Download or read book More Letters from a Nut written by Ted L. Nancy and published by Bantam. This book was released on 2013-07-31 with total page 871 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Seinfeld. For more than 33 million viewers, the Emmy Award-winning television show has become a Thursday night ritual. Now, even though the show has ended, Jerry Seinfeld's distinct brand of humor can still be yours. Ted L. Nancy's first book, Letters from a Nut, with an introduction by Jerry Seinfeld, now has more than 225,000 copies in print. In More Letters From a Nut, master-prankster Nancy shares even more sidesplittingly funny letters he has written and the unbelievable true responses he has received.
Download or read book Letters from a Nut written by Ted L. Nancy and published by HarperCollins. This book was released on 2020-10-13 with total page 280 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Who is Ted L. Nancy? He's a superstitious Vegas high-roller who wants to gamble at a casino in his lucky shrimp outfit... He's the genius inventor of "Six Day Underwear"... He's a stage actor who only travels while dressed as a stick of butter... He is, in reality, a twisted prankster—a supremely off-kilter alter ego who sends patently ridiculous letters to corporate honchos, entertainment conglomerates, national publications, politicians, celebrities and heads of state. His innocent requests, queries, complaints, demands, and suggestions are so absurd it is amazing they fool anyone—but often the deadpan responses he receives are even more hilarious: "Dear Mr. Nancy, It is not often that we receive such enthusiastic support for the paper bag." —The Paper Bag Council "On behalf of Greyhound, there should be no problem traveling while in your butter costume." —Greyhound Bus Lines "I look forward to working with you to create a better future for this great nation." —Vice President Al Gore Letters From A Nut is an insanely inspired, truly madcap collection of Nancy correspondence, a wet-yourself-in-a-public place funny aggregation of official—and officially certifiable—requests, complaints, fan mail and questions that could not possibly have been taken seriously...but, amazingly, were.
Download or read book Extra Nutty Even More Letters from a Nut written by Ted Nancy and published by Macmillan. This book was released on 2000-06-14 with total page 244 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Welcome to the world of Ted L. Nancy. Some have called him inspired, some have called him a goofball, and many have wondered who Ted really is. All we know is that Ted loves to write and it shows-Extra Nutty! is chock full of nut, a record of real live correspondence from America's favorite pen pal to a cross-section of this great nation. Extra Nutty! is bursting with all new letters showing Ted at his looniest. Take, for example, this: Dear Business Permits Dept.: I want to apply for a business permit in your fine city...I operate the Soup & Sleep Restaurants. You can either order soup or sleep. A hostess will greet you and you would say, "I'd like to sleep." She will lead you to a table where you can catch a few winks. Or this: Dear Helena Ocean & Dog Licensing Dept: I will stage the play "Mark Twain with Tourette's Syndrome.". . . Let me know what arrangements I need to make to store my anchovie tank at your seaport. Thank you. I await large crowds. Or even this: Dear Kmart: I have invented a male underpants liner...This liner fits right in your shorts and can be thrown away after 15 weeks. I have been wearing the same pair of underwear for 105 days now and although they feel a little stretchy they are perfectly clean. Ted's unique way of looking at the world-and how the world responds to Ted's schemes--is captured here in this extra nutty, hugely hilarious collection.
Download or read book All New Letters from a Nut written by Ted L. Nancy and published by Crown Archetype. This book was released on 2010 with total page 258 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The best-selling author of Letters from a Nut presents a latest collection of whimsical correspondence between the author and the unwary establishments, organizations and government offices that attempted to respond to such requests as a hotel room for 300 hamsters and a 59-foot piece of bologna.
Download or read book The Falconer written by Dana Czapnik and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2019-01-29 with total page 304 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A New York Times Editor’s Choice Pick “A novel of huge heart and fierce intelligence. It has restored my faith in pretty much everything.” —Ann Patchett, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Commonwealth “[An] electric debut novel…Reader, beware: Spending time with Lucy is unapologetic fun, and heartbreak, and awe as well.” —Chloe Malle, The New York Times Book Review In this “frank, bittersweet coming-of-age story that crackles with raw adolescent energy, fresh-cut prose, and a kinetic sense of place” (Entertainment Weekly), a teenaged tomboy explores love, growing up, and New York City in the early 1990s. New York, 1993. Street-smart seventeen-year-old Lucy Adler is often the only girl on the public basketball courts. Lucy’s inner life is a contradiction. She’s by turns quixotic and cynical, insecure and self-possessed, and, despite herself, is in unrequited love with her best friend and pickup teammate, Percy, the rebellious son of a prominent New York family. As Lucy begins to question accepted notions of success, bristling against her own hunger for male approval, she is drawn into the world of a pair of provocative feminist artists living in what remains of New York’s bohemia. Told with wit and pathos, The Falconer is at once a novel of ideas, a portrait of a time and place, and an ode to the obsessions of youth. In her critically acclaimed debut, Dana Czapnik captures the voice of an unforgettable modern literary heroine, a young woman in the first flush of freedom.
Download or read book Little Billy s Letters written by Bill Geerhart and published by Harper Collins. This book was released on 2010-03-09 with total page 260 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: In this irreverent collection, Little Billy brings together his original outlandish letters written to celebrities, criminals, and politicians; the responses they elicited; and a host of photos and miscellany on a variety of wild topics.
Download or read book Hello Junk Mail written by Ted L. Nancy and published by . This book was released on 2008 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Humour.
Download or read book I Want That Nut written by Madeline Valentine and published by Knopf Books for Young Readers. This book was released on 2017-10-03 with total page 22 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A nutty and clever buddy story that celebrates cooperation, perfect for fans of Duck and Goose. Meet Mouse and Chipmunk, two young rodents who want the same thing—a big, beautiful nut! But who deserves it more? After all, Chipmunk and the Nut read together and lie in the grass and stare at the clouds. Chipmunk wants that nut! And Mouse and the Nut play tic-tac-toe and have a dance party together. Mouse also wants that nut! But then Squirrel comes along and claims the Nut for his own. What’s a rodent to do? "A winning combination of words and pictures for beginning readers and listeners."--Kirkus, Starred review "While giggling over Mouse and Chipmunk’s antics, readers will easily relate to the way they vacillate between selfishness and selflessness, and Valentine’s watercolor forest, awash in browns and greens, is an inviting place to learn about sharing and friendship. Who knew inanimate friends could be so rewarding?"--Publishers Weekly, Starred review "Streamlined text in short big-print sentences with dialogue in speech balloons is friendly to beginning readers as well as readers-aloud, and the flights of fancy into each critter’s friendship with the nut are highly giggleworthy."--The Bulletin "Expertly drawn and designed to keep the action moving as tails fly off the page. This book quietly introduces the topics of sharing and friendship by example, echoing the voice of young children."--School Library Journal
Download or read book Nut Tree written by Diane Power Zimmerman and published by . This book was released on 2021-10-29 with total page pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Long before California became a world leader in wine and food, Nut Tree pioneered the idea of dining as, first and foremost, an experience. The food not only delighted the palate, but it also presented a visual feast. By 1952, customers experienced the bounty of farm-to-table, the nostalgia of grandma's homemade bread, a tamale of Old California, exotic tropical fruits, or stir-fried entrees inspired by Asian cultures. Later, customers sipped California wines along with fresh-from-the-farm foods. This epic story of a world-famous restaurant spans the twentieth century and tells how a California ranch grew into a renowned destination in Vacaville, California, fifty miles inland from San Francisco. Visitors came by land and by air knowing they would find surprises-something found nowhere else. They came to dine, purchase fresh baked goods, candies, unique gifts, or just to look at the art and enjoy the entertainment. While basking in the hospitality, customers came back again and again, making life-long friends with family and employees. Central to the story is the author's grandmother, Helen Harbison Power, who, as a newlywed along with her husband, Bunny, opened a fruit stand that grew into a multi-million-dollar roadside destination. For seventy-five years, Nut Tree defined Western food, mid-century design, and cutting-edge hospitality, attracting ordinary folks, and serving dignitaries alike, including Ronald Regan, Neil Armstrong, and Queen Elizabeth II. While many journalists have written articles about the rich history of Nut Tree, no one has written a five-generation retrospective. Diane Power Zimmerman draws from her own experiences as a founding family member growing up at Nut Tree and from the treasure trove of memorabilia--photos, stories, family histories, newspaper clippings, and letters. She reflects on how Nut Tree defied the odds and foreshadowed the future. Then, seemingly overnight, the future became a high-speed freeway and wall-to-wall shopping centers with an abundance of choice and fierce competition. Nut Tree, in all its complexity, could no longer compete and closed after seventy-five years.
Download or read book Idiot Letters written by Paul Rosa and published by Main Street Books. This book was released on 1995 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Look out, public relations; take cover, customer service -- Paul Rosa's letter is in the mail and his inventively imbecilic queries about consumer products have a way of eliciting equally idiotic and even more unlikely answers from some of America's biggest companies.
Download or read book Sam and the Nut written by Sheryl Webster and published by . This book was released on 2015 with total page 19 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt:
Download or read book Consumer Joe written by Paul Davidson and published by Broadway. This book was released on 2003 with total page 228 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: In the bestselling tradition of "The Lazlow Letters" and "Letters from a Nut," screenwriter Paul Davidson has been firing off humble but humorous letters to Fortune 500 companies to find answers to such hot-button questions like why hasn't Minute Maid begun to sell an all pulp, juice-free product yet, and whether it's safe to microwave a bowl of Marshmallow Fluff on high for ten minutes. And the funny thing is . . . consumer-care departments everywhere have been writing back to him, addressing his queries with deadpan seriousness. Collecting dozens of selections from Davidson's funniest correspondence, "Consumer Joe" uncovers why a box of fifty envelopes only contained forty-seven and how colorblind people are supposed to tell whether their Ziploc baggies ("yellow and blue makes green") are properly sealed, while making numerous product-improvement suggestions along the way (such as adding Tuna Melt flavor to the Jamba Juice product line). Taking aim at the increasingly advertising-sponsored society, "Consumer Joe" features utterly absurd but irresistible missives to companies ranging from Barnes & Noble and Fed-Ex to Southwest Airlines and Taco Bell. Full of kvetches we all can relate to, "Consumer Joe" is poised to become the patron saint of every beleaguered shopper.
Download or read book Nobody Will Tell You This But Me written by Bess Kalb and published by Vintage. This book was released on 2020-03-17 with total page 224 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: NATIONAL BESTSELLER ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR: VOGUE • FORBES • BOOKPAGE • NEW YORK POST • WIRED “I have not been as profoundly moved by a book in years.” —Jodi Picoult Even after she left home for Hollywood, Emmy-nominated TV writer Bess Kalb saved every voicemail her grandmother Bobby Bell ever left her. Bobby was a force—irrepressible, glamorous, unapologetically opinionated. Bobby doted on Bess; Bess adored Bobby. Then, at ninety, Bobby died. But in this debut memoir, Bobby is speaking to Bess once more, in a voice as passionate as it ever was in life. Recounting both family lore and family secrets, Bobby brings us four generations of indomitable women and the men who loved them. There’s Bobby’s mother, who traveled solo from Belarus to America in the 1880s to escape the pogroms, and Bess’s mother, a 1970s rebel who always fought against convention. But it was Bobby and Bess who always had the most powerful bond: Bobby her granddaughter’s fiercest supporter, giving Bess unequivocal love, even if sometimes of the toughest kind. Nobody Will Tell You This But Me marks the creation of a totally new, virtuosic form of memoir: a reconstruction of a beloved grandmother’s words and wisdom to tell her family’s story with equal parts poignancy and hilarity.
Download or read book Dee s Big Nuts written by Mark Thunder and published by Createspace Independent Publishing Platform. This book was released on 2015-08 with total page 26 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Sit back and enjoy this children's book parody about a squirrel named Dee and his friends love for his big nuts. Each page will have you laughing and going nuts! This may look like a typical children's book but once the book opens, you will enjoy references that only adults will understand. Dee's Big Nuts makes a great gift for birthdays, anniversaries, bridal shower, wedding gifts, housewarming gifts or just a great gift to make a friend or loved one giggle in laughter.
Download or read book Garner s Quotations written by Dwight Garner and published by Farrar, Straus and Giroux. This book was released on 2020-11-10 with total page 164 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A selection of favorite quotes that the celebrated literary critic has collected over the decades. From Dwight Garner, the New York Times book critic, comes a rollicking, irreverent, scabrous, amazingly alive selection of unforgettable moments from forty years of wide and deep reading. Garner’s Quotations is like no commonplace book you’ll ever read. If you’ve ever wondered what’s really going on in the world of letters today, this book will make you sit up and take notice. Unputdownable!
Download or read book Food to the Rescue In Just 5 Easy Steps Introduce Your Family to Healthy Living for Life written by Dr D C Jennifer Shell and published by Hillcrest Publishing Group. This book was released on 2013-04-05 with total page 72 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Food To The Rescue is a basic, easy to follow introduction to eating for health. This is contrary to what the general population does. Most families eat what is convenient and "tastes good", this includes fast food and junk food with minimal real food. This book covers the exploitation by the manufacturers of processed foods. It also discusses how the rate of disease like diabetes, obesity, heart disease, ADD and ADHD are rising while the amount of chemicals in our food is also on the rise. There are five easy steps for the reader to follow which put them on track toward good health. This is a must have for every family in America struggling with weight issues, diabetes, hypertension, headaches, and behavioral problems.
Download or read book Bath Haus written by P. J. Vernon and published by Anchor. This book was released on 2022-05-24 with total page 321 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Nominated for a 34th annual Lambda Literary Award • A scintillating thriller with an emotional punch: “The tension builds to unbearably claustrophobic levels. To say more would rob readers of the 'no, he didn’t' suspense that makes Bath Haus an unexpectedly twisted, heart-pounding cat-versus-mouse thriller" (Los Angeles Times). Oliver Park, a recovering addict from Indiana, finally has everything he ever wanted: sobriety and a loving, wealthy partner in Nathan, a prominent DC trauma surgeon. Despite their difference in age and disparate backgrounds, they've made a perfect life together. With everything to lose, Oliver shouldn't be visiting Haus, a gay bathhouse. But through the entrance he goes, and it's a line crossed. Inside, he follows a man into a private room, and it's the final line. Whatever happens next, Nathan can never know. But then, everything goes wrong, terribly wrong, and Oliver barely escapes with his life. He races home in full-blown terror as the hand-shaped bruise grows dark on his neck. The truth will destroy Nathan and everything they have together, so Oliver does the thing he used to do so well: he lies. What follows is a classic runaway-train narrative, full of the exquisite escalations, edge-of-your-seat thrills, and oh-my-god twists. P. J. Vernon's Bath Haus is perfect for readers curious for their next must-read novel.
