Download or read book Great British Wit written by Rosemarie Jarski and published by Random House. This book was released on 2005 with total page 466 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Arranged thematically--from Class and Character, Sex and Snobbery, to the Foreigner's Eye View--here is the definitive collection of the British nation's funniest quotations. Among the many great and good who dazzle us with their wit are Martin Amis, Jane Austen, Billy Connolly, Quentin Crisp, Roald Dahl, John Lennon, Queen Victoria, and Oscar Wilde.

Download or read book Very British Wit written by Richard Benson and published by Summersdale. This book was released on 2015-11-12 with total page 191 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: With quips, quotes and insults from classic favourites William Shakespeare and Jane Austen to modern humorists Stephen Fry and Billy Connolly, this delightful book will ensure you’re never at a loss for the perfect witticism.

Download or read book Dim Wit written by Rosemarie Jarski and published by Random House. This book was released on 2008-12-05 with total page 576 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: 'They misunderestimated me' George W. Bush Einstein said only two things are infinite - the universe and human stupidity. So in deference to the dumbing down of our culture, comes Dim Wit - a collection of the most jaw-droppingly stupid things ever said. The cast includes every famous foot-in-mouther from George W Bush to Prince Philip, Paris Hilton to Jade Goody, not to mention hundreds of unsung idiots plucked from villages the world over. The result is a confederacy of dunces more pro-fun than profound - a clever witticism may coax an inward smile but it takes a really stupid remark to deliver a belly laugh. So pick up Dim Wit and prepare to embrace your inner moron - it may be the smartest thing you do... 'My grandma overheard two women talking in a doctor's surgery. After a while, one said to the other, "Do you know, Mary, I don't feel too well. I think I'll go home."' - Robyn Jankel 'I don't think anyone should write his autobiography until after he's dead.' - Samuel Goldwyn 'Winston Churchill? Wasn't he the first black President of America? There's a statue of him near me - that's black.' - Danielle Lloyd

Download or read book The Mammoth Book of Great British Humour written by Michael Powell and published by Hachette UK. This book was released on 2010-10-14 with total page 490 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A doorstopper of a collection of the very best of both contemporary and classic British wit and humour. From Monty Python's 'Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more . . .' to Dan Antopolski's 'Hedgehogs. Why can't they just share the hedge?'. From George Bernard Shaw to Michael McIntyre, from Eric Morecombe to Omid Djalili, and from Oscar Wilde to Jimmy Carr, a side-splitting look at Britain, the British and life in general. Including these gems from Britain's finest comedians: I was delighted to learn that my friend's schadenfreude was not as satisfying as mine. Armando Iannucci. I went on a girls' night out recently. The invitation said 'dress to kill'. I went as Rose West. Zoe Lyons For a while I was the perfect mother. Then the Pethidine wore off. Jenny Eclair. My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that. Jack Dee. Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings because it's hardly ever for them? Harry Hill. Arse-gravy of the very worst kind. Stephen Fry on The Da Vinci Code. You have to come up with this shit every year. Last week I just wrote "I still love you, see last year's card for full details." Michael McIntyre on Valentines Day. I went to the doctor and he said, 'You've got hypochondria.' I said, 'Not that as well!'Tim Vine. I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge. Spike Milligan. When someone close to you dies, move seats. Peter Kay. My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden. Eric Morecambe. My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen. Jimmy Carr. Eighty-two point six per cent of statistics are made up on the spot. Vic Reeves. A bird in the hand invariably shits on your wrist. Billy Connolly. Getting divorced isn't like a bereavement at all, because if he's died, I'd have had me mortgage paid, and I could've danced on his grave. Sarah Millican. My greatest hero is Nelson Mandela: incarcerated for 25 years, he was released in 1990, he's been out about 18 years now and he hasn't re-offended. Ricky Gervais. If you want to confuse a girl, buy her a pair of chocolate shoes. Milton Jones. Phil Collins is losing his hearing, making him the luckiest man at a Phil Collins Concert. Simon Amstell. We'll continue our investigation into the political beliefs of nudists. We've already noticed a definite swing to the left. Ronnie Barker. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The psychiatrist says, "Well, I can clearly see your nuts. Tommy Cooper

Download or read book Very British Problems written by Rob Temple and published by Sphere. This book was released on 2013-11-14 with total page 288 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: There's an epidemic sweeping the nation Symptoms include: *Acute embarrassment at the mere notion of 'making a fuss' *Extreme awkwardness when faced with any social greeting beyond a brisk handshake *An unhealthy preoccupation with meteorology Doctors have also reported several cases of unnecessary apologising, an obsessive interest in correct queuing etiquette and dramatic sighing in the presence of loud teenagers on public transport. If you have experienced any of these symptoms, you may be suffering from VERY BRITISH PROBLEMS. VERY BRITISH PROBLEMS are highly contagious. There is no known cure. Rob Temple's hilarious new book reveals all the ways in which we are a nation of socially awkward but well-meaning oddballs, struggling to make it through every day without apologising to an inanimate object. Take comfort in misfortunes of others. You are not alone.

Download or read book Funniest Thing You Never Said 2 written by Rosemarie Jarski and published by Random House. This book was released on 2010-09-02 with total page 578 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The bestselling, blockbusting, bumper book of humorous quotations rides back into town with 6,000 more hilariously funny quotes. From times past to the modern day, classic funnies to contemporary wit, The Funniest Thing You Never Said 2 delivers an unbeatable selection of fantastic and hilarious quotes on every subject under the sun. Featuring topics as diverse as celebrity to religion, and including a cast of quotees ranging from Oscar Wilde to Homer Simpson, there's something here for everyone with a sense of humour. 'I am willing to love all mankind, except an American.' - Samuel Johnson 'Glastonbury was very wet and muddy. There was trench foot, dysentery, peaches ... all the Geldof daughters.' - Sean Lock 'Politics would be a helluva good business if it weren't for the goddamned people.' - Richard Nixon 'I've had more women than most people have noses.' - Steve Martin 'I have the simplest tastes. I'm always satisfied with the best.' - Oscar Wilde 'Well, it's 1am. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids.' - Homer Simpson 'All I know is I'm not a Marxist.' - Karl Marx 'I'm the pink sheep of the family.' - Alexander McQueen

Download or read book The Mammoth Book of Great British Humour written by Michael Powell and published by Robinson. This book was released on 2010-10-14 with total page 490 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A doorstopper of a collection of the very best of both contemporary and classic British wit and humour. From Monty Python's 'Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more . . .' to Dan Antopolski's 'Hedgehogs. Why can't they just share the hedge?'. From George Bernard Shaw to Michael McIntyre, from Eric Morecombe to Omid Djalili, and from Oscar Wilde to Jimmy Carr, a side-splitting look at Britain, the British and life in general. Including these gems from Britain's finest comedians: I was delighted to learn that my friend's schadenfreude was not as satisfying as mine. Armando Iannucci. I went on a girls' night out recently. The invitation said 'dress to kill'. I went as Rose West. Zoe Lyons For a while I was the perfect mother. Then the Pethidine wore off. Jenny Eclair. My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that. Jack Dee. Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings because it's hardly ever for them? Harry Hill. Arse-gravy of the very worst kind. Stephen Fry on The Da Vinci Code. You have to come up with this shit every year. Last week I just wrote "I still love you, see last year's card for full details." Michael McIntyre on Valentines Day. I went to the doctor and he said, 'You've got hypochondria.' I said, 'Not that as well!'Tim Vine. I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge. Spike Milligan. When someone close to you dies, move seats. Peter Kay. My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden. Eric Morecambe. My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen. Jimmy Carr. Eighty-two point six per cent of statistics are made up on the spot. Vic Reeves. A bird in the hand invariably shits on your wrist. Billy Connolly. Getting divorced isn't like a bereavement at all, because if he's died, I'd have had me mortgage paid, and I could've danced on his grave. Sarah Millican. My greatest hero is Nelson Mandela: incarcerated for 25 years, he was released in 1990, he's been out about 18 years now and he hasn't re-offended. Ricky Gervais. If you want to confuse a girl, buy her a pair of chocolate shoes. Milton Jones. Phil Collins is losing his hearing, making him the luckiest man at a Phil Collins Concert. Simon Amstell. We'll continue our investigation into the political beliefs of nudists. We've already noticed a definite swing to the left. Ronnie Barker. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The psychiatrist says, "Well, I can clearly see your nuts. Tommy Cooper

Download or read book Very British Wit written by Richard Benson and published by Summersdale. This book was released on 2016-02 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: With quips, quotes and insults from classic favourites William Shakespeare and Jane Austen to modern humorists Stephen Fry and Billy Connolly, this delightful book will ensure you're never at a loss for the perfect witticism.

Download or read book Elements of Wit written by Benjamin Errett and published by Penguin. This book was released on 2014-10-07 with total page 258 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Got wit? We’ve all been in that situation where we need to say something clever, but innocuous; smart enough to show some intelligence, without showing off; something funny, but not a joke. What we need in that moment is wit—that sparkling combination of charm, humor, confidence, and most of all, the right words at the right time. Elements of Wit is an engaging book that brings together the greatest wits of our time, and previous ones from Oscar Wilde to Nora Ephron, Winston Churchill to Christopher Hitchens, Mae West to Louis CK, and many in between. With chapters covering the essential ingredients of wit, this primer sheds light on how anyone—introverts, extroverts, wallflowers, and bon vivants—can find the right zinger, quip, parry, or retort…or at least be a little bit more interesting.

Download or read book The Wicked Wit of Queen Elizabeth II written by Karen Dolby and published by Penguin. This book was released on 2017-11-14 with total page 115 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A charming collection of quotes and anecdotes celebrating the late Queen Elizabeth II, the incomparable British monarch. When we think of a queen, we probably picture a serious, dignified personage complete with majestic hat and matching handbag. But The Wicked Wit of Queen Elizabeth II reveals a side of the monarch the public rarely saw, her healthy sense of humor: sometimes silly, sometimes sarcastic—and occasionally unintentional (to guitar legend Eric Clapton: “Have you been playing long?”)! This is a delightful celebration of Queen Elizabeth II's humor revealed through her own words on topics from family and travel to pets and hobbies, as well as stories from the royal household of Britain’s longest-serving monarch. In addition to the queen, other royals get in their two cents, including the famously filterless Prince Philip and the acerbic Princess Margaret, as well as Prince Charles and Princess Anne.

Download or read book The Wit and Wisdom of the North written by Rosemarie Jarski and published by Random House. This book was released on 2009-10-13 with total page 324 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Ey up, it's not only footie, pints and pies that are better up north - the humour also takes some beating. Whether it's comics like Peter Kay, Les Dawson and Victoria Wood, telly shows like Corrie and Open All Hours, or writers like Alan Bennett and Keith Waterhouse, the funniest and best-loved invariably hail from the land of perpetual drizzle (another thing they do better). This grand collection of northern wit is packed with these favourites and more. Likely lads and lippy lasses cast a wry eye on subjects close to the heart of every northerner, including - brass, grub, graft, courting, cricket, tittle-tattle and t'weather - adding up to a feast of northern hilarity.

Download or read book The Great British Dream Factory written by Dominic Sandbrook and published by Penguin UK. This book was released on 2015-10-01 with total page 688 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: SPECTATOR BOOKS OF THE YEAR 2015 Britain's empire has gone. Our manufacturing base is a shadow of its former self; the Royal Navy has been reduced to a skeleton. In military, diplomatic and economic terms, we no longer matter as we once did. And yet there is still one area in which we can legitimately claim superpower status: our popular culture. It is extraordinary to think that one British writer, J. K. Rowling, has sold more than 400 million books; that Doctor Who is watched in almost every developed country in the world; that James Bond has been the central character in the longest-running film series in history; that The Lord of the Rings is the second best-selling novel ever written (behind only A Tale of Two Cities); that the Beatles are still the best-selling musical group of all time; and that only Shakespeare and the Bible have sold more books than Agatha Christie. To put it simply, no country on earth, relative to its size, has contributed more to the modern imagination. This is a book about the success and the meaning of Britain's modern popular culture, from Bond and the Beatles to heavy metal and Coronation Street, from the Angry Young Men to Harry Potter, from Damien Hirst toThe X Factor.

Download or read book Wit s End What Wit Is How It Works and Why We Need It written by James Geary and published by W. W. Norton & Company. This book was released on 2018-11-13 with total page 202 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Entertaining, illuminating, and entirely unique, Wit’s End “convey[s] the power of wit to refresh the mind” (Henry Hitchings, Wall Street Journal). In “this inventive and playful book” (Tom Beer, Newsday), James Geary explores every facet of wittiness, from its role in innovation to why puns are the highest form of wit. Adopting a different style for each chapter—from dramatic dialogue to sermon, heroic couplets to a barroom monologue—Geary embodies wit in all its forms. Wit’s End agilely balances psychology, folktale, visual art, and literary history with lighthearted humor and acute insight, demonstrating that wit and wisdom are really the same thing.

Download or read book The Wicked Wit of England written by Geoff Tibballs and published by Michael O'Mara Books. This book was released on 2018-11-01 with total page 161 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Nobody does irony or sarcasm like the English. The Wicked Wit of England is celebration of British humour, featuring a collection of stories, anecdotes, quips and quotes that capture the various idiosyncrasies of the English character.

Download or read book The Great British Bucket List written by Richard Madden and published by National Trust. This book was released on 2021-01-29 with total page 271 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: If you want to ski off a cliff or swim with sharks, stop reading now. This book is about achievable adventures that celebrate the best of Britain and Britishness. The 60 mini adventures included are graded in difficulty from comically easy to mildly challenging, making them suitable for a wide range of ages and abilities. They include the most beautiful place to go for a stroll, the easiest place for a wild swim and, more importantly, the most spectacular place to have a cup of tea. Not to mention flying in a Spitfire and finding delicious food among the hedgerows. So what's on this Great British Bucket List? Well, a host of alternative UK adventures to get you out of the house. From fossil hunting on the Jurassic coast to forest bathing in Standish Woods, family-friendly music festivals to spectacular walks and lazy picnic hotspots, this essential guide is packed with must-do experiences. Discover the world of luxury eco-glamping in Devon and Suffolk. Book your tickets for the Minack, Cornwall's world famous open-air theatre. Follow in the footsteps of the Kinder Scout mass trespass in Dark Peak, or go canoeing down the Wye Valley in Wales. Besides old favourites, such as Stonehenge and Westminster Abbey, readers will find a bucket list bursting with suggestions for pleasant days out at some of the National Trust's historic houses. Whether you're luxuriating in Sissinghurst's famous gardens or moseying around Fountains Abbey, you're sure to have a uniquely British adventure.

Download or read book Thinking About It Only Makes It Worse written by David Mitchell and published by Guardian Faber Publishing. This book was released on 2014-11-04 with total page 304 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: THE SUNDAY TIMES-BESTSELLING BOOK BY ONE OF BRITAIN'S BEST-LOVED COMIC WRITERS There are many aspects of modern life that trouble award-winning comedian David Mitchell, such as: Why is every film or TV programme a sequel or a remake? Why are people so f***ing hung up about swearing? Why do the asterisks in that sentence make it ok? Why do so many people want to stop other people doing things, and how can they be stopped from stopping them? Join Mitchell on a tour of the absurdities of our times - from Ryanair to Richard III, Downton Abbey to phone etiquette, UKIP to hotdogs made of cats. Funny, provocative and shot through with refreshing amounts of common sense, Thinking About It Only Makes It Worse celebrates and commiserates on the state of things in our not entirely glorious modern world. 'Mitchell is an exceptionally clever, eloquent and spot-on commentator . . . We should be grateful for him.' Daily Mail, Books of the Year

Download or read book Just Like Mum Says written by Rosemarie Jarski and published by Random House. This book was released on 2009-02-26 with total page 224 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: 'Having a baby is like watching two very inefficient removal men trying to get a very large sofa through a very small doorway, only in this case you can't say, "Oh, sod it, bring it through the French windows"' Victoria Wood 'It's not easy being a mother. If it were, fathers would do it' Dorothy, The Golden Girls Motherhood is a tough job and a serious business. Which means there's all the more reason to step back and see the funny side of it, and Just Like Mum Says is packed with humorous insights and wry observations on all matters maternal. Tracing the course of mothering through pregnancy, the terrible twos, the teenage years and the empty nest, Just Like Mum Says includes wise and witty words from celebrated matriarchs from Marge Simpson to Sharon Osbourne, and Victoria Beckham to Victoria Wood. In short, Just Like Mum Says amuses, delights, enlightens and touches the heart - just like Mum. 'When my husband comes home, if the kids are still alive, I figure I've done my job' Roseanne