Download or read book World s Greatest Truly Offensive Jokes 2018 written by Mad Comedy and published by Createspace Independent Publishing Platform. This book was released on 2018-07-29 with total page 108 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: St. Peter stood at the Pearly Gates, waiting for the incoming, and he needed to use the restroom. He saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention. "Jesus, could you mind the gate while I go take a leak?" "Sure," replied Jesus. "What do I have to do?" "Just find out about the people who arrive. Ask about their background, their family, and their lives. Then decide if they deserve entry into Heaven." "Sounds easy enough," Jesus shrugged. So Jesus waited at the gates while St. Peter went off on his errand. The first person to approach the gates was a wrinkled old man. Jesus summoned him to a chair in front of a Heavenly desk and sat across from him. Jesus peered at the old man and asked, "What was it you did for a living?" The old man replied, "I was a carpenter." Jesus remembered his own earthly existence and leaned forward. "Did you have any family?" he asked. "Yes, I had a son," the old man nodded, "but I lost him." Jesus leaned forward some more. "You lost your son? Can you tell me about him?" "Well, he had holes in his hands and feet," the old man said tearfully. Jesus leaned forward even more and whispered, "Father?" The old man leaned forward and whispered, "Pinocchio?" This collection of raunchy, offensive, nasty jokes is sure to shock and offend nearly everyone. REVIEWS: "Five stars! I don't know if you can legally tell a joke where Donald Trump has his way with Sasha and Malia Obama, but this is the book to find it!" Funniest Ever Weekly "This book makes fun of blacks and whites, Christians and Muslims, women and transexuals, and everyone in between in a series of the funniest, dirtiest jokes ever. Just don't get caught reading it!" Comics Forever A black guy walks into a country bar in Alabama and orders a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, surprised, and the bartender looks around and says: "You ain't from around here, are ya? Where ya from, boy?" The black guy says, "I'm from Iowa." The bartender asks, "What th' hell you do in Iowa?" The black guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist. " The bartender asks, "A taxidermist... now just what th' hell is a taxidermist? " The black guy says, "I mount animals." The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, "It's OK, boys, he's one of us!"
Download or read book World s Greatest Dirty Jokes 2018 written by Mad Comedy and published by Createspace Independent Publishing Platform. This book was released on 2018-06-25 with total page 162 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: I stopped a girl in the street last night and handed her a rape alarm and some pepper spray. She looked confused and said, "What are these for?" I started unbuttoning my jeans and replied, "I like a challenge." Outrageous, offensive, and undeniably funny, this collection of hundreds of the dirtiest, raunchiest, nastiest jokes ever compiled is sure to leave you rolling in laughter. One day a man was hiking down an old dirt road when he noticed, down an embankment, a naked man tied to a large tree. The hiker ran to the man, and while removing his backpack, asked, "What happened to you?" The tied-up man began to tell him, "I picked up a hitchhiker and a few miles down the road he pulled a gun on me. He told me to pull over and took my car, my money, and all of my clothes. Then he tied me up to this tree." The hiker unzipped his fly and said, "Boy, this just isn't your day, is it?"
Download or read book World s Dirtiest Jokes written by Mad Comedy and published by Independently Published. This book was released on 2019-06-30 with total page 452 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Huge compendium of jokes so filthy, so offensive, so disturbing that this book has been BANNED ON CAMPUS! Millenial Workers A man was warned repeatedly about hiring lazy, know-it-all, crybaby millenials to work in his factory. But he remembered when he was young and just starting out, so he wanted to give them a chance. One morning, one of his tattooed millenials knocked on his office door. "Yes?" he said. "Boss, I have a problem," she said. "What is it?" the boss asked. "Well, I don't think it's appropriate that we test our products on animals. It's cruel." "I realize your generation is very sensitive to these things," the boss said thoughtfully. "But we have to ensure our products are safe before we sell them to consumers. Shampoo companies test on animals, cosmetic companies test on animals. It's a very common practice." "But Boss, we make dildoes!" she exclaimed. Medical Problem A man says to his doctor, "You gotta help me, doc!" The doctor says, "What's your problem?" The guy replies, "Every morning I wake up with my 'morning flagpole', so I give the missus a quick one, then go to work. On the way to work, I car pool with the next door neighbor's wife, who gives me a blow job during the ride to work." The doctor raises his eyebrows. The man continues, "Once I get to work, I do some work, but after about two hours, I go into the photocopy room and haveit off with the one of the young male interns in the office. At lunch I take my secretary out to a hotel and give her a good bonking. Later in the afternoon, I give it to the boss's wife, long and hard." The doctor's mouth falls open. The man continues, "Then I go home and slip the maid a few inches, and then at night I give the missus another screw." "Oh, I see," said the doctor, trying to maintain his composure. "But what exactly is your problem?" The man says, "Well, it hurts when I masturbate."
Download or read book Seriously Sick Jokes written by and published by Ulysses Press. This book was released on 2009-07-14 with total page 146 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A treasury of irreverent, politically incorrect, and wholly distasteful jokes represents top-selected submissions to the b3ta.com Web site, in a volume that is complemented by equally biting illustrations. Original.
Download or read book Lose Well written by Chris Gethard and published by HarperCollins. This book was released on 2018-10-16 with total page 259 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A laugh-out-loud, kick-in-the-pants self-help narrative for anyone who ever felt like they didn’t fit in or couldn’t catch a break—comedian and cult hero Chris Gethard shows us how to get over our fear of failure and start living life on our own terms. Let’s face it: we all want a seat at the cool table, a great job, and loads of money. But most of us won’t be able to achieve this widely accepted, black-or-white, definition of winning, which makes us feel like failures, that we’re destined to a life of loserdom. That’s the conventional wisdom. It’s also crap, according to comedian and cult hero Chris Gethard, who knows a thing of two about losing. Failing is an art form, he argues; in fact, it’s the only the way we’re ever going to discover who we are, what we really want, and how to live the kind of life we only dreamed about. Setting flame to vision boards and tossing out the "seven simple steps" to achieving anything, the host of the eponymous Trutv talk show and the wildly popular podcast Beautiful Stories from Anonymous People illustrates his personal and professional manifesto with hilarious and ultimately empowering stories about his own set-backs, missteps, and public failures, from the cancellation of his Comedy Central sitcom after seven episodes to rediscovering his comedic voice and life’s purpose on a public access channel. With his trademark wit and inspiring storytelling—a cross between David Sedaris and Jenny Lawson—Gethard teaches us how to power through our own hero’s journey, whether we’re a fifteen-year-old starting a punk band or a fifty-year-old mother of three launching an Etsy page. In the process, he shows us how to fail with grace, laugh on the way down, and as we dust ourselves off, how to transform inevitable failures into endless opportunities. It might get a little messy, but that’s exactly the point. Because the first step in living on your own terms is learning how to lose well, and more often than not, the revolutionary act of failing lets us witness firsthand what awaits us on the other side.
Download or read book The Hilarious Guide to Great Bad Taste International Ethnic Jokes written by Mike Callie and published by CreateSpace. This book was released on 2015-07-15 with total page 286 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: THE HILARIOUS GUIDE TO GREAT BAD TASTE ETHNIC JOKES Volume 7 A superb and funny collection of over 220 premium Classic Dirty, Bad Taste, Offensive, insulting, Sick, Perverted, Shocking and Racist ETHNIC JOKES & ONE LINERS that POLACKS, GOOKS, NIPS, DAGOS, DOT HEADS, FROGS, RUSSKIES, SHEEP SHAGGERS, PAKIS, KRAUTS, PADDYS, LIMEYS, CZECHS, RED SKINS, PALEFACES, GRINGOS, OOGA BOOGAS & ZORBAS Really Hate.... And Rightfully So! Written, Edited and 'Massaged' for the needy "Bad Taste Deprived" by Acclaimed Comedy & Joke Writer and Producer, MIKE CALLIE as part of the Hilarious Bad Taste Joke Book Series. Available on www.Amazon.com BAD TASTE HAS NEVER BEEN FUNNIER!! www.badtastebooks.com
Download or read book World s Dumbest President written by Mad Comedy and published by . This book was released on 2019-11-23 with total page 60 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd. The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but will go deep into their hearts. For the rest of their lives, whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!" Trump replies, "I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!" So the Pope slapped him. Brought to you by the comic geniuses of Mad Comedy, World's Dumbest President is a rich compendium of the funniest Donald Trump jokes ever collected. Q. How many White House advisors does it take to change a light bulb? A. None. They're supposed to keep the President in the dark.
Download or read book Planet Funny written by Ken Jennings and published by Scribner. This book was released on 2019-07-09 with total page 336 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A Kirkus Reviews Best Book of the Year The witty and exuberant New York Times bestselling author and record-setting Jeopardy! champion Ken Jennings relays the history of humor in “lively, insightful, and crawling with goofy factlings,” (Maria Semple, author of Where’d You Go Bernadette)—from fart jokes on clay Sumerian tablets to the latest Twitter gags and Facebook memes. Where once society’s most coveted trait might have been strength or intelligence or honor, today, in a clear sign of evolution sliding off the trails, it is being funny. Yes, funniness. Consider: Super Bowl commercials don’t try to sell you anymore; they try to make you laugh. Airline safety tutorials—those terrifying laminated cards about the possibilities of fire, explosion, depressurization, and drowning—have been replaced by joke-filled videos with multimillion-dollar budgets and dance routines. Thanks to social media, we now have a whole Twitterverse of amateur comedians riffing around the world at all hours of the day—and many of them even get popular enough online to go pro and take over TV. In his “smartly structured, soundly argued, and yes—pretty darn funny” (Booklist, starred review) Planet Funny, Ken Jennings explores this brave new comedic world and what it means—or doesn’t—to be funny in it now. Tracing the evolution of humor from the caveman days to the bawdy middle-class antics of Chaucer to Monty Python’s game-changing silliness to the fast-paced meta-humor of The Simpsons, Jennings explains how we built our humor-saturated modern age, where lots of us get our news from comedy shows and a comic figure can even be elected President of the United States purely on showmanship. “Fascinating, entertaining and—I’m being dead serious here—important” (A.J. Jacobs, author of The Year of Living Biblically), Planet Funny is a full taxonomy of what spawned and defines the modern sense of humor.
Download or read book Truly Tasteless Jokes written by Blanche Knott and published by Ballantine Books. This book was released on 1985-05-12 with total page 122 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The original is back. TRULY TASTELESS JOKES took America by storm and made it laugh at itself. It's all in here, disgusting, repulsive, cruel, and just plain tasteless jokes and stories that will make you smile, laugh, or groan--and love every minute of it.
Download or read book The World s Greatest Collection of Clean Jokes written by Bob Phillips and published by Harvest House Publishers. This book was released on 2013-03-01 with total page 113 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: This top-selling collection of pure fun (more than 295,000 copies sold) is back with a fresh and lively new cover to reach more readers eager to laugh. Puns, one-liners, jester-worthy jokes, and quirky quips will amaze and astound friends and family. Giggles are guaranteed as readers enjoy the crazy conversations and hilarious observations— “Daddy, the teacher was reading the Bible to us—all about the children of Israel building the temple, the children of Israel crossing the Red Sea, the children of Israel making sacrifices. Didn’t the grownups do anything?” “You’re the laziest fellow I have seen. Don’t you do anything quickly?” “Yes, I get tired fast.” “I haven’t slept for days.” “How come?” “I only sleep at night!”
Download or read book The Everything Big Book of Jokes written by Evan C Thomas and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2014-07-11 with total page 272 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Inside this sidesplitting collection, you'll find only the most popular kinds of jokes, riddles, and funnies from a dynamic professional comedian. This book is sure to tickle your funny bone-- and make you the life of the party!
Download or read book What Did He Just Say written by Calvin Schumacher and published by Createspace Independent Pub. This book was released on 2012-08-01 with total page 130 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Unspeakable Jokes that you shouldn't tell at dinner parties or anywhere else. Volume 1. A diversion from your typical tame jokes, What did he say? cruises down the fastlane and crosses over the "line" and keeps on going. Dishing out the most horrific jokes, the most extreme side-splitting humor that we have all come to love so much. Don't deny yourself the chance to laugh like you have never laughed before as you page through raunchy jokes and racist rants. No one is off limits in this no holds barred slam-down of extreme comedy. If you love 4CHAN, you'll love this book! If you love jokes that you can't say out loud in public - this is the book for you!
Download or read book The Best Joke Book Period written by William Donohue and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2014-11 with total page 208 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Discover hundreds of jokes for every occasion! Why was the limbo dancer shocked when his wallet was stolen right out of his back pocket? Because he didn't think anyone could stoop so low. The ultimate collection of the world’s greatest funnies, The Best Joke Book (Period) keeps you laughing for hours on end. Inside, you'll find hundreds of jokes that are guaranteed to stir up a room full of smiles, including knock-knocks, witty puns, and one-liners. Complete with hilarious quotes from celebrities like Jon Stewart, Lewis Black, and Jerry Seinfeld, everyone will revel in each gut-busting moment. So whether you’re looking to add a few jokes to your repertoire, impress your buds, or improve your banter, this sidesplitting book arms you with the perfect joke for any occasion!
Download or read book A Confederacy of Dunces written by John Kennedy Toole and published by Grove/Atlantic, Inc.. This book was released on 2007-12-01 with total page 414 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Winner of the Pulitzer Prize “A masterwork . . . the novel astonishes with its inventiveness . . . it is nothing less than a grand comic fugue.”—The New York Times Book Review A Confederacy of Dunces is an American comic masterpiece. John Kennedy Toole's hero, one Ignatius J. Reilly, is "huge, obese, fractious, fastidious, a latter-day Gargantua, a Don Quixote of the French Quarter. His story bursts with wholly original characters, denizens of New Orleans' lower depths, incredibly true-to-life dialogue, and the zaniest series of high and low comic adventures" (Henry Kisor, Chicago Sun-Times).
Download or read book Based on a True Story written by Norm Macdonald and published by Random House. This book was released on 2016-09-20 with total page 241 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • “Driving, wild and hilarious” (The Washington Post), here is the incredible “memoir” of the legendary actor, gambler, raconteur, and Saturday Night Live veteran. When Norm Macdonald, one of the greatest stand-up comics of all time, was approached to write a celebrity memoir, he flatly refused, calling the genre “one step below instruction manuals.” Norm then promptly took a two-year hiatus from stand-up comedy to live on a farm in northern Canada. When he emerged he had under his arm a manuscript, a genre-smashing book about comedy, tragedy, love, loss, war, and redemption. When asked if this was the celebrity memoir, Norm replied, “Call it anything you damn like.”
Download or read book Black Jokes About White Folks written by Mad Comedy and published by . This book was released on 2020-07-09 with total page 100 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Even during the dark days of slavery, our courageous Black ancestors used comedy to lift their spirits, often making fun of the white people subjugating them. Even today, brave Black men and women risking their lives in the streets fighting white supremacy need a little humor to lift their spirits. This book is for you! MAD COMEDY has collected hundreds of hilarious jokes by top Black comics about the antics of our favorite clowns: white people! Only white people think bike riding is a sport. I know a crackhead who could win the Tour de France on a stolen Barbie bike. What do you call a black man selling drugs? A pharmacist, you racist. How many white people does it take to replace a light bulb? One to hold the bulb, and the rest to screw the whole world. Batman is the story of a rich white dude who beats people up and the cops just let him do it. Think about it: Batman's superpower is white privilege. A portion of the proceeds of this book will be donated to benefit Black causes.
Download or read book Jokes for Adults written by Jenny Kellett and published by Independently Published. This book was released on 2021-02-12 with total page 84 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: *** WARNING - ADULT CONTENT, NOT FOR KIDS *** Adult Joke Book*Now available in Paperback and Hardcover!* Looking for some adult fun to spice up your next night out? This bumper book of only the very best hand-picked adult dirty jokes will make sure you're the life of the party! All types of adult jokes are covered, including: - Dirty jokes - Sex jokes - Yo mama jokes - Blonde jokes - Wife jokes - Knock knock jokes .... and more! All the disgustingly dirty jokes are short, which means they're easy to remember so you can bust some out at a moment's notice! (And after a few beers, everyone's attention span is somewhat shorter). You'll cringe and you'll laugh at some of the rudest, crudest and LEWDEST adult jokes on the planet (that we're allowed to publish anyway!). So grab The Ultimate Adults Only Joke Book today and feel downright dirty tomorrow. Tags: funny jokes, funny, dirty jokes, sex jokes, joke, blonde jokes, adults only, dirty jokes for adults, joke book, funny joke books, funny dirty jokes, sex jokes, silly jokes, ebook, ebooks, jokes, funny, kindle joke books, funny jokes, book, comedy, lol, jokes, funny, jokes
