Download or read book The Kobold Wizard s Dildo of Enlightenment 2 An Adventure for 3 6 Players Levels 2 5 written by Carlton Mellick Iii and published by . This book was released on 2010-06 with total page 232 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Are you ready to play some Dungeons and Fucking Dragons? The Kobold Wizard's Dildo of Enlightenment +2 is an absurd comedy about a group of adventurers (elf, halfling, bard, dwarf, assassin, thief) going through an existential crisis after having discovered that they are really just pre-rolled characters living inside of a classic AD&D role playing game. While exploring the ruins of Tardis Keep, these 6 characters must deal with their inept Dungeon Master's retarded imagination and resist their horny teenaged players' commands to have sex with everything in sight. Featuring: punk rock elf chicks, death metal orcs, porn-addicted beholders, a goblin/halfling love affair, a gnoll orgy, and a magical dildo that holds the secrets of the universe.
Download or read book The Cannibals of Candyland written by Carlton Mellick Iii and published by . This book was released on 2009-08 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A man tries to prove that are cannibalistic candy people.
Download or read book Razor Wire Pubic Hair written by Carlton Mellick III and published by . This book was released on 2012-06 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A surreal sexual nightmare by cult bizarro author Carlton Mellick III. In a dark future where males have become extinct, humans are forced to breed with factory-manufactured living fuck-toys that possess an abundance of both male and female sex organs. One such creature is adopted by a warrior dominatrix named Celsia, who is trying to have a baby. But once she takes her new merchandise home, things don't quite go as planned. Wild tribes of rapists, women with multiple vaginas covering their bodies, sex tournaments, erotic mutilation, and a giant vagina possessing the secrets of the universe, this is one ugly perverted hell of a world. Told in Mellick's early schizophrenic prose style, Razor Wire Pubic Hair is like postmodern minimalistic art mixed with Japanese "guro" porn.
Download or read book Words to Rhyme with written by Willard R. Espy and published by Checkmark Books. This book was released on 2001 with total page 692 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: An easy-to-use dictionary of over 80,000 rhyming words.
Download or read book Bronze Age Mindset written by Bronze Pervert and published by . This book was released on 2018-06-06 with total page 198 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The Atlantic named this author as possibly Steve Bannon's contact in the White House (Rosie Gray, The Atlantic Feb 10 2017: " 'Think you should speak directly to my WH cutout / cell leader,' Yarvin said in an email. 'I've never met him and don't know his identity, we just DM on Twitter. He's said to be 'very close' to Bannon...Goal is to intimidate Congress with pure masculine show of youth, energy. Trump is said to know, will coordinate with powerful EOs..."); and a recent Vox article (Tara Isabella Burton, Vox June 1 2018) claimed that he is the "text" to Jordan Peterson's "subtext," and a "distilled" form of Peterson. Distilled means purer: yes, so why not read and understand the purer version? T. I. Burton also adds in this article that this author BAP is a kind of priest-king to thousands on Twitter and outside and is possibly leading a spiritual reawakening.Some say that this book, found in a safebox in the port area of Kowloon, was dictated, because Bronze Age Pervert refuses to learn what he calls "the low and plebeian art of writing." It isn't known how this book was transcribed. The contents are pure dynamite. He explains that you live in ant farm. That you are observed by the lords of lies, ritually probed. Ancient man had something you have lost: confidence in his instincts and strength, knowledge in his blood. BAP shows how the Bronze Age mindset can set you free from this Iron Prison and help you embark on the path of power. He talks about life, biology, hormones. He gives many examples from history, both ancient and modern. He shows the secrets of the detrimental robots, how they hide and fabricate. He helps you escape gynocracy and ascend to fresh mountain air.The pricing, he insisted on against all advice. It refers to the lucky 969 Movement of Burma, led by the noble monk Wirathu.Praise be to the Pervert. Praise be to his teaching of peace.Be careful.
Download or read book Every Time We Meet at the Dairy Queen Your Whole Fucking Face Explodes written by Carlton Mellick III and published by . This book was released on 2016-04-06 with total page 122 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Known for his cute, disturbing, and utterly absurd novels, cult author Carlton Mellick III returns with a tale of childhood love and spontaneous face explosions. Ethan is in love with the weird girl in school. The one with the twitchy eyes and spiders in her hair. The one who can't sit still for even a minute and speaks in an odd squeaky voice. The one they call "Spiderweb." Although she scares all the other kids in school, Ethan thinks Spiderweb is the cutest, sweetest, most perfect girl in the world. But there's a problem. Whenever they go on a date at the Dairy Queen, her whole fucking face explodes. He's not sure why it happens. She just gets so excited that pressure builds under her skin. Then her face bursts, spraying meat and gore across the room, her eyeballs and lips landing in his strawberry sundae. At first, Ethan believes he can deal with his girlfriend's face-exploding condition. But the more he gets to know her, the weirder her condition turns out to be. And as their relationship gets serious, Ethan realizes that the only way to make it work is to become just as strange as she is. From the award-winning author of "Sweet Story" and "The Haunted Vagina," comes a twisted love story that is as creepy as it is heart-warming.
Download or read book Whargoul written by Dave Brockie and published by Deadite Press. This book was released on 2010-12 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: I Destroyed Your Life I Raped Your Wife I Am the Fucking Whargoul From the killing grounds of Stalingrad to the death camps of the holocaust. From torture chambers in Iraq to race riots in the United States, the Whargoul was there - killing and raping. It is a beast born in bullets and shrapnel, feeding off of pain, misery, and hard drugs. Cursed to wander the Earth without the hope of death, it is reborn again and again to spread the gospel of hate, abuse, and genocide. But what if it's not the only monster out there? What if there's something worse? From Dave Brockie, the twisted genius behind GWAR, comes a novel about the darkest days of the twentieth century. The modern world is dying and Brockie is here to put a bullet between its eyes and violate the corpse. This is all-out fucking war!
Download or read book Fantastic Orgy written by Carlton Mellick Iii and published by . This book was released on 2011-09 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Shark Sex, mutant cats, and strange sexually transmitted diseases. Over the past few decades, sexually transmitted diseases have evolved in unusual ways. Herpes, AIDS, Gonorrhea; these are all STDs of the past. These days, sexually transmitted diseases are more extreme and bizarre. Not exactly diseases anymore, they are more like sexually transmitted body modifications. There's an STD that changes your hair color, an STD that causes your toes to grow larger, one causes you to grow extra breasts on your body, another causes your skin to grow long metal spikes, and there's an especially annoying STD that causes you to ejaculate miniature eyeballs. Tonight is Share Your STD Night at the Demon Seed Swingers Club. Although most members of society fear the idea of contracting these diseases, there are some underground deviants who embrace them. They believe the diseases make them strange, unique, and beautiful. So they come together once a month to trade their wonderful STDs with each other in a surreal, fantastical orgy. However, tonight will not be like other nights. There's a new disease spreading through the sex club, a disease that causes people to become rabid bloodthirsty killing machines. As the infected rampage through the Demon Seed, the survivors realize there's only one thing they can do to survive the night: turn their grotesque STDs into deadly super weapons. Also featuring the short stories: "Candy-Coated" - A buff dude with a lollipop for a head has a hard time picking up the laydaaays due to all of the bearded truckers who keep trying to lick his head. "Ear Cat" - A Kitty of the Month Club selection gone horribly, horribly wrong. "City Hobgoblins" - A member of a punk rock band falls in love with a shark-like creature. (a prequel to the cult novel Satan Burger) "Porno in August" - A group of porn actors find themselves floating in the middle of the ocean, unable to remember who they are or why they are there. (Chosen for The Year's Best Fantasy and Horror)
Download or read book Fantasy Freaks and Gaming Geeks written by Ethan Gilsdorf and published by Rowman & Littlefield. This book was released on 2010-09-01 with total page 335 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: An amazing journey through the thriving worlds of fantasy and gaming What could one man find if he embarked on a journey through fantasy world after fantasy world? In an enthralling blend of travelogue, pop culture analysis, and memoir, forty-year-old former D&D addict Ethan Gilsdorf crisscrosses America, the world, and other worlds—from Boston to New Zealand, and Planet Earth to the realm of Aggramar. “For anyone who has ever spent time within imaginary realms, the book will speak volumes. For those who have not, it will educate and enlighten.” —Wired.com “Gandalf’s got nothing on Ethan Gilsdorf, except for maybe the monster white beard. In his new book, Fantasy Freaks and Gaming Geeks, Gilsdorf . . . offers an epic quest for reality within a realm of magic.” —Boston Globe “Imagine this: Lord of the Rings meets Jack Kerouac’s On the Road.” —National Public Radio’s “Around and About” “What does it mean to be a geek? . . . Fantasy Freaks andGaming Geeks tackles that question with strength and dexterity. . . . part personal odyssey, part medieval mid-life crisis, and part wide-ranging survey of all things freaky and geeky . . . playful . . . funny and poignant. . . . It’s a fun ride and it poses a question that goes to the very heart of fantasy, namely: What does the urge to become someone else tell us about ourselves?” —Huffington Post
Download or read book Apeshit written by Carlton Mellick Iii and published by . This book was released on 2013-10 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Friday the 13th meets Visitor Q. Apeshit is Mellick's love letter to the great and terrible B-horror movie genre. Six trendy teenagers (three cheerleaders and three football players) go to an isolated cabin in the mountains for a weekend of drinking, partying, and crazy sex, only to find themselves in the middle of a life and death struggle against a horribly mutated psychotic freak that just won't stay dead. Mellick parodies this horror clich and twists it into something deeper and stranger. It is the literary equivalent of a grindhouse film. It is a splatter punk's wet dream. It is perhaps one of the most fucked up books ever written. If you are a fan of Takashi Miike, Evil Dead, early Peter Jackson, or Eurotrash horror, then you must read this book.
Download or read book Satan Burger 15th Anniversary Edition written by Carlton Mellick III and published by Eraserhead Press. This book was released on 2016-07-01 with total page 296 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: When Satan Burger was first being passed around among teenage punks and fans of weird art and film, there was nothing else like it. A book of rebellious spirit that simplistically captured the postmodern malaise of a culture obsessed with consumerism. It quickly gained an underground following, was transcribed by fans and bootlegged online, was translated into Russian and made its way around the world attracting the attention of readers bored with typical mainstream fare. Combining a satirical wit and style on par with legendary humorists such as Kurt Vonnegut and Russell Edson with the crazy punk ethos of cult film directors such as Terry Gilliam, David Lynch, and Takashi Miike, this was a book overflowing with so many new ideas and absurd philosophies that it not only launched the career of underground author Carlton Mellick III, but inspired an entire literary movement. For the fifteenth anniversary of the release of this Bizarro Fiction classic, Eraserhead Press is thrilled to present this special hardcover edition, featuring an introduction by splatterpunk legend John Skipp, illustrations by Ryan Ward, and a new preface by the author. Satan Burger explores a new kind of apocalypse. Not an apocalypse caused by disease or nuclear war, but an apocalypse of boredom. A plague of monotony has spread across the countryside, sucking all passion and inspiration out of everyone over the age of twenty-five, leaving only the disenfranchised youth to fend for themselves in a world crumbling around them. Featuring a narrator who sees his body from a third-person perspective, a man whose flesh is dead but his body parts are alive and running amok, an overweight messiah, the personal life of the Grim Reaper, a race of women who feed on male orgasms, and a motley group of squatter punks that team up with the devil to find their place in a world that doesn't want them anymore.
Download or read book Satan Burger 20th Anniversary Edition written by Carlton Mellick, III and published by . This book was released on 2021-11-25 with total page 308 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Satan Burger explores a new kind of apocalypse. Not an apocalypse caused by disease or nuclear war, but an apocalypse of boredom. A plague of monotony has spread across the countryside, sucking all passion and out of everyone over the age of twenty-five, leaving only the disenfranchised youth to fend for themselves in a world crumbling around them. Featuring a narrator who sees his body from a third-person perspective, a man whose flesh is dead but his body are alive and amok, an overweight messiah, the personal life of the Grim Reaper, a race of women who feed on male orgasms, and a group of squatter punks that team up with the devil to find their place in a world that doesn't want them anymore.
Download or read book The Midnight Isles written by Greg A. Vaughan and published by . This book was released on 2014-01-21 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: An audience with the Crusader Queen leads the heroes through a mysterious portal to an otherworldly fortress that lies betwixt Golarion and the demonic Abyss. Bringing the fight for the Worldwound to its demonic source means dealing with the cultists of Deskari, demon prince of locusts, who infest the castle like a swarm of insects. Beyond the fortress lies the Abyssal realm of the Midnight Isles, lair of the succubus queen Nocticula, wherein lies the final secret of the powerful crystals empowering the Worldwound's demonic armies with mythic power. Can the heroes navigate the intrigues of three demon lords to strike a critical blow for the forces of good without losing their souls to darkness? The Midnight Isles is a Pathfinder Roleplaying Game adventure for 12th-level characters who have gained five mythic tiers. This volume also includes an extensive gazetteer of the Abyss, and an overview of the cult of Nocticula, along with a bestiary of several monsters and demon lords and part four of Robin D. Laws's Pathfinder Journal novella.
Download or read book Full Metal Octopus written by Carlton Mellick, III and published by . This book was released on 2021-07-20 with total page 216 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: For almost 20 years, Carlton Mellick III has been writing some of the strangest and most compelling novels the bizarro fiction genre has to offer. Described as one of the top 40 science-fiction writers under the age of 40 by The Guardian and "one of the most original novelists working today" by extreme horror legend Edward Lee, Mellick returns with an erotic urban fantasy crime novel about love and violence, sex and sexuality, oppression and overcoming impossible odds. Welcome to Grub Town, the most corrupt city in America. A place where gutter punk mermaids swim in sewage-filled canals, fairy prostitutes hang in birdcages on every street corner, and yakuza elves run everything behind the scenes. Eliot is the most beautiful fairy in all of the city with his dazzling emerald green butterfly wings that make everyone who sees them fall instantly in lust with him. But it's more of a curse than a blessing. Forced to hide his wings in public in order to avoid the constant sexual harassment, Eliot only finds solace when visiting his friends at the Snake Pit lamia strip club or getting tattooed by the dark and mysterious half-octopus woman named Oona. Oona is the best tattooist in the city, but she is a frightening woman three times Eliot's size with nine-foot tentacles that could choke a man to death in seconds. But despite this fact, Eliot is desperately in love with her. He's so infatuated with the octomaid that he gets new tattoos from her each and every week just to be closer to her, addicted to having her artwork permanently embedded into his skin. But when Eliot accidentally murders the only heir to the elf yakuza crime family in Oona's tattoo shop, they are forced to go on the run together, hoping to avoid the wrath of the most dangerous man in town. With everyone in the city out to get them, they can only rely on each other if they have any hope for survival. Like if Quentin Tarantino played with Monster High dolls, Full Metal Octopus is a return to Mellick's pulpy gritty bizarro style previously seen in The Cannibals of Candyland, Armadillo Fists, and Clownfellas.
Download or read book Melodious Accord written by Alice Parker and published by . This book was released on 1991 with total page 100 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt:
Download or read book The Bad Box written by Carlton Mellick, III and published by . This book was released on 2020-09 with total page 152 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: For almost 20 years, Carlton Mellick III has been writing some of the strangest and most compelling novels the bizarro fiction genre has to offer. Described as one of the top 40 science-fiction writers under the age of 40 by The Guardian and "one of the most original novelists working today" by extreme horror legend Edward Lee, Mellick returns with a short novella about the horrors of childhood. Little Benny isn't very good at taking tests. It's not that he's a stupid kid or doesn't pay attention in class. It's just that he's absolutely terrified of failure. It doesn't matter how hard he studies. He gets so nervous that he freezes up and his mind goes blank, rarely even answering a single question before the time is up. This is especially difficult now that he's in Mrs. Gustafson's fifth grade class, where the punishment for failure is to draw a curse from the bad box--a magical device that permanently mutates children into horrific monsters. The Bad Box is an absurd horror story for fans of Mellick's creepy cute novellas such as Mouse Trap and Every Time We Meet at the Dairy Queen Your Whole Fucking Face Explodes.
Download or read book Mouse Trap written by Carlton Mellick III and published by Avant Punk Books. This book was released on 2019-05 with total page 182 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A quiet, apocalyptic tale of young unrequited love in a dying world.
