total page 225 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Just when you thought you knew all there was to know about cats comes the ultimate—and unexpected—guide to taking your cat into the wild. Here are cats walking on a leash. Cats hiking on a leash. Cats tramping through snow. Cats camping. Cats kayaking, canoeing, even surfing—yes, cats who love water. When animal writer and active hiker Laura Moss couldn’t find an online resource for hitting the trail with her cat, she created one. AdventureCats.org took off like wildfire, with attention from Wired, the Huffington Post, Outside magazine, BuzzFeed, and much more. Now, the book Adventure Cats—a collection of jaw-dropping photographs, inspiring stories of real-life cats, and all the how-to a cat owner needs—will take readers and their cats well beyond the backyard. Learn how to leash-train a cat. What to do if you encounter wildlife on the trail. Plus, winter safety tips, and how to bring a little bit of the outdoors to an indoor cat. The stories themselves are catnip for animal lovers, from Nanakuli, the one-eyed cat who hangs ten; to Georgie, a four-year-old gray tabby who lives on a sailboat; to Quandary, who not only insists on hiking with her family but also teaches them a valuable lesson: When you follow your cat’s natural tendency to wander, you experience the outdoors at a slower, richer pace. This book will delight every cat person, regardless of whether their pet is inclined to adventure. (Take the quiz at the beginning of the book to find out!)
Download or read book The Terrible and Wonderful Reasons Why I Run Long Distances written by The Oatmeal and published by Andrews McMeel Publishing. This book was released on 2014-09-30 with total page 152 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: This is not just a book about running. It's a book about cupcakes. It's a book about suffering. It's a book about gluttony, vanity, bliss, electrical storms, ranch dressing, and Godzilla. It's a book about all the terrible and wonderful reasons we wake up each day and propel our bodies through rain, shine, heaven, and hell. From #1 New York Times best-selling author, Matthew Inman, AKA The Oatmeal, comes this hilarious, beautiful, poignant collection of comics and stories about running, eating, and one cartoonist's reasons for jogging across mountains until his toenails fall off. Containing over 70 pages of never-before-seen material, including "A Lazy Cartoonist's Guide to Becoming a Runner" and "The Blerch's Guide to Dieting," this book also comes with Blerch race stickers.
Download or read book Save the Cat Writes a Novel written by Jessica Brody and published by Ten Speed Press. This book was released on 2018-10-09 with total page 322 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The first novel-writing guide from the best-selling Save the Cat! story-structure series, which reveals the 15 essential plot points needed to make any novel a success. Novelist Jessica Brody presents a comprehensive story-structure guide for novelists that applies the famed Save the Cat! screenwriting methodology to the world of novel writing. Revealing the 15 "beats" (plot points) that comprise a successful story--from the opening image to the finale--this book lays out the Ten Story Genres (Monster in the House; Whydunit; Dude with a Problem) alongside quirky, original insights (Save the Cat; Shard of Glass) to help novelists craft a plot that will captivate--and a novel that will sell.
Download or read book Your Cat Is Trying to Kill You a Coloring Book for People Who Fear Their Adorable Cats written by Straight Outta Color and published by . This book was released on 2019-08 with total page 62 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Looking for a gift for that friend with all the cats? You've been to that house and see those cats sneaking up on you. You've seen the scratch marks. That cat is definitely trying to kill them! Warn them with this hilarious adult coloring book. 30 high quality pages (one per paper to avoid bleed and keep all those pictures frame-able!)Grab your colored pencils (at least the ones the cats haven't scratched to death) and calm your nerves by coloring these killer cats!
Download or read book 404 Not Found written by The The Oatmeal and published by Oatmeal. This book was released on 2016-10-04 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: [This is] an adult coloring adventure book filled with mantis shrimp, angler fish, bear-o-dactyls, space cats, and other fantastical creatures from the wonderland of The Oatmeal.
Download or read book Nightbitch written by Rachel Yoder and published by Anchor. This book was released on 2021-07-20 with total page 218 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: SOON TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE STARRING AMY ADAMS • In this blazingly smart and voracious debut novel, an artist turned stay-at-home mom becomes convinced she's turning into a dog. • "A must-read for anyone who can’t get enough of the ever-blurring line between the psychological and supernatural that Yellowjackets exemplifies." —Vulture One day, the mother was a mother, but then one night, she was quite suddenly something else... An ambitious mother puts her art career on hold to stay at home with her newborn son, but the experience does not match her imagination. Two years later, she steps into the bathroom for a break from her toddler's demands, only to discover a dense patch of hair on the back of her neck. In the mirror, her canines suddenly look sharper than she remembers. Her husband, who travels for work five days a week, casually dismisses her fears from faraway hotel rooms. As the mother's symptoms intensify, and her temptation to give in to her new dog impulses peak, she struggles to keep her alter-canine-identity secret. Seeking a cure at the library, she discovers the mysterious academic tome which becomes her bible, A Field Guide to Magical Women: A Mythical Ethnography, and meets a group of mommies involved in a multilevel-marketing scheme who may also be more than what they seem. An outrageously original novel of ideas about art, power, and womanhood wrapped in a satirical fairy tale, Nightbitch will make you want to howl in laughter and recognition. And you should. You should howl as much as you want.
Download or read book How Not to Kill Your Baby written by Jacob Sager Weinstein and published by Andrews McMeel Publishing. This book was released on 2012-03-20 with total page 137 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: "This laugh-out-loud hilarious book is mandatory reading for parents, and should be taught in schools as the "cautionary tale" portion of Sex Ed. Run don't walk to buy it, and if you're a baby with lethal parents, crawl don't roll." --Rob Kutner (writer, The Daily Show, Conan, The Future According To Me) "Unlike babies themselves, copies of Jacob Sager Weinstein's book can be bought and sold on the open market. Buy two and bring joy and laughter to the lives of a copy-less couple." --Jose Arroyo (writer, Conan) "The "s-a-g-e" in Jacob's middle moniker indicates exactly that. He is a whimsically wise and hysterically funny fellow whom any child (or book buying adult) would be wise to listen to." --Dennis Miller "If you don't buy this book and then your baby dies, how are you going to feel? Pretty bad, I imagine." --Larry Doyle (writer, I Love You Beth Cooper; Go, Mutants!; The Simpsons) Have you ever read a parenting book that left you feeling inadequate and/or terrified? In other words, have you ever read any parenting book whatsoever? If so, you need How Not To Kill Your Baby, a hilarious parody of every fear-mongering, crazy-making pregnancy and parenting manual you've ever cringed over. Just consider the following advice: * "As you know if you have ever seen someone give birth in a movie or television show, all newborns emerge with adorable round faces, pudgy limbs, and twinkling eyes. If, by contrast, the nurse hands you a tiny, squawling creature with the face of an old man and skin covered in goo, hand it back immediately. There has clearly been some sort of mixup with a nearby ward for senile midgets." * "It's essential that you keep careful track of your baby's every bodily function. That way, when she is president of the United States and a paranoid-minded conspiracy movement springs up denying her eligibility for the position, you will have documentary proof that she did, in fact, poop on U.S. soil at 8:23AM on February 23." * "When choosing a nursery school, make sure to visit first, and ask the teachers about their educational philosophies. Then ask about their criminal records. If they insist they have none, you may need to keep asking, perhaps while shining a bright light in their face. Also, take their fingerprints, then follow them home from a discreet distance and go through their trash. Oh, and don't forget to thank them for their dedication to helping the young!" * "It is easy to adjust your parenting techniques as your children grow: simply do and say the exact same things, but raise your voice by one decibel for every year of your child's age." How Not To Kill Your Baby is printed on child-safe, 100% piranha-free paper, and bound without the use of exploding staples. You'll get no such promise from What To Expect When You're Expecting. How Not To Kill Your Baby is the book for you... unless you're some kind of baby-hating creep who wants to parent all wrong.
