Download or read book The Mammoth Book of Great British Humour written by Michael Powell and published by Robinson. This book was released on 2010-10-14 with total page 490 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A doorstopper of a collection of the very best of both contemporary and classic British wit and humour. From Monty Python's 'Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more . . .' to Dan Antopolski's 'Hedgehogs. Why can't they just share the hedge?'. From George Bernard Shaw to Michael McIntyre, from Eric Morecombe to Omid Djalili, and from Oscar Wilde to Jimmy Carr, a side-splitting look at Britain, the British and life in general. Including these gems from Britain's finest comedians: I was delighted to learn that my friend's schadenfreude was not as satisfying as mine. Armando Iannucci. I went on a girls' night out recently. The invitation said 'dress to kill'. I went as Rose West. Zoe Lyons For a while I was the perfect mother. Then the Pethidine wore off. Jenny Eclair. My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that. Jack Dee. Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings because it's hardly ever for them? Harry Hill. Arse-gravy of the very worst kind. Stephen Fry on The Da Vinci Code. You have to come up with this shit every year. Last week I just wrote "I still love you, see last year's card for full details." Michael McIntyre on Valentines Day. I went to the doctor and he said, 'You've got hypochondria.' I said, 'Not that as well!'Tim Vine. I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge. Spike Milligan. When someone close to you dies, move seats. Peter Kay. My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden. Eric Morecambe. My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen. Jimmy Carr. Eighty-two point six per cent of statistics are made up on the spot. Vic Reeves. A bird in the hand invariably shits on your wrist. Billy Connolly. Getting divorced isn't like a bereavement at all, because if he's died, I'd have had me mortgage paid, and I could've danced on his grave. Sarah Millican. My greatest hero is Nelson Mandela: incarcerated for 25 years, he was released in 1990, he's been out about 18 years now and he hasn't re-offended. Ricky Gervais. If you want to confuse a girl, buy her a pair of chocolate shoes. Milton Jones. Phil Collins is losing his hearing, making him the luckiest man at a Phil Collins Concert. Simon Amstell. We'll continue our investigation into the political beliefs of nudists. We've already noticed a definite swing to the left. Ronnie Barker. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The psychiatrist says, "Well, I can clearly see your nuts. Tommy Cooper

Download or read book The Mammoth Book of Great British Humour written by Michael Powell and published by Hachette UK. This book was released on 2010-10-14 with total page 490 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A doorstopper of a collection of the very best of both contemporary and classic British wit and humour. From Monty Python's 'Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more . . .' to Dan Antopolski's 'Hedgehogs. Why can't they just share the hedge?'. From George Bernard Shaw to Michael McIntyre, from Eric Morecombe to Omid Djalili, and from Oscar Wilde to Jimmy Carr, a side-splitting look at Britain, the British and life in general. Including these gems from Britain's finest comedians: I was delighted to learn that my friend's schadenfreude was not as satisfying as mine. Armando Iannucci. I went on a girls' night out recently. The invitation said 'dress to kill'. I went as Rose West. Zoe Lyons For a while I was the perfect mother. Then the Pethidine wore off. Jenny Eclair. My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that. Jack Dee. Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings because it's hardly ever for them? Harry Hill. Arse-gravy of the very worst kind. Stephen Fry on The Da Vinci Code. You have to come up with this shit every year. Last week I just wrote "I still love you, see last year's card for full details." Michael McIntyre on Valentines Day. I went to the doctor and he said, 'You've got hypochondria.' I said, 'Not that as well!'Tim Vine. I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge. Spike Milligan. When someone close to you dies, move seats. Peter Kay. My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden. Eric Morecambe. My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen. Jimmy Carr. Eighty-two point six per cent of statistics are made up on the spot. Vic Reeves. A bird in the hand invariably shits on your wrist. Billy Connolly. Getting divorced isn't like a bereavement at all, because if he's died, I'd have had me mortgage paid, and I could've danced on his grave. Sarah Millican. My greatest hero is Nelson Mandela: incarcerated for 25 years, he was released in 1990, he's been out about 18 years now and he hasn't re-offended. Ricky Gervais. If you want to confuse a girl, buy her a pair of chocolate shoes. Milton Jones. Phil Collins is losing his hearing, making him the luckiest man at a Phil Collins Concert. Simon Amstell. We'll continue our investigation into the political beliefs of nudists. We've already noticed a definite swing to the left. Ronnie Barker. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The psychiatrist says, "Well, I can clearly see your nuts. Tommy Cooper

Download or read book The Mammoth Book of Really Silly Jokes written by Geoff Tibballs and published by Robinson. This book was released on 2011-09-22 with total page 587 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The biggest and best collection of jokes for all the family to enjoy. 8,000 rib-ticklers, covering every subject under the sun from Aardvarks to Zombies, including chicken jokes, doctor-doctor jokes, elephant jokes, horror jokes, knock-knock jokes, excruciating puns, riddles, school jokes, sports jokes and waiter jokes. Most of the jokes are sharp one-liners but there is also a scattering of slightly longer stories.

Download or read book The Mammoth Book of the Funniest Cartoons of All Time written by Geoff Tibbals and published by Running PressBook Pub. This book was released on 2006 with total page 520 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A compendium of 450 top-selected cartoons from around the world includes pieces by such artists as Peter Arno, Posy Simmonds, and Charles Addams and is thematically arranged under such headings as Sport, Sex, and the Long Arm of the Law, in a volume complemented by brief artist biographies. Original.

Download or read book The Mammoth Book of Weird News written by Geoff Tibballs and published by Little, Brown Book Group. This book was released on 2011 with total page 512 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A bumper collection of the most outrageous, but absolutely true, news stories.

Download or read book The Mammoth Book of Body Horror written by Marie O'Regan and published by Robinson. This book was released on 2012-03-01 with total page 326 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A gripping collection which offers for the first time a chronological overview of the popular contemporary sub-genre of body horror, from Edgar Allan Poe to Christopher Fowler, with contributions from leading horror writers, including Stephen King, George Langelaan and Neil Gaiman. The collection includes the stories behind seminal body horror movies, John Carpenter's The Thing, David Cronenberg's The Fly and Stuart Gordon's Re-Animator.

Download or read book The Mammoth Book of Weird News written by Geoff Tibballs and published by Robinson. This book was released on 2011-11-03 with total page 713 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A humorous collection of hundreds of funny news stories, whacky phenomena, and hilarious blunders and gaffes from around the world, such as: the woman who smuggled 75 live snakes in her bra; the man who held a funeral for his amputated foot; the radioactive cat which got mistaken for a bomb; the human tongue that got served up in a hospital; the X-ray that revealed E.T.'s face in a duck; the youth who woke to find a bullet in his tongue; the tortoise that set a house on fire; and many more.

Download or read book The Mammoth Book of Muhammad Ali written by David West and published by Robinson. This book was released on 2012-01-19 with total page 473 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: From his gold medal at the 1960 Olympic Games to his defeat of Sonny Liston to claim the world heavyweight championship in 1964, the unforgettable 'Thrilla in Manila' against Joe Frazier and the 'Rumble in the Jungle' against George Foreman, 'The Greatest of All Time', Muhammad Ali, has captured the attention of the world. His conversion to Islam, his refusal to serve in the in the Vietnam War ('I ain't got no quarrel with them Vietcong') and his speaking tours in the 1960s have all contributed to his status as one of the most revered sporting figures ever. Here, drawn from books, specialist periodicals, newspapers, college magazines (covering his speaking tours) and the work of major literary figures such as Thomas Hauser is the biggest and best collection ever of writing on 'The Greatest'.

Download or read book The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes written by E. Henry Thripshaw and published by Robinson. This book was released on 2010-09-30 with total page 456 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The ultimate collection of tasteless and sick jokes that just shouldn't be told. More than 3,000 off-colour jokes, covering every taboo from sex and death to race and disability, this book leaves no stone unturned in its search for the most dubious jokes known to humanity. Why exactly do we like to laugh at jokes that are cruel, heartless and downright wrong? And more to the point, who cares so long as they make us laugh? Twice as funny, twice as outrageous, twice as shocking. From Anne Frank's drum kit to the correct use of wheelchairs, this is a fantastic new collection of bad taste and political incorrectness. If you even think about reading it you're a monster; if you buy it you're going straight to hell. Includes gems such as these: My father is in a coma. He's just living the dream. Why don't cannibals eat divorced women? Because they're very bitter. What do you do if a pit bull mounts your leg? Fake an orgasm. How do you stop a politician from drowning? Shoot him before he hits the water. The Beatles have reformed and have brought out a new album. It's mostly drum and bass. I went to see my friend's new baby. They asked me if I wanted to wind him. I thought that was a bit harsh so I just gave him a dead leg instead. Remember, a doggy is not just for Christmas. It's a great position all year round.

Download or read book The Mammoth Book of Steampunk written by Sean Wallace and published by Robinson. This book was released on 2012-04-05 with total page 404 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: An anthology focusing on newer elements of steampunk, one which deconstructs the staples of the genre and expands on them, rather than simply repeating them, with a greater spread both in terms of location and character. This is steampunk with a modern, post-colonial sensibility. Contributors include: Jeff VanderMeer, Caitlín Kiernan, Mary Robinette Kowal, Jay Lake, Cherie Priest, Cat Rambo, Catherynne M. Valente, Genevieve Valentine and many more.

Download or read book The Mammoth Book of SF Wars written by Ian Watson and published by Robinson. This book was released on 2012-05-17 with total page 376 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: War is becoming increasingly 'SF-ized' with remotely controlled attack drones and robot warriors already in development and being tested. Over the past 100 years the technology of war has advanced enormously in destructive power, yet also in sophistication so that we no longer seem to live under the constant threat of all-out global thermonuclear cataclysm. So what will future wars be like? And what will start them: religion, politics, resources, refugees, or advanced weaponry itself? Watson and Whates present a gripping anthology of SF stories which explores the gamut of possible future conflicts, including such themes as nuclear war, psychological and cyberwars, enhanced soldiery, mercenaries, terrorism, intelligent robotic war machines, and war with aliens. All the stories in this collection of remarkable quality and diversity reveals humankind pressed to the limits in every conceivable way. It includes 24 stories with highlights such as: The Pyre of the New Day' - Catherine Asaro. The Rhine's World Incident' - Neal Asher. Caught in the Crossfire' - David Drake. Politics' - Elizabeth Moon. The Traitor' - David Weber. And others from: Dan Abnett, Tony Ballantyne, Fredric Brown, Algis Budrys, Simon R. Green, Joe Haldeman, John Kessel, John Lambshead, Paul McAuley, Andy Remic, Laura Resnick, Mike Resnick & Brad R. Torgersen, Fred Saberhagen, Cordwainer Smith, Allen Steele, William Tenn, Walter Jon Williams, Michael Z. Williamson, Gene Wolfe.

Download or read book The Mammoth Book of Gangs written by James Morton and published by C & R Crime. This book was released on 2012-04-19 with total page 345 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A fresh, new look at gangs in every part of the world which deliberately avoids the stories that have been done to death - about Capone, Dillinger, Bonnie and Clyde - and focuses on less well-known gangs such as 'Ma' Barker's Boys; the Smaldones of Denver; Scotland Yard's 1960s' Flying Squad, the so-called Firm within a Firm; Dr Death, the Melbourne drug dealer and Andre Stander, the former South African police officer who led a gang of bank robbers before being shot dead in Fort Lauderdale having fled a 17-year sentence.

Download or read book The Mammoth Book of Filthy Limericks written by Glyn Rees and published by Robinson Publishing. This book was released on 2009 with total page 512 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The ultimate collection of X-rated and decidedly politically incorrect limericks! This bumper new volume contains over 2,000 dirty verses, from the moderately blue to the absolutely filthy - all illustrated throughout by Gray Jolliffe, creator of the bestselling Wicked Willie cartoon character. Here are verses so rude that even a blonde would blush, on subjects ranging from the bedroom to the bathroom and beyond. You'll find plenty of up-to-date limericks relevant to contemporary life as well as lewd old favourites on every imaginable topic, all of them guaranteed to make you laugh. Includes many newly devised limericks. On the breast of a barmaid named Gail Was written the price of the ale And on her behind, For the sake of the blind Was the same information in Braille.

Download or read book They Did What written by Bob Fenster and published by Andrews McMeel Publishing. This book was released on 2002 with total page 292 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Presents a collection of anecdotes about the exploits of famous people throughout history.

Download or read book The Mammoth Book of Irish Humour written by Aubrey Malone and published by Robinson. This book was released on 2012-11-15 with total page 624 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: This bumper collection of Irish humour covers topics such as Absenteeism and Zoos and everything in between. It would be disappointing should such a large collection not include the best of famous Irish wits such as Oscar Wilde and George Bernard Shaw, but the emphasis is very much on contemporary Irish humour from the likes of Tommy Tiernan, Dylan Moran, Ardal O'Hanlon and Dara O'Briain, to name just a few. Lunatic, iconoclastic and, as Spike Milligan might have put it, involving 'sideways thinking', this is Irish humour at its very best.

Download or read book Dirty Sick X Rated and Politically Incorrect Jokes written by Geoff Tibballs and published by Constable. This book was released on 2005-10-13 with total page 512 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The Mammoth Book of Dirty, Sick, X-Rated and Politically Incorrect Jokes is the ultimate collection of X-rated and decidedly politically incorrect jokes - an indispensable guide to the funny, the fearless and the filthy. Be warned, the contents of this spanking new bumper book are not for the faint-hearted. Even a blonde would blush ...if she got any of them.

Download or read book The Mammoth Book of One Liners written by Geoff Tibballs and published by Robinson. This book was released on 2012-06-07 with total page 607 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A collection of 10,000 side-splitting one-line jokes arranged in categories from bestselling humour editor Geoff Tibballs. 'Is my wife dissatisfied with my body? A small part of me says yes.' 'Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.' 'I read somewhere that 26 is too old to still live with your parents. It was on a note, in my room.'