Download or read book The Not Quite Biggest Ever Tim Vine Joke Book written by Tim Vine and published by Random House. This book was released on 2012-02-29 with total page 208 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Comedian and TV star, Tim Vine, will have you laughing for hours with this new, abridged version of his hilarious joke book . . . Velcro. What a rip off. Why do you never see an elephant on a bus? Because he's got a massive bum. So I went to the doctors. I said, 'I got hurt in a pillow fight.' He said, 'You've got concushion.' Believe it or not there are twice as many eyebrows in the world as there are people I tried to surf the Internet and I fell off my chair Read it to find these funny puns, plus many more original jokes and illustrations. You won't be able to put it down!

Download or read book The Biggest Ever Tim Vine Joke Book written by Tim Vine and published by Random House. This book was released on 2010-09-30 with total page 322 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The irrepressible, hysterical, puntastical Tim Vine, star of stage and screen, treats all of us here in his first joke book. Packed full of zingers and hilarious illustrations, if this doesn't put a smile on your face, nothing will. What's not to like: The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it. I'm against hunting. I'm actually a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox. I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one. Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'. He said 'You're closest.' Velcro. What a rip-off. Black Beauty. He's a dark horse. I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.

Download or read book Focus On 100 Most Popular English Male Comedians written by Wikipedia contributors and published by e-artnow sro. This book was released on with total page 976 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt:

Download or read book The Mammoth Book of One Liners written by Geoff Tibballs and published by Robinson. This book was released on 2012-06-07 with total page 607 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A collection of 10,000 side-splitting one-line jokes arranged in categories from bestselling humour editor Geoff Tibballs. 'Is my wife dissatisfied with my body? A small part of me says yes.' 'Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.' 'I read somewhere that 26 is too old to still live with your parents. It was on a note, in my room.'

Download or read book The Tim Vine Bumper Book of Silliness written by Tim Vine and published by Hachette UK. This book was released on 2013-10-10 with total page 128 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Comedian and TV star Tim Vine delivers a jam-packed, laugh-a-minute assortment of hilarious silliness. Welcome to THE TIM VINE BUMPER BOOK OF SILLINESS. Put your 3D glasses on now. And then remove them because they won't make any difference. This is a bit like an annual. Annual love it. It's filled with silly jokes, daft quizzes, zany pictures and other silly stuff too. We live in a very serious world but now and again it's good to forget about that and say things like 'lozenge waffle' or 'giraffe sprocket'. Ideally to a stranger.

Download or read book Gagged and Bound written by Nick Jones and published by Full Media Ltd. This book was released on 2015-06-15 with total page 133 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Gagged and Bound is a riotous, rapid-fire collection of over 500 original gags written by pun-loving jokesmith Nick Jones. With a mixture of witty one-liners, playful puns and dubious dad jokes, coupled with some great visual gags illustrated by Tiffany Sheely, Gagged and Bound will leave you grinning like a maniac – so probably best not to read it while travelling on public transport. "It’s what it says on the tin: a succession of one-liners, puns and dad jokes going at your laughing muscles in a joyously pell-mell, headlong way. It’s irresistible." - The Bookbag "I would recommend this book to anyone looking for a joke book that’s varied and full of easy one-liners." - Reader’s Favorite "This is a very funny book" - Red City Review Jokes include: When I’m in the kitchen with my wife and I ask her for the sieve, she always throws it at me. She’s pass-sieve aggressive. What happens when herbs get into debt? They receive a visit from the bay leaf. Every dog has its day. It’s called International Dog Day. I’ve written a self-help book for people trying to lose weight but it hasn’t been very successful. It’s called Help Yourself.

Download or read book The Best Joke Book Period written by William Donohue and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2014-11 with total page 208 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Discover hundreds of jokes for every occasion! Why was the limbo dancer shocked when his wallet was stolen right out of his back pocket? Because he didn't think anyone could stoop so low. The ultimate collection of the world’s greatest funnies, The Best Joke Book (Period) keeps you laughing for hours on end. Inside, you'll find hundreds of jokes that are guaranteed to stir up a room full of smiles, including knock-knocks, witty puns, and one-liners. Complete with hilarious quotes from celebrities like Jon Stewart, Lewis Black, and Jerry Seinfeld, everyone will revel in each gut-busting moment. So whether you’re looking to add a few jokes to your repertoire, impress your buds, or improve your banter, this sidesplitting book arms you with the perfect joke for any occasion!

Download or read book Les Dawson s Joke Book written by Les Dawson and published by Michael O'Mara Books. This book was released on 2012-11-03 with total page 120 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The first-ever joke book from one of the UK's best-loved comedians, Les Dawson's Joke Book is a must for any fan of this perennially popular comedian.

Download or read book Pundamentalist written by Gary Delaney and published by Headline. This book was released on 2022-09-29 with total page 224 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: 'For a collection of good old-fashioned gags, it's one of the best out there, a rich buffet of inventive wordplay that's best savoured a little at a time to fully appreciate the joy of these perfectly-constructed morsels. For original, hilarious gags you'll want to share, this is the real deal.' - Chortle 'A rollicking joyride. . . Pundamentalist has puns for the whole family: rude ones, daft ones, deft ones, stinkers and absolute belters.' - British Comedy Guide Gary Delaney, one-liner extraordinaire, has appeared on shows like Mock the Week and written for the likes of Jimmy Carr, Jason Manford, and James Corden. Now, for the first time, comes the first collection of his finest jokes. Featuring the likes of: Garden centres can't reopen fast enough for me, I've been living on borrowed thyme. We can't even afford a garden, so when my girlfriend bought us a trampoline I hit the roof. Sure everyone cares about straws killing dolphins now, but they've been breaking camels' backs for years. Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, which explains why Prince Andrew is so stupid. Sad news: The British simile champion has died. We shall not see his like again. My mom doesn't trust my dad's secretary. I asked her why, and she just said 'I've seen her type before'. Today someone told me that I look good with a salt 'n' pepper beard, so I took that as a condiment. My French pen friend just said 'Le Monde', which means the world to me. Can anyone tell me what FOMO stands for? Everyone else seems to know. Actors have got Equity, Magicians have got the Magic Circle, but it's a shame ventriloquists don't have anyone to speak for them. Does anyone know if it's safe to dye your pubes? It's a bit of a grey area. And make sure you look out for Gary's next book, about Stockholm Syndrome: it starts off badly but by the end you'll really enjoy it . . .

Download or read book I Love Jesus But I Want to Die written by Sarah J. Robinson and published by WaterBrook. This book was released on 2021-05-11 with total page 257 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A compassionate, shame-free guide for your darkest days “A one-of-a-kind book . . . to read for yourself or give to a struggling friend or loved one without the fear that depression and suicidal thoughts will be minimized, medicalized or over-spiritualized.”—Kay Warren, cofounder of Saddleback Church What happens when loving Jesus doesn’t cure you of depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts? You might be crushed by shame over your mental illness, only to be told by well-meaning Christians to “choose joy” and “pray more.” So you beg God to take away the pain, but nothing eases the ache inside. As darkness lingers and color drains from your world, you’re left wondering if God has abandoned you. You just want a way out. But there’s hope. In I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die, Sarah J. Robinson offers a healthy, practical, and shame-free guide for Christians struggling with mental illness. With unflinching honesty, Sarah shares her story of battling depression and fighting to stay alive despite toxic theology that made her afraid to seek help outside the church. Pairing her own story with scriptural insights, mental health research, and simple practices, Sarah helps you reconnect with the God who is present in our deepest anguish and discover that you are worth everything it takes to get better. Beautifully written and full of hard-won wisdom, I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die offers a path toward a rich, hope-filled life in Christ, even when healing doesn’t look like what you expect.

Download or read book Man Walks Into a Bar written by Stephen Arnott and published by Random House. This book was released on 2004 with total page 578 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Aimed at anyone who likes to hear and tell jokes. This work organises the jokes thematically - wives, husbands, doctors, lawyers, the French, the Germans, jokes about nuns, jokes about monkeys, and more.

Download or read book Hysterical History written by Chuck Whelon and published by The Rosen Publishing Group, Inc. This book was released on 2018-07-15 with total page 34 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Can history be funny? With this entertaining joke book it sure can be. This hilarious volume is brimming with jokes about the past that will have readers laughing with glee. Each silly joke will amuse readers of many ages and may also help some become more interested in history. An easy-to-follow layout and hysterical illustrations will draw in even reluctant readers. These high-interest, age-appropriate jokes are an excellent way to get young learners interested in reading.

Download or read book The Importance of Being Funny written by Al Gini and published by Rowman & Littlefield. This book was released on 2017-07-25 with total page 169 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: When E. B. White said “analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog; few people are interested and the frog dies,” he hadn’t seen Al Gini’s hilarious, incisive, and informative take on jokes, joke-telling, and the jokers who tell jokes. For Gini, humor is more than just foolish fun: it serves as a safety valve for dealing with reality that gives us the courage to endure that which we cannot understand or avoid. Not everyone tells jokes. Not everyone gets a joke, even a good one. But, Gini argues, joke-telling can act as both a sword and a shield to defend us from reality. As the late, great stand-up comic Joan Rivers put it: ‘If you can laugh at it, you can live with it!’ This book is for anyone who enjoys a good laugh, but also wants to know why.

Download or read book Harry Hill s Whopping Great Joke Book written by Harry Hill and published by Faber & Faber. This book was released on 2008-11-20 with total page 300 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A treat for Harry Hill fans! Britain's favourite comedian, Harry Hill, loves jokes so much that he has put together a side-splitting joke book for all the family. Containing Harry's favourite jokes picked from the world's joke archive, it also features jokes written by Harry, including some brand-new ones written specially for this book.

Download or read book Tommy Cooper All In One Joke Book written by Tommy Cooper and published by Random House. This book was released on 2014-10-09 with total page 405 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: My wife is a magician, yesterday she turned our car into a tree. A big white horse walks into a pub. The barman says, 'we have a drink named after you.' The horse says, 'what? Eric?' I said, 'waiter, what's that in my soup?' he said, 'I'd better call the boss, I can't tell one insect from another.' I'm reading a book called 'Sex Before 20'. Personally I don't like audiences. I said, 'it's serious, doctor, I've broken my arm in 20 places'. He said, 'well stop going to those places.' I call my car flattery. It gets me nowhere.

Download or read book Ends of the Earth written by Tim Downs and published by Thomas Nelson. This book was released on 2009-09-14 with total page 370 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Nick Polchak must stop a terrorist from causing a global ecological nightmare. Two beautiful women from Nick's past are competing for his heart. He's not sure which impending disaster makes him more nervous. When forensic entomologist Nick Polchak is called to the scene of a murder on a small organic farm in North Carolina he is astonished to find that the victim's estranged wife is an old friend, a woman he once worked withùa woman he once had feelings for. When she asks Nick to investigate her husband's drug-related murder, Nick seeks the assistance of Alena Savard, the reclusive dog trainer known to the people of northern Virginia as the Witch of Endor. Alena jumps at the chance to renew her relationship with Nickùbut when she arrives in North Carolina she discovers that she's not the only woman who has her eye on the Bug Man. Soon Nick finds his usually analytical mind clouded by thoughts of a strangely human nature. These two women have stirred feelings that he can't quite fathom, feelings of lost opportunities and future possibilities . . . Now Nick must navigate the unexplored territory of his own heart while he solves an agroterrorist's plot to ignite an environmental holocaust that could spread to the ends of the earth.

Download or read book How to Live Safely in a Science Fictional Universe Enhanced Edition written by Charles Yu and published by Knopf. This book was released on 2010-09-07 with total page 257 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: This enhanced eBook includes video, audio, photographic, and linked content, as well as a bonus short story. Hear TAMMY talk. Learn the origins of Minor Universe 31. See the TM-31. Take a trip in it. Photos and illustrations appear as hyperlinked endnotes. Video and audio are embedded directly in text. *Video and audio may not play on all readers. Check your user manual for details. National Book Foundation 5 Under 35 Award winner Charles Yu delivers his debut novel, a razor-sharp, ridiculously funny, and utterly touching story of a son searching for his father . . . through quantum space–time. Minor Universe 31 is a vast story-space on the outskirts of fiction, where paradox fluctuates like the stock market, lonely sexbots beckon failed protagonists, and time travel is serious business. Every day, people get into time machines and try to do the one thing they should never do: change the past. That’s where Charles Yu, time travel technician—part counselor, part gadget repair man—steps in. He helps save people from themselves. Literally. When he’s not taking client calls or consoling his boss, Phil, who could really use an upgrade, Yu visits his mother (stuck in a one-hour cycle of time, she makes dinner over and over and over) and searches for his father, who invented time travel and then vanished. Accompanied by TAMMY, an operating system with low self-esteem, and Ed, a nonexistent but ontologically valid dog, Yu sets out, and back, and beyond, in order to find the one day where he and his father can meet in memory. He learns that the key may be found in a book he got from his future self. It’s called How to Live Safely in a Science Fictional Universe, and he’s the author. And somewhere inside it is the information that could help him—in fact it may even save his life. Wildly new and adventurous, Yu’s debut is certain to send shock waves of wonder through literary space–time.