Download or read book My Kid Is an Asshole and So Is My Dog written by Diana Stefano and published by . This book was released on 2018-09-27 with total page 150 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: My Kid Is an Asshole, and So Is My Dog-- a comedic look at the drama of raising a teenage girl I just returned from the mall after school shopping with my soon-to-be sophomore and her friend. I now understand why fathers opt to go camping, roll around in elk urine, and shit in a hole rather than go to the mall three days before school starts. As if the crowds weren't bad enough, my girl decided to wear a flannel that hung lower than her shorts, making it appear that she was walking around naked from the waist down. She was flocked by sales people, who, I am sure, were calculating their commissions in their heads. I mean, why not? Everybody wants to help the girl who arrives pant-less. Obviously, she needs clothes.We're not home half an hour and the vodka I poured for myself is only half gone when she yells down from her room, "Mom, have you seen my push up bra? Maybe we need to go back to the mall."It's the moments like these where I'm convinced raising a teen is bullshit, and I wonder if we'll ever come out on the other side even speaking to one another. Pass the vodka.There aren't enough warnings in the world for raising teenage girls. Although my mom swears my daughter takes after me, so it's karma.Is it karma that I've got two barking dogs? It must be. Have you ever heard a shiu-tzu bark? I have. Over and over. They think they're coyotes. I swear. And right now, they're wrestling over some stuffed animal, which is surely about to fling open, so I can pick up little beads all over the carpet while drinking my vodka. No wait. They stopped. One of them had to drag its ass across the floor. Epic.It's in the little moments where I earn my parenting badges-the faded stretch marks.Ruff, ruff!If this is my karma for being such an asshole to my mom, maybe we can get through this too. And if she pays attention in English, instead of scouting for a prom date, she can learn to write her own book-the sequel to this: My Mom Is an Asshole, but Not My Dog.

Download or read book The Other End of the Leash written by Patricia McConnell, Ph.D. and published by Ballantine Books. This book was released on 2009-02-19 with total page 289 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Learn to communicate with your dog—using their language “Good reading for dog lovers and an immensely useful manual for dog owners.”—The Washington Post An Applied Animal Behaviorist and dog trainer with more than twenty years’ experience, Dr. Patricia McConnell reveals a revolutionary new perspective on our relationship with dogs—sharing insights on how “man’s best friend” might interpret our behavior, as well as essential advice on how to interact with our four-legged friends in ways that bring out the best in them. After all, humans and dogs are two entirely different species, each shaped by its individual evolutionary heritage. Quite simply, humans are primates and dogs are canids (as are wolves, coyotes, and foxes). Since we each speak a different native tongue, a lot gets lost in the translation. This marvelous guide demonstrates how even the slightest changes in our voices and in the ways we stand can help dogs understand what we want. Inside you will discover: • How you can get your dog to come when called by acting less like a primate and more like a dog • Why the advice to “get dominance” over your dog can cause problems • Why “rough and tumble primate play” can lead to trouble—and how to play with your dog in ways that are fun and keep him out of mischief • How dogs and humans share personality types—and why most dogs want to live with benevolent leaders rather than “alpha wanna-bes!” Fascinating, insightful, and compelling, The Other End of the Leash is a book that strives to help you connect with your dog in a completely new way—so as to enrich that most rewarding of relationships.

Download or read book People I Want to Punch in the Throat written by Jen Mann and published by Ballantine Books. This book was released on 2014-09-09 with total page 224 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: NATIONAL BESTSELLER • A debut collection of witty, biting essays laced with a surprising warmth, from Jen Mann, the writer behind the popular blog People I Want to Punch in the Throat People I want to punch in the throat: • anyone who feels the need to bling her washer and dryer • humblebraggers • people who treat their pets like children Jen Mann doesn’t have a filter, which sometimes gets her in trouble with her neighbors, her fellow PTA moms, and that one woman who tried to sell her sex toys at a home shopping party. Known for her hilariously acerbic observations on her blog, People I Want to Punch in the Throat, Mann now brings her sharp wit to bear on suburban life, marriage, and motherhood in this laugh-out-loud collection of essays. From the politics of joining a play group, to the thrill of mothers’ night out at the gun range, to the rewards of your most meaningful relationship (the one you have with your cleaning lady), nothing is sacred or off-limits. So the next time you find yourself wearing fuzzy bunny pajamas in the school carpool line or accidentally stuck at a co-worker’s swingers party, just think, What would Jen Mann do? Or better yet, buy her book. Praise for People I Want to Punch in the Throat “People I Want to Punch in the Throat is so good that it’ll make you want to adopt all the cats in the world. I’m not sure about the correlation, but it’s that good. It should come with a warning.”—Jenny Lawson, author of Let’s Pretend This Never Happened “Jen Mann has an amazing way of telling stories that will make you cringe and burst out laughing at the same time. From swinger parties to racist toddlers, she makes the suburbs unbelievably funny.”—Karen Alpert, author of I Heart My Little A-Holes “Jen Mann says the things we’re all too afraid to say. Her honest and hilarious writing style reminds me of David Sedaris and Tina Fey.”—Robin O’Bryant, author of Ketchup Is a Vegetable: And Other Lies Moms Tell Themselves “Jen Mann’s shrewd and unrelenting assault on the absurdity of suburban life is an honest peek into the occasional nightmare that is part of living the American dream. I love Jen. I wish she was my neighbor. It’s so refreshing to know that I’m not the only one who wants to punch almost everyone in the f***ing throat.”—Nicole Knepper, author of Moms Who Drink And Swear

Download or read book Ask a Manager written by Alison Green and published by Ballantine Books. This book was released on 2018-05-01 with total page 304 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: From the creator of the popular website Ask a Manager and New York’s work-advice columnist comes a witty, practical guide to 200 difficult professional conversations—featuring all-new advice! There’s a reason Alison Green has been called “the Dear Abby of the work world.” Ten years as a workplace-advice columnist have taught her that people avoid awkward conversations in the office because they simply don’t know what to say. Thankfully, Green does—and in this incredibly helpful book, she tackles the tough discussions you may need to have during your career. You’ll learn what to say when • coworkers push their work on you—then take credit for it • you accidentally trash-talk someone in an email then hit “reply all” • you’re being micromanaged—or not being managed at all • you catch a colleague in a lie • your boss seems unhappy with your work • your cubemate’s loud speakerphone is making you homicidal • you got drunk at the holiday party Praise for Ask a Manager “A must-read for anyone who works . . . [Alison Green’s] advice boils down to the idea that you should be professional (even when others are not) and that communicating in a straightforward manner with candor and kindness will get you far, no matter where you work.”—Booklist (starred review) “The author’s friendly, warm, no-nonsense writing is a pleasure to read, and her advice can be widely applied to relationships in all areas of readers’ lives. Ideal for anyone new to the job market or new to management, or anyone hoping to improve their work experience.”—Library Journal (starred review) “I am a huge fan of Alison Green’s Ask a Manager column. This book is even better. It teaches us how to deal with many of the most vexing big and little problems in our workplaces—and to do so with grace, confidence, and a sense of humor.”—Robert Sutton, Stanford professor and author of The No Asshole Rule and The Asshole Survival Guide “Ask a Manager is the ultimate playbook for navigating the traditional workforce in a diplomatic but firm way.”—Erin Lowry, author of Broke Millennial: Stop Scraping By and Get Your Financial Life Together

Download or read book My Pug Is an Asshole written by Matt Shaw and published by . This book was released on 2017-08-24 with total page 88 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: 'I WANT A DOG!'Who hasn't heard that screamed from a child or partner? They want a dog but you don't want one because you know it will be your responsibility to look after it when they grow bored. Well, this book isn't necessarily for you. This book is for those who want a dog but have no idea what they're really letting themselves in for. You see, I wanted a dog. I was one of those annoying people ranting and raving how badly I wanted one. 'Now I am an adult, I should be allowed to get a dog! It's my house!'I got my dog. I got what I wanted. I even chose the dog. Now, as I sit here typing out this blurb, I weep. Why did I do this to myself? Why have I just committed to this little bastard for God knows how many years?If you want a dog of your own. Read this book. Perhaps see things you didn't necessarily think of (on top of having to clean up its shit from when you go on walks or when it runs in your garden). Then, when you have read the book, make your decision again. Decide if it really is for you.Don't want a dog? Well this is about a pug called Chewie... Read about Chewie's first year and just laugh at my misadventures and misery...From Matt Shaw, author of 'Wasting Stamps', 'Plentyoffreaks' and 'Im fine'

Download or read book Social Q s written by Philip Galanes and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2012-11-27 with total page 262 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A series of whimsical essays by the New York Times "Social Q's" columnist provides modern advice on navigating today's murky moral waters, sharing recommendations for such everyday situations as texting on the bus to splitting a dinner check.

Download or read book Please Don t Bite the Baby and Please Don t Chase the Dogs written by Lisa Edwards and published by Seal Press. This book was released on 2015-11-17 with total page 256 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Please Don't Bite the Baby (and Please Don't Chase the Dogs) chronicles certified professional dog trainer Lisa Edwards’ endearing and entertaining journey to ensure that her household survives and thrives when she introduces her son to her motley pack of animals. As Lisa knows all too well, the dog/child relationship is simultaneously treasured, misunderstood, and sometimes feared. In a twist, Lisa's dog training techniques inevitably seep into how she navigates her first year with baby to mixed but enlightening results. Lisa includes her best training techniques for the everyday pet owner itemized at the end of each chapter. This book is important for parents, grandparents, and caregivers who have dogs and young children together and want to ensure safety for all.

Download or read book The Art of Raising a Puppy written by Monks of New Skete and published by Little, Brown. This book was released on 2001-05-15 with total page 361 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The Monks of New Skete THE ART OF RAISING A PUPPY The authors of the classic guide How to Be Your Dog's Best Friend now tell you everything you need to know about the crucial first months of your puppy's life. From the decision to adopt a pup through the practical steps of choosing the right breed, preparing your home, caring for your new charge, and practicing basic obedience exercises, the Monks of New Skete offer clear, compassionate guidelines for raising a puppy. Renowned for breeding German shepherds, the Monks train their own beautiful dogs, and dogs of any breed, according to a unique program based on understanding canine behavior and enhancing the bond between dog and owner. This communion begins in puppyhood and is based on deep respect and affection. Improper care, poor training, or a lack of attention during the early months can lead to problem behaviors that become increasingly difficult to alter as your dog matures. By learning to gently assert your dominance from the start, you'll build a lasting and loving relationship with your pup. This complete guide, illustrated with more than eighty black-and-white photographs, explains the stages of puppy development, how to communicate with your pup, how to begin a complete training program, and how to deal with common problems like chewing, jumping up, and paper-training. The kind of fulfillment a solid relationship with your pup can bring is demonstrated in the stories of three dogs who have assumed special places in their owners lives. The Art of Raising a Puppy is an essential source of wisdom, information, and inspiration for anyone who loves and cares for a puppy. As a community, the Monks of New Skete have been breeding, raising, and training dogs for more than twenty years. New Skete Monastery is located in Cambridge, New York.

Download or read book Be the Pack Leader written by Cesar Millan and published by Crown Archetype. This book was released on 2007-10-02 with total page 338 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The bestselling author and star of National Geographic Channel's Dog Whisperer shows you how to develop the calm-assertive energy of a successful pack leader and use it to improve your dog’s life–and your own Be the Pack Leader is Cesar Millan’s guide for taking your relationship with your dog to a higher level. By developing the skills necessary to become the calm-assertive owner your dog needs in order for him to live a balanced, fulfilled life, you’ll improve your dog’s behavior and your own life as well. Be the Pack Leader is filled with practical tips and techniques, including: • How to use calm-assertive energy in relating to your dog—and to others around you • The truth about behavioral tools, from leashes and harnesses to clickers and e-collars • How to satisfy the needs of your dog’s breed • Success stories from Cesar’s clients, viewers, and fans—including the Grogan family of Marley & Me fame • A quick reference guide of specific, step-by-step procedures to tackling some of the most common dog behavior problems “[Cesar] arrives amid chaos and leaves behind peace.” —Malcolm Gladwell, The New Yorker “[Millan is] serene and mesmerizing. . . . He deserves a cape and a mask.” —New York Times

Download or read book Culture Clash written by Jean Donaldson and published by Dogwise Publishing. This book was released on 2013-06-01 with total page 226 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The most thought provoking book ever written on dog behavior and training Generations of dogs have been labeled training-lemons for requiring actual motivation when all along they were perfectly normal. Numerous other completely and utterly normal dogs have been branded as canine misfits simply because they grew up to act like dogs. Barking, chewing, sniffing, licking, jumping up and occasionally, (just like people), having arguments, is as normal and natural for dogs as wagging tails and burying bones. However, all dogs need to be taught how to modify their normal and natural behaviors to adjust to human culture. Sadly, all to often, when the dog's way of life conflicts with human rules and standards, many dogs are discarded and summarily put to death. That's quite the Culture Clash. Simply, the best dog book I have ever read! The Culture Clash is utterly unique, fascinating to the extreme and literally overflowing with oodles of useful, how-to information. Jean Donaldson's refreshing new perspective on the relationship between people and dogs had redefined the state of the art of dog-friendly dog training. Dr. Ian Dunbar, Founder of the Association of Pet Dog Trainers

Download or read book Elevating Child Care written by Janet Lansbury and published by Rodale Books. This book was released on 2024-04-30 with total page 177 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A modern parenting classic—a guide to a new and gentle way of understanding the care and nurture of infants, by the internationally renowned childcare expert, podcaster, and author of No Bad Kids “An absolute go-to for all parents, therapists, anyone who works with, is, or knows parents of young children.”—Wendy Denham, PhD A Resources for Infant Educarers (RIE) teacher and student of pioneering child specialist Magda Gerber, Janet Lansbury helps parents look at the world through the eyes of their infants and relate to them as whole people who have natural abilities to learn without being taught. Once we are able to view our children in this light, even the most common daily parenting experiences become stimulating opportunities to learn, discover, and connect with our child. A collection of the most-read articles from Janet’s popular and long-running blog, Elevating Child Care focuses on common infant issues, including: • Nourishing our babies’ healthy eating habits • Calming your clingy, fearful child • How to build your child’s focus and attention span • Developing routines that promote restful sleep Eschewing the quick-fix tips and tricks of popular parenting culture, Lansbury’s gentle, insightful guidance lays the foundation for a closer, more fulfilling parent-child relationship, and children who grow up to be authentic, confident, successful adults.

Download or read book Decoding Your Dog written by Steve Dale and published by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt. This book was released on 2014 with total page 389 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The top dog behaviorists in the country - the top researchers, scientists, and veterinarians - have teamed up with a renowned media personality to create the most cutting-edge, scientifically accurate, definitive book on why our dogs do what they do and how we can prevent or solve common canine behavior problems.

Download or read book Grief Life written by Diana Register and published by . This book was released on 2018-09-03 with total page 300 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Based on a true storyIt happened out of nowhere.Diana and her high school sweetheart Chad were living an ideal life. They were raising kids, working in public service, travelling and watching their daughter compete in gymnastics. When everything just changed.Soon, they found themselves embarking on an eighteen-month battle to save Chad's life after a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer at only forty-four. Full of hope, they travelled the country searching for treatments and begging some of the best doctors in the world for help. They never gave up but the monstrous cancer beat them anyway. After Chad died, Diana set out to bring awareness to the disease but found that her raw, no-holds-barred comments about grief were what people resonated with most. In her advocacy, she soon learned that it wasn't just death people were grieving and that everybody is living a "Grief Life" in some way. Chad was Diana's "person": Her confidante. Her best friend. The keeper of her stories. The vault for her memories. The man whom she loved, admired, respected and appreciated the most. The man she never thought she would have to live without. It is her hope that if you can see that she can survive her loss, that you will be able to survive yours too.It happens out of nowhere.And everything changes.

Download or read book How to Raise Kids Who Aren t Assholes written by Melinda Wenner Moyer and published by Penguin. This book was released on 2022-06-21 with total page 353 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: How to Raise Kids Who Aren't Assholes is a clear, actionable, sometimes humorous (but always science-based) guide for parents on how to shape their kids into honest, kind, generous, confident, independent, and resilient people...who just might save the world one day. As an award-winning science journalist, Melinda Wenner Moyer was regularly asked to investigate and address all kinds of parenting questions: how to potty train, when and whether to get vaccines, and how to help kids sleep through the night. But as Melinda's children grew, she found that one huge area was ignored in the realm of parenting advice: how do we make sure our kids don't grow up to be assholes? On social media, in the news, and from the highest levels of government, kids are increasingly getting the message that being selfish, obnoxious and cruel is okay. Hate crimes among children and teens are rising, while compassion among teens has been dropping. We know, of course, that young people have the capacity for great empathy, resilience, and action, and we all want to bring up kids who will help build a better tomorrow. But how do we actually do this? How do we raise children who are kind, considerate, and ethical inside and outside the home, who will grow into adults committed to making the world a better place? How to Raise Kids Who Aren't Assholes is a deeply researched, evidence-based primer that provides a fresh, often surprising perspective on parenting issues, from toddlerhood through the teenage years. First, Melinda outlines the traits we want our children to possess—including honesty, generosity, and antiracism—and then she provides scientifically-based strategies that will help parents instill those characteristics in their kids. Learn how to raise the kind of kids you actually want to hang out with—and who just might save the world.

Download or read book The Happiest Mom written by Meagan Francis and published by Weldon Owen International. This book was released on 2014-06-19 with total page 206 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Full of honesty, humor, and practical insight, this is the essential guide for mothers who want to make parenting more joyful: “Every mom needs this book” (Jenna McCarthy, author of The Parent Trap). From the experts at Parenting magazine and popular mommy blogger Meagan Francis, The Happiest Mom combines the latest happiness research with the insight and experience of a mother of five. Francis demonstrates that motherhood doesn’t have to be an obstacle to joy. Drawing on recent happiness research, conversations with hundreds of other moms, and her own experience as a mother, Francis shares her ten secrets to happy motherhood in this down-to-earth, funny, and accessible book. “I found myself underlining passages and laughing out loud in recognition. This thoughtful, hilarious look at motherhood is a terrific resource for anyone who wants to be the happiest mother she can be.” —Gretchen Rubin, author of The New York Times bestseller The Happiness Project “Reading this book is like chatting with your girlfriend and getting all the support, advice, and laughs you need.” —Brett Paesal, author of Mommies Who Drink

Download or read book Comic Illustration Books For Kids Short Moral Stories For Kids Dog Humor Books written by El Ninjo and published by Speedy Publishing LLC. This book was released on 2014-09-15 with total page 306 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Let me introduce myself. My name is El Ninjo and I am the master butt whistler because I simply can not resist exposing my family with my expressive face-melting fart clouds! I guarantee, you and your kids will LOL at this funny fart book with more than 20 blasting bean blowing illustrations and booming fart situations. Yes, I am the true master of bottom burping crashes, and I am going to impress you with my creative windy ways. I will not only show you every vapor blowing cloud trick that I have in my inventory, but I will also make sure to show you how to apply each individual gassy butt whistling fart rocket situation to your own benefit! The list of bottom belching and flatulent fart situations goes like this: The Wake Upper Popper The Straight Up Breakfast Table Shot The Flying Carpet The Backpack Burster The Neighbor Detonator The Imaginary Bone Shot Or Fart Expressionism The Lego Blower The Eruption In The Chicken Coop The Hand Stinker The Marshmallow Shooter The Stinky Tsunami The Sand Storm Exploder The Invisible Electric Fence Destroyer The Domino Bomber The Steamy Sweat Blanket Pooper... ...and many more steamy bean blowing fart episodes The list of Dog Jerks - Vol. 3 goes like this: Why Dogs Can Be Real Jerks Sometimes Jerky Treats Better Than Celery Sticks The Perky Bullfrog Trick Egocentric Pesky Perks Pee Wee Herman Philosophy A Jerk's Agenda If you love Fun Stories For Kids: Books For Boys - Dog Humor - Fart Book & Gross Out Book with Cartoons, Fart Trick, Fart Gag & Fart Fantasy Adventures, check out this pant ripping Fart Book series! Purchase my Fart Book right now for your kids and have some fun tonight at bedtime or whenever the situation calls for some hilarious and fun kid stories and pictures.

Download or read book I Love Jesus But I Want to Die written by Sarah J. Robinson and published by WaterBrook. This book was released on 2021-05-11 with total page 257 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A compassionate, shame-free guide for your darkest days “A one-of-a-kind book . . . to read for yourself or give to a struggling friend or loved one without the fear that depression and suicidal thoughts will be minimized, medicalized or over-spiritualized.”—Kay Warren, cofounder of Saddleback Church What happens when loving Jesus doesn’t cure you of depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts? You might be crushed by shame over your mental illness, only to be told by well-meaning Christians to “choose joy” and “pray more.” So you beg God to take away the pain, but nothing eases the ache inside. As darkness lingers and color drains from your world, you’re left wondering if God has abandoned you. You just want a way out. But there’s hope. In I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die, Sarah J. Robinson offers a healthy, practical, and shame-free guide for Christians struggling with mental illness. With unflinching honesty, Sarah shares her story of battling depression and fighting to stay alive despite toxic theology that made her afraid to seek help outside the church. Pairing her own story with scriptural insights, mental health research, and simple practices, Sarah helps you reconnect with the God who is present in our deepest anguish and discover that you are worth everything it takes to get better. Beautifully written and full of hard-won wisdom, I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die offers a path toward a rich, hope-filled life in Christ, even when healing doesn’t look like what you expect.