Download or read book The Government Manual for New Wizards written by Matthew David Brozik and published by Andrews McMeel Publishing. This book was released on 2009-01-01 with total page 196 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The comedic duo behind The Government Manual for New Superheroes is back, and this time they've brought their magic wands and enchanted artifacts. The Government Manual for New Wizards is a hilarious, mock-official handbook for wannabe witches and warlocks who need advice on recognizing the onset of wizardolescence, understanding the laws of magic (and the magic of laws), choosing (or being chosen by) the right magical items and enchanted artifacts, dealing with the dead (grateful and otherwise), successfully hosting magical exhibitions, and the proper care and feeding of magical creatures. Wands, charms, cloaks of invisibility, shoes of stealth (or sneakers), and other otherworldly accoutrements--it's all here, discussed tongue-in-cheek but with the utmost Governmental authority. This entertaining guide offers such sage advice as: * A demon is just as afraid of you as you are of it--provided, of course, that you are eight feet tall, composed of living fire, and capable of destroying a small village with a single angry thought. Otherwise, it doesn't find you frightening at all. * When selecting educational programs, do not be tempted by solicitations from wizardry parchment mills. A so-called degree from such a place is not worth the scroll on which it appears to be inscribed. The ink will disappear not long after the school itself does. The Government Manual for New Wizards is a sidesplitting spoof of all things wizard-y.
Download or read book The Government Manual for New Superheroes written by Matthew David Brozik and published by Andrews McMeel Publishing. This book was released on 2009-01-01 with total page 161 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The government provides manuals for new home-owners and new motor vehicle operators, but what's a new superhero to do? Ka-POW! The Government Manual for New Superheroes rushes in to save the day! The Government Manual for New Superheroes is a hilarious, mock-official handbook that offers thorough, accessible, and completely zany advice for anyone who has always dreamed of donning a skintight spandex uniform and leaping across the rooftops of their cities. Going well beyond tights and capes, this manual provides insight into choosing a name, constructing a costume, choosing the right supertools of the supertrade, establishing a base of operations, maintaining a secret identity, taking or becoming a sidekick, joining a superheroic team, and even finding that special someone who gives meaning to a superhero's life--a nemesis. Extra features include a roster of superhero unions, a registration application, several useful charts and tips, and even a list of other government-sponsored periodicals for further reading. Destined to become a cult classic, The Government Manual for New Superheroes is an essential guide for every aspiring superhero.
Download or read book The Government Manual for New Pirates written by Matthew David Brozik and published by Andrews McMeel Publishing. This book was released on 2009-01-01 with total page 144 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: There be no callin' 'dibs' in piratin'. Booty be divided among the crew, from the lowest deckswabber to the highest masthand. So says the Pirate Code." --Calico Jack Rackham, king of the pirates * Enjoy a witty mock-official handbook for potential pirates and plunderers. Matthew David Brozik and Jacob Sager Weinstein continue to spoof those uber-utilitarian survival and how-to guides by offering this pithy pirating primer for budding buccaneers. This treasure trove of Pirate Code imparts wisdom on eye patches and tricorner hats, talking the talk, walking the walk (down the plank, that is), appropriate ship names, dueling, avoiding cursed treasure, and much more.
Download or read book The Ultimate Guide to the Harry Potter Fandom written by Erin Anne Pyne and published by What The Flux Comics Publis. This book was released on 2010 with total page 329 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt:
Download or read book How Not to Kill Your Baby written by Jacob Sager Weinstein and published by Andrews McMeel Publishing. This book was released on 2012-03-20 with total page 137 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: This tongue-in-cheek parenting book is a hilarious parody of every fear-mongering, crazy-making pregnancy and parenting manual parents have ever cringed over.
Download or read book Alice Freda Forever written by Alexis Coe and published by Millbrook Press. This book was released on 2019-08-01 with total page 280 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Alice + Freda Forever is a gut-wrenching story of love, death, and the dangers of intolerance."—Bustle In 1892, America was obsessed with a teenage murderess, but it wasn't her crime that shocked the nation—it was her motivation. Nineteen-year-old Alice Mitchell had planned to pass as a man in order to marry her seventeen-year-old fiancée Freda Ward, but when their love letters were discovered, they were forbidden from ever speaking again. Freda adjusted to this fate with an ease that stunned a heartbroken Alice. Her desperation grew with each unanswered letter—and her father's razor soon went missing. On January 25, Alice publicly slashed her ex-fiancée's throat. Her same-sex love was deemed insane by her father that very night, and medical experts agreed: This was a dangerous and incurable perversion. As the courtroom was expanded to accommodate national interest, Alice spent months in jail—including the night that three of her fellow prisoners were lynched (an event which captured the attention of journalist and civil rights activist Ida B. Wells). After a jury of "the finest men in Memphis" declared Alice insane, she was remanded to an asylum, where she died under mysterious circumstances just a few years later. Alice + Freda Forever recounts this tragic, real-life love story with over 100 illustrated love letters, maps, artifacts, historical documents, newspaper articles, courtroom proceedings, and intimate, domestic scenes.
Download or read book Untwine written by Edwidge Danticat and published by Scholastic Inc.. This book was released on 2015-09-29 with total page 250 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: “A genuinely moving exploration of the pain of separation” from the New York Times-bestselling author and National Book Award finalist (The New York Times Book Review). NAACP Image Awards Outstanding Literary Work 2015 VOYA Magazine Perfect Ten CCBC Choices List Selection Bank Street College of Education Best Children’s Books of the Year, 2016 New York Public Library Best Books for Teens Selection Giselle Boyer and her identical twin, Isabelle, are as close as sisters can be, even as their family seems to be unraveling. Then the Boyers have a tragic encounter that will shatter everyone’s world forever. Giselle wakes up in the hospital, injured and unable to speak or move. Trapped in the prison of her own body, Giselle must revisit her past in order to understand how the people closest to her—her friends, her parents, and above all, Isabelle, her twin—have shaped and defined her. Will she allow her love for her family and friends to lead her to recovery? Or will she remain lost in a spiral of longing and regret? Untwine is a spellbinding tale, lyrical and filled with love, mystery, humor, and heartbreak. Award-winning author Edwidge Danticat brings her extraordinary talent to this graceful and unflinching examination of the bonds of friendship, romance, family, the horrors of loss, and the strength we must discover in ourselves when all seems hopeless. “While Danticat fully grounds Giselle in her identity as a Haitian-American teen in Miami, this gentle young artist could speak to any teen anywhere coping with a major loss.” —The Philadelphia Inquirer
Download or read book The Little SAS Enterprise Guide Book written by Susan J. Slaughter and published by SAS Institute. This book was released on 2017-03-22 with total page 330 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Learning to use SAS Enterprise Guide has never been easier! Whether you are using SAS Enterprise Guide for the first time, or are looking to expand your skills, this is the book for you! With The Little SAS Enterprise Guide Book, award-winning authors Susan Slaughter and Lora Delwiche help you quickly become productive in the SAS Enterprise Guide point-and-click environment. A series of carefully designed tutorials help you master the basics of the tasks you'll want to do most frequently. The reference section of the book expands on the tutorial topics, covering specific features in more depth. This edition has been completely rewritten, and updated with new features in SAS Enterprise Guide.
Download or read book A Wizard s Guide to Defensive Baking written by T. Kingfisher and published by . This book was released on 2020-07-21 with total page pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Fourteen-year-old Mona isn't like the wizards charged with defending the city. She can't control lightning or speak to water. Her familiar is a sourdough starter and her magic only works on bread. She has a comfortable life in her aunt's bakery making gingerbread men dance.But Mona's life is turned upside down when she finds a dead body on the bakery floor. An assassin is stalking the streets of Mona's city, preying on magic folk, and it appears that Mona is his next target. And in an embattled city suddenly bereft of wizards, the assassin may be the least of Mona's worries¿
Download or read book The Ordinary Princess written by M. M. Kaye and published by Penguin. This book was released on 2002-03-18 with total page 93 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Along with Wit, Charm, Health, and Courage, Princess Amy of Phantasmorania receives a special fairy christening gift: Ordinariness. Unlike her six beautiful sisters, she has brown hair and freckles, and would rather have adventures than play the harp, embroider tapestries . . . or become a Queen. When her royal parents try to marry her off, Amy runs away and, because she's so ordinary, easily becomes the fourteenth assistant kitchen maid at a neighboring palace. And there . . . much to everyone's surprise . . . she meets a prince just as ordinary (and special) as she is! "This delightful fairy tale is sure to please young romantics . . . Neither Kaye's princess nor her book should be considered ordinary." (School Library Journal)
Download or read book How Not to Kill Your Baby written by Jacob Sager Weinstein and published by Andrews McMeel Publishing. This book was released on 2012-03-20 with total page 137 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: "This laugh-out-loud hilarious book is mandatory reading for parents, and should be taught in schools as the "cautionary tale" portion of Sex Ed. Run don't walk to buy it, and if you're a baby with lethal parents, crawl don't roll." --Rob Kutner (writer, The Daily Show, Conan, The Future According To Me) "Unlike babies themselves, copies of Jacob Sager Weinstein's book can be bought and sold on the open market. Buy two and bring joy and laughter to the lives of a copy-less couple." --Jose Arroyo (writer, Conan) "The "s-a-g-e" in Jacob's middle moniker indicates exactly that. He is a whimsically wise and hysterically funny fellow whom any child (or book buying adult) would be wise to listen to." --Dennis Miller "If you don't buy this book and then your baby dies, how are you going to feel? Pretty bad, I imagine." --Larry Doyle (writer, I Love You Beth Cooper; Go, Mutants!; The Simpsons) Have you ever read a parenting book that left you feeling inadequate and/or terrified? In other words, have you ever read any parenting book whatsoever? If so, you need How Not To Kill Your Baby, a hilarious parody of every fear-mongering, crazy-making pregnancy and parenting manual you've ever cringed over. Just consider the following advice: * "As you know if you have ever seen someone give birth in a movie or television show, all newborns emerge with adorable round faces, pudgy limbs, and twinkling eyes. If, by contrast, the nurse hands you a tiny, squawling creature with the face of an old man and skin covered in goo, hand it back immediately. There has clearly been some sort of mixup with a nearby ward for senile midgets." * "It's essential that you keep careful track of your baby's every bodily function. That way, when she is president of the United States and a paranoid-minded conspiracy movement springs up denying her eligibility for the position, you will have documentary proof that she did, in fact, poop on U.S. soil at 8:23AM on February 23." * "When choosing a nursery school, make sure to visit first, and ask the teachers about their educational philosophies. Then ask about their criminal records. If they insist they have none, you may need to keep asking, perhaps while shining a bright light in their face. Also, take their fingerprints, then follow them home from a discreet distance and go through their trash. Oh, and don't forget to thank them for their dedication to helping the young!" * "It is easy to adjust your parenting techniques as your children grow: simply do and say the exact same things, but raise your voice by one decibel for every year of your child's age." How Not To Kill Your Baby is printed on child-safe, 100% piranha-free paper, and bound without the use of exploding staples. You'll get no such promise from What To Expect When You're Expecting. How Not To Kill Your Baby is the book for you... unless you're some kind of baby-hating creep who wants to parent all wrong.
Download or read book Computerworld written by and published by . This book was released on 1997-11-10 with total page 112 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: For more than 40 years, Computerworld has been the leading source of technology news and information for IT influencers worldwide. Computerworld's award-winning Web site (Computerworld.com), twice-monthly publication, focused conference series and custom research form the hub of the world's largest global IT media network.
Download or read book Taking Flight written by Merrick Rosenberg and published by FT Press. This book was released on 2012-11-04 with total page 168 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Use DISC to discover profound hidden patterns of human behavioral style, gain deeper self-awareness, maximize your personal strengths, and influence others more powerfully than ever before! Taking Flight illuminates the proven DISC four-style model of human behavior, and shows how to use it to become a far more effective leader, salesperson, or teacher; revitalize your career; build deeper personal relationships; fully leverage your natural gifts, and empower everyone around you. Drawing on their immense experience coaching executives and training world-class organizations, Merrick Rosenberg and Daniel Silvert introduce DISC through a fable that's quick, fun, and easy-to-understand. You'll discover why you "click" with some people and "clank" with others, and what really drives your decisions and actions. You'll learn exactly how to identify others' behavioral styles and choose the best ways to interact with them. You'll walk through creating a personal action plan for improvement -- and then systematically making the most of your strengths, working around your weaknesses, and supercharging your personal performance! If you're already familiar with DISC, this book will help you use it more effectively than ever before. If you're new to DISC, it will change your life -- just as it has for thousands before you!
Download or read book The Guide to Writing Fantasy and Science Fiction written by Philip Athans and published by Adams Media. This book was released on 2010-07-18 with total page 256 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Science fiction and fantasy is one of the most challenging—and rewarding—genres to write. But with New York Times bestselling author Philip Athans and fantasy giant R. A. Salvatore at your side, you’ll create worlds that draw your readers in—and keep them reading! Drawing on his years of experience as one of the most acclaimed professionals in publishing, Wizards of the Coast editor Athans explains how to set your novel apart and break into this lucrative field. From devising clever plots and building complex characters to inventing original technologies and crafting alien civilizations, Athans gives you the techniques you need to write strong, saleable narratives. Athans applies all of these critical lessons together in an unprecedented deconstruction of a never-before-published tale by the one and only R. A. Salvatore! There are books on writing science fiction and fantasy, and then there’s this book—the only one you need to create strange, wonderful worlds for your own universe of readers.
Download or read book Ogl Ancients written by Adrian Bott and published by Mongoose Publishing. This book was released on 2004-02 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A new D20 RPG from Mongoose, set in the hugely popular Ancient world .
Download or read book How to Care for Your Cat written by Janet Skiles and published by Courier Corporation. This book was released on 2013-04-09 with total page 36 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: This coloring book is a fun-to-follow guide for every family that owns a cat or is considering adopting one. Simple pictures and clear, concise captions teach smart, safe ways for children to interact and bond with their pets. Tips include the importance of vaccinations, fresh water and food, and litter-box cleanliness, as well as suggestions for grooming and training.
Download or read book The Publishers Weekly written by and published by . This book was released on 2006 with total page 984 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt:
