Download or read book I Saw Zombies Eating Santa Claus written by S.G. Browne and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2012-10-30 with total page 175 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: “One of America’s best satiric novelists” (Kirkus Reviews), S. G. Browne seamlessly gift wraps this horrific and hilarious sequel to his “extremely strong” (Publishers Weekly, starred review) zombie novel Breathers. He sees you when you’re sleeping...he knows when you’re undead. How does the leader of a failed zombie civil rights movement from California rescue a group of his undead brethren and help a lonely Breather girl as he hides from a band of medical researchers while disguised as Santa Claus? If you’ve never believed in Christmas miracles, then you wouldn’t understand. Andy Warner has just escaped from a zombie research facility in Portland, Oregon, where he’s been subjected to experimental testing for the past year. With Christmas just days away, Andy figures that donning a jolly old St. Nick costume to throw off his would-be captors is just the ticket. But he never expects to encounter a sweet, lonesome nine-year-old girl who not only reminds Andy of the family he’s lost but who thinks he’s the real Santa. He also doesn’t count on being recognized as last year’s national quasi-celebrity by a clandestine group of decaying supporters who look to him for leadership. For the living and the undead, this unforgettable holiday tale will truly put on display just who is gnawing and who is nice....

Download or read book I Saw Zombies Eating Santa Claus written by S.G. Browne and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2012-10-30 with total page 203 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Just in time for the holidays—a hilarious Christmas novella and sequel to the author’s highly acclaimed Breathers, “a zombie comedy with brains” (Kirkus Reviews). “One of America’s best satiric novelists” (Kirkus Reviews), S. G. Browne seamlessly gift wraps this horrific and hilarious sequel to his “extremely strong” (Publishers Weekly, starred review) zombie novel Breathers. He sees you when you’re sleeping . . . he knows when you’re undead. How does the leader of a failed zombie civil rights movement from California rescue a group of his undead brethren and help a lonely Breather girl as he hides from a band of medical researchers while disguised as Santa Claus? If you’ve never believed in Christmas miracles, then you wouldn’t understand. Andy Warner has just escaped from a zombie research facility in Portland, Oregon, where he’s been subjected to experimental testing for the past year. With Christmas just days away, Andy figures that donning a jolly old St. Nick costume to throw off his would-be captors is just the ticket. But he never expects to encounter a sweet, lonesome nine-year-old girl who not only reminds Andy of the family he’s lost but who thinks he’s the real Santa. He also doesn’t count on being recognized as last year’s national quasi-celebrity by a clandestine group of decaying supporters who look to him for leadership. For the living and the undead, this unforgettable holiday tale will truly put on display just who is gnawing and who is nice. . . .

Download or read book I Saw Mommy Biting Santa Claus written by Matt Mogk and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2013-10-01 with total page 20 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: I Saw Mommy Biting Santa Claus is a new spin on a holiday classic that tells the story of a suburban zombie outbreak and the little boy who knows just what to do. When Johnny finds out that his mother has turned into a zombie and has attacked Santa Claus, he knows that it’s up to him to put the living dead (back) to rest. While the chaos spreads from the mall to the Christmas parade, Johnny finds his friends Glenn, Barb, and Ben, and they devise a plan to not only protect themselves—and their dog—but to make sure to get to Grandma’s house before the zombies take over town. While they’ve planned for the worst, nothing could prepare them for watching jolly old Saint Nick get devoured by mindless zombies. This clever take on a Christmas tradition is right up the alley of anyone who ever wondered what would happen if a zombie outbreak took place during the holiday season. I Saw Mommy Biting Santa Claus is a beautifully gory tale that’s sure to become a classic for fans of the holidays and the living dead.

Download or read book Lucky Bastard written by S.G. Browne and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2013-06-18 with total page 369 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: "A radically funny, irreverent, satirical novel about a loan shark who is able to steal people's luck--perfect for fans of bestselling authors Christopher Moore and Chuck Palahniuk. Nick Monday is a private detective with a penchant for coffeehouse baristas and the ability to steal other people's luck. Politicians and celebrities. Lottery winners and game show contestants. Accident survivors and successful athletes. All it takes is a handshake and Nick walks away with their good fortune, which he sells on the black market to the highest bidder. But lately, business has been slow. So when the sexy daughter of San Francisco's mayor offers Nick $100,000 to find her father's stolen luck, Nick thinks this is his big break. But he soon ends up blackmailed by the feds, kidnapped by the Chinese mafia, and accosted by vegans and angry naked women with knives ... all while trying to save a ten-year-old kid with the purest luck he's ever seen. Hailed as "pitch-perfect" by The Washington Post and deemed "one of America's best satiric novelists" by Kirkus Reviews, Browne's masterful combination of humor and biting social commentary make for an irresistible read"--

Download or read book Big Egos written by S.G. Browne and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2013-08-06 with total page 384 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The brand-new novel from the author of Lucky Bastard and Breathers—“one of today’s very best writers” (Jonathan Maberry). Does your lifestyle not fit the person inside you? Then try someone else on for size! Call him whatever. Call him whomever. He can be any legally authorized fictional character or dead celebrity he wants for six to eight hours, simply by injecting a DNA-laced cocktail into his brain stem. It’s called Big Egos and it’s the ultimate role-playing fantasy from Engineering Genetics Organization and Systems (aka EGOS.) And, as one of the quality controllers for EGOS, he’s the ultimate ego-tripper, taking on more artificial identities than advisable—and having a hell of a time doing it. Problem is, he’s starting to lose the ability to separate fact from fiction. His every fantasy is the new reality. And the more roles he plays, the less of him remains. Sure, it’s dangerous. Yes, he’s probably losing his mind. Okay, hundreds of others could be at risk. But sometimes who you are isn’t good enough. And the truth is, reality is so overrated. . . . With his insightful wit, smart humor, and electrifying narrative, acclaimed author S. G. Browne takes readers on a satirical and provocative trip into the not-too-distant future, where, for some, pretending to be someone you’re not is just another day at the office.

Download or read book Fated written by S.G. Browne and published by Penguin. This book was released on 2010-11-02 with total page 260 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: From the acclaimed author of Breathers--an irreverent novel about fate, destiny, and the karmic consequences of getting involved with humans. Over the past few thousand years, Fabio has come to hate his job. As Fate, he's in charge of assigning the fortunes and misfortunes that befall most of the human race-the 83% who keep screwing things up. Frustrated with his endless parade of drug addicts and career politicians, Fate has to watch Destiny guide her people to Nobel Peace Prizes and Super Bowl MVPs. To make matters worse, he has a five- hundred-year-old feud with Death, and his best friends are Sloth and Gluttony. And worst of all? He's fallen in love with a human. Getting involved with a human breaks Rule #1, and about ten others, setting off some cosmic-sized repercussions that could strip him of his immortality-or lead to a fate worse than death.

Download or read book Breathers written by S. G. Browne and published by Piatkus Books. This book was released on 2011-03-01 with total page 320 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Meet Andy Warner, a recently deceased everyman and newly minted zombie. Resented by his parents, abandoned by his friends, and reviled by a society that no longer considers him human, Andy is having a bit of trouble adjusting to his new existence.But all that changes when he goes to an Undead Anonymous meeting and finds kindred souls in Rita, an impossibly sexy recent suicide with a taste for the formaldehyde in cosmetic products, and Jerry, a twenty-one-year-old car crash victim with an exposed brain and a penchant for Renaissance pornography.When the group meets a rogue zombie who teaches them the joys of human flesh, things start to get messy, and Andy embarks on a journey of self-discovery that will take him from his casket, to the SPCA, to a media-driven class-action lawsuit on behalf of the rights of zombies everywhere.

Download or read book The Stupidest Angel v2 0 written by Christopher Moore and published by Harper Collins. This book was released on 2009-10-13 with total page 303 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Now in a special holiday edition, the hilariously deranged tale of Santa, fruitcakes, angels, and Kung fu. . . . “Christopher Moore writes novels that are not only hilarious, but fun to read as well. He is an author at the top of his craft.—Nicholas Sparks ’Twas the night before Christmas . . . and all through Pine Cove, Florida, the creatures were stirring in this wonderfully funny tale that gives the spirit of Christmas a whole new meaning.

Download or read book Less Than Hero written by S.G. Browne and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2015-03-17 with total page 368 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: With the razor-sharp satire that earned him rave reviews for Big Egos and Lucky Bastard, among others, S.G. Browne delivers another irresistible read, about an unlikely band of heroes who use their medical complications to gain fame, confront villains, and bring their own unique brand of justice to New York City. Faster than a spreading rash! More powerful than dry heaves! Able to put villains to sleep with a single yawn! Convulsions. Nausea. Headaches. Sudden weight gain. For the pharmaceutical soldiers on the front lines of medical science—volunteers who test experimental drugs for cash—these common side effects are a small price to pay to defend your right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of antidepressants. Lloyd Prescott, thirty-year-old professional guinea pig and victim of his own inertia, is the first to notice the bizarre, seemingly implausible consequences of years of testing not-quite-legal drugs: his lips go numb, he becomes overwhelmed with exhaustion, and instantly a stranger crumples into a slumbering heap before him. Under cover of night, Lloyd and his guinea pig friends band together to project their debilitating side effects onto petty criminals who prey upon the innocent. When a horrible menace with powers eerily similar to their own threatens the city, only one force can stop this evil: the handful of brave men who routinely undergo clinical trials. “One of America’s best satiric novelists” (Kirkus Reviews), S. G. Browne fills the prescription for a hilarious and biting commentary on our overmedicated society. Citizens, rest assured that tonight, no matter your ailment—anxiety, depression, super villains—there’s a pill to save the day.

Download or read book Apocalypse Yesterday written by Brock Adams and published by Crooked Lane Books. This book was released on 2020-09-08 with total page 236 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: With his best and craziest days behind him, a Florida call center employee struggles through mind-numbing drudgery day after day--but he just might have a way to reclaim the madness and his former life. The zombie apocalypse is over. The humans have won. Life is back to normal. And Rip is bored as hell. It's not much of a life sitting in a call center in the poor town of Spanish Shanty, Florida, answering emails like a drone and listening to customer complaints. Rip was ruler of a tiny kingdom in the Lazy River waterpark, killing zombies by day and making passionate love at night. He misses the danger, the camaraderie, and the blistering love he once knew. He longs to feel Santana--his trusty machete--in his hand, and Davia--the fiercest woman alive--in his arms once again. He can still picture it-- life on the razor's edge--and he would do anything to get that feeling back. But what if Rip could get it back? He's totally desperate. Not normal desperate--more like ready-to-restart-the-apocalypse desperate. Condemning humanity to a repeat merely for an adrenaline rush is probably not a good idea. But life at the call center is nothing more than a slow death, and Rip might not be able to go on without trying to find out.

Download or read book Can You Survive the Zombie Apocalypse written by Max Brallier and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2011-02-08 with total page 404 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Hours of bone-crunching zombie action with 100 paths and 50 endings to choose from—perfect for fans of The Walking Dead. "Creepy, chilling, and lots of nasty fun" (Jonathan Maberry). Inside these pages lies unspeakable horror. Bloodsplattering, brain-impaling, flesh-devouring horror. You’ve probably read your fair share of zombie stories. But this time it’s different. No longer can you sit idle as a bunch of fools make all the wrong moves. All hell is about to break loose—and YOU have a say in humanity’s survival. You have choices to make. Moral dilemmas. Strategic decisions. Weapons. Vehicles. Will you be a hero? Or will you cover your own ass at all costs? Can you withstand the coming hours, days, weeks, and months? Or will you die amidst the chaos and violence of a zombie uprising? Or, worst of all, will you become one of them?

Download or read book Lost Creatures written by S. G. Browne and published by . This book was released on 2021-05-17 with total page 265 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt:

Download or read book The Girl in the Corn written by Jason Offutt and published by CamCat Publishing, LLC. This book was released on 2022-01-11 with total page 361 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Beware of what lurks in the corn. Fairies don’t exist. At least that’s what Thomas Cavanaugh’s parents say. But the events of that one night, when he follows a fairy into the cornfield on his parents’ farm, prove them wrong. What seems like a destructive explosion was, Thomas knows, an encounter with Dauðr, a force that threatens to destroy the fairy’s world and his sanity. Years later, after a troubled childhood and a series of dead-end jobs, he is still haunted by what he saw that night. One day he crosses paths with a beautiful young woman and a troubled young man, soon realizing that he first met them as a kid while under psychiatric care after his encounters in the cornfield. Has fate brought them together? Are they meant to join forces to save the fairy’s world and their own? Or is one of them not who they claim to be?

Download or read book Feed written by M. T. Anderson and published by Candlewick Press. This book was released on 2010-05-11 with total page 311 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Identity crises, consumerism, and star-crossed teenage love in a futuristic society where people connect to the Internet via feeds implanted in their brains. Winner of the LA Times Book Prize. For Titus and his friends, it started out like any ordinary trip to the moon - a chance to party during spring break and play around with some stupid low-grav at the Ricochet Lounge. But that was before the crazy hacker caused all their feeds to malfunction, sending them to the hospital to lie around with nothing inside their heads for days. And it was before Titus met Violet, a beautiful, brainy teenage girl who knows something about what it’s like to live without the feed-and about resisting its omnipresent ability to categorize human thoughts and desires. Following in the footsteps of George Orwell, Anthony Burgess, and Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., M. T. Anderson has created a brave new world - and a hilarious new lingo - sure to appeal to anyone who appreciates smart satire, futuristic fiction laced with humor, or any story featuring skin lesions as a fashion statement.

Download or read book Paper Towns written by John Green and published by A&C Black. This book was released on 2013 with total page 321 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Quentin Jacobson has spent a lifetime loving Margo Roth Spiegelman from afar. So when she cracks open a window and climbs into his life - dressed like a ninja and summoning him for an ingenious campaign of revenge - he follows. After their all-nighter ends, Q arrives at school to discover that Margo has disappeared.

Download or read book Just Be Claus written by Barbara M. Joosse and published by . This book was released on 2021 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A little boy named Claus worries that he is different from other kids: he likes to wear red all the time and his favorite hangout is the workshop with his grandmother. His grandmother tells him his differences make him special and a Christmas snowstorm helps Claus appreciate his talents.

Download or read book Shooting Monkeys in a Barrel written by S.G. Browne and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2012-03-27 with total page 157 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: From the author of Breathers, Fated, and Lucky Bastard comes a collection of ten dark and humorous tales about extraterrestrial sex toys, a family of luck poachers, a group of professional guinea pigs, the immortal personifications of the Seven Deadly Sins, and a zombie gigolo. Just to name a few. “A Zombie’s Lament”—A newly reanimated corpse attends Undead Anonymous meetings with other zombies and comes to terms with the reality of his new existence. “Softland”—A family of luck poachers living in central California attempts to turn around its fortunes from a deal gone bad. “My Ego Is Bigger than Yours”—A new designer drug reinvents role-playing games by allowing its users to temporarily become dead celebrities and fictional characters. “Dream Girls”—A futuristic tale of sexual obsession, extraterrestrial intelligence, the death of Marilyn Monroe, and the assassination of JFK. “Shooting Monkeys in a Barrel”—A writer suffering from writer’s block becomes addicted to the words he purchases from a drug dealer. “Captivity” —A lonely and horrifying look at what it might be like if you were a bottle of shampoo. “The Sodom and Gomorrah Shore”—The Seven Deadly Sins star in the original reality television show, set back during the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. “Homer’s Reprise”—A modern day story of Odysseus that blends Greek mythology with Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster, and Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. “Dr. Lullaby”—A panhandler and professional guinea pig discovers that the pharmaceutical drugs he’s been testing have given him unusual side effects. “Zombie Gigolo”—A day in the life of a living corpse who provides a unique service for lonely and desperate female zombies.