Download or read book Reader s Digest Dumb Dad Stories written by Editors of Readers Digest and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2020-04-07 with total page 266 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The Editors of Reader’s Digest present a hilarious collection of dumb people doing dumb things. Every day in America we are bombarded by stupidity; sometimes we just shake our heads, but most of the time we get a good laugh out of the really dumb things people do and say. In this collection of dumb stories we poke a little fun at the unbelievably dumb things that happen in our lives and have a good chuckle along the way. You’re a dumb criminal if…you’re not picky about your office locations. Christopher Exley of Everett, Washington, was arrested for conducting a drug deal over the phone—in the bathroom of the Everett Police Department. During my brother-in-law’s first performance review, his boss said, “I’m not quite sure what it is you do here. But whatever it is, could you do it faster?” --Jeanie Waara, Philip, SD In an attempt to balance work and motherhood, I delegated the grocery shopping to my young babysitter. But the job proved a tad daunting. One day while I was at work, she texted me from the supermarket. “Can’t find Brillo pads,” she wrote. “All they have are Tampax and Kotex.” --Kimberly Clark, Alpharetta, GA I overheard an elderly gentleman tell his friend that he couldn’t meet him the next day because he had to go to the hospital for an autopsy. His friend was sympathetic: “I had one of those last year. Luckily it wasn’t serious.” --Tracy Moralee, Hitchin, Great Britain

Download or read book The Dumb Book written by Editors of Readers Digest and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2014-03-18 with total page 214 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The old adage truth is stranger than fiction can also be construed as truth is funnier than fiction and we see no shortage of real people doing and saying dumb things and making us laugh in the process. The Editors of Reader’s Digest present a hilarious collection of dumb people doing dumb things. Every day in America we are bombarded by stupidity; sometimes we just shake our heads, but most of the time we get a good laugh out of the really dumb things people do and say. In our first collection of dumb stories we poke a little fun at the unbelievably dumb things that happen in our lives and have a good chuckle along the way. “You’re a dumb criminal if…You’re not picky about your office locations. Christopher Exley of Everett, Washington, was arrested for conducting a drug deal over the phone—in the bathroom of the Everett Police Department.” “During my brother-in-law’s first performance review, his boss said, “I’m not quite sure what it is you do here. But whatever it is, could you do it faster?” --Jeanie Waara, Philip, SD “In an attempt to balance work and motherhood, I delegated the grocery shopping to my young babysitter. But the job proved a tad daunting. One day while I was at work, she texted me from the supermarket. “Can’t find Brillo pads,” she wrote. “All they have are Tampax and Kotex.” --Kimberly Clark, Alpharetta, GA “I overheard an elderly gentleman tell his friend that he couldn’t meet him the next day because he had to go to the hospital for an autopsy. His friend was sympathetic: “I had one of those last year. Luckily it wasn’t serious.” --Tracy Moralee, Hitchin, Great Britain

Download or read book Dad Is Fat written by Jim Gaffigan and published by Crown Archetype. This book was released on 2013-05-07 with total page 290 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Jim Gaffigan never imagined he would have his own kids. Though he grew up in a large Irish-Catholic family, Jim was satisfied with the nomadic, nocturnal life of a standup comedian, and was content to be "that weird uncle who lives in an apartment by himself in New York that everyone in the family speculates about." But all that changed when he married and found out his wife, Jeannie "is someone who gets pregnant looking at babies." Five kids later, the comedian whose riffs on everything from Hot Pockets to Jesus have scored millions of hits on YouTube, started to tweet about the mistakes and victories of his life as a dad. Those tweets struck such a chord that he soon passed the million followers mark. But it turns out 140 characters are not enough to express all the joys and horrors of life with five kids, so he's now sharing it all in Dad Is Fat. From new parents to empty nesters to Jim's twenty-something fans, everyone will recognize their own families in these hilarious takes on everything from cousins ("celebrities for little kids") to growing up in a big family ("I always assumed my father had six children so he could have a sufficient lawn crew") to changing diapers in the middle of the night ("like The Hurt Locker but much more dangerous") to bedtime (aka "Negotiating with Terrorists"). Dad is Fat is sharply observed, explosively funny, and a cry for help from a man who has realized he and his wife are outnumbered in their own home.

Download or read book Reader s Digest Laughter is the Best Medicine All Time Favorites written by Reader's Digest and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2022-04-05 with total page 328 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A hilarious collection of the funniest family-friendly jokes, quotes, stories, cartoons, and anecdotes from the past 100 years of Reader’s Digest magazine. A little chuckle every day will keep the doctor away. Editors have mined the Reader’s Digest archives to bring you Laughter Is the Best Medicine, All-Time Favorites, a collection of the most hilarious jokes and anecdotes we’ve come across over the years. As you turn the pages of our newest collection, you’ll realize once again that laughter is always the best medicine. If evolution really works, how come mothers have only two hands? –Milton Berle The game card said: “Name three wars.” My teenage daughter’s response: “Civil War, Revolutionary War, and Star Wars.” Keep your temper. Nobody wants it. –Dearborn Independent Check out this billion-dollar idea. A smoke detector that shuts off when you yell, “I’m just cooking!” Anthropologists have discovered a 50-million-year-old human skull with three perfectly preserved teeth intact. They're not sure, but they think it may be the remains of the very first hockey player. –Jay Leno This collection of laugh-out-loud, clean jokes, one-liners, and other lighthearted glimpses of life—drawn from Reader’s Digest magazine’s most popular humor columns—is sure to tickle the funny bone. Packed with cartoons, quotes, quips, and stories contributed by professional comedians, joke writers, and readers of the magazine, this side-splitting compilation pokes fun at the facts and foibles of daily routines, illustrating that life is often funnier than fiction.

Download or read book Reader s Digest Dumb Dad Jokes written by Reader's Digest and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2019-05-07 with total page 232 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Is your dad funny? Is he funny looking? Just kidding. In the Reader's Digest Dumb Dad Jokes we have compiled some of the funniest jokes, riddles, and one-liners that can be shared across generations, around the dinner table or the campfire. Truly, there's something for everyone from 6 to 106. "Knock! Knock! Who's there? Justin. Justin who? Justin the neighborhood and thought I'd come over." Most dads get their best material from their families. And that's what we have here: a collection of riddles, jokes, one-liners, hilarious anecdotes and pointed wit that see families for what they truly are--our chief source of amusement! Reader's Digest has a long tradition of providing our readers with laughter through our many columns in the magazine. This collection is pulled right from that humorous source. "Did you hear that NASA has launched several cows into orbit? It was the herd shot around the world!"

Download or read book Reader s Digest Fun Jokes for Funny Kids vol 3 written by Reader's Digest and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2020-09-22 with total page 93 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Loaded with knock knock jokes, riddles, one liners, tongue twisters and puns, Fun Jokes for Funny Kids Vol. 3 will give kids hours of new material. They will keep their friends and family rolling in laughter. Perfect for kids 6-12. Knock knock jokes, riddles, tongue twisters, one liners and puns gauranteed to make your kids -and you- laugh out loud. Icon's for Alexa's Favorites denote her hand picked, favorite jokes. Alexa, a real life 4th grader from new York who loves telling jokes, is our resident guest editor!

Download or read book Readers Digest Funny Family Jokes written by Editors at Reader's Digest and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2014-10-21 with total page 262 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: In the Reader's Digest Funny Family Jokes we have compiled some of the funniest jokes, riddles, and one-liners that can be shared across generations, around the dinner table or the campfire. Truly, there's something for everyone from 9 to 99. "Knock! Knock! Who's there? Justin. Justin who? Justin the neighborhood and thought I'd come over." Reader's Digest has a long tradition of providing our readers with laughter through our many humor features. In the Reader's Digest Funny Family Jokes we have compiled some of the funniest jokes, riddles, and one-liners that can be shared across generations, around the dinner table or the campfire. Truly, there's something for everyone from 9 to 99. We hope you and your family will take the time to read, share and laugh together. Did you hear that NASA has launched several cows into orbit? It was the herd shot around the world.

Download or read book The Official John Wayne Big Book of Dad Jokes written by Jeremy Brown and published by Media Lab Books. This book was released on 2021-04-13 with total page 176 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: From giving as good as he got at the Harvard Lampoon to his comedic work in such films and TV shows as Donovan’s Reef, North to Alaska, Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In, I Love Lucy, Dean Martin Celebrity Roast and The Red Skelton Hour, John Wayne was never shy about exhibiting his wry, knowing sense of humor. It’s this facet of Duke that The Official John Wayne Big Book of Dad Jokes captures. A father of six children himself, Duke was no stranger to making kids crack up (or at least trying to). This book presents those stories of Duke as practical joker as well as willing victim, embedded within more than 400 clever, yet dreadful jokes, stories, riddles and puns, perfect for family members of every age. Some of the jokes are Duke- and Western-themed, but most are simply good, original Dad jokes: some good, some bad, some awful, but all funny. Readers will also find inside nearly three dozen fun photos of Duke exhibiting his good humor for all to see, laughing with his kids or fellow actors on set and behind the scenes, making this book a treasure for fans and fathers alike.

Download or read book Mom Jokes written by Lisa Beth Johnson and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2021-03-09 with total page 196 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The authors of Okay, Boomer deliver much-needed one-liners, puns, lists, and real-life tweets to lighten the load—and life—of moms everywhere. Moms need their laughs just as much as anyone, especially when they have to relieve the stress of cranky kids, oblivious spouses, and the challenges of balancing work and family while keeping it all together—at least on the surface! Mom Jokes is a collection of more than 300 snarky, sassy, and witty jokes for moms, such as . . . Every Mother’s Day my children make me breakfast in bed. Good thing I taught them how to make bottomless mimosas. What’s the difference between me when I’m nine months pregnant and a supermodel? Nothing, because my husband values his life. The good thing about going back to work after having kids is that you have your mom boss voice perfected. I thought my seven-year-old was mature enough to feed our goldfish—and he is—he just isn’t mature enough to know they don’t eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. From family life and the daily grind to food and entertainment, this collection of jokes nails the ups and downs of motherhood, giving moms light-hearted moments to get through the heavy lifting.

Download or read book Father ish written by Clint Edwards and published by Page Street Publishing. This book was released on 2020-10-20 with total page 272 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Father·ish: adjective. When a man is trying his best. Clint Edwards equates fatherhood to the time he did an important live TV interview from home: To the viewers, he looked put-together in a nice button-up shirt . . . but below the camera he wasn’t wearing any pants. And it may have looked like he was in a nice office, but he was in fact hidden in his bedroom closet because his whole house was too messy to show. This highly relatable collection gets to the heart of parenting: all those unexpected fails, awkward conversations, and well-intentioned little white lies. Clint chronicles all these things and more with stories like “The Time My Son Realized I Was Santa,” “I’ve Never Been to Hell, but I Have Been to a Little Girl’s Birthday Party,” and “How to Get the Sex Talk Very, Very Wrong.” And with each story you’ll see over and over again that there really aren’t any rules when it comes to parenting, and all you can do is try your best. Whether you’re a first-time parent unaware of what you’ve gotten yourself into yet, or a father of five, clinging to your last ounce of sanity, you’ll find relief in knowing that at end of the day, we’re all not wearing any pants.

Download or read book Don Quixote U S A written by Richard Powell and published by Bantam Books. This book was released on 1966 with total page 296 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Insignificant Peace Corps man, sent to promote banana culture on a Caribbean island, rises to great heights of public favor despite being trapped between two conflicting factions.

Download or read book Be the Coolest Dad on the Block written by Simon Rose and published by Harmony. This book was released on 2008-11-26 with total page 194 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: An all-encompassing guide to entertaining, amazing, and possibly even educating children, Be the Coolest Dad on the Block provides the perfect excuse to stand on a balloon, play with grated cheese in the microwave, and unroll an entire roll of toilet paper, all in the name of spending time with your kids. Written by a comedy writer and a cartoonist with thirty years’ combined experience as dads, Be the Coolest Dad on the Block is a cornucopia of practical parenting advice, like how to skip stones or teach a kid to ride a bike. It has answers to the pesky questions kids love, such as “Why is the sky blue?” or “Where do babies come from?” And it can help dads entertain large groups of kids with slapstick gags (“burp the alphabet”) or cool tricks (“the hole in the head”). Be the Coolest Dad on the Block also contains spooky myths for telling around the campfire and loads of quizzes and jokes for rainy days or endless car rides. With a range of ideas to suit all situations and sensibilities, Be the Coolest Dad on the Block gives any dad the right stuff to be the wackiest and smartest guy in the room.

Download or read book Alive written by Editors of Reader's Digest and published by Reader's Digest. This book was released on 2014-05-06 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Alive! is a heart-stopping collection of survival stories from the archives of Reader’s Digest’s ‘Drama in Real Life’ series. Readers will be on the edge of their seats as they are drawn into the dramatic tales of everyday people suddenly cast into life or death situations. Editors have mined the Reader’s Digest archives to bring readers Alive! Extraordinary Stories of Ordinary People Who Survived Deadly Tornadoes, Avalanches, Shipwrecks and More. In “Super Storm,” Rick Gregory, an off-duty patrolman watches an F3 tornado ravage his small Tennessee town where split-second decisions make the difference between life and death. In “Avalanche!” Luke Edgar, a young father and backcountry snowboarder goes out with a buddy for a fun day on Mt. Rainier and gets buried alive in an avalanche. “Swarm,” tells the story of the Walker family, out for a day trip in the Florida marsh when they get entangled in a yellow-jacket nest. The mother, Debbie, fighting anaphylactic shock must leave her injured husband and children in order to find help as time runs out. Adventure writer Tim Cahill recounts how he barely survives the extreme heat of Death Valley despite his experience as an outdoorsman in “Across the Valley of Fire”; and in “Pacific Cyclone,” Tony Farrington tells the harrowing story of the crews of three sailboats who run into an unimaginable storm in the normally calm South Pacific. Whether out on a planned adventure or simply in the wrong place at the wrong time, the heroes of these stories are connected by their fierce desire to survive against all odds. Wildfires, blizzards, attacks by grizzlies, jet crashes in the jungle, are just some of the conditions people face in these stories of survival. Readers will be on the edge of their seats as they follow adventurers and laymen alike as they face down nature’s fury in the most extreme circumstances, and find strength they didn’t know they had, proving the depth and resilience of the human spirit. As Tim Cahill so elegantly puts it, “Then I knew, really knew, that there is a way to get from one extreme to the other, the peaks and valleys. And there is a beauty so fierce only savage emotions like fear and triumph allow us to see it.”

Download or read book Oh Boy You re Having a Girl written by Brian A Klems and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2013-03-18 with total page 224 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Rules for Raising Little Girls "As the father of a daughter, I wish I'd read this very funny book sooner, if only to know that it's OK for a grown man to wear a tutu." - Dave Barry "Required reading for any parent who doesn't know pants from leggings." - Dan Zevin, author of Dan Gets a Minivan: Life at the Intersection of Dude and Dad It's easy to imagine how you'd raise a boy--all the golf outings, lawnmower lessons, and Little League championships you'd attend--but playing dad to a little princess may take some education. In Oh Boy, You're Having a Girl, Brian, a father of three girls, shares his tactics for surviving this new and glittery world. From baby dolls and bedtime rituals to potty training and dance recitals, he leads you through all the trials and tribulations you'll face as you're raising your daughter. He'll also show you how to navigate your way through tough situations, like making sure that she doesn't start dating until she's fifty. Complete with commandments for restroom trips and properly participating in a tea party, Oh Boy, You're Having a Girl will brace you for all those hours playing house--and psych you up for the awesomeness of raising a daughter who has you lovingly wrapped around her little finger. "Somehow, Brian Klems has taken one of the most traumatic situations known to a father--having a daughter--and made it into something so completely hilarious you'll laugh until you've got oxygen deprivation!" - W. Bruce Cameron, author of 8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter

Download or read book Laughter Totally is the Best Medicine written by Reader's Digest and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2018-10-16 with total page 216 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: More than 1,000 of the funniest, laugh-out-loud jokes, quips, quotes, anecdotes, and cartoons from Reader’s digest magazine—guaranteed to put laughter in your day. This collection of laugh-out-loud, clean jokes, one-liners, and other lighthearted glimpses of life—drawn from Reader’s Digest magazine’s most popular humor columns—is sure to tickle the funny bone. Packed with more than 1,000 jokes, anecdotes, funny things kids say, cartoons, quotes, and stories contributed by professional comedians, joke writers, and readers of the magazine, this side-splitting compilation pokes fun at the facts and foibles of daily routines, illustrating that life is often funnier than fiction. “If evolution really works, how come mothers have only two hands? – Milton Berle The game card said: “Name three wars.” My teenage daughter’s response: “Civil War, Revolutionary War, and Star Wars.” Why do Pilgrims’ pants fall down? Because their belts are on their hats! Check out this billion-dollar idea. A smoke detector that shuts off when you yell, “I’m just cooking!” Overheard in an office: Supervisor to team leader: "So our people aren’t astute enough to understand these comments on the document?" Leader: "What does astute mean?"

Download or read book The Lincoln Highway written by Amor Towles and published by Penguin. This book was released on 2021-10-05 with total page 593 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: #1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER More than ONE MILLION copies sold A TODAY Show Read with Jenna Book Club Pick A New York Times Notable Book, and Chosen by Oprah Daily, Time, NPR, The Washington Post, Bill Gates and Barack Obama as a Best Book of the Year “Wise and wildly entertaining . . . permeated with light, wit, youth.” —The New York Times Book Review “A classic that we will read for years to come.” —Jenna Bush Hager, Read with Jenna book club “Fantastic. Set in 1954, Towles uses the story of two brothers to show that our personal journeys are never as linear or predictable as we might hope.” —Bill Gates “A real joyride . . . elegantly constructed and compulsively readable.” —NPR The bestselling author of A Gentleman in Moscow and Rules of Civility and master of absorbing, sophisticated fiction returns with a stylish and propulsive novel set in 1950s America In June, 1954, eighteen-year-old Emmett Watson is driven home to Nebraska by the warden of the juvenile work farm where he has just served fifteen months for involuntary manslaughter. His mother long gone, his father recently deceased, and the family farm foreclosed upon by the bank, Emmett's intention is to pick up his eight-year-old brother, Billy, and head to California where they can start their lives anew. But when the warden drives away, Emmett discovers that two friends from the work farm have hidden themselves in the trunk of the warden's car. Together, they have hatched an altogether different plan for Emmett's future, one that will take them all on a fateful journey in the opposite direction—to the City of New York. Spanning just ten days and told from multiple points of view, Towles's third novel will satisfy fans of his multi-layered literary styling while providing them an array of new and richly imagined settings, characters, and themes. “Once again, I was wowed by Towles’s writing—especially because The Lincoln Highway is so different from A Gentleman in Moscow in terms of setting, plot, and themes. Towles is not a one-trick pony. Like all the best storytellers, he has range. He takes inspiration from famous hero’s journeys, including The Iliad, The Odyssey, Hamlet, Huckleberry Finn, and Of Mice and Men. He seems to be saying that our personal journeys are never as linear or predictable as an interstate highway. But, he suggests, when something (or someone) tries to steer us off course, it is possible to take the wheel.” – Bill Gates

Download or read book Bedtime Daddy written by Sharon Giltrow and published by EK Books. This book was released on 2020-05-12 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Putting Daddy to bed can be hard work. Especially when he starts crying! This story will show you how to wrestle your daddy into his pajamas and read just one more bedtime story. "I’m thirrrrrrrrssssssty," says Daddy. "I need to poop … I’m hungry … But I’ll miss you," he says, while he looks at you with cutie eyes. You’ll have to battle the bedtime excuses and use go-away monster spray until Daddy finally goes to sleep. Bedtime can be a mission for many, but with these gorgeous illustrations of a little bear and his dad, this is the perfect role-reversal bedtime story to help put any fussy child to bed in a fun and positive way. Full of heart and humour, Bedtime, Daddy! is for anyone who wants to try and put a grown-up to bed.