Download or read book The Funniest Things Ever Said New and Expanded written by Steven D. Price and published by Rowman & Littlefield. This book was released on 2019-08-29 with total page 343 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Here are1,237 laugh-out-loud quotes, quips, and jokes, all in one packed-to-the-brim volume. Yes, folks, sit back and enjoy this collection of inadvertent gaffes, thigh-slappers, puns, and everything and anything else that'll tickle your funny bone. There’s something old, something new, something stolen, and something blue—from favorite comedians, sports and political figures, and literary wits. There are even giggles for the kids and groaners for the grown-ups. Just a few among the 1,237 funniest things ever said: “I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.”—Rita Rudner “I don’t know if it’s good for baseball, but it sure beats the hell out of rooming with Phil Rizzuto.”—Yogi Berra on being told that Joe DiMaggio was to marry Marilyn Monroe “I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died.”—Malcolm Forbes “The Dalai Lama visited the White House and told the President that he could teach him to find a higher state of consciousness. Then, after talking to Bush for a few minutes, he said, ‘You know what? Let’s just grab lunch.’”—Bill Maher

Download or read book Funniest Things Ever Said New written by Steven Price and published by 1001. This book was released on 2019 with total page 344 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A collection of the greatest witticisms from the world of politics, show business, sports, and anywhere else people can get a good laugh Here are a thousand and one laugh-out-loud quotes, quips, and jokes, all in one packed-to-the-brim volume. Yes, folks, sit back and enjoy this collection of inadvertent gaffes, thigh-slappers, puns, and everything and anything else that'll tickle your funny bone. There's something old, something new, something stolen, and something blue--from favorite comedians, sports and political figures, and literary wits. There are even giggles for the kids and groaners for the grown-ups. Just a few among the 1,001 funniest things ever said: "So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?"--Christina Aguilera "Fame means when your computer modem is broken, the repair guy comes out to your house a little faster." --Sandra Bullock "Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. And recovery is when Jimmy Carter loses his." --Ronald Reagan

Download or read book The Funny Things Friends Say written by All Things Journal and published by . This book was released on 2019-07-13 with total page 114 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The Funny Things Friends Say This handy size journal has given you plenty of room to write down all the funny, amusing or moving quotes and sayings that you will love to record and remember your friends by. This beautifully made and bound notebook has a unique and amusing design with a blank page in-between to stop any ink bleed or impression damage. This also gives you extra room for your own comments, thoughts and memories. Product Description: 6"x.9" 112 pages Uniquely designed cover High quality, white paper Matte cover Check out our other great notebooks and journals, by clicking on the "Author Name" link just below the title of this journal. Other Ideas On Who Would Love This Notebook Best Friends Gift Anniversary Gift Wedding Gift Graduation Gift End of School Year Gift Ideal for Nurse Week Gift Thank You Nurse Gift Nurse Appreciation Gift Scroll up and Look Inside and then Click BUY NOW to get this great Notebook TODAY

Download or read book Kids Say the Funniest Things written by Michael Barrymore and published by . This book was released on 2000 with total page 128 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt:

Download or read book Funniest Thing You Never Said 2 written by Rosemarie Jarski and published by Random House. This book was released on 2010-09-02 with total page 578 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The bestselling, blockbusting, bumper book of humorous quotations rides back into town with 6,000 more hilariously funny quotes. From times past to the modern day, classic funnies to contemporary wit, The Funniest Thing You Never Said 2 delivers an unbeatable selection of fantastic and hilarious quotes on every subject under the sun. Featuring topics as diverse as celebrity to religion, and including a cast of quotees ranging from Oscar Wilde to Homer Simpson, there's something here for everyone with a sense of humour. 'I am willing to love all mankind, except an American.' - Samuel Johnson 'Glastonbury was very wet and muddy. There was trench foot, dysentery, peaches ... all the Geldof daughters.' - Sean Lock 'Politics would be a helluva good business if it weren't for the goddamned people.' - Richard Nixon 'I've had more women than most people have noses.' - Steve Martin 'I have the simplest tastes. I'm always satisfied with the best.' - Oscar Wilde 'Well, it's 1am. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids.' - Homer Simpson 'All I know is I'm not a Marxist.' - Karl Marx 'I'm the pink sheep of the family.' - Alexander McQueen

Download or read book A Confederacy of Dunces written by John Kennedy Toole and published by Grove/Atlantic, Inc.. This book was released on 2007-12-01 with total page 414 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Winner of the Pulitzer Prize “A masterwork . . . the novel astonishes with its inventiveness . . . it is nothing less than a grand comic fugue.”—The New York Times Book Review A Confederacy of Dunces is an American comic masterpiece. John Kennedy Toole's hero, one Ignatius J. Reilly, is "huge, obese, fractious, fastidious, a latter-day Gargantua, a Don Quixote of the French Quarter. His story bursts with wholly original characters, denizens of New Orleans' lower depths, incredibly true-to-life dialogue, and the zaniest series of high and low comic adventures" (Henry Kisor, Chicago Sun-Times).

Download or read book The Funniest Thing You Never Said 2 written by and published by Random House. This book was released on 2010 with total page 578 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: "From Samuel Johnson's 'I am willing to love all mankind, except an American', to Richard Nixon's classic, 'Politics would be a helluva good business if it weren't for the goddamned people', the 6000 hilarious quotations in this title are certain to have anyone with a sense of humour rolling on the floor. Spanning every topic, from religion and celebrities to politics and love, this gem of a book includes classic wise-cracks (and not-so-wise-words) from the likes of Oscar Wilde, Steve Martin, Homer Simpson and Karl Marx, as well as hundreds of fresh funnies!"--Publisher's description.

Download or read book The Dumbest Things Ever Said written by Steven D. Price and published by Rowman & Littlefield. This book was released on 2017-09-01 with total page 353 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A collection of stupid utterances, mostly unintentional--although not always--from politics, show business, sports, and anywhere else people can put their feet in their mouths. Based on recorded history, it's safe to say that dumb remarks have been with us since the invention of writing. Young or old, rich or poor, famous or unknown, people of all generations and cultures have seized the opportunity to say something dumb - stupidity has always been an equal opportunity employer. In celebration of such mental lapses and pure idiocy, here is a collection of stupid utterances, unintentional and otherwise, from the worlds of politics, radio, television, newspapers, show business, sports, and literature - and everywhere else people can - and have - put their feet in their mouths.

Download or read book A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the White House written by David E. Johnson and published by Taylor Trade Publications. This book was released on 2004 with total page 260 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: This book profiles eighteen of our funniest elections, from 1828, the first election in which all states had electors, to the election from hell in 2000. The book also includes chapters on Watergate and impeachment, and a gallery of official photographs.

Download or read book Funny Thing about Minnesota written by Patrick Strait and published by . This book was released on 2021-02-02 with total page pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: An insiders' look at the land of 10,000 laughs--how Minneapolis became a hotspot for comedy. It is a lively look back at the wild '80s scene and the creative legacy it wrought.

Download or read book 1001 Insults Put Downs Comebacks written by Steven D. Price and published by Rowman & Littlefield. This book was released on 2007-04-01 with total page 361 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.”—Groucho Marx An insult can be offensive and infuriating, but it means nothing if you have a better comeback. 1001 Insults, Put-Downs, and Comebacks gathers together the very sharpest of these barbs from a wide variety of sources, with some of the wickedest put-downs from the literary, political, and entertainment worlds, along with many others.

Download or read book One More Thing written by B. J. Novak and published by Vintage. This book was released on 2014-02-04 with total page 251 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: New York Times Bestseller A startlingly original debut from the actor, writer, director, and executive producer hailed as “a gifted observer of the human condition and a very funny writer capable of winning that rare thing: unselfconscious, insuppressible laughter” (The Washington Post). A boy wins a $100,000 prize in a box of Frosted Flakes—only to discover that claiming the winnings might unravel his family. A woman sets out to seduce motivational speaker Tony Robbins—turning for help to the famed motivator himself. A new arrival in Heaven, overwhelmed with options, procrastinates over a long-ago promise to visit his grandmother. We meet Sophia, the first artificially intelligent being capable of love, who falls for a man who might not be ready for it himself; a vengeance-minded hare, obsessed with scoring a rematch against the tortoise who ruined his life; and post-college friends who try to figure out how to host an intervention in the era of Facebook. Along the way, we learn why wearing a red T-shirt every day is the key to finding love, how February got its name, and why the stock market is sometimes just . . . down. Finding inspiration in questions from the nature of perfection to the icing on carrot cake, One More Thing has at its heart the most human of phenomena: love, fear, hope, ambition, and the inner stirring for the one elusive element just that might make a person complete. Across a dazzling range of subjects, themes, tones, and narrative voices, the many pieces in this collection are like nothing else, but they have one thing in common: they share the playful humor, deep heart, sharp eye, inquisitive mind, and altogether electrifying spirit of a writer with a fierce devotion to the entertainment of the reader.

Download or read book The Funny Thing Is written by Ellen DeGeneres and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2003-10-28 with total page 191 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: An indispensable reference for anyone who knows how to read—or wants to fool people into thinking they do—The Funny Thing Is... is sure to make you laugh. Ellen DeGeneres published her first book of comic essays, the #1 bestselling My Point...And I Do Have One, way back in 1996. Not one to rest on her laurels, the witty star of stage and screen has since dedicated her life to writing a hilarious new book. That book is this book. After years of painstaking, round-the-clock research, surviving on a mere twenty minutes of sleep a night, and collaborating with lexicographers, plumbers, and mathematicians, DeGeneres has crafted a work that is both easy to use and very funny. Along with her trademark ramblings, The Funny Thing Is... contains hundreds of succinct insights into her psyche and offers innovative features including: -More than 50,000 simple, short words arranged in sentences that form paragraphs. -Thousands of observations on everyday life—from terrible fashion trends to how to handle seating arrangements for a Sunday brunch with Paula Abdul, Diane Sawyer, and Eminem. -All twenty-six letters of the alphabet.

Download or read book Some of the Funniest Things Happen in the Most Unlikely and Unexpected Places written by Glenn W. Martin and published by iUniverse. This book was released on 2005-03-03 with total page 212 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: This collection of stories was written for only one purpose-to make you laugh! These stories are not aimed at your mind, but at your funny bone. They are not supposed to make you smarter or wiser, but might keep you from taking yourself and life too seriously. When enjoying these stories, you may venture into restaurants or churches, attend weddings or funerals, and spend some time in the Army. And you may meet people who did not intend to be funny, but did funny things. These stories should put a smile on your face, and a chuckle in your voice. And if you laugh out loud, that would be okay, too. Laughter is not only good for your health, but it also does wonders for your spirit and your soul.

Download or read book Totally Scripted written by Josh Chetwynd and published by Rowman & Littlefield. This book was released on 2017-02-01 with total page 233 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The language of Hollywood resonates beyond the stage and screen because it often has inherent drama—or comedic effect. This volume contains a combination of approximately 100 expertly researched essays on words, phrases and idioms made famous by Hollywood along with the stories behind 30 or so of the most iconic—and ultimately often used—quotes from films. There are also sidebars that focus on other ways the entertainment world has changed language. For instance, stories behind stars whose names have been used for drinks (hello, Shirley Temple) or roses (there are ones named after Elizabeth Taylor and Judy Garland, among others). And, a sidebar on William Shakespeare’s unique contribution to the English language.

Download or read book The Book of Unusual Knowledge written by Ltd Publications International and published by Publications International, Limited. This book was released on 2012-03 with total page 704 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The Book of Unusual Knowledge is a mammoth 704-page hardcover book crammed with a cornucopia of information--some useful, others not so much--but all of it completely captivating. It's perfect for anyone with a curious mind and a passion for learning. With quirky illustrations and a vast array of articles, anecdotes, lists, and games, this book will provide hours of fascinating reading. It will also expand your knowledge on a range of topics, including the animal kingdom, art, sports, technology, history, politics, the universe, and much, much more. Sample topics include: * Are plastic bags killing sacred cows in India? * Does NASCAR have roots in bootlegging moonshine? * Did Ronald Reagan see not one--but two--UFOs during his lifetime? Gorgeous leatherette binding with gilded accents makes The Book of Unusual Knowledge a handsome addition to your library.

Download or read book Weird Things Customers Say in Bookstores written by Jennifer Campbell and published by Abrams. This book was released on 2012-09-13 with total page 125 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Booksellers share the quirky questions and odd requests from customers that leave them speechless . . . “I’ve forgotten my glasses, can you read me the first chapter?” “Did Beatrix Potter ever write a book about dinosaurs?” “Excuse me . . . is this book edible?” Filled with funny, quirky illustrations by the BAFTA Award-winning Brothers McLeod and featuring contributions from booksellers across the United States the UK, and Canada, Weird Things Customers Say in Bookstores is a celebration of bookstores large and small, and of the brilliant booksellers who toil in those literary fields—and most of all, the myriad of colorful characters who walk through the doors every day. This irresistible collection is proof positive that booksellers everywhere are heroes. “So funny, so sad . . . Read it and sigh.” —Neil Gaiman