Download or read book Till Death Do Us Fart written by Donald Rump and published by Donald Rump. This book was released on 2014-05-18 with total page 20 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Helen Hubbard's fears have finally been confirmed. During brunch one morning in her favorite restaurant, her husband Gary confesses to cheating on her, and is ready to leave at a moment's notice. When she pries deeper into the matter, she discovers more about his mysterious lover Muffy than she cares to know. “So you’re leaving me for a fart???” Helen exclaimed. For mature (and not so mature) audiences. Approximately 2,500 words.
Download or read book A Lonely Wayward Fart Named Steve Episode 1 Maloofed written by Donald Rump and published by Donald Rump. This book was released on 2016-04-24 with total page 24 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: When Steve Skaggs realizes that his earthly body is gone and now he’s a crusty, old fart, the circumstances behind his mysterious death become clear, sending on an aloof adventure of betrayal and deceit. A Lonely, Wayward Fart Named Steve is an ongoing serial novel. This particular volume, including the subsequent author’s note, is approximately 3,150 words. WARNING This story is about a man who dies and comes back to life as a fart. There’s sex involved—not with farts, because you can’t have sex with a fart, you dolt! Anyways, there’s a Pakistani meat stick that’s mentioned, boobs that seem to defy the laws of the galaxy, and plenty of cruel and unusual things that happen to everyone’s favorite fart, Steve. Even if you are some perverted old fool, don’t read it to your kids. You don’t want to have to explain where our arch villainess’ mouth has been. And don’t say that I didn’t warn you!
Download or read book Put Another Fart in the Jukebox Baby written by Donald Rump and published by Donald Rump. This book was released on 2018-06-19 with total page 20 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: When Brad Blemmings meets his blind date at Fifty Something, a retro shake and burger joint, he's not sure what to expect. But the goth beauty Maimah is quite a handful, and then there's the matter of the farting jukebox in the corner... Approximately 3,100 words.
Download or read book Like a Festering Ingrown Toenail Where s My Side of Toe Cheese written by Donald Rump and published by Donald Rump. This book was released on 2016-05-08 with total page 23 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Earl Muggs wanted a wife. Instead, he got the devil, or close to it. His witch of a wife Helga doesn’t cook, doesn’t clean, and certainly doesn’t polish yours truly. Gagnabbit! So what’s a man to do? Get revenge, that’s what! And mental midget Muggs knows just how… Approximately 1,200 words. WARNING: Contains toe cheese.
Download or read book Captive Audience written by Donald Rump and published by Donald Rump. This book was released on 2015-12-19 with total page 28 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Three men, one blonde secretary, a jammed up elevator, and a series of ghastly, deadly farts. What could possibly go wrong? Intended for mature (and not so mature) audiences. Approximately 3,600 words.
Download or read book 20 Common Questions About Farts EPUB written by Donald Rump and published by Donald Rump. This book was released on 2013-12-13 with total page 60 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Think you know everything there is to know about mankind's favorite green gas? Well, Donald Rump has something in store for you! Inside, you'll finally get to the bottom of many age-old questions, including: - Where do farts come from? - Are farts people? - Do farts die? - Do all farts go to heaven? - What should I do if a zombie farts on me? - Does inhaling farts cause brain damage? - What if someone steals my farts? - Can farts be used to power my car? - I've run out of farts. Should I dial 911? - Should I join Fartaholics Anonymous? And many, many more! So what are you waiting for? Become a fart expert today! Approximately 11,500 words in all. Intended for readers 15 and up.
Download or read book Bottling Farts Inc Season One written by Donald Rump and published by Donald Rump. This book was released on 2017-10-22 with total page 142 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: THE F**KING IDIOT . . . Vlad Wieckowski has seen better days. With only the clothes on his back, he's out of money, out of luck, and out of gas. CONFRONTS THE EVIL PINT-SIZED BASTARD . . . That little sh*t Henry Winkle is at it again, and this time he's got warehouses full of toxic gas at his disposal. Can anyone stop his evil plot to gas the world? AND GETS F**KED OVER BY A MYSTERIOUS DIPSH*T AGENT . . . By his letter he is known. W. W for Wacky. W for Wicked. W for WTF?! WILL THE INDELIBLE SH*THEAD GET HIS REVENGE? Or is mankind totally f**ked? Season One includes all nine episodes of Bottling Farts, Inc. plus the original short story that kicked off the series. Approximately 35,000 words in all.
Download or read book Bottling Farts Inc Episode 4 Disrespected written by Donald Rump and published by Donald Rump. This book was released on 2015-10-03 with total page 30 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: THE F**KING IDIOT . . . Vlad Wieckowski has seen better days. With only the clothes on his back, he's out of money, out of luck, and out of gas. CONFRONTS THE EVIL PINT-SIZED BASTARD . . . That little sh*t Henry Winkle is at it again, and this time he's got warehouses full of toxic gas at his disposal. Can anyone stop his evil plot to gas the world? AND GETS F**KED OVER BY A MYSTERIOUS DIPSH*T AGENT . . . By his letter he is known. W. W for Wacky. W for Wicked. W for WTF?! WILL THE INDELIBLE SH*THEAD GET HIS REVENGE? Or is mankind totally f**ked? Disrespected is the fourth episode of an ongoing serial, created specifically for the Eight Hour Fiction Challenge. Each installment is approximately 3,000-4,000 words.
Download or read book Bottling Farts Inc Episode 2 Defiled written by Donald Rump and published by Donald Rump. This book was released on 2014-09-29 with total page 34 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: THE F**KING IDIOT . . . Vlad Wieckowski has seen better days. With only the clothes on his back, he's out of money, out of luck, and out of gas. CONFRONTS THE EVIL PINT-SIZED BASTARD . . . That little sh*t Henry Winkle is at it again, and this time he's got warehouses full of toxic gas at his disposal. Can anyone stop his evil plot to gas the world? AND GETS F**KED OVER BY A MYSTERIOUS DIPSH*T AGENT . . . By his letter he is known. W. W for Wacky. W for Wicked. W for WTF?! WILL THE INDELIBLE SH*THEAD GET HIS REVENGE? Or is mankind totally f**ked? Defiled is the second episode of an ongoing serial, created specifically for the Eight Hour Fiction Challenge. Each installment is approximately 3,000-4,000 words.
Download or read book Pedo Flamb written by Donald Rump and published by Donald Rump. This book was released on 2019-02-02 with total page 32 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: When an old man hobbles into the Palazzio and demands his favorite dish, the peculiar Pedo Flambé, the wait staff isn't sure what to make of it. "I'm sorry, sir, but we don't have such a thing on our menu." His baby-faced waiter Zach Spitz frowns. "You sure about that?" The old man slaps down a $100 bill. "Of course, sir. Right away, sir!" Zach's manager snatches up the bill and runs back to the kitchen. Approximately 4,000 words.
Download or read book Don t Count Your Chicken Farts Before They Hatch written by Donald Rump and published by Donald Rump. This book was released on 2018-07-04 with total page 34 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: When Miles Puggsley spends his last dollar on a carton of empty eggs, he realizes he's reached rock bottom and the end is near. But there's a basement to the misery he now endures, especially for the once proud DMV specialist turned exorcist. Can a band of wild chicken farts change his fortune? No, probably not. Approximately 4,100 words.
Download or read book Date Like A Scoundrel 10 Things to Tell Ugly Chicks on a First Date written by Donald Rump and published by Donald Rump. This book was released on 2016-08-16 with total page 49 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: I’ve no idea what’s going in that pea-brained mind of yours. Perhaps it’s all that crack you’ve been smoking. Who knows? And who cares? You are a scoundrel after all, so it isn’t hard to see your angle. Now you’ve set your sites on the ugliest girl in the room, if not on earth. Even though you’ve set the bar low—way low—you’re not sure how to proceed. Perhaps you could use some advice before pissing your precious time and money away? Good, for I have just the thing for you. From one scoundrel to another… Approximately 11,000 words.
Download or read book On Farting written by V. Allen and published by Springer. This book was released on 2010-05-24 with total page 258 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: This book presents waste as an aesthetic category that introduces an arsy-versy world where detritus is precious. This aesthetic is applied in the second part to etymology, poking through the 'paternal dungheaps' of words, and tracing their origins not to Eden but to Babel, puns, and word play.
Download or read book Weekend Getaway written by Donald Rump and published by Donald Rump. This book was released on 2015-01-06 with total page 38 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: When Martin Dollop and Arthur Bodine set off for a romantic vacation in the islands, they have no idea what they're in for. Now rotting away in a Mexican jail cell, it appears that they've reached the end of their rope. Even the pinche guard won't do them the honor of putting a bullet in their heads, and offers each a shot of poison to end their suffering. Will the two lovebirds cash in on their free weekend getaway and make things right between them? Or will the doomed couple kill each other in the process? For mature (and not so mature) audiences. Approximately 5,200 words.
Download or read book Finding Floofy written by Donald Rump and published by Donald Rump. This book was released on 2015-07-05 with total page 32 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: When a man falls head over heels for a murderous fart, he has difficulty coping with her mysterious departure. Was it something he said? Something he did? Was his penis too small? None of it makes any sense. "I will find you my darling Floofy, even if it's the last thing I do!" For mature (and not so mature) audiences. Approximately 4,400 words in all.
Download or read book The Chapped Ass Critic EPUB written by Donald Rump and published by Donald Rump. This book was released on 2013-08-24 with total page 26 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Zack Pimpton's ass never felt worse, and it doesn't help that his doctor is a part time comedian. Unfortunately, Zack is quite the bastard himself and accidentally says the wrong thing that causes the good, old doctor to snap. Intended for mature (and not so mature) audiences. Approximately 2,300 words. EXCERPT FROM THE CHAPPED-ASS CRITIC “Doc, you’ve got to help me,” a thin, wiry man named Zack Pimpton bent over the padded table and rubbed his behind. “My ass hurts really, really bad. I think I might have broken it.” A bead of sweat trickled down his forehead. “How did this happen?” Dr. Marsh asked. “I don't know. I was typing up a review when suddenly my butt began to hurt. At first it stung just a little. I tried ignoring it, but it got worse and worse until I eventually found myself here. It's terrible! I can’t believe I was able to drive over here.” He tried sitting and recoiled immediately. “Well, you're in luck! It's nothing life-threatening, that’s for sure, but I'm afraid you won’t have use of your buttocks again,” the portly doctor cracked a smile.
Download or read book Gastrointestinal Blues EPUB written by Donald Rump and published by Donald Rump. This book was released on 2013-11-24 with total page 32 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Since leaving his posh position at the Department of Motor Vehicles, Mackelroy Puggsley thought he\'d smelled the last psychotic fart that nearly killed him. But in his new role as a psychologist, he quickly realizes that the problem is more widespread than he thought. Will a crazed client and his two gassy brides prevent the old man from getting one last piece of nookie before he dies? Or will Mackelroy talk his way out of another hazardous situation and live to see another hair pie? For mature (and not so mature) audiences. Approximately 3,400 words in all.
