Download or read book Food Saved Me written by Danielle Walker and published by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.. This book was released on 2021-09 with total page 337 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: - National Bestseller - You can live a full, happy, and healthy life without ever feeling excluded or deprived. When doctors told Danielle Walker that food didn't cause her autoimmune disease and couldn't help control it, she set out to prove them wrong. Diagnosed with an extreme form of ulcerative colitis at 22, Danielle was terrified she'd never be able to eat all the wonderful, great-tasting foods she loved growing up or host warm, welcoming gatherings with family and friends. So when the medicine she was prescribed became almost as debilitating as the disease itself, Danielle took matters into her own hands, turned her kitchen into a laboratory, and set to work creating gut-healthy versions of the foods she thought she'd never be able to enjoy again. Three New York Times bestselling cookbooks later, Danielle has become a beacon of hope for millions around the world suffering from autoimmune diseases, food allergies, and chronic ailments. Now for the first time, with stunning transparency about the personal toll her illness took on her physically, emotionally, and spiritually, Danielle reflects on everything she's learned during her decade-long journey toward healing--including the connection between gut health and overall well-being, the development of her favorite recipes, and the keys for not simply surviving her autoimmune disease but thriving despite it. Through her resilience, Danielle tells a story that provides hope--hope that despite your ailments or hardships, you can live a full, happy, and healthy life without ever feeling excluded or deprived. Food saved Danielle Walker. And it can save you, too. Includes six fan-favorite recipes and the stories behind them!

Download or read book Danielle Walker s Against All Grain Celebrations written by Danielle Walker and published by Ten Speed Press. This book was released on 2016-09-27 with total page 354 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • 125 recipes for grain-free, dairy-free, and gluten-free comfort food dishes for holidays and special occasions NAMED ONE OF THE FIVE BEST GLUTEN-FREE COOKBOOKS OF ALL TIME BY MINDBODYGREEN When people adopt a new diet for health or personal reasons, they worry most about the parties, holidays, and events with strong food traditions, fearing their fond memories will be lost along with the newly eliminated food groups. After suffering for years with a debilitating autoimmune disease and missing many of these special occasions herself, Danielle Walker has revived the joy that cooking for holidays can bring in Danielle Walker's Against All Grain Celebrations, a collection of recipes and menus for twelve special occasions throughout the year. Featuring a variety of birthday cakes, finger foods to serve at a baby or bridal shower, and re-creations of backyard barbecue standards like peach cobbler and corn bread, Danielle includes all of the classics. There’s a full Thanksgiving spread—complete with turkey and stuffing, creamy green bean casserole, and pies—and menus for Christmas dinner; a New Year's Eve cocktail party and Easter brunch are covered, along with suggestions for beverages and cocktails and the all-important desserts. Recipes can be mixed and matched among the various occasions, and many of the dishes are simple enough for everyday cooking. Stunning full-color photographs of every dish make browsing the pages as delightful as cooking the recipes, and beautiful party images provide approachable and creative entertaining ideas. Making recipes using unfamiliar ingredients can cause anxiety, and while trying a new menu on a regular weeknight leaves some room for error, the meal simply cannot fail when you have a table full of guests celebrating a special occasion. Danielle has transformed her most cherished family traditions into trustworthy recipes you can feel confident serving, whether you’re hosting a special guest with food allergies, or cooking for a crowd of regular grain-eaters.

Download or read book The Town That Food Saved written by Ben Hewitt and published by Rodale Books. This book was released on 2010-03-16 with total page 242 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Over the past few years, Hardwick, Vermont, a typical hardscrabble farming community of 3,000 residents, has jump-started its economy and redefined its self-image through a local, self-sustaining food system unlike anything else in America. Even as the recent financial downturn threatens to cripple small businesses and privately owned farms, a stunning number of food-based businesses have grown in the region. The Town That Food Saved is rich with appealing, colorful characters, from the optimistic upstarts creating a new agricultural model to the long-established farmers wary of the rapid change in the region. Hewitt, a journalist and Vermonter, delves deeply into the repercussions of this groundbreaking approach to growing food, both its astounding successes and potential limitations. The captivating story of an unassuming community and its extraordinary determination to build a vibrant local food system, The Town That Food Saved is grounded in ideas that will revolutionize the way we eat and, quite possibly, the way we live.

Download or read book The Vegucation of Robin written by Robin Quivers and published by Penguin. This book was released on 2013-10-08 with total page 355 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Robin Quivers’s New York Times–bestselling vegan cookbook, filled with more than ninety recipes Known for her levelheaded, deadpan comebacks to Howard Stern’s often outrageous banter, Robin Quivers is a force of nature. Yet few people know about her struggles with food—especially the high-fat, high-sugar, high-cholesterol, highly addictive foods that doomed many of her relatives to obesity, diabetes, and heart disease. Sick and tired of being sick and tired, she knew it was time to stop her slow slide into bad health. Quivers took a stand in her personal nutrition battle and emerged victorious thanks to a plant-based diet. On her sometimes rocky, though endearingly hysterical, path to newfound health, Quivers discovered the power of the produce aisle in changing her body and her mindset. By filling up on soul-quenching, cell-loving vegetables instead of damaging animal products and processed foods, Quivers left behind the injuries, aches, and pains that had plagued her for twenty years. Charting her inspiring road to wellness, The Vegucation of Robin describes her transformation inside and out, and, including ninety of her favorite vegan recipes, she encourages readers to join her in putting their health first. With her signature humor and wit, Quivers builds an undeniable case that the key to living the life you’ve always wanted lies not with your doctor but in your refrigerator. Putting a new face on the pro-veggie movement, Quivers will dazzle readers who want to look good, feel good, and have fun doing it.

Download or read book My Kitchen Year written by Ruth Reichl and published by Random House. This book was released on 2015-09-29 with total page 543 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER | NAMED ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR BY Los Angeles Times • NPR • Men’s Journal • BookPage • Booklist • Publishers Weekly In the fall of 2009, the food world was rocked when Gourmet magazine was abruptly shuttered by its parent company. No one was more stunned by this unexpected turn of events than its beloved editor in chief, Ruth Reichl, who suddenly faced an uncertain professional future. As she struggled to process what had seemed unthinkable, Reichl turned to the one place that had always provided sanctuary. “I did what I always do when I’m confused, lonely, or frightened,” she writes. “I disappeared into the kitchen.” My Kitchen Year follows the change of seasons—and Reichl’s emotions—as she slowly heals through the simple pleasures of cooking. While working 24/7, Reichl would “throw quick meals together” for her family and friends. Now she has the time to rediscover what cooking meant to her. Imagine kale, leaves dark and inviting, sautéed with chiles and garlic; summer peaches baked into a simple cobbler; fresh oysters chilling in a box of snow; plump chickens and earthy mushrooms, fricasseed with cream. Over the course of this challenging year, each dish Reichl prepares becomes a kind of stepping stone to finding joy again in ordinary things. The 136 recipes collected here represent a life’s passion for food: a blistering ma po tofu that shakes Reichl out of the blues; a decadent grilled cheese sandwich that accompanies a rare sighting in the woods around her home; a rhubarb sundae that signals the arrival of spring. Here, too, is Reichl’s enlivening dialogue with her Twitter followers, who become her culinary supporters and lively confidants. Part cookbook, part memoir, part paean to the household gods, My Kitchen Year may be Ruth Reichl’s most stirring book yet—one that reveals a refreshingly vulnerable side of the world's most famous food editor as she shares treasured recipes to be returned to again and again and again. Praise for My Kitchen Year “Ruth is one of our greatest storytellers today, which you will feel from the moment you open this book and begin to read: No one writes as warmly and engagingly about the all-important intersection of food, life, love, and loss. This book is a lyrical and deeply intimate journey told through recipes, as only Ruth can do.”—Alice Waters “What will send this book to the top of bestseller lists is the lovely way Reichl describes how dishes come together, like the Greek chicken soup with lemon and egg known as avgolemono, and her talent for assembling a collection of recipes her legions of former Gourmet fans will want to make themselves.”—The Washington Post “The recipes make for lovely reading, full of Reichl’s elemental wisdom. . . . In the best way possible, My Kitchen Year is cozy, the reading equivalent of curling up next to a fire with a glass of red wine and perhaps the scent of bread in the oven wafting over.”—Vogue “If anyone can convince us that a dessert, plus two more fabulous dishes, can turn a crummy day around, it’s culinary writer Ruth Reichl, who knows firsthand just how powerful food can be.”—O: The Oprah Magazine “The voice is pure Reichl in a way that makes the reader yearn for a house in the country with a pantry full of staples. . . . And as she finds solace through cooking, we find comfort too.”—Eater (Fall 2015’s Best Cookbooks)

Download or read book Save Me the Plums written by Ruth Reichl and published by Random House Trade Paperbacks. This book was released on 2020-05-05 with total page 305 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • “A delicious insider account of the gritty, glamorous world of food culture.”—Vanity Fair In this “poignant and hilarious” (The New York Times Book Review) memoir, trailblazing food writer and beloved restaurant critic Ruth Reichl chronicles her groundbreaking tenure as editor in chief of Gourmet. A BEST BOOK OF THE YEAR: Real Simple, Good Housekeeping, Town & Country When Condé Nast offered Ruth Reichl the top position at America’s oldest epicurean magazine, she declined. She was a writer, not a manager, and had no inclination to be anyone’s boss. Yet Reichl had been reading Gourmet since she was eight; it had inspired her career. How could she say no? This is the story of a former Berkeley hippie entering the corporate world and worrying about losing her soul. It is the story of the moment restaurants became an important part of popular culture, a time when the rise of the farm-to-table movement changed, forever, the way we eat. Readers will meet legendary chefs like David Chang and Eric Ripert, idiosyncratic writers like David Foster Wallace, and a colorful group of editors and art directors who, under Reichl’s leadership, transformed stately Gourmet into a cutting-edge publication. This was the golden age of print media—the last spendthrift gasp before the Internet turned the magazine world upside down. Complete with recipes, Save Me the Plums is a personal journey of a woman coming to terms with being in charge and making a mark, following a passion and holding on to her dreams—even when she ends up in a place she never expected to be.

Download or read book Danielle Walker s Eat What You Love written by Danielle Walker and published by Ten Speed Press. This book was released on 2018-12-04 with total page 338 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: From the New York Times bestselling author of the Against All Grain series comes 125 recipes for gluten-free, dairy-free, and paleo comfort food, from nourishing breakfasts and packable lunches to quick and easy, one-pot, and make-ahead meals to get satisfying dinners on the table fast. Beloved food blogger and New York Times bestselling author Danielle Walker is back with 125 recipes for comforting weeknight meals. This is the food you want to eat every day, made healthful and delicious with Danielle's proven techniques for removing allergens without sacrificing flavor. As a mother of three, Danielle knows how to get dinner (and breakfast and lunch) on the table quickly and easily. Featuring hearty dishes to start the day, on-the-go items for lunch, satisfying salads and sides, and healthy re-creations of comfort food classics like fried chicken, sloppy Joes, shrimp and grits, chicken pot pie, and lasagna, plus family-friendly sweets and treats, this collection of essential, allergen-free recipes will become the most-used cookbook on your shelf. With meal plans and grocery lists, dozens of sheet-pan suppers and one-pot dishes, and an entire chapter devoted to make-ahead and freezer-friendly meals, following a grain-free and paleo diet just got a little easier. Features include: * Four weeks of meal plans for breakfast, lunch, and dinner * Instant Pot®, slow cooker, one-pot, sheet-pan, and 30-minute recipes * Packed lunch chart with creative ideas for school, work, and lunches on the go * Make-ahead meals, including freezer and leftover options * Dietary classifications for egg-, tree nut-, and nightshade-free dishes, plus designations for Specific Carbohydrate Diet (SCD) and Gut and Psychology Syndrome (GAPS)

Download or read book Body Kindness written by Rebecca Scritchfield and published by Workman Publishing Company. This book was released on 2016-12-27 with total page 224 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Imagine a graph with two lines. One indicates happiness, the other tracks how you feel about your body. If you’re like millions of people, the lines do not intersect. But what if they did? This practical, inspirational, and visually lively book shows you how to create a healthier and happier life by treating yourself with compassion rather than shame. It shows the way to a sense of well-being attained by understanding how to love, connect, and care for yourself—and that includes your mind as well as your body. Body Kindness is based on four principles. WHAT YOU DO: the choices you make about food, exercise, sleep, and more HOW YOU FEEL: befriending your emotions and standing up to the unhelpful voice in your head WHO YOU ARE: goal-setting based on your personal values WHERE YOU BELONG: body-loving support from people and communities that help you create a meaningful life With mind and body exercises to keep your energy spiraling up and prompts to help you identify what YOU really want and care about, Body Kindness helps you let go of things you can't control and embrace the things you can by finding the workable, daily steps that fit you best. Think of it as the anti-diet book that leads to a more joyful and meaningful life!

Download or read book Feeding You Lies written by Vani Hari and published by Hay House, Inc. This book was released on 2020-02-18 with total page 330 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: This follow-up to New York Times bestseller The Food Babe Way exposes the lies we've been told about our food--and takes readers on a journey to find healthy options. There's so much confusion about what to eat. Are you jumping from diet to diet and nothing seems to work? Are you sick of seeing contradictory health advice from experts? Just like the tobacco industry lied to us about the dangers of cigarettes, the same untruths, cover-ups, and deceptive practices are occurring in the food industry. Vani Hari, aka The Food Babe, blows the lid off the lies we've been fed about the food we eat--lies about its nutrient value, effects on our health, label information, and even the very science we base our food choices on. You'll discover: • How nutrition research is manipulated by food company funded experts • How to spot fake news generated by Big Food • The tricks food companies use to make their food addictive • Why labels like "all natural" and "non-GMO" aren't what they seem and how to identify the healthiest food • Food marketing hoaxes that persuade us into buying junk food disguised as health food Vani guides you through a 48-hour Toxin Takedown to rid your pantry, and your body, of harmful chemicals--a quick and easy plan that anyone can do. A blueprint for living your life without preservatives, artificial sweeteners, additives, food dyes, or fillers, eating foods that truly nourish you and support your health, Feeding You Lies is the first step on a new path of truth in eating--and a journey to your best health ever.

Download or read book Save Me a Seat Scholastic Gold written by Sarah Weeks and published by Scholastic Inc.. This book was released on 2016-05-10 with total page 186 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A new friend could be sitting right next to you. Save Me a Seat joins the Scholastic Gold line, which features award-winning and beloved novels. Includes exclusive bonus content!Joe and Ravi might be from very different places, but they're both stuck in the same place: SCHOOL.Joe's lived in the same town all his life, and was doing just fine until his best friends moved away and left him on his own. Ravi's family just moved to America from India, and he's finding it pretty hard to figure out where he fits in.Joe and Ravi don't think they have anything in common -- but soon enough they have a common enemy (the biggest bully in their class) and a common mission: to take control of their lives over the course of a single crazy week.

Download or read book Save Me from Myself written by Brian Welch and published by Harper Collins. This book was released on 2009-10-13 with total page 313 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The amazing true story of an out-of-control rock star, his devastating addiction to drugs, and his miraculous redemption through Jesus Christ. In February 2005, more than ten thousand people in Bakersfield, California, watched as Brian "Head" Welch—the former lead guitarist of the controversial rock band Korn—was saved by Jesus Christ. The event set off a media frenzy as observers from around the world sought to understand what led this rock star out of the darkness and into the light. Now, in this courageous memoir, Head talks for the first time about his shocking embrace of God and the tumultuous decade that led him into the arms of Jesus Christ. Offering a backstage pass to his time with Korn, Head tells the inside story of his years in the band and explains how his rock star lifestyle resulted in an all-consuming addiction to methamphetamines. Writing openly about the tour bus mayhem of Ozzfest and The Family Values tour, he provides a candid look at how the routine of recording, traveling, and partying placed him in a cycle of addiction that he could not break on his own. Speaking honestly about his addiction, Head details his struggles with the drug that ultimately led him to seek a higher power. Despite his numerous attempts to free himself from meth, nothing—not even the birth of his daughter—could spur him to kick it for good. Here Head addresses how, with the help of God, he emerged from his dangerous lifestyle and found a path that was not only right for his daughter, it was right for him. Discussing the chaotic end to his time in Korn and how his newfound faith has influenced his relationship with his daughter, his life, and his music, Head describes the challenging but rewarding events of the last two years, exposing the truth about how his moments of doubt and his hardships have only deepened his faith. Candid, compelling, and inspirational, Save Me from Myself is a rock 'n' roll journey unlike any other.

Download or read book The Smitten Kitchen Cookbook written by Deb Perelman and published by Knopf. This book was released on 2012-10-30 with total page 675 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: NEW YORK TIMES BEST SELLER • Celebrated food blogger and best-selling cookbook author Deb Perelman knows just the thing for a Tuesday night, or your most special occasion—from salads and slaws that make perfect side dishes (or a full meal) to savory tarts and galettes; from Mushroom Bourguignon to Chocolate Hazelnut Crepe. “Innovative, creative, and effortlessly funny." —Cooking Light Deb Perelman loves to cook. She isn’t a chef or a restaurant owner—she’s never even waitressed. Cooking in her tiny Manhattan kitchen was, at least at first, for special occasions—and, too often, an unnecessarily daunting venture. Deb found herself overwhelmed by the number of recipes available to her. Have you ever searched for the perfect birthday cake on Google? You’ll get more than three million results. Where do you start? What if you pick a recipe that’s downright bad? With the same warmth, candor, and can-do spirit her award-winning blog, Smitten Kitchen, is known for, here Deb presents more than 100 recipes—almost entirely new, plus a few favorites from the site—that guarantee delicious results every time. Gorgeously illustrated with hundreds of her beautiful color photographs, The Smitten Kitchen Cookbook is all about approachable, uncompromised home cooking. Here you’ll find better uses for your favorite vegetables: asparagus blanketing a pizza; ratatouille dressing up a sandwich; cauliflower masquerading as pesto. These are recipes you’ll bookmark and use so often they become your own, recipes you’ll slip to a friend who wants to impress her new in-laws, and recipes with simple ingredients that yield amazing results in a minimum amount of time. Deb tells you her favorite summer cocktail; how to lose your fear of cooking for a crowd; and the essential items you need for your own kitchen. From salads and slaws that make perfect side dishes (or a full meal) to savory tarts and galettes; from Mushroom Bourguignon to Chocolate Hazelnut Crepe Cake, Deb knows just the thing for a Tuesday night, or your most special occasion. Look for Deb Perelman’s latest cookbook, Smitten Kitchen Keepers!

Download or read book The Food Therapist written by Shira Lenchewski and published by Grand Central Life & Style. This book was released on 2018-02-13 with total page 224 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: If you asked people to post a status update on their relationship with food, most would say "It's Complicated." We aspire to eat healthfully but find ourselves making hasty food choices driven by stress and convenience. Or we treat ourselves to a decadent dessert but feel so guilty we don't even enjoy it. The truth is we can't make good food decisions if we don't deeply examine our relationship with food. In The Food Therapist, Shira Lenchewski offers readers an ongoing one-on-one food therapy session, revealing the root causes of our emotional hang-ups around food and providing the necessary tools to overcome them. This practical and judgment-free guide helps readers hone the skills needed to put their get-healthy intentions into daily action, such as planning ahead wisely, tuning into their fullness cues, and harnessing willpower (even when life gets messy). Lenchewski also offers easy-to-follow, tasty recipes aimed at rebalancing our hormones and conquering our cravings without deprivation. The Food Therapist is a refreshingly modern resource that helps us finally un-complicate our relationship with food and our bodies. We can then focus our efforts on making thoughtful, healthy choices, day in and day out, which serve our ultimate goals, whatever they may be.

Download or read book Against All Grain written by Danielle Walker and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2013-07-30 with total page 381 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Offers recipes for a paleo diet, including Spanish frittata with chorizo, Korean beef noodle bowls, and lemon vanilla bean macaroons.

Download or read book Food and the Gut Reaction written by Elaine Gloria Gottschall and published by Kirkton, Ont. : Kirkton Press. This book was released on 1987 with total page 143 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt:

Download or read book Medical Medium Life Changing Foods written by Anthony William and published by Hay House, Inc. This book was released on 2016-11-08 with total page 264 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The highly anticipated new release from the groundbreaking, New York Times best-selling author of Medical Medium! Experience the next level of medical revelations. Packed with information you won’t find anywhere else about the Unforgiving Four—the threats responsible for the rise of illness—and the miraculous power of food to heal, this book gives you the ability to become your own health expert, so you can protect yourself, friends, family, and loved ones from symptoms, suffering, and disease. Unleash the hidden powers of fruits and vegetables and transform your life in the process. ANTHONY WILLIAM, the Medical Medium, has helped tens of thousands of people heal from ailments that have been misdiagnosed or ineffectively treated—or that medical communities can’t resolve. And he’s done it all by listening to a divine voice that literally speaks into his ear, telling him what is at the root of people’s pain or illness and what they need to do to be restored to health. In his first book, the New York Times bestseller Medical Medium, Anthony revealed how you can treat dozens of illnesses with targeted healing regimens in which nutrition plays a major role. Medical Medium Life-Changing Foods delves deeper into the healing power of over 50 fruits, vegetables, herbs and spices, and wild foods that can have an extraordinary effect on health. Anthony explains each food’s properties, the symptoms and conditions it can help relieve or heal, and the emotional and spiritual benefits it brings. And he offers delicious recipes to help you enjoy each food’s maximum benefit, from sweet potatoes with braised cabbage stuffing to honey-coconut ice cream. YOU’LL DISCOVER: • Why wild blueberries are the “resurrection food,” asparagus is the fountain of youth, and lemons can lift your spirits when you’ve had bad news • The best foods to eat to relieve gallstones, hypertension, brain fog, thyroid issues, migraines, and hundreds more symptoms and conditions • The particular healing powers of kiwis, cucumbers, cat’s claw, coconut, and much more • Insight into cravings, how to use stress to your advantage, and the key role fruit plays in fertility Much of Anthony’s information is dramatically different from the conventional wisdom of medical communities, so don’t expect to hear the same old food facts rehashed here. Instead, expect to get a whole new understanding of why oranges offer more than just vitamin C—and a powerful set of tools for healing from illness and keeping yourself and your loved ones safe and well. Here are just a few highlights of what’s inside: • Critical information about the specific factors behind the rise of illness and how to protect yourself and your family • Foods to repair your DNA, boost your immune system, improve your mental clarity, alkalize every body system, shield you from others’ negative emotions, and so much more • Techniques to make fruits, vegetables, herbs and spices, and wild foods the most healing they can be for your individual needs Plus targeted foods to bring into your life for relief from hundreds of symptoms and conditions, including: • ANXIETY • AUTOIMMUNE DISORDERS • CANCER • DIABETES • DIGESTIVE PROBLEMS • FATIGUE • FOOD ALLERGIES • INFERTILITY • INFLAMMATION • INSOMNIA • LYME DISEASE • MEMORY LOSS • MIGRAINES • THYROID DISEASE • WEIGHT GAIN

Download or read book The Sixteen Pleasures written by Robert Hellenga and published by Delta. This book was released on 1995-05-01 with total page 386 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Chapter One Where I Want to Be I was twenty-nine years old when the Arno flooded its banks on Friday 4 November 1966. According to the Sunday New York Times the damage wasn't extensive, but by Monday it was clear that Florence was a disaster. Twenty feet of water in the cloisters of Santa Croce, the Cimabue crucifix ruined beyond hope of restoration, panels ripped from the Baptistry doors, the basement of the Biblioteca Nazionale completely underwater, hundreds of thousands of volumes waterlogged, the Archivio di Stato in total disarray. On Tuesday I decided to go to Italy, to offer my services as a humble book conservator, to help in any way I could, to save whatever could be saved, including myself. The decision wasn't a popular one at home. Papa was having money troubles of his own and didn't want to pay for a ticket. And my boss at the Newberry Library didn't understand either. He already had his ticket, paid for by the library, and needed me to mind the store. There wasn't any point in both of us going, was there? "The why don't I go and you can mind the store?" "Because, because, because . . ." "Yes?" Because it just didn't make sense. He couldn't see his way clear to granting me a leave of absence, not even a leave of absence without pay. He even suggested that the library might have to replace me, in which case . . . But I decided to go anyway. I had enough money in my savings account for a ticket on Icelandic, and I figured I could live on the cheap once I got there. Besides, I wanted to break the mold in which my life was hardening, and I thought this might be a way to do it. Going to Florence was better than waiting around with nothing coming up. My English teacher at Kenwood High used to say that we're like onions: you can peel off one layer after another and never get to a center, an inner core. You just run out of layers. But I think I'm like a peach or an apricot or a nectarine. There's a pit at the center. I can crack my teeth on it, or I can suck on it like a piece of candy; but it won't crumble, and it won't dissolve. The pit is an image of myself when I was nineteen. I'm in Sardegna, and I'm standing high up on a large rock–a cliff, actually–and I don't have any clothes on, and everyone is looking at me, telling me to come down, not to jump, it's too high. It's my second time in Italy. I spent a year here with Mama when I was fifteen, and then I came back by myself, after finishing high school at home, to do the last year of the liceo with my former classmates. Now we're celebrating the end of our examinations–Silvia (who spent a year with us in Chicago), Claudia, Rossella, Giulio, Fabio, Alessandro. Names like flowers, or bells. And me, Margot Harrington. More friends are coming later. Silvia's parents (my host family) have a summer house just outside Terranova, but we're camping on the beach, five kilometers down the coast. The coast is safe, they say, though there are bandits in the centro. Wow! It's my birthday–August first–and we've had a supper of bluefish and squid that we caught with a net. The squid taste like rubber bands, the heavy kind that I used to chew on in grade school and that boys sometimes used to snap our bottoms with in junior high. Life is sharp and snappy, too, full of promise, like the sting of those rubber bands: I've passed my examinations with distinction; I'm going to Harvard in the fall (well, to Radcliffe); I've got an Italian boyfriend named Fabio Fabbriani; and I've just been skinny-dipping in the stinging cold salt sea. The others have put their clothes on now–I can see them below me, sitting around the remains of the fire in shorts and halter tops and shirts with the sleeves rolled up two turns, talking, glancing up nervously–but I want to savor the taste/thrill of my own nakedness a little longer, unembarrassed in the dwindling light. It's the scariest thing I've ever done, except coming to Italy in the first place. Fabio sits with his back toward me while he smokes a cigarette, pretending to be angry because I won't come down, but when I close my eyes and will him to turn, he puts his cigarette out in the sand and turns. Just at that moment I jump, sucking in my breath for a scream but then holding it, in case I need it latter, which I do. I hit the Tyrrhenian Sea feet first, generating little waves that will, in theory, soon be lapping the beaches along the entire western coast of Italy–Sicily and North Africa, too. The Tyrrhenian Sea responds by closing over me and it's pitch, not like the pool in Chicago where I learned to swim, but deep and dark and dangerous and deadly. The air in my lungs–the scream and I saved for just such an occasion–carries me up to the surface, and I strike out for the cove, meeting Fabio before I'm halfway there, wondering if like me he's naked under the water and not knowing for sure till we're walking waist deep and he takes me by the shoulders and kisses me and I can feel something bobbing against my legs like a floating cork. We haven't made love yet, but it's won't be long now. O dio mio. The waiting is so lovely. He squeezes my buns and I squeeze his, surprised, and then we splash in to the beach and put on our clothes. What I didn't know at the time was that my mother had become seriously ill. Instead of spending the rest of the summer in Sardegna, I had to go back to Chicago, and then, after that, nothing happened. I mean none of the things I'd expected to happen happened. Instead of making love with Fabio Fabbriani on the verge of the Tyrrhenian Sea, I got laid on a vinyl sofa in the back room of the SNCC headquarters on Forty-seventh Street. Instead of going to Harvard, I went to Edgar Lee Masters College, where Mama had taught art history for twenty years. Instead of going to graduate school I spent two years at the Institute for Paper Technology on Green Bay Avenue; instead of becoming a research chemist I apprenticed myself to a book conservator in Hyde Park and then took a position in the conservation department of the Newberry Library. Instead of getting married and having a daughter of my own, I lived at home and looked after Mama, who was dying of lung cancer. A year went by, two years, three years, four. Mama died; Papa lost most of his money. My sister Meg got married and moved away; my sister Molly went to California with her boyfriend and then to Ann Arbor. The sixties were churning around me, and I couldn't seem to get a footing. I tried to plunge in, to get wet, to catch hold, to find a place in one of the boats tossing and turning on the white-water rapids: the sit-ins, the rock concerts, the freedom rides, SNCC, CORE, SDS, the Civil Rights Act, the Great Society. I spent a lot of time holding hands and singing "We shall overcome," I spent a lot of time buying coffee and doughnuts and rolling joints, and I spent some time on my back, too–the only position for a woman in the Movement. I'd had no sleep on the plane; my eyes were blurry so it was hard to read; and besides, the story I was reading was as depressing as the view from the window of the train–flat, gray, poor, dreary, actively ugly rather than passively uninteresting. And I kept thinking about Papa and his money troubles and his lawsuits, and about the embroidered seventeenth-century prayer books on my work table at the Newberry that needed to be disbound, washed, mended, and resewn before Christmas for an exhibit sponsored by the Caxton Club. So I was under a certain amount of pressure. I was looking for a sign, the way some religious people look for signs, something to let them know they're on the right track. Or on the wrong track, in which case they can turn back. I didn't know what I was looking for, but I was trying to pay attention, to notice everything–the faces of the two American women sitting opposite me in the compartment, scribbling furiously in their notebooks; the Neapolitan accent of the Italian conductor; the depressing French farmhouses, gray boxes of stucco or cinder block, I couldn't make out which. That's what I was doing–paying attention–when the train pulled into the station at Metz and I saw the Saint-Cyr cadet on the platform, bright as the Archangel Gabriel bringing the good news to the Virgin Mary. I'd better explain. Papa did all the cooking in our family. He started when Mama went to Italy one summer when I was nine–it was right after the war–to look at the pictures, to see for herself what she'd only seen in the Harvard University Prints series and on old three-by-four-inch tinted slides that she used to project on the dining room wall; and when she came back he kept on doing it. My sisters and I did the dishes and Papa took care of everything else, day in and day out, and whether it was Italian or French or Chinese or Malaysian, it was always wonderful, it was always special. Penne alla puttanesca, an arista tied with sprigs of rosemary, paper-thin strips of beef marinated in hoisin sauce and Szechwan peppercorns, whole fresh salmon poached in white wine and finished with a mustard sauce, chicken thighs simmered in soy sauce and lime juice, curries so fiery that at their first bite unwary guests would clutch their throats and cry out for water, which didn't help a bit. Those were our favorites, the standards against which we measured other dishes; but our very favorite treat of all was the dessert Papa made on our birthdays, instead of cake, which was supposed to look like the hats worn by cadets at Saint-Cyr, the French military academy. We'd never been to Saint-Cyr, of course, but we would have recognized a cadet anywhere in the world, if he'd been wearing his hat. That's why I was so startled when I looked out the window of the Luxembourg-Venise Express and saw my cadet standing there on the platform–the young man Papa had teased me about, the Prince Charming who had never materialized. He was holding a suitcase in one hand and shifting his weight back and forth from one foot to the other, as if he had to go to the bathroom, and his parents were talking at him so intensely that I thought for a minute he was going to miss the train. And his hat! I couldn't believe it was a real hat and not a frozen mousse of chocolate and egg whites and whipped cream with squiggly Italian meringues running up and down the sides for braids. That hat stirred something inside me, made me feel I was doing the right thing and that I ought to keep going, that things would work out. Just to make sure I closed my eyes and willed him into the compartment, just as I had once willed Fabio Fabbriani to turn and watch me plunge feet first into the sea. As I was willing him into the compartment I was willing the American women out of it–not making my cadet's appearance contingent on their departure, however, because I was pretty sure they weren't going to budge. I kept my face down in my book and waited, eyes closed lightly, listening to the noises in the corridor. I was, I suppose, still operating, at least subconsciously, on a fairy-tale model of reality: I was Sleeping Beauty, or Snow White, waiting for some prince whose romantic kisses would awaken my full feelings, liberate my story senses, emancipate my drowsy and constrained imagination, take me back to that last Italian summer. The train was already in motion when the door of the compartment finally opened. I kept my eyes closed another two seconds and then looked up at–not my Prince Charming but the Neapolitan conductor, an old man so frail I'd had to help him hoist the American women's mammoth suitcases onto the overhead luggage rack. These suitcases were to luggage what Burberrys are to rainwear–lots of extra pockets and straps and mysterious zippers concealed under flaps. I asked him about the Saint-Cyr cadet. "The next compartment," he said. "Not your type. Too young. You need an older man like me." "You're already married." He shrugged, putting his whole body into it, arms, hands, shoulders, head cocked, stomach pulled in. "Better tell your friends"–we were speaking in Italian–"that the dining car will be taken off the train before we cross the border. You need to reserve a seat early." I nodded. "Unless," he went on, "they have those valises stuffed with American food. Porcamattina." He glanced upward at the suitcases, tapped his cheekbone with an index finger and was gone. I felt for these American women some of the mixed feelings that the traveler feels for the tourist. On the one hand you want to help, to show off your knowledge; on the other you don't want to get involved. I didn't want to get involved. They weren't my type. These were saltwater women–sailors, golfers, tennis players, clubwomen with suntans in November, large limbed, confident, conspicuous, firm, trim, sleek as walruses in their worsted wool suits. They reminded me of the Gold Coast women who used to show up around the edges of CORE demonstrations, with their checkbooks open, telling us how much they admired what we were doing, and how they wished they could help more. All fucked up ideologically, according to our leaders at SNCC: "They think their shit don't stink." As far as they knew, I was a scruffy little Italian–I hadn't spoken a word of English in their presence, and I was reading an Italian novel–and it was too late to undeceive them. I had heard too much. I knew, for example, that they'd met the previous summer at some kind of writing workshop at Johns Hopkins University and that they'd both jumped into the sack with their instructor, a novelist named Philip. I knew that Philip was bald but well hung ("like a shillelagh"). I knew that neither of them had done it dog fashion BP ("before Philip") and that they were traveling second class because Philip had told them they'd get more material that way for the stories they were going to write now that they were divorced. Part of their agenda, I gathered, was to notice things, to pay attention. Maybe they were looking for signs, too, maybe not; in either case they seemed to be trying to impress the details of European railroad travel onto the pages of their marbled composition books by sheer physical force. Nothing escaped their notice, not even the signs, in French, German and Italian, warning passengers not to throw things out the window and not to pull the cord on the signal d'alarme. All the details went into their notebooks–the fine of not less than 5,000 FF, the prison term of not less than one year. And when one noticed something, the other did, too: the instructions on the window latch, the way the armrests worked, the captions on the faded views of Chartres Cathedral that hung on the walls of the compartment above the backs of the seats. (I was tempted to look at them myself, but I didn't want to give myself away or interrupt their game.) I kept my nose in my book–Natalia Ginzburg's Lessico famigliare. It was a strenuous hour, and I was glad when, simultaneously, panting like dogs after a good run, they closed their notebooks and resumed their conversation.