Download or read book Stupid Carrots written by David Campbell and published by Scholastic Press. This book was released on 2020-10 with total page 32 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Betty Bunny REALLY doesnt want carrots for dinner. And shell say and do ANYTHING to get rid of carrots forever! Watch as Betty goes through all the stages of being HANGRY in this hilarious (and very relatable) book by David Campbell.

Download or read book 505 Unbelievably Stupid Webpages written by Dan Crowley and published by Sourcebooks, Inc.. This book was released on 2007-11-01 with total page 274 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: When sheep feel glad that they can't use computers, this is why. 505 Unbelievably Stupid Webpages reveals the Internet's weirdest, funniest and overall dumbest websites. With more than 25,000 copies sold this new edition is completely updated and revised to include the most bizarre websites to emerge in the last few years. You'll never forgive yourself if you miss these insane, laugh-out-loud sites: -Marshmallow Bunny Survival Tests -The Corn Cam -The Leonard Nimoy Should Eat More Salsa Foundation -The Virtual Stapler -Star Wars Gangsta Rap -Squirrel Hazing: The Untold Story -Poke Alex in the Eye: The Game

Download or read book Don t Be Stupid Idiot Helping Idiots Be Less Idiotic written by Yann Somou and published by Yann Somou. This book was released on 2023-01-29 with total page 256 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Do you think the world is going to shit? And that manners are being thrown out the window? And that common sense and common courtesy are becoming uncommon? And that you are now dealing with idiots that bit too often? You are not alone. We are all collectively treating each other worse than ever before. We talk to each other like dickheads. We drive like wankers. We leave piss on the toilet seat. We shake hands as if they’ve turned into floppy fish. We treat money as the be-all and end-all. Yann thinks this is down to us slowly losing touch with our own humanity. In other words, we care more about ourselves than the person next to us. Sure, capitalism and technology are partly to blame. But at the end of the day, if we don’t start treating each other a little better, we’re all truly fucked. There’s no way in hell we’ll be able to work together long enough to resolve the catastrophic problems coming our way. To that end, ‘don’t be stupid, idiot’ is chock full of 120+ hilarious, sweary, sarcastic, hard-hitting rants about everyday things that everyday idiots do, with quasi-serious, tongue in cheek exercises to help idiots be less idiotic. Each rant also has a QR code or link to share with that idiot of a friend who needs to read it! Rants include: Queue cutting Cancel culture Buying rounds Splitting the bill Holding the door open Ignoring reserved seating Treating pets as humans Tailgating Reclining plane seats Taking the mick Conspiracy theorists & many more! No one is innocent of being an idiot, including you. It is impossible to read this book and not realise at least one or two ways in which you’ve started to not give a shit about your fellow human. Yann hopes that, instead of being a little bitch about it, you’ll use all the reality checks you’ll receive to become a better person who is more aware of how their actions affect others. Entertainment: Guaranteed Fucks Given: Zero Legitimate Reviews “Brilliant!! But it can’t go on our best seller’s list because most of our readers are idiots” – Some shit newspaper “Bought for my idiot friend. Was a prick, still is but at least he knows it now!!” – An idiot “The perfect stupid gift for my boyfriend/husband/dad/brother!! They can be a right wanker!” – Wanker-loving idiot Get the book now, you muppet. Yann doesn’t care whether you buy it as a Secret Santa piss-take for colleagues, a really stupid gift for Christmas, a birthday present for people you don't like, for bloody Mother’s and Father’s day, or just because you like books taking the mick. Just buy the thing and start your journey towards being less of a prick. Still don’t know if ‘don’t be stupid, idiot’ is for you? If you enjoyed Mark Manson’s, ‘The subtle art of not giving a f*ck’, Laura Clery’s, ‘Idiots’, Thomas Erikson’s, ‘Surrounded by idiots’ or Karl Pilkington’s, ‘An idiot abroad’, you’ll love this! You’ll also feel right at home if you relate to the logic and pull no punches style of outspoken people like Ricky Gervais, Jeremy Clarkson, Piers Morgan and James Haskell.

Download or read book Carrots written by Jules Renard and published by . This book was released on 1946 with total page 168 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt:

Download or read book My Stupid Intentions written by Bernardo Zannoni and published by New York Review of Books. This book was released on 2023-06-13 with total page 225 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A stunning, ambitious novel that follows an unusual protagonist—a beech marten, a kind of weasel, who learns to read and write, discovers God and time, and develops a keen sense of self that makes him seem almost human. My Stupid Intentions is the autobiography of a beech marten named Archy. Born into poverty, maimed by an accident, he is sold into servitude by his mother and taught to read and write by Solomon—a pawnbroking fox whose knowledge derives from a Bible that fell on his head while he was busy feeding on a hanged man. Even as Archy’s life is transformed by his discovery of the written word and his grappling with the entity called God, he longs for an existence guided by instinct. He longs to be “a real animal.” But there is no way of unlearning what he has learned. Caught between his natural urges and his acquired knowledge, he seeks the meaning of his story by writing it. This debut novel by the young Italian author Bernardo Zannoni is set in a primordial landscape where animals talk and tend their hearths but are never free from the struggle for survival. A picaresque fable, it has drawn comparisons to Pinocchio and Watership Down, The Wind in the Willows and The Stranger.

Download or read book Bedtime Is Boring written by David Campbell and published by Scholastic Press. This book was released on 2021-01-03 with total page 32 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Billy Bunny REALLY doesn't want to go to bed. He's NOT tired! Not even a little bit. It may be bedtime, but Billy is NOT going quietly... See if Billy wins the bedtime battle in this hilarious sequel to Stupid Carrots, written by (a quite tired) David Campbell.

Download or read book Where Do We Go from Here written by Doris Dorrie and published by Bloomsbury Publishing USA. This book was released on 2008-12-07 with total page 258 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Meet Fred Kaufmann, disillusioned husband of thoroughly competent Claudia and father of surly teenager Franka. His dreams of being a movie director have long ago been shelved for marriage and a child. While Claudia sells her successful vegetarian take-out restaurant to a fast food chain and buys into Buddhism, Fred is trapped in the throes of a classic midlife crisis, made worse when Franka falls madly in love with a young guru. With the hope that brown rice and hardcore meditation will cure Franka's obsession, Fred chaperones his daughter to the meditation center in the South of France. But as a bizarre set of events unfolds, he embarks on a journey of self-discovery that only a special kind of hero can survive. Funny, incisive, and ultimately forgiving, Where Do We Go From Here? is a masterpiece of ironic social comedy from one of Germany's leading writers and filmmakers.

Download or read book Fierce Guardian written by Khloe Wren and published by Khloe Wren. This book was released on 2016-11-11 with total page 251 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: He's found his true mate at last—but she's caught in a deadly trap. Australian Xander Moore is one of a secret cadre of humans who can shift into the form of a snow leopard. His predator side is gorgeous and deadly. He's also lonely. Somewhere out there is his true mate … if he can find her before the Triggers destroy them all. To the team he leads in search of the brutal Triggers, Xander is known for his calm strength in the midst of danger. But when he glimpses the mate he’s dreamt of for years, he's torn between the mission and his instinctive drive to protect and claim. Xander loses focus, leading to dire consequences. British visitor Rachel Bell is caught in a trap. Her boyfriend's offer of a job to extend her visa has turned into forced servitude in his bar. The night he beats her and locks her in their apartment, she's desperate enough to get help the only way she can—by starting a fire. When her abuser attacks her brave rescuers, Rachel discovers she herself may be a deadly weapon. Is she brave enough to unleash her shocking new abilities and save them all?

Download or read book Blacklands written by Belinda Bauer and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2010-01-05 with total page 242 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A taut and chillingly atmospheric debut that signals the arrival of a bright new voice in psychological suspense and "a brilliant analysis of an exceedingly twisted mind" (Chicago Tribune). Eighteen years ago, Billy Peters disappeared. Everyone in town believes Billy was murdered—after all, serial killer Arnold Avery later admitted killing six other children and burying them on the same desolate moor that surrounds their small English village. Only Billy’s mother is convinced he is alive. She still stands lonely guard at the front window of her home, waiting for her son to return, while her remaining family fragments around her. But her twelve-year-old grandson Steven is determined to heal the cracks that gape between his nan, his mother, his brother, and himself. Steven desperately wants to bring his family closure, and if that means personally finding his uncle’s corpse, he’ll do it. Spending his spare time digging holes all over the moor in the hope of turning up a body is a long shot, but at least it gives his life purpose. Then at school, when the lesson turns to letter writing, Steven has a flash of inspiration. Careful to hide his identity, he secretly pens a letter to Avery in jail asking for help in finding the body of "W.P."—William "Billy" Peters. So begins a dangerous cat-and-mouse game. Just as Steven tries to use Avery to pinpoint the gravesite, so Avery misdirects and teases his mysterious correspondent in order to relive his heinous crimes. And when Avery finally realizes that the letters he’s receiving are from a twelve-year-old boy, suddenly his life has purpose too. Although his is far more dangerous...

Download or read book Quiet Please written by Scott Douglas and published by SD Editions. This book was released on 2008 with total page 316 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A humorist and honest look at a life in public service. For most of us, librarians are the quiet people behind the desk, who, apart from the occasional "shush," vanish into the background. But in Quiet, Please, McSweeney's contributor Scott Douglas puts the quirky caretakers of our literature front and center. With a keen eye for the absurd and a Kesey-esque cast of characters (witness the librarian who is sure Thomas Pynchon is Julia Roberts's latest flame), Douglas takes us where few readers have gone before. Punctuated by his own highly subjective research into library history-from Andrew Carnegie's Gilded Age to today's Afghanistan-Douglas gives us a surprising (and sometimes hilarious) look at the lives which make up the social institution that is his library. This 10th Anniversary Edition includes nearly 100 pages of added content (including a new forward and afterward).

Download or read book On Cue written by Cristy Watson and published by Orca Book Publishers. This book was released on 2016-03-22 with total page 69 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Key Selling Points On Cue was shortlisted for the PNBA Book Award and listed as a CCBC Best Books for Kids and Teens. Enhanced features (dyslexia-friendly font, cream paper, larger trim size) to increase reading accessibility for dyslexic and other striving readers.

Download or read book The Trick written by Emanuel Bergmann and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2017-09-19 with total page 303 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Sweeping between Prague during World War II and modern-day Los Angeles, “The Trick is a lyrical, uplifting, and funny story that will tug at all of your heartstrings” (Armando Lucas Correa, bestselling author of The German Girl) that follows a young boy seeking out a cynical, old magician in the hopes that his spells might keep his family together. In 1934, a rabbi’s son in Prague joins a traveling circus, becomes a magician, and rises to fame under the stage name the Great Zabbatini, just as Europe descends into World War II. When Zabbatini is discovered to be a Jew, his battered trunk full of magic tricks becomes his only hope for survival. Seventy years later in Los Angeles, ten-year-old Max finds a scratched-up LP that captured Zabbatini performing his greatest illusions. But the track in which Zabbatini performs the spell of eternal love—the spell Max believes will keep his parents from getting divorced—is damaged beyond repair. Desperate for a solution, Max seeks out the now elderly, cynical magician and begs him for help. With gentle wisdom and heartbreaking humor, this is an inventive, deeply moving story about a young boy who needs a miracle, and a disillusioned old man who needs redemption.

Download or read book Ivy Lane written by Cathy Bramley and published by Random House. This book was released on 2015-02-12 with total page 466 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: _____________________________________________________________________ ‘A perfect blend of the two greatest pleasures in life – love and gardening!’ Fern Britton From spring to summer, autumn to winter, a lot can happen in a single year . . . Tilly is in desperate need of a fresh start, ideally with fresh air and a fresh attitude to match. Hidden secrets lurk in her past and moving to a new town seems like the best way to get a much needed second chance. Finally, it feels like fate is on her side. She takes on a plot at Ivy Lane allotments – where she assumes peace and quiet await – but life has different plans... The small community at Ivy Lane is anything but quaint. The members are far from reserved and soon draw Tilly out of her shell, teaching her everything they know about friendship, love and letting go. And with a love interest waiting in the wings, Tilly may find that new love can grow in scorched earth. As the seasons change, can her new friends prove to Tilly that time really is a healer? A charming and romantic story certain to make you smile - perfect for fans of Carole Matthews, Trisha Ashley and Katie Fforde. Praise for Ivy Lane: ‘Delightfully warm with plenty of twists and turns’ Trisha Ashley 'A witty, laugh-out-loud romantic comedy' Miranda Dickinson

Download or read book Five Stars for Emily written by Kathleen Cook Waldron and published by Orca Book Publishers. This book was released on 2004-04-01 with total page 140 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Emily is horrified when Aunt Hannah tells her that for their holiday they are heading north to a housewarming party at an isolated cabin with no indoor plumbing or electricity. When they arrive, it is even worse than she imagined. The snow is deep. The work is hard. Aunt Hannah is bossy. And Blossom, the girl her age, wants her to play ice hockey on a nearby lake. Is it possible that this could turn into the five-star holiday Emily had dreamed of?

Download or read book Five Minutes More written by Darlene Ryan and published by Orca Book Publishers. This book was released on 2009-04 with total page 139 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: After D'Arcy's father dies, she struggles to come to terms with the fact that he committed suicide.

Download or read book The Sol Majestic written by Ferrett Steinmetz and published by Macmillan + ORM. This book was released on 2019-06-11 with total page 368 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The Sol Majestic is a big-hearted and delightful intergalactic hopepunk adventure for fans of Becky Chambers and The Good Place "A feast of a book.”—Hugo Award-winning author Seanan McGuire Kenna, an aspirational teen guru, wanders destitute across the stars as he tries to achieve his parents' ambition to advise the celestial elite. Everything changes when Kenna wins a free dinner at The Sol Majestic, the galaxy's most renowned restaurant, giving him access to the cosmos's one-percent. His dream is jeopardized, however, when he learns his highly-publicized "free meal" risks putting The Sol Majestic into financial ruin. Kenna and a motley gang of newfound friends—including a teleporting celebrity chef, a trust-fund adrenaline junkie, an inept apprentice, and a brilliant mistress of disguise—must concoct an extravagant scheme to save everything they cherish. In doing so, Kenna may sacrifice his ideals—or learn even greater lessons about wisdom, friendship, and love. Utterly charming and out of this world, Ferrett Steinmetz's The Sol Majestic will satisfy the appetites of sci-fi aficionados and newcomers alike. At the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.

Download or read book Ivy Lane Part 1 written by Cathy Bramley and published by Random House. This book was released on 2014-04-03 with total page 103 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Friendship blossoms at Ivy Lane... Tilly Parker needs a fresh start, fresh air and a fresh attitude if she is ever to leave the past behind and move on with her life. As she settles in to a new town seeking peace and solitude, taking on her own plot at Ivy Lane allotments seems like the perfect solution. But the vibrant, friendly Ivy Lane community has other ideas and endeavour to entice Tilly into seedling swaps and Easter egg hunts. Can Tilly let new friends into her life, or will she stay a wallflower for good? Ivy Lane is a serialized novel told in four parts – taking you through a year in the life of Tilly Parker – beginning with Spring. Each part of Ivy Lane is approx. 10 chapters. Praise for Cathy Bramley: 'A witty, laugh-out-loud romantic comedy with a protagonist you'll love and I highly recommend it!' Miranda Dickinson 'The Ivy Lane series is such a clever little idea... It took me an hour or so to read and it was delightful! I very much look forward to the three other Ivy Lane novellas. I loved Tilly and I can’t wait to read more from her!' Chick Lit Reviews & News 'Full of LOL moments with tenderness that can leave your eyes filled with tears' Room for Reading 'Cute, charming and very, very funny... similar in feel to the books by Lindsey Kelk and Abby Clements' Page to Stage Reviews