Download or read book How Kind People Get Tough Assertiveness Tools Tips and Techniques for More Confidence and Happier Relationships written by Marlene Rose Shaw and published by Nielsen. This book was released on 2019-12-07 with total page 266 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Do you wish you could be more assertive, but you worry that you'll come across as unkind or mean? Do you want to speak up and be the authentic you, without pushing people away? Do you want to ask for respect, without seeming arrogant or confrontational? Many people struggle to find the balance between assertiveness and kindness. Yet, it is perfectly possible. Based on Marléne Rose Shaw's work in helping thousands of clients, How Kind People Get Tough will help you achieve that balance, so that you can feel more confident and create happier, more fulfilling relationships. In this book you will learn how to: Gain respect without coming across as arrogant or unkind Speak your truth without fear of rejection Be heard and acknowledged Stop people-pleasing and feel confident in your own skin Say no with confidence, and without feeling guilty Know where you stand in your relationships This book is special in that it goes beyond teaching basic assertiveness skills. It explains why we human beings have an innate struggle with assertiveness, and it teaches you how to get past those fundamental blocks. Packed full of case studies, tools, tips, and techniques, the book also includes your free Online Companion Course to help you put those skills into practice.

Download or read book Assertiveness written by Conrad Potts and published by John Wiley & Sons. This book was released on 2013-03-29 with total page 120 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: How to overcome challenges with confidence No matter how successful we are, we all face stressful and hard-to-handle challenges in daily life, and – if we want to be as happy and healthy as we can – we must learn to assert ourselves, make our voices heard and approach life with confidence and self-assurance. This book is a roadmap to help you navigate your way through those challenging opportunities, hurdles and milestones. Taking universal scenarios case by case, and packed with practical tips, this inspiring, down-to-earth book will give you the tools to build your self-esteem and become happier, healthier, and in control of your own destiny. Written in an approachable style which posits practical solutions to a range of universal problems Deals with assertiveness in business, family, social situations and all areas of life Covers topics like ‘dealing with your boss’, ‘dealing with finances’, ‘asking for a pay rise’, ‘saying no at work’

Download or read book Asserting Yourself At Work written by Constance ZIMMERMAN and published by AMACOM Div American Mgmt Assn. This book was released on 2010-06-10 with total page 229 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Techniques for managing others while maintaining mutual respect. Asserting Yourself at Work provides business professionals with the communication tools and psychological foundation they need to perform more assertively on the job. Designed for front-line managers, supervisors, team leaders, team members, employees, and life-long learners, this course promotes the use of direct, inclusive communication as a powerful tool for achieving targeted goals and building lasting relationships. Asserting Yourself at Work teaches students the skills they need to behave and communicate more assertively—and therefore more effectively—in the workplace. Students learn to address their needs and interests at work, and, at the same time, consider the needs and interests of others. Beginning with the foundation of self-awareness, the course builds these skills step by step. Students learn about and practice assertive verbal and nonverbal communication techniques, learn how to set proper boundaries in workplace relationships, and analyze how assertiveness plays out in other cultures. The interactive format includes self-assessment tools, worksheets, sidebars, exercises, and quizzes that prompt students all along the way. Course Objective: Understand techniques for managing others while maintaining mutual respect and recognize and avoid self-defeating behaviors. Selected Learning Objectives • Set boundaries • Manage others without being aggressive or manipulative • Respond to other people's needs without giving up your own • Say "no" to unfair demands • Resolve conflicts and deal with aggressiveness in others • Enhance your self-image—and your on-the-job authority. This is an ebook version of the AMA Self-Study course. If you want to take the course for credit you need to either purchase a hard copy of the course through amaselfstudy.org or purchase an online version of the course through www.flexstudy.com.

Download or read book Self Help for Women written by Dara Montano and published by . This book was released on 2020-05-10 with total page 202 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: If you've always wanted to enter a room with your head held high and an air of confidence and self-esteem, but often struggle with this, then keep reading. Are you sick and tired of putting yourself in second place? Are you looking for ways to handle negative talks? Are you looking for practical tips that will increase your self-confidence? If so, then you've come to the right place. Two manuscripts in one book: Confidence for Women: How to Be Yourself in a Way Where Self-Love, Self-Esteem, Assertiveness, and Happiness is Your Natural State, and Self-Doubt, Stress, and Anxiety is Not Self-Esteem for Women: The Ultimate Self-Help Guide to Build Habits that Will Improve Your Confidence, Self-Compassion, Assertiveness, Self-Love, and Mindset Becoming self-confident doesn't have to be difficult. Even if you've tried to work on improving yourself in the past, but didn't get anywhere, you don't have to worry. You were probably trying the wrong approaches. It's easier than you think. This book takes into account the very nature of women, and it uses information that applies to women to help you move forward in your life and be the wonderful person you were always intended to be. Here's just a tiny fraction of what you'll discover in part 1: Common confident issues that women have Understanding negative beliefs in yourself, their causes, and how to change them How to silence your self-doubt The things that you shall avoid, the things that confident women DON'T do Hacks to become more confident Tips to become confident at the workplace Self-care for self-confidence ...and much, much more! In part 2 of this book you will discover: How you can develop and grow as an individual The different elements that make up human happiness and fulfillment Why negative talk is hurting your progress-and what to do instead How to invoke positive emotions without depending on others for validation 8 habits that will change your life in a positive way Cool tricks to help you to find your better self The biggest mistake people make in living life in retrospect The best tools you can use to help you to develop Take a second to imagine how you'll feel once you start to feel your self-esteem soar, and how your family and friends will react when you achieve the happiness you desire. So even if you're a woman who feels that your image needs a boost and your confidence is lacking, you can change your life by reading the contents of this book. And if you have a burning desire to feel confident and to know your purpose in life, then scroll up and click "add to cart."

Download or read book Assertiveness Training written by James W Williams and published by . This book was released on 2020-06-29 with total page 216 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Do you say YES even if you want to say NO? Do you feel like you are a people pleaser? Do you often give in to others at the expense of your own needs? If you do, and you want to stop being "too nice," then Assertiveness Training is for you. Being able to communicate effectively is a critical skill for both professional success and personal relationships. The lack of being able to be assertive heavily impacts your ability for effective communication and can lead to feeling powerless and having low self-esteem. The good news is that there's a simple solution. By understanding that people-pleasing is a habit and not a trait, you can start working on breaking this habit and replacing it with assertive habits. This approach is detailed in Assertiveness Training Stop People Pleasing, Feeling Guilty, and Caring for What Others Think, and Start Speaking Up, Saying No, and Being More Confident. Amazon bestselling author, James W. Williams, provides a start-to-finish blueprint for bringing out your inner assertive self. He'll show you, step by step, how to overcome your tendency to people please, and how to go after what you want. You'll receive more than 21 chapters with proven techniques for conquering your habit of being "too nice." You'll also learn the REASONS why you people please and why some people take advantage of people pleasers both consciously and unconsciously. In this book, you will discover: WHY you have a habit of people-pleasing. Surprisingly simple ways to be more assertive, gain confidence, and properly address people who constantly ask you for requests. How to properly identify your emotions and control them in any situation. EXACTLY how to develop a more assertive attitude (without being aggressive). How to tell others no-and other techniques in declining requests without offending. Handling aggression and passive-aggressive behavior in your friends and family. How to manage the different reactions people have when they are told no. Secrets on navigating what to do when confronted with criticism and negative feedback. How to quickly break your people-pleasing habit. Enhancing your personality and becoming more independent, confident, and happy. And much more! Assertiveness Training is for anyone who struggles with being "too nice." Whether you're a student, corporate executive, stay-at-home parent, or an entrepreneur, the tactics described in this book can begin your personal transformation journey. Grab your copy of Assertiveness Training today to finally conquer your inner people pleaser and start going after what YOU want! Scroll to the top of the page and click the "BUY NOW" button!

Download or read book Social Skills written by Tom Ferris and published by . This book was released on 2020-07-07 with total page 120 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: It's not about what you know but who you know... So, do you know the right people? Are your social skills where you want them to be? Do you show up just before the meeting starts and purposefully grab a chair in the back of the room where nobody can see you or force you into the center stage? Have you kept your mouth shut even when you had a good idea simply because you didn't want to have to deal with talking over everybody? If you've answered yes to the above questions then chances are you could afford to do some work on addressing your social skills. As a matter of fact, social anxiety disorder is perhaps the most common mental illness in the world, affecting approximately 17 million people in just the United States. And this illness can affect a lot more than just choosing to keep quiet at work. "Genuinely one of the best books I have ever read on the subjcet of social skills." Austin Today Maybe you've been struggling in your dating life because you constantly feel awkward? Or maybe you repeatedly go to parties and gatherings you don't actually want to be at because you feel out of place the whole time anyway? It doesn't have to be this way! Your Social Skills are something you can focus upon and train, making yourself a more and more sociable and engaging person with each day that passes. With the right tools and techniques, paired with a bit of enhanced personal awareness, you could be rocking every conversation and social gathering that life throws your way in no time flat. In Social Skills, you'll discover: The #1 thing that inhibits our social capacity and how you can never do it again Why embracing the introvert within is actually a good idea The top 5 things not to do when first breaking free of your shyness How you can train your Emotional Intelligence in less than 5 minutes a day Why your vulnerability is a superpower and how to use it your advantage A scientifically proven method to win any conversation How your social circle determines your success and what you can do about it ... and so much more. "This book successfully breaks down a complex subject to very easy-to-follow steps, making socializing with confidence accessible to everyone!." Raymond Clarence, Author and Speaker Putting yourself out there and expressing your truth is not going to kill you. You don't have to play by other people's rules, but you do have to take ownership of your own abilities. You can create an environment for yourself where you always feel comfortable and surrounded by support. When you do you'll find that being social isn't actually difficult at all. You'll find that just being yourself is in fact the most enjoyable thing in the world and that communication and connection with other human beings is something you actually rather enjoy. If you're ready to leave all the social uncertainity and shyness behind for good, then scroll up and click the "Add to Cart" button right now.

Download or read book Relationships written by Richard H. Pfeiffer and published by Growth Central LLC. This book was released on 2010-04-20 with total page 51 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: This is a clear and concise booklet (Essential Relationship Series) containing essential and innovative help for anyone wanting to learn how to be more assertive in a relationship. Passivity and passive-aggressiveness between partners inevitably leads to frustration and conflict requiring interpersonal skills and concepts. The booklet offers effective and proven ways to improve assertiveness skills in relationships and will be of help to many.

Download or read book Taming the Beasts written by Michael Widmore and published by Gem delos Santos. This book was released on 2016-02-23 with total page 19 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: This book will arm you to the teeth so to speak, on the tools and techniques you would need to confront and handle the difficult people in your life! The proper mindsets, actions, tactics and strategies to keep them all under control and gain their respect! Being with difficult people is like being with strong, stubborn, wild animals. You need to have enough finesse and flexibility, at the same time enough grit and toughness, so you dont get eaten alive! In this book you will learn: - How to set boundaries. - How to enforce boundaries. - How to deal with conflicts and be comfortable therein. - How to confront people. - Understand what Niceguys are and how to stop being one! - How to be true to yourself, stop being a people pleaser and thus gain others respect. - Assertiveness training, how to be more assertive etc. - Learning how to say NO! And much much more! ================= Table Of Contents ================= What Are Boundaries? Ng Boundaries Importkinds Of Boundaries Indicators Of Unhealthy Boundaries All About Self Respect How To Safeguard Yourself Settiant Boundary Setting Steps: Changing Yourself. Enforcing Boundaries Confronting People Do You Feel Guilty About Conflicts? Being Honest With Yourself Assertiveness Training Don T Hesitate To Be More Forceful When The Situation Requires It. Guidelines For Being Assertive The Nice Guy

Download or read book Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy written by Lara Ross and published by . This book was released on 2020-04-29 with total page 150 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: How to show love to your partner? Your love doesn't have to cost a lot or be the way it looks in movies. You can use your words, actions, caresses, and gifts to make your partner feel loved in new and old ways. Everyone wants to be loved and your ability to love your partner will have a great positive impact on your relationship. Discover the "language of love" of your partner. These languages include love that expresses itself through words, love that expresses itself through the time they spend together, love that shows through gifts, love that expresses itself through physical contact and love that manifests itself through acts of service. One way to know what your main love languages are is to think about the way you show your love to others. This book covers the following topics: Build Lasting Relationships Promote Understanding Deep descriptions of emotions/feelings Step-by-step therapy procedures Adult Attachment Relationship communication Impact of Emotional Intelligence on Intimate Relationships Unlocking Intimate Capacity through Synergy Define A Clear Goal Ways to Stop Arguing How to Break Off a Relationship with a Narcissist Controlling Emotions Start your journey to increase self-esteem together Building Trust in Relationships Conflict Resolution Appreciate the Differences Anxiety in Relationships ...And much more DOWNLOAD: Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy Even if you are looking for something new to try or a method to learn about, use your love for your partner to find ways to communicate to her, to get to know her better and to have a happier and healthier relationship. Ready to get started? Click "Buy Now"!

Download or read book Be Kind Not Nice written by Marcia Sirota and published by Createspace Independent Publishing Platform. This book was released on 2016-12-30 with total page 210 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Are you frustrated in your relationships? Are you an employee, manager or boss? Are you parent, teacher or caregiver? Are you a sibling, friend or part of a couple? In this book, Dr. Marcia Sirota gives you the straight talk with real-life stories, deep psychological insights and practical, easy-to-apply tools to rebuild your self-esteem and stop trying so hard to make other people happy. In Be Kind, Not Nice, you'll discover how: To escape the vicious circle of people pleasing, being mistreated, frustration and addiction To become a more compassionate, kind person To love and accept yourself first To take better care of yourself and live a more authentic, empowered life To create positive, successful relationships at home, school and work If you're a people-pleaser and can't stop being nice, this book is for you. We use words like kindness and nice every day without ever really thinking about what they may actually mean. By deconstructing two seemingly simple words in an attempt to define them, this book opens a doorway to a deep meditation on self-forgiveness, healing and true personal potential. - Jeff de Boer, metal artist and creator of suits of armour for mice Every page of Dr. Marcia Sirota's new book reflects her own intelligence and compassion. Be Kind, Not Nice offers the kind of encouragement we all need - not rooted in fantasy or wishful thinking, but based in a truth that is unlocked with greater understanding of ourselves and our own potential. You are amazing, and Dr. Sirota can prove it. - David Hopkins, author of We Miss All the Great Parties Finally, a book that champions your success. Don't miss out on even one more day of getting all you want in life.

Download or read book Resolving Conflicts with Confidence written by Rae A. Stonehouse and published by Live For Excellence Productions. This book was released on 2024-08-18 with total page 49 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Conflicts are inevitable—but their outcomes don't have to be negative or destructive. Resolving Conflicts with Confidence equips you with a powerful blueprint for transforming disagreements into opportunities for deeper understanding, growth, and positive change. In this transformative guide, veteran nurse, inspirational speaker, and self-development expert Rae A. Stonehouse shares battle-tested strategies for navigating even the most complex conflicts with poise and resolution. Through profound insights, practical exercises, and relatable personal stories, you'll learn to: Understand the underlying dynamics driving conflicts and common barriers to resolution Develop assertive communication skills to express your needs clearly and respectfully Master the art of active listening to build empathy and validate others' perspectives Regulate emotions and facilitate constructive dialogue, even in high-stakes situations Find mutually beneficial solutions through creative problem-solving techniques Build trust, strengthen relationships, and foster more collaborative environments Whether you're struggling with workplace tensions, family disputes or simply seek to improve your communication skills, Resolving Conflicts with Confidence provides a comprehensive roadmap. Stonehouse's wisdom, rooted in over four decades of psychiatric nursing experience, will empower you to approach disagreements with confidence, turn conflicts into catalysts for growth, and create more meaningful connections. Embracing the principles in this book will not only resolve immediate conflicts but inspire those around you to adopt a more empathetic, collaborative approach—creating a powerful ripple effect of positive change. Take the first step towards becoming a master of conflict resolution and unlock deeper self-awareness, stronger relationships, and greater fulfillment.

Download or read book Assertiveness Training written by Chase Hill and published by Mindful Happiness. This book was released on 2021-08-16 with total page 192 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Stop being a pushover - it's time for you to be seen, be heard, and to get what you deserve. Have you spent the better portion of your life physically and mentally unable to strive for what you really want, passively riding the waves as they come? Are you constantly considerate of others' feelings, having made too many compromises in the past that have left you feeling unfulfilled and empty? You may currently be facing an unsettling internal conflict, wondering how you can assert yourself and express your genuine thoughts, needs, and opinions without being aggressive or disliked by those around you. Your generosity and kindness are indeed a double-edged sword - they may feel like your weaknesses, but you need to realize that they are also two of your most admirable strengths. Only then will you be able to find real balance in your life. Being assertive isn't synonymous with being aggressive or unfriendly - it is very much possible to be confident and firm all while being polite and kind. True assertiveness, rooted in a real inner desire to build relationships instead of destroying them, is a rare and precious commodity among people nowadays. The mere fact that you're striving for it shows off your undeniable strength and ability to transform and evolve as a human being. There's no reason to be held back by discomfort and fear anymore - with the right training, your timid nature will undoubtedly subside, making room for the assertive person you've always longed to be. In Assertiveness Training, you will discover: How to recognize the subtle behaviors that have been hindering your path to self-fulfillment, as well as ways to start transforming them into more positive and self-affirming habits Scientifically proven steps to practice self-awareness and emotional control to avoid the most common emotional setbacks barricading the way between you and your assertive self How to tackle the anxiety and fear that come from your first attempts at being assertive, making assertiveness second nature A plethora of situation-based tips and tricks that will guide you through the process of knowing exactly what to say and do to let people know that you're not to be walked over Comprehensive guidance on how to be assertive in your workplace to finally get the recognition and respect you deserve How to find the right balance between passive and aggressive behavior to gain genuine respect from others, untainted by pity or fear A step-by-step action plan, taking you on a transformative journey towards building more confidence that's rooted in a polite and kind contact with the people around you And much more. Assertiveness is not a natural-born trait, but it is a skill that we all can acquire with perseverance and the right kind of guidance. It's time to stop living your life feeling like a vessel for others to use as they wish. Unlike what you may fear, being assertive isn't going to cause others any pain or hatred. It will instead create healthy boundaries through which you and your acquaintances can communicate more honestly and freely. If you want to gain the respect and admiration of others for being who you truly are, then scroll up and click the "Buy now with 1-Click" button right now.

Download or read book The Difficult People Survival Guide written by Kim Domingo Reyes and published by Independently Published. This book was released on 2024-05-06 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Feeling drained by drama? Exhausted by negativity? You're not alone. Difficult people are everywhere, from the office to our homes, and navigating these relationships can feel impossible. But what if you had the tools to not only survive but thrive? Difficult People Survival Guide: Transforming Difficult Relationships By Setting Boundaries, Self-Respect & Resilience is your comprehensive guide to understanding, managing, and even transforming your interactions with challenging personalities. Discover proven strategies to: Decode Difficult Behavior: Uncover the motivations behind difficult people's actions, from insecurity and control issues to poor communication skills and past hurts. Gain insights that foster empathy and empower you to respond strategically, not reactively. Establish & Enforce Healthy Boundaries: Learn how to define your limits with clarity and communicate them assertively, even in the face of resistance. Discover techniques to protect your time, energy, and emotional well-being. Master Communication Skills for Any Situation: Navigate challenging conversations with greater ease using powerful communication tools like "I" statements, active listening, and constructive feedback. Learn how to de-escalate conflict, assert your needs, and find win-win solutions. Develop Unshakeable Emotional Intelligence: Learn to manage your own reactions and stay calm under pressure. Discover powerful reframing techniques and stress management practices to maintain your equilibrium and prevent burnout. Thrive in the Face of Difficult People: This guide provides tailored solutions for a variety of challenging scenarios, from dealing with micromanaging bosses and passive-aggressive coworkers to navigating family conflict and toxic friendships. Build Resilience & Reclaim Your Power: Stop feeling like a victim of difficult behavior. Discover how to boost your confidence, cultivate inner strength, and protect yourself from negativity. Transform your relationships, reclaim your peace of mind, and start thriving today! Get your copy of Difficult People Survival Guide now!

Download or read book Grow Your Confidence Assertiveness Self esteem written by Michelle Gates and published by Createspace Independent Publishing Platform. This book was released on 2017-09 with total page 114 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The 2018 updated version of the best selling solution to grow your confidence, assertiveness & self-esteem. Over 15 years of research lead to Michelle Gates writing the original book in 2008 which has now been fully updated with the latest methods for 2018. Cutting through the nonsense, this book offers a simple and easy to understand solution to growing your confidence, assertiveness and self esteem. No fancy gimmicks, just solid and actionable advice. Some of the topics covered in this book include: - Quickly & Easily Overcome Fear About Social Situations - Always Know What To Say - Building Your Self-Esteem and Confidence - Effective Use Of Body Language and Reading Other People - Relating To Others With Ease and Confidence- How To Be Assertive In Any Situation and so much more! The 2018 updated version is available now on Kindle, Paperback and Audible.

Download or read book The Assertiveness Guide for Women written by Julie de Azevedo Hanks and published by New Harbinger Publications. This book was released on 2016-08-01 with total page 226 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Isn’t it time you took a stand? Many women struggle with assertiveness, but if you’re prone to anxiety and avoidance, it is especially difficult. Grounded in attachment theory, this essential guide will help you identify your thoughts and feelings, balance your emotions, communicate your needs, and set healthy boundaries to improve your life. When you’re assertive, you’re able to communicate your needs and wishes clearly while respecting yourself and anyone else involved in the interaction. But when you aren’t assertive, you may stop yourself from saying anything when your needs aren’t being met, or end up lashing out in hostile or hurtful ways. People with different attachment styles struggle with being assertive for different reasons, and even women with a secure attachment style may have difficulty expressing emotion when faced with challenging circumstances. Using strategies based in mindfulness, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), The Assertiveness Guide for Women can help you understand the attachment styles that keep you from asserting yourself. You’ll learn about the three communication stances—from the passive Doormat to the aggressive (or passive-aggressive) Sword to the assertive Lantern—and find practical examples that show you how to apply your new communication and emotional awareness skills in your own life. Rather than being caught in a cycle of rumination and regret when you’re unable to express yourself or even acknowledge your own needs, you’ll be ready to assert yourself and get what you want. Whether you’re anxious and overwhelmed by the intensity of your emotions, avoidant and struggle to identify your emotions, or otherwise have difficulty expressing yourself, this book will help you become more aware of your own thoughts and feelings, and empower you to ask for what you need, set boundaries, and speak your truth for a more fulfilling life.

Download or read book How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing with People written by Leslie T. Giblin and published by Penguin. This book was released on 1985-11-01 with total page 225 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Taking a brass tacks approach to communication, How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing With People explains how to interact with others as they really are, not as you would like them to be. The goal is to get what you want from them successfully – be it cooperation, goodwill, love or security. Les Giblin, a recognized expert in the field of human relations, has devised a method for dealing with people that can be used when relating with anyone – parents, teachers, bosses, employees, friends, acquaintances, even strangers. Giblin shows step by step how to get what you want at any time and in ways that leave you feeling good about yourself. Moreover, the people who have given you want you want wind up feeling good about themselves, too. The result? Nobody gets shortchanged. It’s a win-win situation. Each chapter includes a handy summary, so there’s absolutely no chance of missing the book’s key points. You can also use these recaps to refresh your memory after you’ve finished the book. Instead of feeling miserable about your interpersonal skills, read this best-selling guide and learn to succeed with people in every area of your life.

Download or read book Assertiveness written by Judy Murphy and published by . This book was released on 2011-11-21 with total page 108 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: