Download or read book Fairly Odd Mother written by Kelly Kazek and published by iUniverse. This book was released on 2009-08 with total page 174 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: "Fairly Odd Mother: Musings of a Slightly Off Southern Mom" is award-winning journalist Kelly Kazek's skewed and hilarious view of various aspects of life, from raising a daughter as a single mom to life in a small town to popular culture ... "I felt I had a lot of wisdom to impart to my daughter, like "Never let a man see you put on control top panty hose (or for that matter, take them off. Someone could get hurt.)" - from the column "Moms get dumber as teens age" "The idea of drinking a bovine pee cola gives a whole new meaning to those old Peter Frampton lyrics, 'I'm in you, urine me.' At least I think that's how they went. Plus, it makes you give those Red Bull ingredients a second glance." - from the column "Try an ice cold Cow-ca Cola" "Guys, at this point have likely picked up on the more obvious (to guys) mystery in this whole incident: Where does a naked woman put $40,000 in jewelry...? (Pause while we all ponder this.) ...and if this man was paying $100 per hour to have a naked woman in his house, why wasn't he watching her? I imagine to some, this would seem wasteful." - from the column "Nude maid strips man of self respect" What readers are saying ... "Kelly Kazek has a most delightful writing style and a wry sense of humor!" - Jim G., Phoenix, Arizona "I've never written to a newspaper colunist before but I had to write to tell you how much I enjoyed your column. Rarely does anything make me laugh out loud but your column did!" - Martha C. Leeds, Alabama "I burst out laughing several times" - Linda S. Whiting, New Jersey "If a new column's not there by Monday, I start to get the shakes." - Michael P., Milledgeville, Ga.
Download or read book Wish Upon a Mom written by Adam Beechen and published by Perfection Learning. This book was released on 2004-03-23 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Fairly Odd Parents series #3.
Download or read book Magic for Beginners written by Kelly Link and published by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt. This book was released on 2006 with total page 324 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: All-new collection of magical stories from slapstick comedy to Gothic horror.
Download or read book BorrowedTime written by L.A. Boruff and published by The Phantom Pen. This book was released on with total page 164 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Rowena is a time-traveling witch assassin who is very bad at her job. It’s one thing to know I’m a witch. It’s an entirely different thing to learn to use my powers. I’ve always known I was adopted, but it never mattered much until my birth mother died. I inherited her witchy powers and her job—a time-traveling witch assassin, neither of which I know what to do with. But at least I get a trainer, my birth mother’s old friend Arti, and a lazy dragon familiar who is determined to eat all my food and drink all my booze. Now I have to learn everything from scratch. Magic, time travel, assassining… assassinating? Whatever it is, I can’t fail, or I lose my job and the witches in line for the position after me? Let’s just say, not-so-nice. Keeping my job kinda means saving the world. No pressure. Grab this dark humor-filled, page-turning, suspenseful paranormal woman’s fiction now, and escape into a world of yummy cheesecake-like men, snarky familiars, time travel hijinks, and danger.
Download or read book Next of Twin written by L.A. Boruff and published by The Phantom Pen. This book was released on with total page 164 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Mae and Lela Cable are identical twins. Mirror twins, to be exact. They've lived a normal life...until now. Their moonshine-swilling, antique-hoarding, geriatric Aunt Bertha insists that they're descendants of Appalachian witches. What in the world are they supposed to do with that? Lela works as a doula and has a knack for medicinal herbs. She's the adventurous sister who enjoys the single life. Timid Mae pampers her house plants and is a recently divorced mom who has spent her entire adult life giving in to the desires of her family and ignoring herself. Can someone say self-care needed, stat? When the twins decide on a whim to travel cross-country to meet a dying, long-lost relative in the Great Smoky Mountains, they quickly realize that their entire lives were filled with curtains that hid the truth. Even their parents’ cause of death was a lie. Now they’re sick with mysterious symptoms, water is attacking Mae as she walks through the airport, and Lela is attracting animals like she’s in the middle of an animated princess movie. Say what? What was that Aunt Bertha had said? Appalachian witches. Trying to understand and harness their powers is the least of the twins’ worries. Just as they decide to stay a while in their ancestral Tennessee home, they discover someone wants them out of town, like yesterday. But why… and who? Can they overcome their fears and hesitations in time to prevent something terrible from happening? Wears Valley Witches is a hilarious Paranormal Cozy Mystery series that will keep you on your toes as you learn about the Appalachian witches and their quirky magic.
Download or read book A Newly Webs Midlife written by Lia Davis and published by Davis Raynes Publishing Group, LLC. This book was released on 2023-05-29 with total page 91 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Mr. and Mrs. Walker are off on their honeymoon! You'd think they'd get a break from solving supernatural mysteries while vacationing in the Scottish Highlands, but not Drew and Ava. They're thrown into a mystery when one of the guests at their resort is found dead. Not helping the locals isn't an option. How could they live with themselves if they ignored all the problems and let someone else die?
Download or read book An Otterly Ridiculous Riddle written by L.A. Boruff and published by The Phantom Pen. This book was released on 2023-10-21 with total page 183 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Brandi Best has nothing tying her down. Nothing keeping her in Arizona. No kids, no husband, and her parents passed away years ago. When she finds out a town in Ireland will actually pay her to move there? Why not spend the second half of her life in a gorgeous country by the sea? But things aren't all that they seem. In preparing to move, Brandi discovers some big secrets about herself and her parents. First and foremost, that she's adopted. And then she finds a journal written in her father's handwriting claiming Brandi was found in that same Irish town she's heading to. Is it a coincidence, or something more? Still, starting over is everything she hoped for and more. An exotic location, new friends, and new adventures working in the local bar. Things are going really well... until she falls into the ocean. Touching salt water for the first time does something to her. Something... fishy. And her life gets even more confusing when she meets the handsome descendant of a pirate who swears he can help her find the truth about her past. All it'll take? More adventure. More danger. And a hunt for an incredible treasure. Brandi doesn't know what to believe, but she's going to have to figure something out soon, or she's going to have one whopper of a tail to tell.
Download or read book Sapphire Omens written by L.A. Boruff and published by The Phantom Pen. This book was released on with total page 178 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: If you wish you knew what people thought of you, to be frank, you’re a fool. I burned a lot of bridges when I fell from fame. Not only did I embarrass myself in front of the world, but my tell-all book ruined any chance I had to fix things. And why? All because of a cheating husband and a best friend who betrayed me. It wasn’t worth it. But some things happen for a reason because without my fall from fame, I never would have met Nicky. He loves me for me, and our simple life is pretty close to perfect. When I receive a letter, a chance to step back into Hollywood, to open doors I thought were closed, and possibly regain some of my wealth and fame, I should run the other way. Unfortunately for me, I’m not that smart. I thought I could fix my old reputation. I thought I could show everyone I'd changed. I was a fool. The moment I put on a beautiful necklace straight from a pirate's treasure, I can hear the terrible thoughts from everyone around me. I might just crack. Again. Once upon a time I started over, can I really do it again? Or will my greed end to the worst loss of all, that of the man I love?
Download or read book Primetime of Life Volume 2 written by L.A. Boruff and published by The Phantom Pen. This book was released on with total page 327 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Hold on to your socks, friends, Ro is headed for the sixties. Don't miss out on the exciting adventures of Rowena, the time-traveling witch assassin! And you'll be able to keep up with Cheesecake, Artie, and the ever-frustrating Fred. This book will turn you inside out, rip out your emotions, then put them back upside down. Rowena and crew are in the fight of their lives. And someone's life very well depends on it.
Download or read book Stolen Time written by L.A. Boruff and published by The Phantom Pen. This book was released on with total page 138 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Going back to the eighties as an adult is going to be fun… But it isn't all leg warmers and boom boxes. As a time-traveling witch and assassin, I have a job to do. Catch the rogue travelers and stop them from creating havoc with the timelines. With danger lurking around every corner, I’ve got to be careful. I may have found a new lease of life in my job for the agency, but that doesn't mean my body works like a twenty-year-old's would, and I still have no idea how all of my magic works. So, that’s fun. At least I have my fae dragon, Fred, and a somewhat-friendly handler, Artie, who can help me uncover the secrets of my past. It could be worse. I could have a first date to be nervous about. Oh, wait. I do. Remember Cheesecake? Yeah, that’s happening.
Download or read book Pack Bunco Night written by L.A. Boruff and published by The Phantom Pen. This book was released on 2023-04-19 with total page 164 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A bunny bit me on the finger and everything went sideways after that. That’s just the beginning of my insane life. The Fascinators, the local ladies’ club, suddenly are incredibly interested in having me join their next Bunco night, which is a thinly veiled excuse to drink and gossip. I’ve been dying to get into that group for years; why now? I’m over forty, my daughter is grown, and all I do is temp work. What’s so special about me? After I shift into a dragon, things become clearer. They’re not a Bunco group. The Fascinators are a pack of shifters. Yes, shifters. Like werewolves, except in this case, it’s weresquirrels and a wereskunk, among others. And my daughter? She wants to move home, suddenly and suspiciously. As excited as I am to have her home, why? She loves being on her own. It’s got something to do with a rough pack of predators, shifters who want to watch the world burn. I hope she’s not mixed up with the wrong crowd. There’s also a mysterious mountain man hanging around out of the blue. Where was he before the strange bunny bite? Nowhere near me, that’s for sure. Life is anything but boring. At this point, I’m just hoping that I’ll survive it all with my tail—literally—intact.
Download or read book Sleighing in the Midlife written by Lia Davis and published by The Phantom Pen. This book was released on with total page 93 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Luke Whitfield is getting pretty sick and dang tired of everyone thinking he can’t handle a few simple human skips. Okay, yeah, he messed up a couple. And that one time an elderly lady got the drop on him, but everyone screws up in the beginning, right? It’s time for Luke to branch out on his own and when Jordan sends a skip to the Bond Girls agency and nobody is there to take it, Luke decides he’s going to prove once and for all that he’s got what it takes. The skip? Oh, no big deal. It’s just Santa. Nicholas Clauson robbed a bank wearing a Santa suit. Hello, Hollywood? Is this the setup for a new Christmas movie, or what? Because this is Luke we’re talking about, nothing is going to be straightforward. He grabs Ransom for some extra muscle and off they go to take down Ol’ Saint Nick. Nicholas’s apartment is not what they expected. Especially when they walk into a closet and step out in Nar—err, The North Pole. Yep. The North Pole. Snow, elves, reindeer, fabulous shopping. Luke’s got this in stride, though. Santa’s being blackmailed by his cousin Krampus? No problem. He’s a Bond Girl now. With Ransom by his side, he can figure out anything and take down anybody. Even evil elves. Except for tights. He’s not wearing tights. Not again.`
Download or read book Wanted in the Midlife written by Lia Davis and published by The Phantom Pen. This book was released on with total page 214 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Now that the council has been dealt with, things should be coming up roses for Hailey and Jaxon. Dealing with the corruption within the vampire council was supposed to return their lives to normal, but it turns out nothing is normal in the life of a Bond Girl, and it isn't long before she realizes that downtime isn't in the cards for her or her new extended family. When Jax gets devastating news, he and Hailey will be in the fight of their lives. It turns out hunters know vampires aren't extinct, and witches aren't on their hunting list anymore. And the matriarch of the hunters? She's fierce, not taking any ish, and wants every last vampire dead. Convincing the hunters not to attack, or figuring out how to be stronger, faster, and deadlier than ever, are the only options Hailey and Jax have. When the council puts a bounty on vampire rogues, Hailey's who they'll count on to bring them all in with the help of her trusty friends and brother, who suddenly thinks he's going to be the best bounty hunter the vampire world has ever seen. Yeah, this is going to go well. If that wasn't enough, they still have to figure out what to do about Paige and Claudia, Kendra burning the candle at both ends, and Goldie's missing family. A little shifter has no business being raised by vampires, right? Something clearly has to give, but they're determined that it won't be them. After all, they're a team, and they're going to face everything together because that's exactly what teams do.
Download or read book Secret Witches written by L.A. Boruff and published by The Phantom Pen. This book was released on 2023-08-23 with total page 209 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Cate, Heather, and Rae Bellarose move back home to Cave River, Arizona to fulfill the terms of their grandfather’s will to work together for one year in their family’s cafe and cat rescue. If they succeed, they get a big pile of money. If they fail, they go back to their regular lives, no worse off. This should be a breeze. Cate is determined to make it work, whatever it takes. Too much money is at stake. Off the bat, things are beyond strange. She keeps seeing impossibilities that she can’t explain. Floating feather dusters, lights that aren’t there. Then, all the plants in town die. Something is way off. Cate and her sisters discover an ancient book in a hidden room in the family’s mansion. That’s when things really get weird. Suddenly, Cate has powers! So do her sisters, daughter, nieces, and aunts! Also, some insane warlock is trying to buy the whole town and that sends up red flags in all directions. The sisters need to find out why and how to stop him or they might lose the money before they get a chance to inherit it.
Download or read book Masquerade in the Midlife written by Lia Davis and published by The Phantom Pen. This book was released on with total page 308 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Forty and fanged. That’s only half of who Hailey Whitfield is. She’s also a bounty hunter and the true mate to the vampire master who made her. The latter is something she isn’t sure she is ready for. She’d previously sworn off marriage. Never again. A true mating bond, though, seems like so much more than a marriage! She has two months to figure out the bonding thing and she plans to put a pin in it for now. A more important mission had come up. Her friend and fellow bounty hunter, Chloe, is missing, and it’s up to the Bond Girls to bring her home. The case takes a dangerous turn that sends Hailey and her team undercover to get an invite to the largest masquerade ball on the east coast. Is it wrong to be excited about the ball and scared for her friend at the same time? Probably. But Hailey is taking the world by storm, one case at a time.
Download or read book Ransomed in the Midlife written by Lia Davis and published by The Phantom Pen. This book was released on 2023-06-28 with total page 211 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Ransom has been kidnapped. Let me say it again. Ransom has been kidnapped! Months have passed, and Luke and Hailey are no closer to finding Ransom than they were on the day he disappeared. They’ve called in every favor, left no stones unturned, and yet still no Ransom. No Pete. No Izora. Hailey is worried about Luke. He’s withdrawn into himself, getting more and more depressed with every day that goes by without his mate. When all seems lost, Kendra comes through with a spell to help Luke remember a very important detail. Once he does, oh boy, look out. All Hell breaks loose. They find something all right. It’s not Ransom, but it’s big. Unfortunately, it distracts them from the most important thing in the world: finding Ransom. Eventually, an unlikely set of heroes arrive with their mystical witch’s broom to help them locate Ransom. The question is, once they find him, what do they do about Pete, Izora, and the big distraction they’ve been dealing with? Luke will find a way, with Hailey by his side. He’ll take them apart piece by piece if he has to. They won’t get away with taking his mate.
Download or read book Primetime of Life written by L.A. Boruff and published by The Phantom Pen. This book was released on with total page 779 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: You don’t have to be a witch to travel through time, but it helps! I've always known I was adopted. It never mattered much...until my birth mother died. I inherited a new power from the mysterious woman. But now she’s dead and I, despite the fact that I have exactly zero training, I’m the next time-traveling assassin. Don’t get excited. The job sounds glamorous, but it comes with a huge learning curve and plenty of mishaps. Then there’s having to actually assassinate people. That part sucks. It could be worse. I could still be working retail.
