Download or read book You re a Vampire That Sucks written by Domenick Dicce and published by National Geographic Books. This book was released on 2015-10-13 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Being bitten by and turned into a vampire isn’t the glitz and glamor that Hollywood makes it out to be. In fact, one out of five newly turned vampires will succumb to a slew of easily avoidable and common pitfalls within their first few months as a nightwalker—tempting garlic-laced Italian food, silver jewelry, and anything with an SPF below 1,000 will have to go. As an answer to this tragic loss of undead life, “Count" Domenick Dicce has written the definitive how-to guide that just might save your pale, ice-cold skin. This helpful tome will cover everything from Vampire 101—such as hunting, feeding, and getting used to your new powers—to Vampire Graduate Studies—such as coffin selection, the ghoulish world of vampiric social hierarchy, and the universal Laws of the Vampire. This humorous and giftable guide will be perfect for you or the vampire nut in your life, complete with illustrations throughout.

Download or read book You re a Vampire That Sucks written by Domenick Dicce and published by Penguin. This book was released on 2015-10-13 with total page 162 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Being bitten by and turned into a vampire isn’t the glitz and glamor that Hollywood makes it out to be. In fact, one out of five newly turned vampires will succumb to a slew of easily avoidable and common pitfalls within their first few months as a nightwalker—tempting garlic-laced Italian food, silver jewelry, and anything with an SPF below 1,000 will have to go. As an answer to this tragic loss of undead life, “Count" Domenick Dicce has written the definitive how-to guide that just might save your pale, ice-cold skin. This helpful tome will cover everything from Vampire 101—such as hunting, feeding, and getting used to your new powers—to Vampire Graduate Studies—such as coffin selection, the ghoulish world of vampiric social hierarchy, and the universal Laws of the Vampire. This humorous and giftable guide will be perfect for you or the vampire nut in your life, complete with illustrations throughout.

Download or read book Vampire Management written by Joseph Phillips and published by Instructingcom, LLC. This book was released on 2011-10 with total page 126 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: I'm a vampire and I'm your manager. I'd rather drink your blood than coffee. Your job sucks because you work for me. For years I've owned you, controlled you, and made your life miserable, but not anymore. I'm retiring and I'm sharing some secrets that just might get me killed. I don't care - I'm dead already. Vampires rule over corporate fiefdoms and control workers by the minute. You know you're working for a vampire when your manager doesn't care about your goals, your family life, and the misery you endure just to do your job. If you hate your job because of your manager, your coworkers, or because you can't afford to quit, you're probably working for a vampire. You might dream of breaking free from the corporate graveyard to pursue your life's passion. People warn you not to get your hopes up. To hell with them. Get your hopes up. Try hard and harder. Create goals. If you want to achieve you have to get your hopes up or there's nothing for you to look forward to. If you aren't willing to take a chance, come by my office, bare your neck, and I'll put you out of our misery. Vampire Management: Why Your Job Sucks is a biting look at today's corporate environment and its control of the workforce. Management consultant and author Joseph Phillips explores the dynamics of office life from the viewpoint of a bitter and aging vampire. It's an honest look at why so many workers are unhappy in their careers, feel stuck in a job they hate, and how people can escape from vampire managers. This is a read you can sink your teeth into.

Download or read book Sucks to Be Me written by Kimberly Pauley and published by Wizards of the Coast. This book was released on 2010-01-26 with total page 217 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Mina Hamilton's parents want her dead. (Or undead to be precise.) They're vampires, and like it or not, Mina must decide whether to become a vampire herself. But Mina's more interested in hanging out with best friend Serena and trying to catch the eye of the too-hot-for-high-school Nathan Able than in the vampire training classes she's being forced to take. How's a girl supposed to find the perfect prom date and pass third-year French when her mom and dad are breathing down her neck--literally?

Download or read book Suck It Up written by Brian Meehl and published by Delacorte Press. This book was released on 2008-05-13 with total page 338 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: ARE YOU UP to your neck in bloodsucking vampire stories? Tired of those tales about dentally enhanced dark lords? Before I wrote this book I thought all vampires were night-stalking, fangpopping, bloodsucking fiends. Then I met Morning McCobb. He’s a vegan vampire who drinks a soy-blood substitute called Blood Lite. He believes staking should be a hate crime. And someday he hopes to march in a Vampire Pride Parade. He was also the first vampire to out himself and try to show people of mortality, like you and me, that vampires are just another minority with special needs. Trust me—this is like no other vampire book you’ll ever feed on. So, as my buddy Morning says, “Pop the lid, and suck it up.”

Download or read book You Suck written by Christopher Moore and published by Harper Collins. This book was released on 2007-01-16 with total page 340 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Waking up after a fantastic night only to discover that his girlfriend is a vampire and has transformed him into one, C. Thomas Flood adapts to his new powers while dealing with a dangerous faction of bloodsuckers trying to kill off all other vampires.

Download or read book Vampires Never Get Old written by Zoraida Córdova and published by Imprint. This book was released on 2020-09-22 with total page 282 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Eleven fresh vampire stories from young adult fiction’s leading voices fill this bestselling anthology—including V.E. Schwab's First Kill, now a major Netflix adaptation! "Boundary-pushing... Stories that stake a new claim on old tropes." —Publishers Weekly, starred review In this delicious new collection, you’ll find stories about lurking vampires of social media, rebellious vampires hungry for more than just blood, eager vampires coming out—and going out for their first kill—and other bold, breathtaking, dangerous, dreamy, eerie, iconic, powerful creatures of the night. Welcome to the evolution of the vampire—and a revolution on the page. Vampires Never Get Old includes stories by authors both bestselling and acclaimed, including Samira Ahmed, Dhonielle Clayton, Zoraida Córdova and Natalie C. Parker, Tessa Gratton, Heidi Heilig, Julie Murphy, Mark Oshiro, Rebecca Roanhorse, Laura Ruby, Victoria “V. E.” Schwab, and Kayla Whaley. An Imprint Book "Vampire fans, sink your teeth into this satisfying collection." —Kirkus Reviews

Download or read book Jane Jones Worst Vampire Ever written by Caissie St. Onge and published by Ember. This book was released on 2011-05-10 with total page 242 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: For Jane Jones, being a vampire is nothing like you read about in books. In fact, it kind of sucks. She's not beautiful, she's not rich, and she doesn't "sparkle." She's just an average, slightly nerdy girl from an ordinary suburban family (who happens to be vampires.) Jane's from the wrong side of the tracks (not to mention stuck in the world's longest awkward phase), so she doesn't fit in with the cool vampire kids at school or with the humans kids. To top it all off, she's battling an overprotective mom, a clique of high school mean girls (the kind who really do have fangs), and the most embarrassing allergy in the history of the undead, she's blood intolerant. So no one's more surprised than Jane when for the first time in her life, things start to heat up (as much as they can for a walking corpse, anyway) with not one, but two boys. Eli's a geeky, but cute real-live boy in her history class, and Timothy is a beautiful, brooding bloodsucker, who might just hold the key to a possible "cure" for vampirism. Facing an eternity of high school pressure, fumbling first dates, or a mere lifetime together with Timothy, what's a 90-something year-old teen vampire to do? Fans of the Vladmir Tod Chronicles, You are So Undead to Me, and Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side will feast on this deliciously readable, smart, and fantastically funny debut.

Download or read book Bloodsucking Fiends written by Christopher Moore and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2009-12-15 with total page 297 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Jody never asked to become a vampire. But when she wakes up under an alley Dumpster with a badly burned arm, an aching back, superhuman strength, and a distinctly Nosferatuan thirst, she realizes the decision has been made for her. Making the transition from the nine-to-five grind to an eternity of nocturnal prowlings is going to take some doing, however, and that's where C. Thomas Flood fits in. A would-be Kerouac from Incontinence, Indiana, Tommy (to his friends) is biding his time night-clerking and frozen-turkey bowling in a San Francisco Safeway. But all that changes when a beautiful undead redhead walks through the door...and proceeds to rock Tommy's life—and afterlife—in ways he never thought possible.

Download or read book Bite Me written by Christopher Moore and published by Harper Collins. This book was released on 2010-03-23 with total page 281 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: “Christopher Moore is a very sick man, in the very best sense of the word.” —Carl Hiaasen The undead rise again in Bite Me, the third book in New York Times bestselling author Christopher Moore’s wonderfully twisted vampire saga. Joining his farcical gems Bloodsucking Fiends and You Suck, Moore’s latest in continuing story of young, urban, nosferatu style love, is no Twilight—but rather a tsunami of the irresistible outrageousness that has earned him the appellation, “Stephen King with a whoopee cushion and a double-espresso imagination” from the Atlanta Journal-Constitution and inspired Denver’s Rocky Mountain News to declare him, “the 21st century’s best satirist.”

Download or read book I Vampire written by Michael Romkey and published by Fawcett. This book was released on 1990-07-01 with total page 369 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: From yesterday to a hundred years ago, he lives in the world and walks among us. He enjoys the finest things in life, including beautfiul women, well-aged wine, and the finest classical composers. He has no guilt—he has no need of it. Neither good, nor bad, neither angel nor devil, he is a man, he is a vampire. And this is his story. . . . “Women are my weakness. Or to be more accurate, I should say they are my greatest weakness, for I have many. Travel. Books. Classical music. Art. Excellent wine. And, formerly, cocaine. I admit these things without a sense of guilt. I am, as my friend from Vienna says, a man with a man’s contradictions. I am neither good nor bad, neither angel nor devil. I am a man. I am a vampire.”—From I, Vampire

Download or read book The Vampire written by Nick Groom and published by Yale University Press. This book was released on 2018-10-30 with total page 325 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: An authoritative new history of the vampire, two hundred years after it first appeared on the literary scene Published to mark the bicentenary of John Polidori’s publication of The Vampyre, Nick Groom’s detailed new account illuminates the complex history of the iconic creature. The vampire first came to public prominence in the early eighteenth century, when Enlightenment science collided with Eastern European folklore and apparently verified outbreaks of vampirism, capturing the attention of medical researchers, political commentators, social theorists, theologians, and philosophers. Groom accordingly traces the vampire from its role as a monster embodying humankind’s fears, to that of an unlikely hero for the marginalized and excluded in the twenty-first century. Drawing on literary and artistic representations, as well as medical, forensic, empirical, and sociopolitical perspectives, this rich and eerie history presents the vampire as a strikingly complex being that has been used to express the traumas and contradictions of the human condition.

Download or read book How to Steal the Mona Lisa written by Taylor Bayouth and published by Penguin. This book was released on 2016-03-01 with total page 224 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A step-by-step guide for the craft of high stakes thievery In How to Steal the Mona Lisa, author Taylor Bayouth meticulously describes seven heists of priceless art and artifacts: the Hope Diamond, the "Mona Lisa," the Archaeopteryx Lithographica, Rodin's "Thinker," King Tut's golden death mask, the Crown Jewels, and the Codex Leicester. With this trusty guide, learn to: - Camouflage a getaway car. - Hack security systems. - Navigate air ducts. - Master the art of disguise. - Pick locks, scale buildings, and more. Illustrated throughout, this book contains all the information you need to acquire equipment, recruit partners, strategize the perfect crime, and discreetly sell off your stolen national treasures.

Download or read book Turned Book 1 in the Vampire Journals written by Morgan Rice and published by Morgan Rice. This book was released on 2014-09-02 with total page 201 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: "A book to rival TWILIGHT and VAMPIRE DIARIES, and one that will have you wanting to keep reading until the very last page! If you are into adventure, love and vampires this book is the one for you!" --Vampirebooksite.com (Turned) The #1 Bestselling series! THE VAMPIRE JOURNALS, comprising 11 books, tells the story of 18 year old Caitlin Paine, who finds herself uprooted from her nice suburb and forced to attend a dangerous New York City high school when her Mom moves again. Before her new romance can blossom, Caitlin suddenly finds herself changing, into something she does not understand. A love between the races will risk both of their lives, and will force them to decide whether to risk it all for each other...

Download or read book The Lifelong Project written by Joseph Phillips and published by . This book was released on 2009-11 with total page 168 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: What could happen if you were the project manager of your life? Around the world people are desperately searching for answers, direction, motivation, and purpose. Lives are in high demand but living is in low supply. The business of life needs new management and The Lifelong Project offers the solution. You will determine your wants and needs, create goals, seize your ambitions, and maximize your potential. Your Lifelong Project begins today. As the project manager of your life you have the authority to plan, control, and get things done. You'll achieve more than you ever thought possible. You'll find answers to squelch fears, dismiss doubts, and banish anxiety. Your goals will move from flimsy wishes to life-changing accomplishments. This isn't goal setting - this is goal achieving!

Download or read book Vampire The Masquerade 5th Edition written by Modiphius Entertainment and published by . This book was released on 2018-09 with total page pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Vampire: The Masquerade is the original and ultimate roleplaying game of personal and political horror. You are a vampire, struggling for survival, supremacy, and your own fading humanityafraid of what you are capable of, and fearful of the inhuman conspiracies that surround you.

Download or read book Angel Killer written by Andrew Mayne and published by Harper Collins. This book was released on 2014-09-23 with total page 264 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: In the first installment in Andrew Mayne's sensational mystery series, FBI agent Jessica Blackwood believes she has successfully left her complicated life as a gifted magician behind her . . . until a killer with seemingly supernatural powers puts her talents to the ultimate test. A mysterious hacker, who identifies himself only as “Warlock,” brings down the FBI’s website and posts a code in its place. It hides the GPS coordinates of a Michigan cemetery, where a dead girl is discovered rising from the ground . . . as if she tried to crawl out of her own grave. Born into a dynasty of illusionists, Jessica Blackwood is destined to become its next star—until she turns her back on her troubled family, and her legacy, to begin a new life in law enforcement. But FBI consultant Dr. Jeffrey Ailes’s discovery of an old copy of Magician Magazine will turn Jessica’s carefully constructed world upside down. Faced with a crime that appears beyond explanation, Ailes has nothing to lose—and everything to gain—by taking a chance on an agent raised in a world devoted to seemingly achieving the impossible. The body in the cemetery is only the first in the Warlock’s series of dark miracles. Thrust into the media spotlight, with time ticking away until the next crime, can Jessica confront her past to embrace her gifts and stop a depraved killer? If she can’t, she may become his next victim.