Download or read book My Horizontal Life written by Chelsea Handler and published by Grand Central Publishing. This book was released on 2013-04-30 with total page 141 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: In this raucous collection of true-life stories, Chelsea Handler recounts her time spent in the social trenches with that wild, strange, irresistible, and often gratifying beast: the one-night stand. You've either done it or know someone who has: the one-night stand, the familiar outcome of a night spent at a bar, sometimes the sole payoff for your friend's irritating wedding, or the only relief from a disastrous vacation. Often embarrassing and uncomfortable, occasionally outlandish, but most times just a necessary and irresistible evil, the one-night stand is a social rite as old as sex itself and as common as a bar stool. Enter Chelsea Handler. Gorgeous, sharp, and anything but shy, Chelsea loves men and lots of them. My Horizontal Life chronicles her romp through the different bedrooms of a variety of suitors, a no-holds-barred account of what can happen between a man and a sometimes very intoxicated, outgoing woman during one night of passion. From her short fling with a Vegas stripper to her even shorter dalliance with a well-endowed little person, from her uncomfortable tryst with a cruise ship performer to her misguided rebound with a man who likes to play leather dress-up, Chelsea recalls the highs and lows of her one-night stands with hilarious honesty. Encouraged by her motley collection of friends (aka: her partners in crime) but challenged by her family members (who at times find themselves a surprise part of the encounter), Chelsea hits bottom and bounces back, unafraid to share the gritty details. My Horizontal Life is one guilty pleasure you won't be ashamed to talk about in the morning.

Download or read book My Horizontal Life written by Chelsea Handler and published by Random House. This book was released on 2014-06-19 with total page 226 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: 'Many people feel like a one-night stand is something to be ashamed or embarrassed of. I disagree...' We've all (well not quite all, perhaps) had at least one: a one-night stand. Often embarrassing and uncomfortable, occasionally outlandish, but most times just a necessary and irresistible evil, the one-night-stand is a social rite as old as sex itself and as common as a bar stool. Enter Chelsea Handler. Gorgeous, sharp, and anything but shy, Chelsea loves men... Lots of them. My Horizontal Life chronicles Chelsea's romps through the bedrooms of a host of potential suitors, uncovering what can happen in one night of passion between a man and a sometimes very intoxicated woman. From her short fling with a Vegas stripper named Thunder to her even shorter fling with a very short man, she recalls her myriad one-night stands with hilarious honesty. My Horizontal Life is a sensationally frank and funny memoir of sexual life, and a gloriously quirky take on why we do the things we do. Whether you have been there yourself or not, its one guilty pleasure you won't be ashamed to talk about in the morning...

Download or read book Are You There Vodka It s Me Chelsea written by Chelsea Handler and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2009-12-29 with total page 274 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: In a word: hilarious. . . . These are some of the funniest stories I have ever read and they're also some of the most unexpectedly heartfelt--Laura Zigman, author of "Animal Husbandry."

Download or read book Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang written by Chelsea Handler and published by Grand Central Publishing. This book was released on 2010-04-01 with total page 256 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: In these personal essays, the hilarious comedian and Chelsea Lately host reflects on family, love life, and the absurdities of adulthood with "cheeky candor" and signature wit (Philadelphia Inquirer). Life doesn't get more hilarious than when Chelsea Handler takes aim with her irreverent wit. Who else would send all-staff emails to smoke out the dumbest people on her show? Now, in this new collection of original essays, the #1 bestselling author of Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea delivers one laugh-out-loud moment after another as she sets her sights on the ridiculous side of childhood, adulthood, and daughterhood. Family moments are fair game, whether it's writing a report on Reaganomics to earn a Cabbage Patch doll, or teaching her father social graces by ordering him to stay indoors. It's open season on her love life, from playing a prank on her boyfriend (using a ravioli, a fake autopsy, and the Santa Monica pier) to adopting a dog so she can snuggle with someone who doesn't talk. And everyone better duck for cover when her beach vacation turns into matchmaking gone wild. Outrageously funny and deliciously wicked, Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang is good good good good! Chelsea Handler on . . . Being unpopular: "My parents couldn't have been more unreasonable when it came to fads or clothes that weren't purchased at a pharmacy." Living with her boyfriend: "He's similar to a large toddler, the only difference being he doesn't cry when he wakes up." Appreciating her brother: "He's a certified public accountant, and I have a real life." Arm-wrestling a maid of honor: "It wasn't her strength that intimidated me. It was the starry way her eyes focused on me, like Mike Tyson getting ready to feed."

Download or read book Uganda Be Kidding Me written by Chelsea Handler and published by Grand Central Publishing. This book was released on 2014-03-04 with total page 245 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: In this uproarious collection of travel essays, Chelsea Handler sneaks her sharp wit through airport security and delivers her most absurd and hilarious stories ever. On safari in Africa, it's anyone's guess as to what's more dangerous: the wildlife or Chelsea. But whether she's fumbling the seduction of a guide by not knowing where tigers live (Asia, duh) or wearing a bathrobe into the bush because her clothes stopped fitting seven margaritas ago, she's always game for the next misadventure. The situation gets down and dirty as she defiles a kayak in the Bahamas, and outright sweaty as she escapes from a German hospital on crutches. When things get truly scary, like finding herself stuck next to a passenger with bad breath, she knows she can rely on her family to make matters even worse. Thank goodness she has the devoted Chunk by her side-except for the time she loses him in Telluride. Complete with answers to the most frequently asked traveler's questions, hot travel trips, and travel etiquette, none of which should be believed, Uganda Be Kidding Me has Chelsea taking on the world, one laugh-out-loud incident at a time.

Download or read book Man Up written by Ross Mathews and published by Grand Central Publishing. This book was released on 2013-05-07 with total page 175 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: In this hilarious and inspirational memoir, Ross Mathews -- best known as "Ross the Intern" from The Tonight Show with Jay Leno -- chronicles his life growing up as an atypical kid in a small Northwestern farm town to living as an atypical adult in Los Angeles, to eventually being his loud, proud, apologetically genuine self on national television. As a young kid growing up in a farm town, Ross Mathews might as well have wished for a pet unicorn or a calorie-free cookie tree to grow in his front yard. Either of those far-fetched fantasies would have been more likely to come true than his real dream: working in television in Hollywood, California. Seriously, that stuff just doesn't happen to people like Ross. But guess what? It totally did. Now, with his first book, Ross takes us inside his journey as a super-fan, revealing the most embarrassing and hilarious moments of his small-town life and big-city adventures. From learning to swear like a hardened trucker to that time in high school when had to face down the most frightening opponent of all (his girlfriend's lady bits), Ross holds nothing back. Oh, then there's his surprisingly shady past involving the cutest pair of plus-sized women's pajama bottoms, deliciously dangerous pot butter, and embezzled sandwiches. And, of course, how he's managed to turn an obsession with pop-culture into one-on-one interactions with celebrities like Gwyneth Paltrow, Tiffani-Amber Theissen, Madonna, Michelle Kwan, and countless more without ever having a single restraining order issued against him. Infused with Ross's trademark humor, unique voice, and total honesty, Man Up! is a mission statement for anyone who doesn't fit the mold. His hasn't been the most traditional way to build a career in Hollywood, but Ross has somehow managed to make his mark without ever compromising who he is. He is as serious about this as he is about Golden Girls trivia: You don't need to change who you are to achieve your dreams (although there's nothing wrong with a makeover every now and then). You just need to Man Up!

Download or read book Life Will Be the Death of Me written by Chelsea Handler and published by Dial Press. This book was released on 2019-04-09 with total page 272 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: #1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • The funny, sad, super-honest, all-true story of Chelsea Handler’s year of self-discovery—featuring a nerdily brilliant psychiatrist, a shaman, four Chow Chows, some well-placed security cameras, various family members (living and departed), friends, assistants, and a lot of edibles A SKIMM READS PICK • “This will be one of your favorite books of all time.”—Amy Schumer In a haze of vape smoke on a rare windy night in L.A. in the fall of 2016, Chelsea Handler daydreams about what life will be like with a woman in the White House. And then Donald Trump happens. In a torpor of despair, she decides that she’s had enough of the privileged bubble she’s lived in—a bubble within a bubble—and that it’s time to make some changes, both in her personal life and in the world at large. At home, she embarks on a year of self-sufficiency—learning how to work the remote, how to pick up dog shit, where to find the toaster. She meets her match in an earnest, brainy psychiatrist and enters into therapy, prepared to do the heavy lifting required to look within and make sense of a childhood marked by love and loss and to figure out why people are afraid of her. She becomes politically active—finding her voice as an advocate for change, having difficult conversations, and energizing her base. In the process, she develops a healthy fixation on Special Counsel Robert Mueller and, through unflinching self-reflection and psychological excavation, unearths some glittering truths that light up the road ahead. Thrillingly honest, insightful, and deeply, darkly funny, Chelsea Handler’s memoir keeps readers laughing, even as it inspires us to look within and ask ourselves what really matters in our own lives. Praise for Life Will Be the Death of Me “You thought you knew Chelsea Handler—and she thought she knew herself—but in her new book, she discovers that true progress lies in the direction we haven’t been.”—Gloria Steinem “I always wondered what it would be like to watch Chelsea Handler in session with her therapist. Now I know.”—Ellen DeGeneres “I love this book not just because it made me laugh or because I learned that I feel the same way about certain people in politics as Chelsea does. I love this book because I feel like I finally really got to know Chelsea Handler after all these years. Thank you for sharing, Chelsea!”—Tiffany Haddish

Download or read book My Inappropriate Life written by Heather McDonald and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2014-02-11 with total page 272 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The Chelsea Lately writer and star and stand-up comic delves into her life as a mom-of-three and wife of a house-husband who's "infuriatingly bad at collecting neighborhood gossip""--Dust jacket flap.

Download or read book Plastic Free written by Beth Terry and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2015-04-21 with total page 668 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: “Guides readers toward the road less consumptive, offering practical advice and moral support while making a convincing case that individual actions . . . do matter.” —Elizabeth Royte, author, Garbage Land and Bottlemania Like many people, Beth Terry didn’t think an individual could have much impact on the environment. But while laid up after surgery, she read an article about the staggering amount of plastic polluting the oceans, and decided then and there to kick her plastic habit. In Plastic-Free, she shows you how you can too, providing personal anecdotes, stats about the environmental and health problems related to plastic, and individual solutions and tips on how to limit your plastic footprint. Presenting both beginner and advanced steps, Terry includes handy checklists and tables for easy reference, ways to get involved in larger community actions, and profiles of individuals—Plastic-Free Heroes—who have gone beyond personal solutions to create change on a larger scale. Fully updated for the paperback edition, Plastic-Free also includes sections on letting go of eco-guilt, strategies for coping with overwhelming problems, and ways to relate to other people who aren’t as far along on the plastic-free path. Both a practical guide and the story of a personal journey from helplessness to empowerment, Plastic-Free is a must-read for those concerned about the ongoing health and happiness of themselves, their children, and the planet.

Download or read book The Lazy Genius Way written by Kendra Adachi and published by WaterBrook. This book was released on 2020 with total page 242 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Be productive without sacrificing peace of mind using Lazy Genius principles that help you focus on what really matters and let go of what doesn't. If you need a comprehensive strategy for a meaningful life but are tired of reading stacks of self-help books, here is an easy way that actually works. No more cobbling together life hacks and productivity strategies from dozens of authors and still feeling tired. The struggle is real, but it doesn't have to be in charge. With wisdom and wit, the host of The Lazy Genius Podcast, Kendra Adachi, shows you that it's not about doing more or doing less; it's about doing what matters to you. In this book, she offers fourteen principles that are both practical and purposeful, like a Swiss army knife for how to be a person. Use them in combination to "lazy genius" anything, from laundry and meal plans to making friends and napping without guilt. It's possible to be soulful and efficient at the same time, and this book is the blueprint. The Lazy Genius Way isn't a new list of things to do; it's a new way to see. Skip the rules about getting up at 5 a.m. and drinking more water. Let's just figure out how to be a good person who can get stuff done without turning into The Hulk. These Lazy Genius principles--such as Decide Once, Start Small, Ask the Magic Question, and more--offer a better way to approach your time, relationships, and piles of mail, no matter your personality or life stage. Be who you already are, just with a better set of tools.

Download or read book I Don t Care About Your Band written by Julie Klausner and published by Penguin. This book was released on 2010-02-02 with total page 273 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Read Julie Klausner's posts on the Penguin Blog In the tradition of Cynthia Heimel and Chelsea Handler, and with the boisterous iconoclasm of Amy Sedaris, Julie Klausner's candid and funny debut I Don't Care About Your Band sheds light on the humiliations we endure to find love--and the lessons that can be culled from the wreckage. I Don't Care About Your Band posits that lately the worst guys to date are the ones who seem sensitive. It's the jerks in nice guy clothing, not the players in Ed Hardy, who break the hearts of modern girls who grew up in the shadow of feminism, thinking they could have everything, but end up compromising constantly. The cowards, the kidults, the critics, and the contenders: these are the stars of Klausner's memoir about how hard it is to find a man--good or otherwise--when you're a cynical grown-up exiled in the dregs of Guyville. Off the popularity of her New York Times "Modern Love" piece about getting the brush-off from an indie rock musician, I Don't care About Your Band is marbled with the wry strains of Julie Klausner's precocious curmudgeonry and brimming with truths that anyone who's ever been on a date will relate to. Klausner is an expert at landing herself waist-deep in crazy, time and time again, in part because her experience as a comedy writer (Best Week Ever, TV Funhouse on SNL) and sketch comedian from NYC's Upright Citizens Brigade fuels her philosophy of how any scene should unfold, which is, "What? That sounds crazy? Okay, I'll do it." I Don't Care About Your Band charts a distinctly human journey of a strong-willed but vulnerable protagonist who loves men like it's her job, but who's done with guys who know more about love songs than love. Klausner's is a new outlook on dating in a time of pop culture obsession, and she spent her 20's doing personal field research to back up her philosophies. This is the girl's version of High Fidelity. By turns explicit, funny and moving, Klausner's debut shows the evolution of a young woman who endured myriad encounters with the wrong guys, to emerge with real- world wisdom on matters of the heart. I Don't Care About Your Band is Julie Klausner's manifesto, and every one of us can relate.

Download or read book Living Fully written by Mallory Ervin and published by Convergent Books. This book was released on 2023-02-07 with total page 209 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: NATIONAL BESTSELLER • An irresistible guide to living without holding back, from the vibrant lifestyle entrepreneur and host of the Living Fully podcast One of Katie Couric Media’s Best New Self Help Books to Read in the New Year • “If you’re ready to up-level your life and create long-lasting change, then this book is for you! Mallory’s resilient path will inspire you to step into your power.”—Gabby Bernstein, #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Universe Has Your Back Mallory Ervin is known for exuding energy, joy, and laughter. But despite her public accomplishments, Mallory is no stranger to battling unhealthy attachments to performance and success. Now, in her unforgettable debut book, Mallory invites readers to see how her surprising journey—from achievement and accolades to devastating, never-before-shared lows—guided her and led her to a deeply fulfilling life. In Living Fully, Mallory shares her personal story of overcoming the unhealthy and damaging patterns in her life and shows readers how to trade this for something completely new and more rewarding. What she discovered was there had always been a different life available to her, one that she had not yet seen. Now she encourages readers to resist a “just fine” existence and to step into a life they never dared to imagine before. Through inspiring stories and practical advice Mallory offers the motivation to: • stop returning to a “just getting by” mentality • shift perspective so blessings don’t become burdens • remember that life’s curveballs don’t have to knock you off your feet • identify your passions and get back to your truest self • slow down and enjoy the extraordinary in the everyday moments • quiet the voice of fear • get clear on the life you want “I wrote this to be your wake-up call, the thing that turns the lights on in your life and propels you to make real change, once and for all,” Mallory says. “I want you to wake up and stay awake.” For anyone hungry for a richer life, or tired of coasting through life in a “cruise control” mindset, Living Fully is the ultimate invitation to embrace abundance and joy—and not look back!

Download or read book A Quilting Life written by Sherri McConnell and published by C&T Publishing Inc. This book was released on 2013-02-12 with total page 84 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: “With its diverse selection of fabrics and designs, A Quilting Life is a fine pick for any quilter looking to produce family-oriented keepsake results.” —The Needlecraft Shelf Bring the handmade tradition home with these charming quilts and home accessories. Inspired by a grandmother who loved to sew for her family, quilter and blogger Sherri McConnell gives traditional patterns like hexagons, stars, snowballs, and Dresden Plates a new look featuring fabrics by some of today’s most popular designers. Nineteen cozy projects include pillows, tote bags, table runners, and larger quilts—quick and easy designs that make great gifts. “Sherri’s book is a treasure! It’s full of fun and straight-forward patterns for quilts, table toppers, pillows, bags and more—all the goodies to make a cozy home.” —Thimbleanna “Would you like the opportunity to make tomorrow’s heirlooms in today’s vast selection of prints? . . . If so, this could be the reference book that will get you started. There are 19 projects, mainly focusing on handmade household items but including some larger quilts too.” —Fabrications Quilting for You “Beautiful inspiration if you are a seasoned quilter, but also a great resource with clear and in some cases, simple patterns for newbies as well.” —Diary of a Quilter “Color photos of finished needlework projects accompany step-by-step diagrams and assembly patterns, while at-a-glance sidebars covering materials and cutting allow needleworkers to gauge the complexity of each project.” —The Needlecraft Shelf

Download or read book Happier at Home written by Gretchen Rubin and published by Doubleday Canada. This book was released on 2012-09-04 with total page 258 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Tolstoy wrote, "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." This is the statement that inspired bestselling author Gretchen Rubin to wonder whether she could foster an even greater happiness in her home. During The Happiness Project, the same questions kept tugging at her. How can I raise happy children? How can I maintain a tender, romantic relationship with my spouse--after fifteen years of marriage? How do I keep my Blackberry from taking over my private life? How can I foster a well-ordered, light-hearted atmosphere in my house, when no one else will lift a finger to cooperate? This book is Gretchen's account of her second journey in pursuit of happiness. Prescriptive, easy-to-follow, and anecdotal, Happier at Home offers readers a way of thinking and being that is positive and life-affirming. With specific examples following the calendar year, an intimate voice, and drawing from science and pop culture, this book will resonate with anyone looking to strengthen the bonds of family.

Download or read book Horizontal Collaboration written by Navie and published by . This book was released on 2019-05 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: "There is an incident in France's wartime history about which there is little to boast: the treatment of women accused of "horizontal collaboration" while soldiers were dying. While the resistance was faltering, when innocents were being exterminated, some German men and some French women gave in to their desires, reached out, and loved each other. What happened behind closed doors between those for whom the war was not the only thing that loomed large in their lives?"--

Download or read book It Takes Balls written by Josh Wolf and published by Hachette+ORM. This book was released on 2012-07-31 with total page 175 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Josh Wolf--one of the stars and writers of Chelsea Lately and After Lately--delivers a hilarious collection of essays that reminds us all what it takes to conquer fatherhood without sacrificing manhood. Struggling to make it as a stand-up comic didn't always fit with being a single parent. But Josh figured out his own set of rules--through trial and (frequent) error. Early picking up kids from school? The nearby strip club is a great place to kill time and bond with some like-minded dads. Want a drunken heart-to-heart with your son? First make sure there's no Sharpie around in case you pass out. Wondering where to take that special someone at the end of the night? Remember that no sane woman will have sex with you in a one-bedroom apartment where your kids are sleeping--even if you promise to be really, really quiet. Whether it's revealing the secrets to limitless hookups (hint: it's single moms) and getting rid of your children's friends that you just can't stand (hint: it's not single moms), or blackmailing PTA members and ignoring health codes, Josh is sure to impart some parenting wisdom along the way. Or at least have a good time trying.

Download or read book Horizontal Parenting written by Michelle Woo and published by Chronicle Books. This book was released on 2021-10-11 with total page 114 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Need a break . . . now? Horizontal Parenting offers 50 hilarious and effective activities designed to entertain kids while you lie down. Children are exhausting! In the marathon of modern parenting, everyone needs a break—just 10 precious minutes to rest your body and tune out the chaos. Enter Horizontal Parenting, the super-simple parenting hack for everyone, everywhere. With creative and practical advice for overworked parents and caretakers who "just need a minute," this book includes 50 fun, effective, and hilarious games to play with toddlers and children while lying down. Activities include: • What's on My Butt • Hide and Seek-ish • Don't Wake the Giant • Railroad to Relaxation • And many more! Relax and let your little ones release some energy while you catch your breath (and maybe a few even a few z's). All you need is a comfortable surface, a few household items, and your child's imagination, and you too can master the sanity-saving art of horizontal parenting. • 50 activities to keep your kids engaged and keep you lying down • Entertaining ideas for children and toddlers • No endless supply lists, screens, or batteries needed • Perfect for long days at home • Great gift for new (or seasoned!) parents Perfect for: parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and caretakers of kids ages 2+