Download or read book Date Like A Scoundrel 10 Things to Tell Ugly Chicks on a First Date written by Donald Rump and published by Donald Rump. This book was released on 2016-08-16 with total page 49 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: I’ve no idea what’s going in that pea-brained mind of yours. Perhaps it’s all that crack you’ve been smoking. Who knows? And who cares? You are a scoundrel after all, so it isn’t hard to see your angle. Now you’ve set your sites on the ugliest girl in the room, if not on earth. Even though you’ve set the bar low—way low—you’re not sure how to proceed. Perhaps you could use some advice before pissing your precious time and money away? Good, for I have just the thing for you. From one scoundrel to another… Approximately 11,000 words.
Download or read book Five Reasons Why Dating Hot Chicks Is A Bad Idea written by Donald Rump and published by Donald Rump. This book was released on 2014-08-25 with total page 44 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: You found her! The hottest chick you've ever laid eyes on wants you and only you. But aren't you forgetting something? You're broke, and this chick is way out of your league. She's scorching hot and you're…well…lucky to have her. Or so you think… This short volume will help demystify the impact of a high maintenance hottie and encourage you to resist the urge to go into debt just to appease her. Approximately 7,000 words.
Download or read book The 500 Question written by Donald Rump and published by Donald Rump. This book was released on 2014-01-06 with total page 28 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Perkins Deadwood can't believe his ears. His twelve-year-old son just asked for a pet fart for Christmas. And not just any fart, a Spanish fart. ¡Ay, caramba! Can the used car salesman talk his son out of it? Or is this Christmas going to really stink? For mature (and not so mature) audiences. Approximately 2,100 words.
Download or read book The Gay Assteroid written by Donald Rump and published by Donald Rump. This book was released on 2020-09-24 with total page 23 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Bill Bluster, founder and visionary behind the oddball Bluster Space Entertainment, LLC, sees an opportunity. When a pink asteroid is stopped short of striking earth's 15th colony Syphus, he puts in a bid and snaps it up. Now in his possession, he's not sure what to do with it. How does one go about promoting a pink asteroid that doesn't look the least bit menacing? By promising a gay, old time, of course! Approximately 1,000 words.
Download or read book Bottling Farts Inc Episode 8 Disempowered written by Donald Rump and published by Donald Rump. This book was released on 2017-09-27 with total page 32 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: THE F**KING IDIOT . . . Vlad Wieckowski has seen better days. With only the clothes on his back, he's out of money, out of luck, and out of gas. CONFRONTS THE EVIL PINT-SIZED BASTARD . . . That little sh*t Henry Winkle is at it again, and this time he's got warehouses full of toxic gas at his disposal. Can anyone stop his evil plot to gas the world? AND GETS F**KED OVER BY A MYSTERIOUS DIPSH*T AGENT . . . By his letter he is known. W. W for Wacky. W for Wicked. W for WTF?! WILL THE INDELIBLE SH*THEAD GET HIS REVENGE? Or is mankind totally f**ked? Disempowered is the eighth episode of an ongoing serial, created specifically for the Eight Hour Fiction Challenge. Each installment is approximately 3,000-4,000 words.
Download or read book The Would Be Asstronaut written by Donald Rump and published by Donald Rump. This book was released on 2015-06-18 with total page 29 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Hank Larmspitz has a plan. Well, sort of. He's going to be the first man on the moon, dagnabbit, and he's going to do it without the aid of a space suit or even a space ship. Exactly what does he have in mind? Dan Dinkerleaf, a local correspondent for KAAS-LD Eureeka, wants to find out. And when he discovers Hank's true intentions, his patience becomes paper thin. "Seriously?" he blurts out. "Don't you think your theory is a bit…oh, I don't know...implausible?" "Watch close and you might learn something." Hank cracked his knuckles and pulled out a helping of his favorite brand. Intended for mature (and not so mature) audiences. Approximately 2,100 words.
Download or read book Till Death Do Us Fart written by Donald Rump and published by Donald Rump. This book was released on 2014-05-18 with total page 30 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Helen Hubbard's fears have finally been confirmed. During brunch one morning in her favorite restaurant, her husband Gary confesses to cheating on her, and is ready to leave at a moment's notice. When she pries deeper into the matter, she discovers more about his mysterious lover Muffy than she cares to know. “So you’re leaving me for a fart???” Helen exclaimed. For mature (and not so mature) audiences. Approximately 2,500 words.
Download or read book Like a Festering Ingrown Toenail Where s My Side of Toe Cheese written by Donald Rump and published by Donald Rump. This book was released on 2016-05-08 with total page 23 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Earl Muggs wanted a wife. Instead, he got the devil, or close to it. His witch of a wife Helga doesn’t cook, doesn’t clean, and certainly doesn’t polish yours truly. Gagnabbit! So what’s a man to do? Get revenge, that’s what! And mental midget Muggs knows just how… Approximately 1,200 words. WARNING: Contains toe cheese.
Download or read book The Hairiest Butt written by Donald Rump and published by Donald Rump. This book was released on 2019-05-06 with total page 26 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The search for the hairiest butt on Venus leads to explosive results. Approximately 1,600 words. WARNING: Butts, with lots of hair on them.
Download or read book A Lonely Wayward Fart Named Steve Episode 1 Maloofed written by Donald Rump and published by Donald Rump. This book was released on 2016-04-24 with total page 24 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: When Steve Skaggs realizes that his earthly body is gone and now he’s a crusty, old fart, the circumstances behind his mysterious death become clear, sending on an aloof adventure of betrayal and deceit. A Lonely, Wayward Fart Named Steve is an ongoing serial novel. This particular volume, including the subsequent author’s note, is approximately 3,150 words. WARNING This story is about a man who dies and comes back to life as a fart. There’s sex involved—not with farts, because you can’t have sex with a fart, you dolt! Anyways, there’s a Pakistani meat stick that’s mentioned, boobs that seem to defy the laws of the galaxy, and plenty of cruel and unusual things that happen to everyone’s favorite fart, Steve. Even if you are some perverted old fool, don’t read it to your kids. You don’t want to have to explain where our arch villainess’ mouth has been. And don’t say that I didn’t warn you!
Download or read book Floofed at 40 000 Feet written by Donald Rump and published by Donald Rump. This book was released on 2017-06-29 with total page 29 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: It's a swell day aboard Crampton Airways Flight 007 until a passenger decides to follow his heart (and nose) out the airplane by cracking open the emergency door. Before long, others follow, chasing their dreams to certain death. What exactly has gotten into them? The hell if Captain Marlow knows, who's still waiting for the busty stewardess to deliver a much needed shot of vodka. Approximately 3,200 words. Note: This is a companion piece to the original Finding Floofy. WARNING: Brain freeze ahead.
Download or read book Four Stinky Stories Vol 3 written by Donald Rump and published by Donald Rump. This book was released on 2017-07-01 with total page 69 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: What's that I see? Four more stinky stories that are sure to enliven anyone's day! Included in this fartabulous foursome: CAPTIVE AUDIENCE Three men, one blonde secretary, a jammed up elevator, and a series of ghastly, deadly farts. What could possibly go wrong? BUTT-DIALING BASTARD When Lenny Ludwitz gets a call from a mysterious stranger, he knows that he's totally f*cked. After going round and round with the knucklehead caller, Lenny and his trio of halfwit friends come to the only conclusion that they can--that the call, indeed, is originating from his bunghole. THE WOULD BE ASSTRONAUT He's going to be the first man on the moon, dagnabbit, and he's going to do it without the aid of a space suit or even a space ship. FLOOFED AT 40,000 FEET It's a swell day aboard Crampton Airways Flight 007 until a passenger decides to follow his heart (and nose) out the airplane by cracking open the emergency door. Before long, others follow, chasing their dreams to certain death. What exactly has gotten into them? ***BONUS!*** KEEPING WIND LATEN AND THE REST OF THE WORLD AT BAY Great heavens, the armored kingdoms are under attack! And King Krakken, the domain’s irritable ruler, has an impossible decision. Should he scramble the air ships and meet the encroaching enemy head on or listen to his counsel and hold firm? Either way, the green death is upon him and it’s only a matter of time before he comes face-to-face with the infamous Wind Laten. Approximately 12,000 words.
Download or read book Four Stinky Stories Vol 4 written by Donald Rump and published by Donald Rump. This book was released on 2020-02-21 with total page 89 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Can you believe it? Four more stinky stories have squeaked out, including these ghastly ghost turds: PUT ANOTHER FART IN THE JUKEBOX, BABY When Brad Blemmings meets his blind date at Fifty Something, a retro shake and burger joint, he's not sure what to expect. But the goth beauty Maimah is quite a handful, and then there's the matter of the farting jukebox in the corner... PEDO FLAMBÉ When an old man hobbles into the Palazzio and demands his favorite dish, the peculiar Pedo Flambé, the wait staff isn't sure what to make of it. "I'm sorry, sir, but we don't have such a thing on our menu." His baby-faced waiter Zach Spitz frowns. "You sure about that?" The old man slaps down a $100 bill. "Of course, sir. Right away, sir!" Zach's manager snatches up the bill and runs back to the kitchen. FART LOVER SUPREME Kimberly Grant is ruthless, and wants a taco. Thankfully, she's found a sucker to give it to her. Big time! DON'T COUNT YOUR CHICKEN FARTS BEFORE THEY HATCH When Miles Puggsley spends his last dollar on a carton of empty eggs, he realizes he's reached rock bottom and the end is near. But there's a basement to the misery he now endures, especially for the once proud DMV specialist turned exorcist. Can a band of wild chicken farts change his fortunes? No, probably not. BONUS: THE HAIRIEST BUTT The search for the hairiest butt on Venus leads to explosive results. Approximately 15,500 words.
Download or read book Bottling Farts Inc Episode 6 Disguised written by Donald Rump and published by Donald Rump. This book was released on 2016-09-28 with total page 32 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: THE F**KING IDIOT . . . Vlad Wieckowski has seen better days. With only the clothes on his back, he's out of money, out of luck, and out of gas. CONFRONTS THE EVIL PINT-SIZED BASTARD . . . That little sh*t Henry Winkle is at it again, and this time he's got warehouses full of toxic gas at his disposal. Can anyone stop his evil plot to gas the world? AND GETS F**KED OVER BY A MYSTERIOUS DIPSH*T AGENT . . . By his letter he is known. W. W for Wacky. W for Wicked. W for WTF?! WILL THE INDELIBLE SH*THEAD GET HIS REVENGE? Or is mankind totally f**ked? Disguised is the sixth episode of an ongoing serial, created specifically for the Eight Hour Fiction Challenge. Each installment is approximately 3,000-4,000 words.
Download or read book Fart Lover Supreme written by Donald Rump and published by Donald Rump. This book was released on 2020-01-24 with total page 27 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Kimberly Grant is ruthless, and wants a taco. Thankfully, she's found a sucker to give it to her. Big time. Approximately 2,800 words.
Download or read book Bottling Farts Inc Episode 4 Disrespected written by Donald Rump and published by Donald Rump. This book was released on 2015-10-03 with total page 30 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: THE F**KING IDIOT . . . Vlad Wieckowski has seen better days. With only the clothes on his back, he's out of money, out of luck, and out of gas. CONFRONTS THE EVIL PINT-SIZED BASTARD . . . That little sh*t Henry Winkle is at it again, and this time he's got warehouses full of toxic gas at his disposal. Can anyone stop his evil plot to gas the world? AND GETS F**KED OVER BY A MYSTERIOUS DIPSH*T AGENT . . . By his letter he is known. W. W for Wacky. W for Wicked. W for WTF?! WILL THE INDELIBLE SH*THEAD GET HIS REVENGE? Or is mankind totally f**ked? Disrespected is the fourth episode of an ongoing serial, created specifically for the Eight Hour Fiction Challenge. Each installment is approximately 3,000-4,000 words.
Download or read book Bottling Farts Inc Episode 9 Disillusioned written by Donald Rump and published by Donald Rump. This book was released on 2017-10-20 with total page 33 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: THE F**KING IDIOT . . . Vlad Wieckowski has seen better days. With only the clothes on his back, he's out of money, out of luck, and out of gas. CONFRONTS THE EVIL PINT-SIZED BASTARD . . . That little sh*t Henry Winkle is at it again, and this time he's got warehouses full of toxic gas at his disposal. Can anyone stop his evil plot to gas the world? AND GETS F**KED OVER BY A MYSTERIOUS DIPSH*T AGENT . . . By his letter he is known. W. W for Wacky. W for Wicked. W for WTF?! WILL THE INDELIBLE SH*THEAD GET HIS REVENGE? Or is mankind totally f**ked? Disillusioned is the ninth episode of an ongoing serial, created specifically for the Eight Hour Fiction Challenge. Each installment is approximately 3,000-4,000 words.
