Download or read book Sh t My Dad Says written by Justin Halpern and published by Harper Collins. This book was released on 2010-05-04 with total page 180 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: “This book is ridiculously hilarious, and makes my father look like a normal member of society.” —Chelsea Handler “Read this unless you’re allergic to laughing.” —Kristen Bell “If you’re wondering if there is a real man behind the quotes on Twitter, the answer is a definite and laugh-out-loud yes.” —Christian Lander, New York Times bestselling author of Stuff White People Like Tuesdays with Morrie meets F My Life in this hilarious book about a son’s relationship with his foul-mouthed father by the 29-year-old comedy writer who created the massively popular Twitter feed of the same name.
Download or read book Don t Push the Button written by Bill Cotter and published by Sourcebooks, Inc.. This book was released on 2013-11 with total page 32 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: There's only one rule in Larry's book: don't push the button. (Seriously, don't even think about it!) Even if it does look kind of nice, you must never push the button. Who knows what would happen? Okay, quick. No one is looking... push the button. Uh, oh.
Download or read book Funny Things My Kids Say Keepsake Parents Journal Childhood Memory Book Red Black written by MM Creative Notebooks and published by Independently Published. This book was released on 2018-10-04 with total page 104 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Kids say the funniest things. Keep track of those special memories with this cute notebook. You'll love looking back and remembering those times when your kids had you rolling on the floor with laughter or having you blush with embarrassment. Every moment is special so grab this journal and keep notes, you'll be glad you did! It's the perfect gift for new moms, parents of toddlers and small children or any family member who wants to look back on those special times with the kids they dearly love. 6x9 Paperback Bound Book 122 pages Find other kids quote journal designs and different notebooks by selecting the hyperlink for "authors name" near the top of this listing.
Download or read book The Night Dad Went to Jail written by Melissa Higgins and published by Capstone. This book was released on 2023 with total page 25 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: When someone you love goes to jail, you might feel lost, scared, and even mad. What do you do? No matter who your loved one is, this story can help you through the tough times.
Download or read book K is for Knifeball written by Avery Monsen and published by Chronicle Books. This book was released on 2012-09-14 with total page 81 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: An adult parody of children’s alphabet books, offering horrible—but hilarious—advice, from the authors of All my friends are dead. In the humorous vein of Go the F**k to Sleep comes a laugh-out-loud collection of bad advice that turns the children’s alphabet book on its head. Adorable, illustrated characters lead readers down a path of poor decision-making, and alphabetical, rhyming couplets offer terrible life lessons. O is for opening things with your teeth, F is for setting Daddy’s wallet on fire, and R is for Raccoon (but definitely not for rabies). With plenty of playfully disastrous choices lurking around every corner, this compendium of black humor may be terrible for actual children, but it’s perfect for the common-senseless child in all adults. Plus, this is the fixed-format version, which looks nearly identical to the physical book. Praise for K is for Knifeball “Great fun for adults. The humorous illustrations, done in the style common in kids books, greatly add to the fun.” —Geek Alerts
Download or read book The Sh t No One Tells You About Toddlers written by Dawn Dais and published by Seal Press. This book was released on 2015-09-15 with total page 241 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: They're getting bigger. And you're not getting any more sleep. Second in the Sh!t No One Tells You series, in The Sh!t No One Tells You About Toddlers Dawn Dais tells it like it is -- again -- offering real advice for parents of growing children. Coming from one empathetic parent to another, the tips in this book are real, clever, honest, and designed to make life with a terrible two- or three-year-old a little bit more manageable. Hilarious, helpful, and handy, this book will be appreciated by any parent who has asked: "Why didn't anybody warn me that unconditional love would be so much work?" Filled with tips, encouragement, and a strong dose of humor, The Sh!t No One Tells You About Toddlers is a survival handbook for parents on the edge.
Download or read book Figuring Shit Out written by Amy Biancolli and published by Behler Publications, LLC. This book was released on 2014-09-29 with total page 210 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: "Your life isn't over." My dad says this. "I mean, YOUR life isn't over. Beyond the kids. You'll go on living, doing things. This isn't it." I know, I assure him. I have the kids. They need me. They're my life now. "OK," he replies, then grunts—more of a brief hum. He only hums when he thinks I'm full of shit. Shockingly single. Amy Biancolli's life went off script more dramatically than most after her husband of twenty years jumped off the roof of a parking garage. Left with three children, a three-story house, and a pile of knotty psychological complications, Amy realizes the flooding dishwasher, dead car battery, rapidly growing lawn, basement sump pump, and broken doorknob aren't going to fix themselves. She also realizes that "figuring shit out" means accepting the horrors that came her way, rolling with them, slogging through them, helping others through theirs, and working her way through life with love and laughter. Amy Biancolli is an author and journalist whose column appears in the Albany Times Union. Before that, Amy served as film critic for the Houston Chronicle where her reviews, published around the country, won her the 2007 Comment and Criticism Award from the Texas Associated Press Managing Editors Association. Biancolli is the author of House of Holy Fools: A Family Portrait in Six Cracked Parts, which earned her Albany Author of the Year. Amy lives in Albany, New York, with her three children.
Download or read book The Assassin s Cloak written by Irene Taylor and published by Canongate Books. This book was released on 2020-11-05 with total page 960 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: 'A diary is an assassin's cloak which we wear when we stab a comrade in the back with a pen', wrote William Soutar in 1934. But a diary is also a place for recording everyday thoughts and special occasions, private fears and hopeful dreams. The Assassin's Cloak gathers together some of the most entertaining and inspiring entries for each day of the year, as writers ranging from Queen Victoria to Andy Warhol, Samuel Pepys to Adrian Mole, pen their musings on the historic and the mundane. Spanning centuries and international in scope, this peerless anthology pays tribute to a genre that is at once the most intimate and public of all literary forms. This new updated edition is published to mark the twentieth anniversary of the book's original publication.
Download or read book More Shit My Dad Says written by Justin Halpern and published by Boxtree. This book was released on 2013-07-01 with total page 300 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: "Growing up, every time I saw a men's magazine cover that had a headline about '73 Ways to Please Your Girlfriend', all I could think was 'I'm good with one; just tell me one way to please her. Also, I don't have a girlfriend. Is there an article about that?'" Soon after Sh*t My Dad Says began to take off, comic writer Justin Halpern decided to propose to his then girlfriend. But before doing so, he asked his dad's advice, which was very, very simple (and surprisingly clean): "Just take a day to think about it." This book is the story of that trip down memory lane, to the adventures and misadventures of teenage relationships. Crossing the warmth of The Wonder Years with the candour and observational humour of David Sedaris, this follow-up to the hottest comedy debut of last year is a hilarious, toe-curlingly true book about life, and love.
Download or read book Sh t Girls Say written by Kyle Humphrey and published by Harlequin. This book was released on 2012-09-18 with total page 14 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: "I've said 90% of the things on Sh*t Girls Say." -Every Girl Ever "It's the new best thing. It may be our new favorite thing." —Perez Hilton "In the age of quinoa gluten-free iced coffee sashimi hot yoga, thank God we have the 'girls' to keep sh*t real. But don't tell them I said that. They'll just totally pretend they said it. They're so jealous of me." —Stacy London, What Not to Wear "This book on my bedside table makes me look like a reader." —Ali Adler, cocreator of Glee "As a girl who says a lot of sh*t, I can honestly say I die for this book." —Abby Elliott, Saturday Night Live cast member Read Excerpt
Download or read book How I Met My Monster written by Amanda Noll and published by Flashlight Press. This book was released on 2019-11-03 with total page 40 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: One night, when Ethan reaches under his bed for a toy truck, he finds this note instead: "Monsters! Meet here for final test." Ethan is sure his parents are trying to trick him into staying under the covers, until he sees five colorful sets of eyes blinking at him from beneath the bed. Soon, a colorful parade of quirky, squeaky little monsters compete to become Ethan's monster. But only the little green monster, Gabe, has the perfect blend of stomach-rumbling and snorting needed to get Ethan into bed and keep him there so he falls asleep—which as everyone knows, is the real reason for monsters under beds. With its perfect balance of giggles and shivers, this silly-spooky prequel to the award-winning I Need My Monster and Hey, That's MY Monster! will keep young readers entertained.
Download or read book If I Ran the Zoo written by Dr. Seuss and published by Random House Books for Young Readers. This book was released on 1950 with total page 63 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Gerald tells of the very unusual animals he would add to the zoo, if he were in charge.
Download or read book Nothing to See Here written by Kevin Wilson and published by HarperCollins. This book was released on 2019-10-29 with total page 288 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A New York Times Bestseller • A Read with Jenna Today Show Book Club Pick! Named a Best Book of the Year by The New York Times Book Review, The Washington Post, People, Entertainment Weekly, USA Today, TIME, The A.V. Club, Buzzfeed, and PopSugar “I can’t believe how good this book is.... It’s wholly original. It’s also perfect.... Wilson writes with such a light touch.... The brilliance of the novel [is] that it distracts you with these weirdo characters and mesmerizing and funny sentences and then hits you in a way you didn’t see coming. You’re laughing so hard you don’t even realize that you’ve suddenly caught fire.” —Taffy Brodesser-Akner, author of Fleishman is in Trouble, New York Times Book Review From the New York Times bestselling author of The Family Fang, a moving and uproarious novel about a woman who finds meaning in her life when she begins caring for two children with a remarkable ability. Lillian and Madison were unlikely roommates and yet inseparable friends at their elite boarding school. But then Lillian had to leave the school unexpectedly in the wake of a scandal and they’ve barely spoken since. Until now, when Lillian gets a letter from Madison pleading for her help. Madison’s twin stepkids are moving in with her family and she wants Lillian to be their caretaker. However, there’s a catch: the twins spontaneously combust when they get agitated, flames igniting from their skin in a startling but beautiful way. Lillian is convinced Madison is pulling her leg, but it’s the truth. Thinking of her dead-end life at home, the life that has consistently disappointed her, Lillian figures she has nothing to lose. Over the course of one humid, demanding summer, Lillian and the twins learn to trust each other—and stay cool—while also staying out of the way of Madison’s buttoned-up politician husband. Surprised by her own ingenuity yet unused to the intense feelings of protectiveness she feels for them, Lillian ultimately begins to accept that she needs these strange children as much as they need her—urgently and fiercely. Couldn’t this be the start of the amazing life she’d always hoped for? With white-hot wit and a big, tender heart, Kevin Wilson has written his best book yet—a most unusual story of parental love.
Download or read book The Wonky Donkey written by Craig Smith and published by Scholastic Inc.. This book was released on 2010 with total page 26 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Kids will love this cumulative and hysterical read-aloud that features a free downloadable song "I was walking down the road and I saw... a donkey, Hee Haw And he only had three legs He was a wonky donkey." Children will be in fits of laughter with this perfect read-aloud tale of an endearing donkey. By the book's final page, readers end up with a spunky hanky-panky cranky stinky-dinky lanky honky-tonky winky wonky donkey Download the free song at www.scholastic.com/wonkydonkey.
Download or read book When Unicorns Poop written by Lexie Castle and published by Running Press Kids. This book was released on 2019-10-01 with total page 36 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Celebrate all things sparkly, including unicorn poop, with this rainbow-filled, humorous story! Did you know that when a unicorn poops, rainbows arch across the sky? And when they toot, shiny bubbles float all around! What happens when a unicorn sneezes or spits or cries? More magical whimsy occurs when unicorns do all these things, of course. Just don't step in their poop-eww! Complete with stunning, bright, and magical full-color illustrations, When Unicorns Poop is sure to delight kids as well as be the perfect gift for any unicorn-crazed adult.
Download or read book The Sh t No One Tells You written by Dawn Dais and published by Seal Press. This book was released on 2021-11-09 with total page 288 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: "Dawn Dais bravely goes where other baby books don't.... She spills the truth about everything from breastfeeding to getting along with your partner post-baby." — Parents Magazine There comes a time in every new mother’s life when she realizes that all the pregnancy well-wishes and baby shower gifts left her profoundly unqualified for the realities of life with a newborn. Who knew there would be so much crying—and how much of that crying would be coming from the mom? Bestselling author Dawn Dais believes that a vast conspiracy exists to hide the truth about parenting from expectant mothers for fear that if the truth got out, women would (1) stop having babies or (2) stop bringing them home. Eschewing the adorableness that oozes out of other parenting books, Dais offers real advice from real moms—along with hilarious anecdotes, tips, and the encouragement every new mom needs to survive the first year of parenthood. Revised and updated with new chapters offering advice for single moms and tips for partners,The Sh!t No One Tells You is a must-have companion for every new mother’s sleepless nights and poop-filled days.
Download or read book Kids Sure Rite Funny written by Art Linkletter and published by Legare Street Press. This book was released on 2022-10-27 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: This work has been selected by scholars as being culturally important, and is part of the knowledge base of civilization as we know it. This work is in the "public domain in the United States of America, and possibly other nations. Within the United States, you may freely copy and distribute this work, as no entity (individual or corporate) has a copyright on the body of the work. Scholars believe, and we concur, that this work is important enough to be preserved, reproduced, and made generally available to the public. We appreciate your support of the preservation process, and thank you for being an important part of keeping this knowledge alive and relevant.