Download or read book Diddly Squat written by Jeremy Clarkson and published by Penguin UK. This book was released on 2021-11-11 with total page 137 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Pull on your wellies, grab your flat cap and join Jeremy Clarkson in this hilarious and fascinating behind-the-scenes look at the infamous Diddly Squat Farm THE NO. 1 SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER 'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out _________ Welcome to Clarkson's farm. It's always had a nice ring to it. Jeremy just never thought that one day his actual job would be 'a farmer'. And, sadly, it doesn't mean he's any good at it. From buying the wrong tractor (Lamborghini, since you ask . . .) to formation combine harvesting, getting tied-up in knots of red tape to chasing viciously athletic cows, our hero soon learns that enthusiasm alone might not be enough. Jeremy may never succeed in becoming master of his land, but, as he's discovering, the fun lies in the trying . . . _________ 'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard Praise for Clarkson's Farm: 'The best thing Clarkson's done . . . it pains me to say this' GUARDIAN 'Shockingly hopeful' INDEPENDENT 'Even the most committed Clarkson haters will find him likeable here' TELEGRAPH 'Quite lovely' THE TIMES

Download or read book In Search of Diddly Squat written by Oliver Ray Oliver and published by iUniverse. This book was released on 2009-12 with total page 156 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Who are the Curmudgeon Virgins and how are they related to Diddly Squat? Or Sheryl Crow? Or Yankee Doodle? What do mullets have in common with fired football coaches? Or Facebook? Or mall walkers? In Search of Diddly Squat provides answers to those questions. It could be called a quest for truth, justice, and the America way, even though there is very little truth and almost no justice in it. Just humor. And satire. And sarcasm. And short, choppy sentences that start with and. And or. But not but.

Download or read book Can You Make This Thing Go Faster written by Jeremy Clarkson and published by Penguin UK. This book was released on 2020-10-29 with total page 260 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The hilarious new collection of stories and observations from Jeremy Clarkson - setting our off-kilter world to rights with thigh-slapping wit once again. Who is that tractor-driving Gentleman Farmer? Has Jeremy turned into a horny-handed son of the soil? These and other perplexing questions may or may not be answered in the latest volume of Clarkson's utterly unbiased musings on life, the universe and everything in between (except cars - this isn't one of his four-wheel drive books). Inside you'll also discover why: · Bathing in crude oil isn't for everyone · People who go fishing hate their kids · Noise-cancelling headphones will never silence James May · The rambler who stole his marrow is in for it Full of fact-checked opinions and ideas so good they're no longer following the science but chasing it up a tree, Can You Make This Thing Go Faster? is one hundred per cent guaranteed Clarkson . . . Praise for Clarkson: 'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out 'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard

Download or read book If You d Just Let Me Finish written by Jeremy Clarkson and published by Penguin UK. This book was released on 2018-10-18 with total page 208 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Clarkson is back! Pre order his brand new book now. ___________ In November 2016 we woke up to the news that the forthright presenter of a popular television programme had become the most powerful man on the planet. His name, sadly, was not Jeremy Clarkson, but we might not have been any more surprised if it had been. Because the world seems to have taken a decidedly odd turn since Jeremy last reflected on the state of things between the covers of a book. But who better than JC to help us navigate our way through the mess? And while he's being trying to make sense of it all he's discovered one or two things along the way, including - The disabling effects of being vegan - How Blackpool might be improved by drilling a hole through it - The problem with meditation - A perfect location for rebuilding Palmyra - Why Tom Cruise can worship lizards if he wants to It's all been a bit unsettling. But don't worry. If You'd Just Let Me Finish is Clarkson at his best. He may be as bemused, exasperated, amused and surprised as the rest of us, but in a world gone crazy, thank God someone has still got his head screwed on ... Praise for Clarkson: 'Brilliant...laugh-out-loud' - Daily Telegraph 'Outrageously funny...will have you in stiches' - Time Out 'Very funny...I cracked up laughing on the tube' - Evening Standard

Download or read book If You d Just Let Me Finish written by Jeremy Clarkson and published by Michael Joseph. This book was released on 2018-10-18 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Well, someone's got to do it- in a world which simply will not see reason, Jeremy sets off on another quest to beat a path of sense through all the silliness and idiocy. Pithy and provocative, this is Clarkson at his best, taking issue with whatever nonsense gets in the way of his search for all that's worth celebrating. Why should we be forced to accept stuff that's a bit rubbish? Shouldn't things work? What doesn't someone care? It's a good thing we've still got Jeremy out there, still looking, without fear or favour, for the answers.

Download or read book How Hard Can It Be written by Jeremy Clarkson and published by Penguin UK. This book was released on 2010-09-30 with total page 352 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: How Hard Can it Be? is the fourth hilarious volume in Jeremy Clarkson's The World According to Clarkson series. How hard can it be... To build a power station without upsetting the eco-mentalists? To seek world domination if you've been hit the ugly stick? For the Met Office to get yesterday's weather right? In volume four of The World According to Clarkson, Jeremy Clarkson pours scorn on the nonsensical, the dumb, the idiotic and the plain foolish in his continuing quest to discover where exactly we've all gone wrong. Along the way he ponders: • Whether conquering France might solve the immigration problem • What happened when you ignore proper warning labels • What would happen if we turned the internet off Often controversial, frequently scathing but always funnier than James May, Jeremy Clarkson shows us how we could so easily make the world a better place. Praise for Jeremy Clarkson: 'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out Number-one bestseller Jeremy Clarkson writes on cars, current affairs and anything else that annoys him in his sharp and funny collections. Born To Be Riled, Clarkson On Cars, Don't Stop Me Now, Driven To Distraction, Round the Bend, Motorworld, and I Know You Got Soul are also available as Penguin paperbacks; the Penguin App iClarkson: The Book of Cars can be downloaded on the App Store. Jeremy Clarkson because his writing career on the Rotherham Advertiser. Since then he has written for the Sun and the Sunday Times. Today he is the tallest person working in British television, and is the presenter of the hugely popular Top Gear.

Download or read book Really written by Jeremy Clarkson and published by Penguin UK. This book was released on 2019-10-03 with total page 576 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: JEREMY CLARKSON'S LATEST - AND MOST OUTRAGEOUS - TAKE ON THE WORLD CLARKSON'S BACK - AND THIS TIME HE'S PUTTING HIS FOOT DOWN From his first job as a travelling sales rep selling Paddington Bears to his latest wheeze as a gentleman farmer, Jeremy Clarkson's love of cars has just about kept him out of trouble. But in a persistently infuriating world, sometimes you have to race full-throttle at the speed-bumps. Because there's still plenty to get cross about, including: · Why nothing good ever came out of a meeting · Muesli's unmentionable side effects · Navigating London when every single road is being dug up at once · People who read online reviews of dishwashers · ****ing driverless cars Buckle up for a bumpy ride - you're holding the only book in history to require seatbelts . . . Praise for Jeremy Clarkson: Brilliant . . . Laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 'Outrageously funny . . . Will have you in stitches' Time Out 'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard

Download or read book What Could Possibly Go Wrong written by Jeremy Clarkson and published by National Geographic Books. This book was released on 2014-10-28 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: No one writes about cars like Jeremy Clarkson. While most correspondents are too busy diving straight into BHP, MPG and MPH, Jeremy appreciates that there are more important things to life. Don't worry, we'll get to the cars. Eventually. But first we should consider: • The case for invading France • The overwhelming appeal of a nice sit-down • The inconvenience of gin and tonic • Why clothes are no better than ice cream • Spot-welding with the Duchess of Kent • And why Denmark is the best place in the world Armed only with conviction, curiosity, enthusiasm and a pair of stout trousers, Jeremy hurtles around the world - along motorway, autoroute, freeway and autobahn - in search of answers to life's puzzles and ponderings without forethought or fear for his own safety. What, you have to ask, could possibly go wrong . . .

Download or read book Rainbow s Expressions and Observations Or Only Visiting This Planet in Search of a Brain Or I Know the Answer s 42 But What s the Piggin Question written by Rainbow and published by Rainbow Starburst. This book was released on 2006-11 with total page 516 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Born the youngest of three, in London, England, Rainbow has always been an aAmericaphilea, loving all things American, especially chrome and fins on cars! At 15, he left academia and enrolled in the University of Life. He traveled to America in the a70s and again in the a80s, although that rock-and-roll dream ended in him returning to England, totally broke and alone. He turned for comfort and companionship to his ascratching pada and wrote, always coming out in verse, when the muse struck, his expressions and observations on what he fondly calls the upright biped species that infect this planet, as well as his own thoughts and experiences. He slowly became convinced that he was not from this planet, even if that only meant he seemed alien to most people! However, U.S. Immigration finally confirmed it when they stamped his passport as a legal permanent resident and issued him with his official alien number! Thank you, U.S.A. Now itas official! I come in peace, but please, donat take the peace!

Download or read book Diddlysquat written by Wilkie Lee Jernigan and published by Dorrance Publishing. This book was released on 2012-09 with total page 406 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Diddlysquat is something you may have never heard about. It is something you do not know, something others do not know, and something only God knows. In this book, you will discover many things that will amuse, befuddle, irritate, tickle, and astonish you. It is a book for trivia lovers, sports lovers (especially football), life lovers, love lovers, and church lovers--although that last one may not be on the positive side. There are many discoveries presented here that will simplify your understanding of many things unknown to you. Most of all, there are literary snippets that relate to life and what you believe in. Prepare to learn more about religion, life, and history--and sometimes laugh at the truths that are worded so well they can hurt you. Diddlysquat, by Wilkie Lee Jernigan, is work that is both entertaining and candid--painfully--in its every leaf. About the Author Wilkie Lee Jernigan was born in North Carolina but now lives in Virginia. He and his wife, Marie, have been in Chesapeake for the past eighteen years. Aside from his career in the Navy, he also worked for the postal service. Writing is something he does to occupy his time and this book is his first published work.

Download or read book I Know You Got Soul written by Jeremy Clarkson and published by Penguin UK. This book was released on 2006-05-25 with total page 209 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: In I Know You Got Soul, Jeremy Clarkson writes about the machines that he believes have 'soul'. It will come as no surprise to anyone that Jeremy Clarkson loves machines. But it's not just any old bucket of blots, cogs and bearings that rings his bell. In fact, he's scoured the length and breadth of the land, plunged into the oceans and taken to the skies in search of machines with that elusive certain something. And along the way he's discovered: * The safest place to be in the event of nuclear war * Who would win if Superman, James Bond and The Terminator had a fight * The stupidest person he's ever met * What an old Cornish institution called Arthur has to do with 0898 chat lines * And how Jean Claude Van Damme might get eaten by a lion . . . In I Know You Got Soul, Jeremy Clarkson tells stories of the geniuses, innovators and crackpots who put the ghost in the machine. From Brunel's SS Great Britain to the awesome Blackbird spy-plane and from the woeful - but inspiring - Graf Zeppelin to Han Solo's Millennium Falcon, they can't help but love them in return. Praise for Jeremy Clarkson: 'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out 'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard

Download or read book The Grand Tour Guide to the World written by HarperCollins and published by HarperCollins UK. This book was released on 2017-10-05 with total page 392 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The world is a big place full of interesting things. And The Grand Tour has seen some of them. That’s why few people are better placed to lead you around this vast planet of ours than Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May. As long as you don’t mind getting hot and lost. Welcome, everyone, to The Grand Tour Guide to The World.

Download or read book The Top Gear Years written by Jeremy Clarkson and published by Michael Joseph. This book was released on 2013-05-23 with total page 600 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: We now know all about the world according to Clarkson. .In a series of bestselling books, Jeremy has revealed it to be a puzzling, frustrating place where all too often the lunatics seem to be running the asylum. But in The Top Gear Years, we get something rather different.

Download or read book As I Was Saying written by Jeremy Clarkson and published by Penguin UK. This book was released on 2015-10-06 with total page 352 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: As I Was Saying... is the seventh book in Jeremy Clarkson's best-selling The World According to Clarkson series. *** Crikey, the world according to Clarkson's been a funny old place of late . . . For a while, Jeremy could be found in his normal position as the tallest man on British television but, more recently, he appears to have been usurped by a pretend elephant. But on paper the real Jeremy remains at the helm. That's as it should be. For nearly thirty years he has been fearlessly leading the charge as one the best comic writers in the country. And in 2015, he shows no sign of slowing down. So, whether it's pondering If Jesus might have been better off being born in New Zealand Why reflexive pronoun abuse is the worst thing in the world How Pam Ayres's head trumps Gordon Gecko's underpants Or what a television presenter with time on his hands gets up to Jeremy is still trying to make sense of all the big stuff. Circumstances change. Nothing's forever. But As I Was Saying provides glorious proof that Jeremy remains as funny, puzzled, excitable, outspoken, insightful and thought-provoking as ever. As if you ever doubted it . . . *** Praise for Clarkson: 'Brilliant... laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 'Outrageously funny... will have you in stitches' Time Out 'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard

Download or read book Off Road with Clarkson Hammond and May written by Phillipa Sage and published by Ad Lib Publishers Ltd. This book was released on 2021-05-13 with total page 239 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: 'Amazing adventures. Apparently I was there.' Richard Hammond For over 12 years Phillipa Sage worked alongside Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May as their PA, gofer, and fixer where she saw the boys at their best and, hilariously, at their worst. A closet petrol head, Phillipa started working in the motor industry on live events over 20 years ago and first worked with Jeremy Clarkson in 1997. She proved to be a loyal, trusted friend and colleague to all the presenters—from back in the beginning with Tiff Needell, Vicki Butler-Henderson and Quentin Wilson—to the now infamous trio of Clarkson, Hammond and May, and was a key member of what became known as 'The Bubble', the exclusive, dysfunctional working family that toured the world. With an enormous budget, they travelled like rock stars—with super cars, yachts, private jets, helicopters, and five-star wining and dining—taking their unique brand of motoring madness to 18 countries, 31 cities and to over 2 million fans in arenas and at festivals from New Zealand to Norway. Supported by a large crew and their personal entourage, Clarkson, Hammond and May, when not performing in their extraordinary, high octane, live action, motoring theatre, indulged in extravagant holidays. They and their 'Bubble' family relaxed in luxury resorts or private houses entertaining themselves with pool parties, drinking, heli-sightseeing, drinking, private motorboat cruises, drinking, jet skiing, sailing, drinking and eating, and drinking. In Off-Road with Clarkson, Hammond & May, Phillipa shares the tour highs, lows and laughter of three clever, funny, and very stupid motoring journalists.

Download or read book Double Image written by David R. Morrell and published by Grand Central Publishing. This book was released on 2001-05-01 with total page 639 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: After a harrowing experience in Bosnia, war photographer Mitch Coltrane makes a vow. From now on, he will only take those pictures that celebrate life; that document hope instead of despair. Still, wartorn images continue to haunt him. He learns to shield himself by fixating on a beautiful woman in an old photograph. But slowly he grows obsessed. Who is she? He must know. And as Coltrane searches for answers, he falls hopelessly in love, forgetting that the past can sometimes intrude on the present, with terrifying consequences.

Download or read book And On That Bombshell written by Richard Porter and published by Orion. This book was released on 2015-10-22 with total page 362 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: I was Top Gear's script editor for 13 years and all 22 series. I basically used to check spelling and think of stupid gags about The Stig. I also got to hang around with Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May. It didn't feel like something you should get paid for. From the disastrous pilot show of 2002 to the sudden and unexpected ending in 2015, working on Top Gear was quite a rollercoaster ride. We crossed continents, we made space ships, we bobbed across the world's busiest shipping lane in a pick-up truck. We also got chased by an angry mob, repeatedly sparked fury in newspapers, and almost killed one of our presenters. I realised that I had quite a few stories to tell from behind the scenes on the show. I remembered whose daft idea it was to get a dog. I recalled the willfully stupid way in which we decorated our horrible office. I had a sudden flashback to the time a Bolivian drug lord threatened to kill us. I decided I should write down some of these stories. So I have. I hope you like them. And now, a quote from James May: 'Richard Porter has asked me to "write a quote" for his new book about the ancient history of Top Gear. But this is a ridiculous request. How can one "write a quote"? Surely, by definition, a quote must be extracted from a greater body of writing, for the purpose of illustrating or supporting a point in an unrelated work. I cannot "write a quote" any more than I could "film an out-take". 'Porter, like Athens, has lost his marbles.'