Download or read book Dave Barry Slept Here written by Dave Barry and published by Ballantine Books. This book was released on 2010-07-28 with total page 192 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: “What caused the American Revolution? This is indeed a rhetorical question that for many years historians have begun chapters with. As well they should. For the American Revolution is without a doubt the single most important historical event to occur in this nation except of course for Super Bowl III (Jets 16. Colts 7. This historian won $35).” So goes the skewed sensibility, the muddied mind, the bent pen of one of America's funniest writers, Dave Barry. This time his subject is U.S. history, the way it's never been told before. Every single momentous event and crucial moment is covered, including . . . • The Birthing Contractions of a Nation • Kicking Some British Butt • Barging Westward • The Forging of a Large, Wasteful Bureaucracy • Deep Economic Doo-doo • The Fifties: Peace, Prosperity, Brain Death . . . and right up through the scintillating Reagan-Bush years, during which, Mr. Barry notes, America is steadfastly Napping Toward Glory. If you love to laugh, if you love your country, if you are unaware that “the Sixth Amendment states that if you are accused of a crime, you have a right to a trial before a jury of people too stupid to get out of jury duty,” Dave Barry Slept Here is the book you've been waiting for since 1776. Or at least since Super Bowl III. Praise for Dave Barry Slept Here “A dazzling performance . . . Barry is brilliant.”—The Washington Post Book World “[Dave] Barry turns his formidable wit to the subject of American history, with a result reminiscent of the Reduced Shakespeare Company: The better you know the original, the funnier it gets.”—Los Angeles Times “I fear that Mr. Barry's dream of making millions of dollars through mass sales of his book to a captive audience of innocent schoolchildren will not be realized, and he will have to be content with making readers laugh a lot, as this one did.”—The New York Times Book Review

Download or read book Dave Barry Slept Here written by Dave Barry and published by Fawcett. This book was released on 1990 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The syndicated humor columnist offers simple and wildly humorous solutions to the problems of educating Americans on their nation's history.

Download or read book Dave Barry s Complete Guide to Guys written by Dave Barry and published by Ballantine Books. This book was released on 2010-07-28 with total page 270 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: "Dave Barry is one funny human." --San Francisco Examiner For thousands of years, women have asked themselves: What is the deal with guys, anyway? What are they thinking? The answer, of course, is: virtually nothing. Deep down inside, guys are extremely shallow. But that has not stopped Dave Barry from writing an entire book about them. If you're a guy--or if you're attempting to share a remote control with one--you need this book, because it deals frankly and semi-thoroughly with such important guy issues as: Scratching The role of guys in world history, including the heretofore-unknown relationship between the discovery of North America and golf Why the average guy can remember who won the 1960 World Series, but not necessarily the names of all his children The Noogie Gene Why guys cannot simultaneously think and look at breasts Secret guy orgasm-delaying techniques, including the Margaret Thatcher Method Why guys prefer to believe that there is no such thing as a prostate And much, much more "Whether you're a guy--or attempting to share a bathroom with one--Barry has some wacky words of wisdom for you." --USA Today

Download or read book Dave Barry Does Japan written by Dave Barry and published by Ballantine Books. This book was released on 1993 with total page 222 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The award-winning author and syndicated columnist shares his humorous observations on his trip to Japan, sharing his thoughts on culture shock in all its numerous forms--from kabuki to public bathing. Reprint.

Download or read book Insane City written by Dave Barry and published by Penguin. This book was released on 2013-01-29 with total page 357 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Seth Weinstein always knew Tina was way, way, way out of his league. Which is why he’s still astonished that he’s on a plane heading for their wedding in Florida. The Groom Posse has already pulled an airport prank on him—and he’s survived! It should be easy going from now on. But Seth has absolutely no idea what he’s about to get into. A simple drink or two with the boys sparks a series of events that will pit Seth and his friends against everything and everyone imaginable, from his very powerful, very disapproving soon-to-be father-in-law to the federal government to a love-struck orangutan. Seth’s hope for smooth sailing is turning into a trip on the Titanic. And the water is getting deeper by the minute…

Download or read book Dave Barry Talks Back written by Dave Barry and published by Crown Archetype. This book was released on 2010-12-29 with total page 306 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Yet another collection of Barry wit and wisdom by the Pulitzer Prize-winning humorist and the author of Dave Barry Turns 40.

Download or read book Homes and Other Black Holes written by Dave Barry and published by Ballantine Books. This book was released on 2010-07-28 with total page 153 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: "Mr. Barry is the funniest man in America and we should encourage him." --The New York Times Book Review THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME--EXCEPT IN A SELLER'S MARKET At long last, Dave Barry, the dean of everything, lets you in on the deepest, darkest mysteries of life and answers your hysterical home purchase questions like they've never been answered before: What's the best way to determine a realistic price range? Take your total family income, including coins that have fallen behind the bureau, and any projected future revenue you have been notified about via personalized letters from Mr. Ed McMahon stating that you may already have won 14 million dollars. Then, multiply by something other than six. Can you recommend a good mortgage? There are several kinds: Fixed Rate, Variable Rate, and the bank's secret weapons, the Party Hat Mortgage and the Mortgage of the Living Dead. How can I avoid spending money on do-it-yourself homeowner's projects? Find a contractor. Their silent motto is "We Never Show Up." The Romans lived among the ruins. You must too. Is there a secret to having a beautiful lawn? Yes and no. If you fail to feed, fertilize, and water your lawn, it will die. However, if you feed, fertilize, and water your lawn, it will die.

Download or read book Dave Barry s Book of Bad Songs written by Dave Barry and published by Andrews McMeel Publishing. This book was released on 2000-03 with total page 116 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: How "MacArthur Park" goes, so I sang it, giving it my best shot, and Rob laughed so hard that when I got to the part about leaving the cake out in the rain, and it took so long to bake it, and I'll never have that recipe again, Rob was on the floor."

Download or read book Dave Barry s Greatest Hits written by Dave Barry and published by Ballantine Books. This book was released on 1997-04-28 with total page 306 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: When Dave Barry is on the loose, no one is safe! What Dave Barry did for the men’s movement in his Complete Guide to Guys and for foreign relations when he did Japan he now does for . . . everything in America. The rapacious observer of Tupperware ladies and leisure concept salesmen sounds off on: Football—Football is more than just a game. It is a potential opportunity to see a live person lying on the ground with a bone sticking out of his leg, while the fans, to show their appreciation, perform “the wave.” Sailing—There’s nothing quite like getting out on the open sea, where you can forget about the hassles and worries of life on land, and concentrate on the hassles and worries of life on the sea, such as death by squid. Gambling—Off-Track Betting parlors are the kinds of places where you never see signs that say, “Thank You for Not Smoking.” The best you can hope for is, “Thank You for Not Spitting Pieces of Your Cigar on My Neck.” “The good news: he’s funny as ever. The bad news: the book is only 304 pages.”—Los Angeles Daily News

Download or read book Dave Barry Slept Here written by Dave Barry and published by Random House (NY). This book was released on 1989 with total page 200 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The author offers a humorous account of U.S. history without the dull parts.

Download or read book I ll Mature When I m Dead written by Dave Barry and published by Penguin. This book was released on 2010-05-04 with total page 163 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: I'll Mature When I'm Dead is the New York Times bestseller from "the funniest man in America" (New York Times). Let Pulitzer Prize-winning humorist and nationally unrecognized voice of maturity Dave Barry make the journey to adulthood a little easier—and a lot funnier. Not everyone has to be dragged kicking and screaming through adulthood. Dave Barry will help through this process—with his hilarious takes on parenting, changing self-image, the battle of the sexes, technology, health care, celebrityhood, and even vampires!

Download or read book Dave Barry s Money Secrets written by Dave Barry and published by Crown. This book was released on 2006-12-26 with total page 242 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Did you ever wish that you really understood money? Well, Dave Barry wishes that he did, too. But that hasn’t stopped him from writing this book. In it, Dave explores (as only he can) such topics as: • How the U.S. economy works, including the often overlooked role of Adam Sandler • Why it is not a good idea to use squirrels for money • Strategies that will give you the confidence you need to try for a good job, even though you are—let’s be honest—a no-talent loser • How corporate executives, simply by walking into their offices, immediately become much stupider • An absolutely foolproof system for making money in the stock market, requiring only a little effort (and access to time travel) • Surefire tips for buying and selling real estate, the key being: Never buy—or, for that matter, sell—real estate • How to minimize your federal taxes, safely and legally, by cheating • Why good colleges cost so much, and how to make sure your child does not get into one • How to reduce the cost of your medical care by basically not getting any • Estate planning, especially the financial benefits of an early death • And many, many pictures of Suze Orman But that’s only the beginning! Dave has also included in this book all of the important points from a book written by Donald Trump, so you don’t have to read it yourself. Plus he explains how to tip, how to negotiate for everything (including bridge tolls), how to argue with your spouse about money, and how much allowance to give your children (three dollars is plenty). He also presents, for the first time in print anywhere, the Car Dealership Code of Ethics (“Ethic Seven: The customer is an idiot”). Also, there are many gratuitous references to Angelina Jolie naked. You can’t afford not to buy this book! Probably you need several copies. What kind of financial shape are you in right now? This scientific quiz will show you. Be honest in your answers: If you lie, you’ll only be lying to yourself! The place to lie is on your federal tax return. What is your annual income? 1. More than $50,000. 2. Less than $50,000. 3. However much I get when I return these empties. Not counting your mortgage, how much money do you currently owe? 1. Less than $10,000. 2. More than $10,000. 3. Men are threatening to cut off my thumbs. How would you describe your portfolio? 1. Conservative, mainly bonds and blue-chip equities. 2. Aggressive, mainly options and speculative stocks. 3. My what? When analyzing an investment, what do you consider to be the most important factor? 1. The amount of return. 2. The degree of risk. 3. The name of the jockey. How do you plan to finance your retirement? 1. Savings. 2. Social security. 3. Sale of kidneys. —from the Introduction: “Why You Need This Book” Also available as a Crown eBook.

Download or read book Best State Ever written by Dave Barry and published by Penguin. This book was released on 2017-09-05 with total page 242 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A New York Times bestseller—a brilliantly funny exploration of the Sunshine State from the man who knows it best: Pulitzer Prize winner Dave Barry. We never know what will happen next in Florida. We know only that, any minute now, something will. Every few months, Dave Barry gets a call from some media person wanting to know, “What the hell is wrong with Florida?” Somehow, the state's acquired an image as a subtropical festival of stupid, and as a loyal Floridian, Dave begs to differ. Join him as he goes in hunt of the legendary Skunk Ape; hobnobs with the mermaids of Weeki Wachee Springs; and visits Cassadaga, the psychic capital of the world, to have his dog's aura read (apparently, she's "very spiritual"). Hitch a ride for the non-stop thrills of alligator-wrestling ("the gators display the same fighting spirit as a Barcalounger"), the hair-raising spectacle of a clothing-optional bar in Key West, and the manly manliness of the Machine Gun Experience in Miami. It's the most hilarious book yet from “the funniest damn writer in the whole country” (Carl Hiaasen, and he should know). By the end, you'll have to admit that whatever else you might think about Florida—you can never say it's boring.

Download or read book Lessons From Lucy written by Dave Barry and published by Simon & Schuster. This book was released on 2020-11-03 with total page 240 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: In this “little gem” (Washington Independent Review of Books), Pulitzer Prize–winning columnist and New York Times bestselling author Dave Barry learns how to age happily from his old but joyful dog, Lucy. As Dave Barry turns seventy—not happily—he realizes that his dog, Lucy, is dealing with old age far better than he is. She has more friends, fewer worries, and way more fun. So Dave decides to figure out how Lucy manages to stay so happy, to see if he can make his own life happier by doing the things she does (except for drinking from the toilet). He reconnects with old friends and tries to make new ones—which turns out to be a struggle, because Lucy likes people a lot more than he does. And he gets back in touch with two ridiculous but fun groups from his past: the Lawn Rangers, a group of guys who march in parades pushing lawnmowers and twirling brooms (alcohol is involved), and the Rock Bottom Remainders, the world’s oldest and least-talented all-author band. With each new lesson, Dave riffs hilariously on dogs, people, and life in general, while also pondering Deep Questions, such as when it’s okay to lie. (Answer: when scallops are involved.) Lessons From Lucy shows you a new side to Dave Barry that’s “touching and sentimental, but there’s still a laugh on every page” (The Sacramento Bee). The master humorist has written a witty and affable guide to joyous living at any age.

Download or read book Dave Barry s Only Travel Guide You ll Ever Need written by Dave Barry and published by Ballantine Books. This book was released on 1999-03-01 with total page 194 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: TAKE YOUR TRAVEL TIPS FROM DAVE BARRY, A GUY WHO IS REALLY GONE! Complete with maps, histories, quaint local facts (France's National Underwear Changing Day is March 12), song lyrics, helpful hints on how to get through Customs (all insects must be spayed), and tidbits from Dave Barry's own fond vacation nightmares, DAVE BARRY'S ONLY TRAVEL GUIDE YOU'LL EVER NEED is just that. You'll find everything you need to know in this incredibly comprehensive reference, including: - Air Travel (Or: Why Birds Never Look Truly Relaxed) - Traveling as a Family (Or: No, We Are NOT There Yet) - Traveling in Europe ("Excuse me! Where is the Big Mona Lisa?") - Camping: Nature's Way of Promoting the Motel Industry

Download or read book Dave Barry Is Not Making This Up written by Dave Barry and published by Ballantine Books. This book was released on 2010-07-07 with total page 256 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • You can't make this stuff up. Dave Barry wouldn't lie—and here are the real life, laugh-out-loud stories from across America to prove it. Get up-close with Dave as he examines UFO thrillseekers and Elvis-worshippers, plays lead guitar with a horrifying rock band that includes Stephen King, and swears to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth in stories like these: • a U.S. Supreme Court justice shares his remedy for preventing gas ("I had not realized that this was a matter of concern in the highest levels of government") • a newspaper headline in Ohio announces the combustibility of strawberry Pop-Tarts ("A story that can really help you gain a better understanding of how you can be killed by breakfast snack food") • a frightening fact that snakes have mastered the pipelines leading directly to your toilet—and they're not shy ("Many women might view this as a fair punishment for all the billions of times that guys have left the seat up"). "Barry is at his best." —The Baltimore Sun "He zaps the funny bone." —The Cincinnati Post

Download or read book The Bridge to Never Land written by Dave Barry and published by Disney Electronic Content. This book was released on 2011-08-09 with total page 394 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: One summer morning while Aidan and Sarah are visiting their grandfather, they discover a secret compartment in his battered wooden desk. Inside is a yellowed envelope that contains a piece of very thin, almost translucent, white paper, on which, handwritten in black ink, are a series of seemingly random lines; among them are what appear to be fragments of letters, but not enough to make sense. At the bottom of the page is a verse about Peter Peter and a reference to a real hotel in London. As it happens, the family is about to embark on a trip to Europe, so the children decide that while in London, they will try to locate the hotel.