Download or read book 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth And Other Useful Guides written by The Oatmeal and published by Andrews McMeel Publishing. This book was released on 2010-10-01 with total page 162 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: In Matthew Inman's New York Times best selling 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth (And Other Useful Guides), samurai sword-wielding kittens and hamsters that love .50-caliber machine guns commingle with a cracked out Tyrannosaur that is extremely hard to potty train. Bacon is better than true love and you may awake in the middle of the night to find your nephew nibbling on your toes. Sixtry of Inman's comic illustrations and life-bending guides are presented in full-color inside 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth (And Other Useful Guides). Consider such handy advice as: 4 Reasons to Carry a Shovel at All Times, 6 Types of Crappy Hugs, 8 Ways to Tell if Your Loved One Plans to Eat You, 17 Things Worth Knowing About Your Cat, and 20 Things Worth Knowing About Beer.
Download or read book 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth And Other Useful Guides written by The Oatmeal and published by Andrews McMeel Publishing. This book was released on 2011-03-01 with total page 160 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Prepare to laugh your ass off.The hilarity of TheOatmeal.com is now presented in book form with 35 never-before-seen pieces and 25 classic favorites from the Web site, including 6 Types of Crappy Hugs and 17 Things Worth Knowing about Your Cat. In Matthew Inman's 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth (And Other Useful Guides), samurai sword-wielding kittens and hamsters that love .50-caliber machine guns commingle with a cracked out Tyrannosaur that is extremely hard to potty train. Bacon is better than true love and you may awake in the middle of the night to find your nephew nibbling on your toes. Inman creates these quirky scenes for theoatmeal.com, which launched in July 2009 and already has more than 82 million page views. In fact, every 15 to 30 seconds, someone Googles one of theoatmeal.com's creations. Now, 60 of Inman's comic illustrations and life-bending guides are presented in full-color inside 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth (And Other Useful Guides). Consider such handy advice as: * 4 Reasons to Carry a Shovel at All Times * 6 Types of Crappy Hugs * 8 Ways to Tell if Your Loved One Plans to Eat You * 17 Things Worth Knowing About Your Cat * 20 Things Worth Knowing About Beer
Download or read book My Dog The Paradox written by The Oatmeal and published by Andrews McMeel Publishing. This book was released on 2013-05-07 with total page 35 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: This eponymous comic became an instant hit when it went live on The Oatmeal.com and was liked on Facebook by 700,000 fans. Now fans will have a keepsake book of this comic to give and to keep. In My Dog: The Paradox, Inman discusses the canine penchant for rolling in horse droppings, chasing large animals four times their size, and acting recklessly enthusiastic through the entirety of their impulsive, lovable lives. Hilarious and heartfelt, My Dog: The Paradox eloquently illustrates the complicated relationship between man and dog. We will never know why dogs fear hair dryers, or being baited into staring contests with cats, but as Inman explains, perhaps we love dogs so much “because their lives aren’t lengthy, logical, or deliberate, but an explosive paradox composed of fur, teeth, and enthusiasm.”
Download or read book The Terrible and Wonderful Reasons Why I Run Long Distances written by Matthew Inman and published by Andrews Mcmeel+ORM. This book was released on 2014-09-30 with total page 158 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: This is not just a book about running. It's a book about cupcakes. It's a book about suffering. It's a book about gluttony, vanity, bliss, electrical storms, ranch dressing, and Godzilla. It's a book about all the terrible and wonderful reasons we wake up each day and propel our bodies through rain, shine, heaven, and hell. From #1 New York Times best-selling author, Matthew Inman, AKA The Oatmeal, comes this hilarious, beautiful, poignant collection of comics and stories about running, eating, and one cartoonist's reasons for jogging across mountains until his toenails fall off. Containing over 70 pages of never-before-seen material, including "A Lazy Cartoonist's Guide to Becoming a Runner" and "The Blerch's Guide to Dieting," this book also comes with Blerch race stickers.
Download or read book How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You written by The Oatmeal and published by Andrews McMeel Publishing. This book was released on 2012-10-09 with total page 138 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Jesus Rollerblading Christ--another helping of TheOatmeal! Mrow, MOAR kitty comics. Mr. Oats delivers a sidesplitting serving of cat humor in his new book, How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You. If your cat is kneading you, that's not a sign of affection. Your cat is actually checking your internal organs for weakness. If your cat brings you a dead animal, this isn't a gift. It's a warning. How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You is a hilarious, brilliant offering of comics, facts, and instructional guides about crazy cat behaviors from the creative wonderland at TheOatmeal.com. How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You presents fan favorites, such as "Cat vs. Internet," "How to Pet a Kitty," and "The Bobcats," plus 17 brand-new, never-before-seen cat-themed comic strips. This Oatmeal collection is a must-have for cat-lovers from Mr. Oats!
Download or read book Why My Cat Is More Impressive Than Your Baby written by Matthew Inman and published by Andrews McMeel Publishing. This book was released on 2019-06-04 with total page 160 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Why My Cat Is More Impressive Than Your Baby is chockfull of comics about cats, babies, dogs, lasers, selfies, and pigeons! This book contains a vast wealth of never-before-seen comics, including informative guides, such as: How to comfortably sleep next to your cat 10 ways to befriend a misanthropic cat How to hold a baby when you are not used to holding babies A dog’s guide to walking a human being How to cuddle like you mean it Includes a pull-out poster of: How to tell if your cat thinks you’re not that big of a deal.
Download or read book Why Grizzly Bears Should Wear Underpants written by Matthew Inman and published by Andrews Mcmeel+ORM. This book was released on 2013-10-01 with total page 170 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Matthew Inman’s first collection of The Oatmeal.comspent six weeks on the New York Times bestseller list and sold 200,000 copies. This pivotal and influential comic collection titled 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth introduced Samurai sword-wielding kittens and informed us on how to tell if a velociraptor is having pre-marital sex. Matthew's cat-themed collection How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You is a #1 New York Times bestseller with more than half a million copies in print. Now with Why Grizzly Bears Should Wear Underpants, Inman offers a delicious, tantalizing follow-up featuring all new material that has been posted on the site since the publication of the first book plus never-before-seen comics that have not appeared anywhere. As with every Oatmeal collection, there is a pull-out poster at the back of the book. In this second collection of over 50 comics, you'll be treated to the hilarity of "The Crap We Put Up with Getting On and Off an Airplane," "Why Captain Higgins Is My Favorite Parasitic Flatworm," "This Is How I Feel about Buying Apps," "6 Things You Really Don't Need to Take a Photo of," and much more. Along with lambasting the latest culture crazes, Inman serves up recurrent themes such as foodstuffs, holidays, e-mail, as well as technological, news-of-the-day, and his snarky yet informative comics on grammar and usage. Online and in print, The Oatmealdelivers brilliant, irreverent comic hilarity.
Download or read book If My Dogs Were a Pair of Middle Aged Men written by The Oatmeal and published by Andrews McMeel Publishing. This book was released on 2017-09-26 with total page 36 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: In If My Dogs Were a Pair of Middle-Aged Men, Matthew Inman imagines, to hilarious effect, what life would be like if his dogs were a couple of old men running around his house. The result is a pitch-perfect gift for any dog owner.
Download or read book How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You written by The Oatmeal Staff and published by . This book was released on 2012-07-15 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The Oatmeal 2013 Wall Calendar • The Oatmeal is one of the most popular Web comics online, getting an average of 4.6 million unique visitorsand more than 20 million page views a month. • Time magazine named TheOatmeal.com one of the best blogs of 2010. Based on Matthew Inman's hugely popular Web site and hisNew York Timesbest-selling book5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth,How To Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting To Kill You 2013 Wall Calendarfeatures a quirky and humorous full-color comic each month along with a user-friendly grid. As a bonus, the calendar also includes a free, pull-out poster.
Download or read book How to Be Perfectly Unhappy written by The Oatmeal and published by Andrews McMeel Publishing. This book was released on 2017-10-31 with total page 48 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: In How To Be Perfectly Unhappy, Inman explores the surprising benefits of forgetting about “happiness,” and embracing instead the meaningful activities that keep us busy and interested and fascinated.
Download or read book The Alien Invasion Survival Handbook written by W.H. Mumfrey and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2009-04-15 with total page 224 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Resistance is Your Prime Directive Have you ever experienced a sensation of missing time? Have you ever found a metallic implant somewhere in your body? It's likely that you're a victim of alien abduction, and you don't even know it. Aliens are among us. While the true intentions of these mysterious intruders from outer space are unknown, there's no doubt that their actions are nefarious. It's your right - your civic responsibility - to learn the skills necessary to protect yourself, your loved ones and ultimately your planet. Aliens want to whisk you away in the night to perform terrifying experiments on you. Isn't it time you learn how use your MP3 player to defend yourself from their paralyzing powers? Shouldn't you know how to evade the pursuit of a flying saucer? Wouldn't you sleep better at night knowing some proven hand-to-hand combat techniques guaranteed to stop your extraterrestrial foe in its tracks? Make no mistake - our world is under attack and this handbook may be the only thing standing between the human race and total annihilation. Read it and join the resistance.
Download or read book Island of the Blue Dolphins written by Scott O'Dell and published by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt. This book was released on 1960 with total page 195 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Far off the coast of California looms a harsh rock known as the island of San Nicholas. Dolphins flash in the blue waters around it, sea otter play in the vast kep beds, and sea elephants loll on the stony beaches. Here, in the early 1800s, according to history, an Indian girl spent eighteen years alone, and this beautifully written novel is her story. It is a romantic adventure filled with drama and heartache, for not only was mere subsistence on so desolate a spot a near miracle, but Karana had to contend with the ferocious pack of wild dogs that had killed her younger brother, constantly guard against the Aleutian sea otter hunters, and maintain a precarious food supply. More than this, it is an adventure of the spirit that will haunt the reader long after the book has been put down. Karana's quiet courage, her Indian self-reliance and acceptance of fate, transform what to many would have been a devastating ordeal into an uplifting experience. From loneliness and terror come strength and serenity in this Newbery Medal-winning classic.
Download or read book Dracula Is a Racist written by Matt Melvin and published by Rebel Base Books. This book was released on 2010-04-01 with total page 208 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Vampires: The 100% Bona Fide Totally Real And Not Made Up At All Truth In this day and age, the belief in vampires has been dwindling at an exponential rate. Those who still believe in them are often wildly misinformed. So what do you think will happen when Johnny McNormalpants finds himself face to face with a bloodthirsty vampire? Probably crap his pants, but then what? An informed citizen would know exactly what to do in this situation. If only there was some way to enlighten the public about this often forgotten subject, preferably in the form of a mock informative guide or something. From Matt Melvin, one of the creators of Explosm.net and the hit online comic Cyanide & Happiness, comes Dracula Is A Racist, the definitive guide to vampires, answering those gravely important questions that keep you up at night. . . • Was Dracula really a racist? • How do vampires do their hair if they don't have any reflection? • Is it gross for immortals to be attracted to high school girls if they're stuck in a 17-year-old body? • Was Sesame Street ever truly safe from The Count? • Is dressing in all black and acting snobby toward everyone enough to fake being a vampire? • Just how much more badass are vampires than zombies? Dracula Is A Racist is the essential vampire handbook that digs up all the dirt and backs it up with hard vampirical evidence. That's totally true. Really. Matt Melvin is a 25-year-old T-shirt aficionado and sideburn enthusiast. Along with three other dudes, he runs Explosm.net, a pretty awesome website full of awesome things. When not adding even more filth to the Internet, he enjoys criticizing and complaining about movies, listening to music and inventing obscure types of niche sexual acts. He currently lives in San Diego. He is very tall.
Download or read book The Creeps written by Fran Krause and published by Ten Speed Press. This book was released on 2017-09-26 with total page 146 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A follow-up to the New York Times best-selling Deep Dark Fears: a second volume of comics based on people's quirky, spooky, hilarious, and terrifying fears. Illustrator, animator, teacher, and comic artist Fran Krause has touched a collective nerve with his wildly popular web comic series and subsequent book Deep Dark Fears. Here he brings readers more of the creepy, funny, and idiosyncratic fears they love illustrated in comic form--such as the fear that your pets will tell other animals all your embarrassing secrets, or that someone uses your house while you're not home--as well as two longer comic short-stories about ghosts.
Download or read book Hookers and Blow Save Christmas written by Munty C Pepin and published by . This book was released on 2020-08-31 with total page 22 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Tom Transport is stuck in a snowdrift with all the presents for the town Christmas party! It's up to Hookers the tow truck and Blow the snowblower to make their way through the snow to save the day....and the party! Hardcover Edition.
Download or read book Kama Pootra written by Daniel Cole Young and published by Sourcebooks, Inc.. This book was released on 2010-05-01 with total page 128 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: 52 Mind-Blowing Ways to Poop The only known translation of an ancient manual instructing readers in the art of enlightened bathroom experience, the Kama Pootra offers a thrilling rediscovery of the tiled path to porcelain nirvana. Willing seekers will find fifty-two progressive positions designed to maximize how you do number two. Every time the bathroom door closes, a new experience awaits.
Download or read book 404 Not Found written by The The Oatmeal and published by Oatmeal. This book was released on 2016-10-04 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: [This is] an adult coloring adventure book filled with mantis shrimp, angler fish, bear-o-dactyls, space cats, and other fantastical creatures from the wonderland of The Oatmeal.
