Download or read book The Mammoth Book of One Liners written by Geoff Tibballs and published by Robinson. This book was released on 2012-06-07 with total page 607 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A collection of 10,000 side-splitting one-line jokes arranged in categories from bestselling humour editor Geoff Tibballs. 'Is my wife dissatisfied with my body? A small part of me says yes.' 'Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.' 'I read somewhere that 26 is too old to still live with your parents. It was on a note, in my room.'

Download or read book 5 000 Sidesplitting Jokes and One Liners written by and published by Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.. This book was released on 2013-11-06 with total page 313 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: First published under the title 5,000 great one-liners. London: Robson Press, 2012.

Download or read book 5 000 Great One Liners written by Grant Tucker and published by Biteback Publishing. This book was released on 2012-09-25 with total page 355 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: My mate told me that I just don't understand irony. Which was ironic because we were at a bus stop at the time. A dyslexic man walks into a bra. An onion just told me a joke. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. A priest, a rabbi and a blind man walk into a bar and the bartender says, 'What is this, some kind of joke?' I got chatting to a lumberjack in a pub. He seemed like a decent feller. I'll never forget what my granddad said to me just before he kicked the bucket. He said, 'Grandson, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?' Whether told in the rugby clubs of Wales or the gentlemen's clubs of London, their sharpness and simplicity unites us all. Short, sweet and wickedly clever, they hold a special place in the annals of comedy, and as the Twitter age heralds a resurrection of the art form, there seems no better time to celebrate the immortal one-liner. In this riveting read, Times diary columnist Grant Tucker does just that, bringing together 5,000 of the funniest one-liners ever told in one definitive volume. Laugh-out-loud funny, 5,000 Great One-Liners has all the quips, zingers, puns and wisecracks you'll ever need - and a whole lot more.

Download or read book Usage based and Typological Approaches to Linguistic Units written by Tsuyoshi Ono and published by John Benjamins Publishing Company. This book was released on 2021-04-15 with total page 212 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The chapters in this volume focus on how we might understand the concept of ‘unit’ in human languages. It is an analytical notion that has been widely adopted by linguists of various theoretical and applied orientations but has recently been critically examined by both typologically oriented and interactional linguistics. This volume contributes to and extends this discussion by examining the nature of units in actual usage in a range of genetically and typologically unrelated languages, English, Finnish, Indonesian, Japanese, and Mandarin, engaging with fundamental theoretical issues. The chapters show that categories originally created for the description of Indo-European languages have limited usefulness if our goal is to understand the nature of human language in general. The authors thus question the status of traditionally accepted linguistic units, especially their static understanding as a priori entities, and suggest instead that an emergent and interactional view of both structure and function offers a better fit with the data from the languages examined. Originally published as special issue 43:2 (2019) of Studies in Language.

Download or read book Here We Go Ladies written by Roger Waisanen and published by Xlibris Corporation. This book was released on 2011-05-17 with total page 100 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Here We Go Ladies is a collection of jokes and anecdotes I have gathered and used over my 20 years of umpiring. Some of them are jokes from ladies I have umpired. I find a joke or two can be encouraging to a player or team that is down. This collection of jokes as well as the t-shirts with witty sayings that I wear help lighten the atmosphere of the games and tournaments I umpire. I hope you enjoy them as much as the players and I have over the years.

Download or read book As Thick as Thieves written by Richard O Smith and published by The History Press. This book was released on 2013-09-02 with total page 227 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Standing in an ID parade of incompetence, waiting to be picked out as Britain’s stupidest criminal, we’ve assembled a line-up of bungling burglars, asinine assailants and thick thieves. Dipping their stolen bucket of opportunity into the well of other people's stuff, only to fall into the well themselves (and get the bucket stuck on their head), this book chronicles the crimes against common sense committed by these dim-witted deviants. Also featured in this compendium of criminal idiocy are: the bank robber who used a No. 72 bus as his getaway vehicle (it was almost as though the police knew where he was headed to next); the bag snatcher who robbed an elderly lady of the bad she'd just used to clear up responsibly after her dogs; and the burglars who left their four-year-old son, and a wallet containing full ID, at the crime scene. Also rounded up for routine questioning are the bank robbers who gifted the police a dropped map marking the preferred route from bank to hideout, and armed robbers who raided a laundry van to steal used towels whilst their intended target, a wages van, drove slowly past. Charged with being in possession of an idiotic plan and sentenced to a life term of stupidity, they're reversing the getaway vehicle into a police car and handing over their belt to the custody sergeant with the inevitable consequence of their trousers falling down. As thick as thieves indeed. It's a case (admittedly, a rather easy one) for the police to dial M for Muppet. This is an ideal gift book that will make you laugh out loud.

Download or read book When Did Everybody Else Get So Old written by Jennifer Grant and published by MennoMedia, Inc.. This book was released on 2017-05-02 with total page 153 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: From writer and veteran columnist Jennifer Grant comes an unflinching and spirited look at the transitions of midlife. When Did Everybody Else Get So Old? plumbs the physical, spiritual, and emotional changes unique to the middle years: from the emptying nest to the sagging effects of aging. Grant acknowledges the complexities and loss inherent in midlife and tells stories of sustaining disappointment, taking hard blows to the ego, undergoing a crisis of faith, and grieving the deaths not only of illusions but of loved ones. Yet she illuminates the confidence and grace that this season of life can also bring. Magnetic, good-humored, and full of hope in the sustaining power of the Spirit, this is a must-read for anyone facing the flux and flow of middle age. Free downloadable study guide available here.

Download or read book Flip Side of Sin written by Rosalie Stanton and published by Rosalie Stanton. This book was released on 2018-05-15 with total page 359 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: She’s the only woman he’s ever loved, and the one woman he can’t have. Since her inaugural venture to Earth, Cassie, Virtue of Chastity, has been lost in a sea of doubt. All of Heaven knows how badly she botched her first job. So when the Almighty gives her a new job—one in Sin City—no one is more surprised than she. Ira, Sin of Wrath, requires only a drink, a cigarette and a warm girl to keep him happy—which makes his new Vegas assignment a very welcome trip. Ira might be there to work, but that hardly means he won’t find time to play… And when he spies a gorgeous blonde wandering through a casino, he knows she’ll make the perfect playmate. Until, of course, he discovers she’s off limits—not to mention, the enemy. The strain between Heaven and Hell intensifies by the day, as does Ira’s struggle to keep his hands off Cassie’s chastity. With a job to do, and a Virtue stretching Ira’s ability to control his devil-born lust, maintaining priorities has never been harder. And, Ira discovers, come Heaven or Hell, he’s just waiting for an excuse to show Cassie how good being bad can be. ___________________________________________________________________________________ Buffy meets Good Omens. A tale of devils, angels, demons, and everything in between. Product may include sacrilegious humor, irreverent beliefs and explicit, too-hot-for-prime-time adult scenes. This series is best enjoyed when read in order.

Download or read book Unknown Legacy written by Tiffany Kahaepea and published by Tiffany Kahapea. This book was released on 2023-03-31 with total page 247 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Orchard Landing, where magic intertwines seamlessly with the everyday, Lucy leads a life she never thought possible. As a devoted soldier in the magical army, she, alongside her closest friend Danielle, works tirelessly to apprehend their own kind and safeguard the delicate balance between the Mutane Sihiri and humans. Lucy finds solace in her chosen family, her unwavering loyalty to the cause, and the comforting embrace of friendship. With her heart filled with contentment, she couldn't have wished for a better life. In a sudden and vicious onslaught, Orchard Landing is attacked by relentless demons. Lucy discovers that these malevolent creatures are in search of her, their gaze fixated upon her alone. Confusion grips her heart as she tries to understand why she, of all people, would become the target of such monstrous forces. Lucy's world unravels before her eyes. The very fabric of her existence is torn apart, exposing a history veiled in a labyrinth of lies. Every cherished truth she held dear crumbles, leaving her floating in a sea of uncertainty. The people she believed she could trust, those who formed the pillars of her life, now hide secrets about her own identity. With her foundations shattered, Lucy embarks on a perilous journey to confront her past, to uncover the elusive truths buried deep within her soul. As she traverses the landscape of her own history, she questions who she truly is and if the answers she seeks will bring solace or despair. Betrayal lurks in every shadow, threatening to devour her fragile spirit. Will she emerge from the crucible of her past stronger than ever before, or will the revelations she uncovers irreparably break her spirit?

Download or read book Skinny Bernard written by Bernie Shore and published by FriesenPress. This book was released on 2019-03-07 with total page 195 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Skinny Bernard is the sort of person that others never notice, that we look at only briefly before turning our eyes away, but the universe sees everything. We all wonder where we fit into that universe, rich or poor, surrounded by loved ones or alone on the street. This unique collection of short stories delves into that mystery and the nature of human spirit in the face of hardship, loneliness and isolation. In it, we see that no one is truly alone, and that there are countless connections that tie us to one another and to the greater universe as a whole. With his off-beat and genre-bending writing style and fascinating character studies, author Bernie Shore examines a wide array of interwoven themes. From truth and spirituality to mental health and reincarnation, this collection of stories will change the way you look at the universe and yourself.

Download or read book First Christmas written by Debbie McGowan and published by Beaten Track Publishing. This book was released on 2013-12-01 with total page 78 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Remember the way you used to feel when you were little? So eager for Santa’s visit, sleeplessly counting the minutes till morning, trembling with excitement and anticipation… Will I get what I wished for? Have I been good enough? Josh and George spent half a lifetime apart, so it matters not that they’re all grown up now. For this is their first Christmas together, in their new home. They finally have all that they wished for… …But perhaps Santa still has a few surprises in store. This Christmas, join Josh and George for a Christmas story full of festive magic and romance. Best read in December, in front of a roaring log fire, by the twinkling light of a Christmas tree. * * * * * First Christmas a novella-length character special. Part of Hiding Behind The Couch series. The story follows chronologically from The Harder They Fall (Season Three) and continues in In The Stars Part I (Season Four).

Download or read book To Hear the Ocean Sigh written by Bryant A. Loney and published by Verona Booksellers. This book was released on 2015-04-21 with total page 312 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: To Hear the Ocean Sigh is a contemporary-realistic, coming-of-age narrative by first-time novelist Bryant A. Loney. Jay Murchison believes he is a nobody at his high school in Oklahoma. Coming from a conservative family of affordable luxury, Jay has an overwhelming desire to become something great. After a mysterious girl named Saphnie in North Carolina mistakenly texts him, an unlikely relationship develops that affects Jay's self-perception and influences the rest of his sophomore year. This correspondence leads him to a group of thrill-seekers who provide a grand departure from the quiet life Jay is familiar with and eye-opening experiences to witness first-hand the truth behind the loose morals his fellow classmates have come to know. In a story filled with injustice, hope, hatred, love, grief, and understanding, readers will ask themselves what it truly means to hear the ocean sigh and learn of the dire consequences that come with its responsibilities.

Download or read book I Love Jesus But I Want to Die written by Sarah J. Robinson and published by WaterBrook. This book was released on 2021-05-11 with total page 257 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A compassionate, shame-free guide for your darkest days “A one-of-a-kind book . . . to read for yourself or give to a struggling friend or loved one without the fear that depression and suicidal thoughts will be minimized, medicalized or over-spiritualized.”—Kay Warren, cofounder of Saddleback Church What happens when loving Jesus doesn’t cure you of depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts? You might be crushed by shame over your mental illness, only to be told by well-meaning Christians to “choose joy” and “pray more.” So you beg God to take away the pain, but nothing eases the ache inside. As darkness lingers and color drains from your world, you’re left wondering if God has abandoned you. You just want a way out. But there’s hope. In I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die, Sarah J. Robinson offers a healthy, practical, and shame-free guide for Christians struggling with mental illness. With unflinching honesty, Sarah shares her story of battling depression and fighting to stay alive despite toxic theology that made her afraid to seek help outside the church. Pairing her own story with scriptural insights, mental health research, and simple practices, Sarah helps you reconnect with the God who is present in our deepest anguish and discover that you are worth everything it takes to get better. Beautifully written and full of hard-won wisdom, I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die offers a path toward a rich, hope-filled life in Christ, even when healing doesn’t look like what you expect.

Download or read book Hometown Police Blotter written by Andy Spurlock and published by AuthorHouse. This book was released on 2010-11-23 with total page 254 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Truth, as they say, is stranger than fiction. In the case of Hometown Police Blotter, real life is by far funnier than fiction. This collection of ludicrous, ridiculous and incredulous calls made to local law enforcement couldnt be more entertaining. We couldnt make this sh*t up, even if we tried!, says co-creator/art director Sean Michael Beyer. But wait, theres pictures too! The best of the best have been brought to life through the demented eyes of artist David Star Fields with hilarious illustrations of how the caller, alleged perpetrator and/or responding law enforcement might look. Co-creator Andy Spurlock says, This book is destined to win a Pulitzer for Best Bathroom Reading! And while youre laughing your arse off... whether youre in the bathroom or not, know that a portion of proceeds from the sale of this book help support scholarships and continued funding of the arts and music in schools. Enjoy!

Download or read book A Call to the Uncoverted written by Richard Baxter and published by Sovereign Grace Publishers,. This book was released on 2000-12 with total page 110 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: There are two outstanding classics on the subject of conversion: A Call to the Unconverted, Richard Baxter; and, An Alarm to the Unconverted, Joseph Alleine. Richard Baxter was a bright and shining light in the golden age of theology, the seventeenth century. Not only was he the most voluminous author of his day (72 volumes), but also his shepherding of his flock at Kidderminster was so phenomenal that it stands as a marker for all other pastors and evangelists. He practiced what he teaches in this book. The host of conversions under his preaching testifies to the power of the message in A Call. Baxter was always plain spoken to sinners: "Whoever loves earth above Heaven, and fleshly prosperity more than God, is a wicked, unconverted man " "We are commanded to beseech and entreat you to accept the offer and turn; to tell you what preparation is made by Christ; what mercy stays for you; what patience waits on you . . .how certainly and unspeakable happy you may be if you will. We have indeed a message of wrath and death; yea, of a twofold wrath and death; but neither of them is our principal message. We must tell you of the wrath that is on you already, and the death that you are born under for the breach of the law of works. But this is only to show you the need of mercy, and to provoke you to esteem the grace of the Redeemer. . . . Our telling you of your misery is not to make you miserable, but to drive you out to seek for mercy. It is you who have brought this death on yourselves. We tell you also of another death, one even remediless, and much greater torment that will fall on those who will not be converted. . . This is the last and saddest part of our message. We arefirst to offer you mercy, if you will turn." (Pp. 21, 22).

Download or read book I Swear I ll Make It Up to You written by Mishka Shubaly and published by PublicAffairs. This book was released on 2016-03-08 with total page 233 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: An odyssey of family, heartbreak, violence, punk rock, brokenness, broke-ness, sex, love, loss, drinking, drinking, drinking, and an unlikely savior: distance running. A misfit kid at the best of times, Mishka Shubaly had his world shattered when, in a twenty-four-hour span in 1992, he survived a mass shooting on his school's campus, then learned that his parents were getting divorced. His father, a prominent rocket scientist, abandoned the family and their home was lost to foreclosure. Shubaly swore to avenge the wrongs against his mother, but instead plunged into a magnificently toxic love affair with alcohol. Almost two decades later, Shubaly's life changed again when a fateful five-mile run after a bar fight inspired him to clean up his life. And when he finally reconnected with his estranged father, he discovered the story of his childhood was radically different from what he thought he knew. In this fiercely honest, emotional, and self-laceratingly witty book, Shubaly relives his mistakes, misfortunes, and infrequent good decisions: the disastrous events that fractured his life; his incendiary romances; his hot-and-cold career as a rock musician; meeting his newborn nephew while out of his gourd on cough syrup. I Swear I'll Make It Up to You is an apology for choices Shubaly never thought he'd live long enough to regret, a journey so far down the low road that it took him years of running to claw his way back.

Download or read book The Dramatic Works of John Webster The famous history of Sir Thomas Wyat Westward hoe Northward hoe written by John Webster and published by . This book was released on 1857 with total page 306 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: